Do not give her the wiener even if she begs for it.
TANK CHAIR Ep. 4
This killing intent thing is so corny. Nevertheless, it’s a permanent fixture in this dumb story. Touko gets to fight Nagi first, and she gets a few licks in. But that’s only because her killing intent wasn’t strong enough. When she finally amps it up, Nagi feeds off of it and beats her easily. Alright, so it’s her brother’s turn. He’s infected by a squid-like parasite, so he starts sprouting tentacles. The worst part, however, is that his mask can conceal his killing intent, so Nagi is a sitting duck. As a result, Shizuka comes out of hiding and charges forth with a knife. Naozumi thinks Shizuka is defending her brother, but no, she was trying to charge Nagi up with her intent to kill him, and it worked. Things get so dire for the other pair of siblings that Touko has to snatch her brother up and book it. Are you sick of all the killing intents yet? Well, we’re not done! Shizuka admits that there is only one person with a killing intent strong enough to potentially cure her brother, but said person is the ultimate assassin or whatever. We then cut to a dude surrounded by dead birds. He didn’t lay a finger on them, though! His killing intent is so strong, it just kills you through sheer proximity! God, I’m rolling my eyes so hard right now.
Mission: Yozakura Family S2 Ep. 15
To recap, everyone thought Momo had planted bombs all over the Spy Association. Turns out it was just a bluff? His true aim was to mind control Shinzo and Futaba, then ominously threaten to come back for the rest of his family. But I was barely paying attention at this point, ’cause the show was boring me with random side stories. For example, we learn that Ryu takes in orphans and trains them to become killer spies. We also learn that Shura was subjected to bizarre operations which left her devoid of feelings until she met Futaba. Yawn. Why are we doing this now? In the middle of what should be a tension-filled episode? By the time we got to the part where Momo hypnotized Shinzo and Futaba (or whatever it is that he did to them), you already lost me. Ah well.
Uncle’s Obsession with Cute Things Ep. 4
In the first half, Oji’s coworkers invite him out to a buffet — Asians love buffets — but they also invited his ex-wife along, so he feels awkward. He then feels extra awkward and self-conscious when he realizes he’s the only man to approach the dessert table. Fellas, is it gay to eat cakes and pastries? This just reminds me of all those ragebait videos or tweets about how people get the ick of a guy drinks with a straw or whatever. Life’s too short for that bullshit. Just eat your damn sweets if you want to. On the rare occasions that I do go drinking, I don’t stick to stouts or whatever to prove my manliness. I drink what I want to drink, and it’s sour beers all night long.
Not much to say about the second half. I do notice, however, that they still hang their clothes up to dry. Are dryers not common in Japan or something?
Super Psychic Policeman Chojo Ep. 4
Now that we’ve gathered a bunch of friendly faces, we need to balance it out with a sourpuss or two. In comes Yuki, Chojo’s former partner. On the surface, he claims that Chojo is wasting his talents here, and I would agree. But when you dig a little deeper, it just sounds like Yuki is in love with Chojo. He gets super jealous over Ippongi even though we’ve gotten zilch on the romantic front. They proceed to do a quiz show centered around who knows Chojo better. As you can imagine, Yuki gives really creepy responses to invasive questions like how much Chojo weighed at birth. In the end, however, Yuki surrenders when they’re asked why Chojo chooses to work here. Yuki doesn’t have an answer. He suspects self-sabotage, but he’s not confident about it. Ippongi, however, does have an answer: “to help where he can.” Essentially, Chojo doesn’t want to ignore the small cries for help. That’s the charitable interpretation, anyhow.
Eh, I’m sure Ippongi’s right about Chojo’s motivations, but I still think this is a waste of his talent. Any regular patrolman could do Chojo’s job. Not anyone could catch, say, a major crime boss or a serial killer. If you want to argue that preventing a kid from having his Yugioh cards stolen achieves the same level of human happiness as, say, breaking up a sex trafficking ring, then I think you’re crazy. Y’see, this show only works if it assumes that Japan is mostly peaceful. It’s relatively peaceful compared to similar nations, but there are still major crimes happening every day. There’s literally a Wikipedia entry on sex trafficking in Japan. For every missing cat that Chojo finds, he could be preventing a child from being abused. You might argue that I’m taking this too seriously for a light-hearted anime, but police work is serious business. Even in cop comedies, they bust serious criminals. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker weren’t looking for cats in those Rush Hour movies.
Right before the credits roll, we see a student get ticked off about… Chojo? Ippongi? Well, we’ll find out next week.
Red River Ep. 17
This show is so painful to watch. Kail gets called away to deal with the woman who is accusing him of fathering her son. Before he leaves, he tells Yuri to stay in the palace where it’s safe. But of course, she doesn’t do that. She never does that. When Ursula thinks she might have sniffed out a scheme to poison the king, Yuri tries to stop the assassination. Instead, it was just a scheme to isolate her with the king. He then gets murdered, and she has no alibi. This girl is so stupid. Even worse, right before all of this went down, we got a mini love story between Ursula and Kash. Why does this matter? Why is it important to pair those two up? Because you know something tragic is gonna happen to Ursula. You just know it. When I used to watch Top Chef, if there was a sudden focus on a contestant, it usually meant that they would be eliminated by the end of the episode. So back to Ursula, she’s gonna feel guilty that she helped get Yuri into this mess. She’s going to take the fall for the girl. Her thing with Kash is thus an extra twist of the knife. Aw, she was actually falling in love and now she’s gonna die. Isn’t that sad, you guys?! It’s so sad! But when your attempt to build a narrative is this transparent, it loses all efficacy. Red River‘s storytelling is just downright embarrassing.
Besides, the idea that the king would not have bodyguards at every door is absurd.
DARK MACHINE THE ANIMATION Ep. 3
Bran thought she could go back to her old team, but it turns out they were just trying to scam her. The only silver lining is that Kairi improves his skills somewhat, so maybe Bran will feel a little more comfortable working with him. This isn’t exactly a happy ending, though. At best, she sounds resigned to the fact that she’s stuck with Carbuncle.
And like before, the more I see of Kairi, the more I just see an overgrown child. When they were looking for Bran, all he did was scarf down food. When asked why he wanted to get Bran back so much, he simply stated that gaming with her was fun. What was fun? The two whole matches they played together? Other than that, he still doesn’t have a compelling motive for why he’s here. This just isn’t a compelling story. I have no reason to root for our protagonist.
The Detective Is Already Dead S2 Ep. 3
After all that nonsense about Siesta and Nagisa’s past, I half-expected the anime to keep running with this storyline. But instead, Yui shows up, begging for help. Apparently, some scandal involving her parents is about to come out. It’s unclear to me, however, why Kimihiko has to become her producer. In fact, he’s a fucking high school kid. What the hell would he know about being a producer for an idol? After a lot of slice-of-life nonsense, like Nagisa and Char committing culinary malpractice, the story finally gets back on track near the end of the episode. First, a vampire not only sucks Kimihiko’s blood, he also drags the kid to a rooftop. Second, Bat shows up, and he’s brought (more like kidnap) Yui with him. He then offers to let Kimihiko join forces with him to take down Seed. Oh, okay. I dunno how I feel about these developments. They feel kinda random. Yes, we knew Bat was on the loose, but I guess I feel like Yui’s inclusion doesn’t gel. The whole idol thing, especially with her getting mad over antis on the internet, just felt like one huge tangent.
But hey, someone on the production team really likes Hololive.
Dandivine Ep. 3
Right now, we kinda have three different storylines developing simultaneously, and they’re not really meshing together well. First, we obviously have Gekiha fighting against the Aposdolls. This time, his uncle isn’t with him, so he struggles. That’s when a lion mecha suddenly shows up and saves Gekiha’s hide. The new challenger, however, leaves before introducing itself. Um, okay.
Second, Gekiha can’t stop thinking about Akane ever since she dumped him, but does he actually like her? I dunno. Nevertheless, we get to watch as the kid tries to tell her his feelings three separate times and nearly choking on every one of them. In the end, she tells him that she likes someone else. Kinda fast, no? She just dumped him. How did she meet someone else already? Unless, of course, this is a lie. Maybe she only texted him that because he was a no show for an agreed-upon meeting. Nevertheless, the city should’ve been in a state of emergency. Akane doesn’t know he’s the pilot of the Dandivine, but everyone should’ve sheltered in place when the attack went down. Can’t blame the guy for being late when a freakin’ kaiju shows up. But more importantly, how does this connect with the first storyline other than fighting the Aposdoll made him late?
Last but not least, we still have the toy company looking to make it rich thanks to the recent spate of attacks. It just feels like this minor thing off to the side with no relation to anything. Sure, the sales guy keeps getting seduced into destroying the statues that keep the Aposdoll sealed. But we could’ve picked any schmuck to fill this role. Why the sales guy of the toy company?
Like I said, I only really enjoy mecha anime when the conflict is a metaphor for a relatable conflict we all deal with. I’m not seeing it so far in this show.
FX Fighter Kurumi-chan Ep. 4
Every week, this show is painful to watch. Kurumi’s father finds out about the stolen money. I don’t agree with slapping her, but he’s literally in tears as he begs for her to stop messing around with the markets. Unfortunately, Kurumi has a couple things going against her. First, she’s a thrill-seeker. All that nonsense about winning back the money that her mother lost? It’s nonsense. She wants the rush of living and dying on the stonks. Even worse, however, is that her friend Mochiko is a terrible influence. Why is she so hellbent on Kurumi not retiring from forex? Mochiko then pawns Mebuki onto Kurumi. This is a bright-eyed young girl who thinks FX trading is a surefire way to never have to work again. As a result, she’s not even gambling with her own money, she’s using her student aid and the allowance her family sends her! I don’t think I can do it, man! I don’t think I can stick with this show for the rest of the season. It’s a disaster in the making! What does Mochiko get out of putting these girls on this destructive path?
Tetsuryou! Meet with Tetsudou Musume Ep. 3
Misaki needs more money to fund her hobby, so she decides to get a part-time job. Her friends help get her various roles, like working at a warehouse or a maid cafe, but Misaki gives up on them after just one day. I know these jobs can suck, but c’mon, one day? But I guess quitting was the right move, because there’s suddenly an opening for a train attendant. Not only does Misaki somehow pass the interview (lucky, lucky), she also seems perfectly suited for the role. And what does she do with her first paycheck? Buy eye masks to help her working mother. Sheesh, this might be too wholesome for my blood. I just got done watching FX Fighter Kurumi-chan, so talk about a tonal whiplash.
The Vermilion Mask Ep. 3
Remember when our moms would tell us to stop making weird faces, because if we kept it up, it would stay that way forever? Apparently, this applies to masks as well. The more I learn about this setting and its rules, the more I wonder why Peru’s master pursued his passion. These masks are dangerous as hell, and it looked like there were never any guardrails. We meet Mok, who was just napping when someone stuck a smoke mask on him. As a result, he can’t take it off anymore. Who’s Mok? He’s the final person to round out the trio. He quickly discerns that Peru and Sona are on a mission (probably overheard them), so he begs to tag along. They need his help anyway, because Gouon still has one fanatical follower seeking revenge. The newly forged trio would take the bastard down, and I guess that is Mok’s initiation into the party.
Anyway, it turns out that the Mask of the War God isn’t even the most dangerous one out there. Rather, it’s the eponymous Vermilion Mask, which has no description or notes in Peru’s master’s book. Again, why did he make these masks? And if it wasn’t him, then who did? Also, I dunno if this is related or not (probably is), but the episode zoomed in on some random old man on a bus. Hmm…
Overall, I thought the episode is alright. It does a decent job of not getting too bogged down by the exposition. The animation quality is kinda trash, though. Luckily, I’m more of a story guy, so I can stomach a few technical flaws from time to time.
I’m Looking for a Zombie Ep. 4
Welp, Natsuki manages to remain relatively positive despite losing an arm. I would be devastated. Hell, I’d be sad as hell if I simply lost a tooth, never mind an entire limb. I’m also shocked that the kids managed to staunch the bleeding with just what… some bandages? Wouldn’t you need a tourniquet? Well, I’m no doctor; I just watch The Pitt (who else is looking forward to season 3?!).
On the other hand, Yu is predictably full of guilt and regret, so she tries to go get pain relievers and medical supplies to prevent the wound from being infected. Yes, it is her fault, but it’s foolish to think that she has to make things right all by herself. First, you can’t make it right. Natsuki lost an arm. That can’t be fixed with a brave but foolish gesture. Second, you risk making things worse. What if you fail? The group would be down a person. What if you get yourself in danger, so someone else has to go save you? Y’know, like how Natsuki saved her and lost an arm in the process. I thought this tragedy would make Yu more cautious than ever, but she’s taking the opposite tack by being reckless instead. Thankfully, Sakura talks some sense into her friend. In fact, she makes a very salient point: does Yu truly want to help Natsuki or is she just looking for an excuse to run away? As a result, Yu and Aki will go fetch those medical supplies. Eh, two is better than one, I guess. The math checks out.
At the hospital, we get Yu’s sob story. She used to be a sheltered rich girl, but the zombie apocalypse turned everything upside down. As a result, physical strength is valued over intelligence…? Huh? That doesn’t make sense. In a world where everything has stopped working, you need smart people just as much as strong people. Maybe Yu’s village was just full of idiots, because what we learn next is that her mother just outright ditched her. Unfortunately, anime is full of one-dimensional bad guys.
It turns out a bunch of survivors have made the hospital their base. In fact, they were the ones who left Mikazuki for dead. They threaten to harm Yu, but eventually back off when Aki scolds them. That was… weird. I mean, it’s possible they had a change of heart, but all it took was a girl yelling at them?
Then on the way home, Yu confesses that she had always intended to die ever since she left the village. She still wants to leave the group even now. So what does Aki do? She grabs the wheel and makes them crash. She then argues that Yu should stay, because they need her knowledge. I mean, yeah, she’s right, but did she have to crash the car? There’s no guarantee that they can fix it, but more importantly, they could’ve died! I dunno, the show had a decent start, but it’s kinda descending into farce at this point.
HORROR COLLECTOR Ep. 3
We actually get Jimmy’s origin story this week. Y’know, Jimmy the homely dog! Well, he used to be a desperate reporter. He got more than he bargained for, however, when he chased a tip about a faceless kid, i.e., Himitsu. She cursed him and turned him into a dog with a human face. And as a dog with a human face, he got to learn firsthand what it’s like to be treated as a freak. So when Fushigi offered to turn Jimmy back into a human by collecting his curse mark, Jimmy decided that he wanted to stay as a dog for the time being. Bro, really? He said he wanted to apologize to Himitsu for taking her picture without permission, but you could still do that as a human. Ah well, I guess he just has that dawg in him.
Back in the present, Fushigi is fighting off a bunch of those wrigglers from the first episode. I actually had a glimmer of hope that he might end up saving that girl who got snatched by a wriggler. My hope shot up when Jimmy finds a room full of catatonic people who were probably victims of the wrigglers. Unfortunately, we get no confirmation as to whether or not they will turn back to normal. Darn.
In other news, Jimmy meets the Blue Umbrella Man. Yup, that’s just his name, and for some reason, Himitsu is working with him. The Blue Umbrella Man also ominously warns Jimmy that if Fushigi doesn’t stop collecting curse marks, the kid will die again. When Jimmy reunites with Fushigi, he fails to mention what he was told. I would feel bad for the kid, but he didn’t feel bad for all those kids getting their bad ends. At this point, there doesn’t seem to be a truly likable character in this show.
Honestly, I had half a mind to drop this show going into this week’s episode, especially if it kept making kids suffer. We were spared from that this time, but there are no guarantees going forward.
VERTEX FORCE Ep. 4
The kids head to a deserted island. This way, nobody gets hurt when a fight breaks out. In fact, they hatch a plan to capture a Battlenoid, because they want to learn more about EDVA by hacking the robot’s core. Unfortunately, the girls won’t let Akira do anything useful, especially Haruka. He was supposed to just be bait to lure out the Battlenoid, but big sis decides to make herself the bait instead. Dude… she has never won a single battle against any of the Battlenoids since the story started. Haruka unsurprisingly almost gets herself killed, because she seems to be the show’s designated jobber. Akira then has to swoop in and save his sister again. Yawn. But this is what you get when you have child protagonists. The thing is, other mecha shows would at least have an adult act as a commander. These kids are completely on their own. Last time Eleanor picked a fight, Akira and Haruka’s mom could at least step in and break it up. Who’s gonna be the voice of reason when the kids inevitably butt heads again?
Right before the credits roll, the mysterious woman says to herself, “I will protect order in the universe.” Hm, maybe our antagonist is a well-intentioned extremist. It’s not uncommon for AI in stories to become the bad guy because it has deemed humanity to be the greatest threat to the universe or whatever. Hell, isn’t that just the plot of Mass Effect?
The Seven Knights of the Marronnier Kingdom Ep. 4
Insomniac and Eleonora reach the Country of Long Knights just for things to get stranger and stranger. Insomniac is told that he might not make it back home. The queen bitterly mutters to herself that Insomniac only has a fiancee as a shield, but a shield for what? What do they want with him? Why is he so important to her already? The country’s archbishop also reacts bizarrely, but to Eleonora instead. Then we have a triplet of blonde girls running around, taking orders from a weird man (the archbishop?), and leaving flowers in people’s rooms. And I think it was them saying something about a lady general (Baribara?) not returning a man she sealed away, so they’ll take Insomniac instead? Also, this country has the oddest day-to-night transition. Darkness just sweeps across the sky in an instant. It’s not anything remotely gradual. Last but not least, Insomniac has apparently never called Eleonora beautiful. For shame, my guy! In any case, the show is certainly intriguing.
Even the Student Council Has Its Holes! Ep. 4
Did this week’s episode make me laugh even once? No. We are, however, told that the student council will be headed to the hot springs for a bonding retreat. Yup, you know what that means. I found it strange that the show didn’t shove Tan’s nipples in our face this week. Turns out they’re probably just saving up for the hot springs episode.
Also, it feels like Komaro is the clear favorite. Ever since she showed up, she seems to get the most 1-on-1 time with Ume.
Everything else about everything else:
I’m about twenty hours into Final Fantasy Resonance, and I sadly don’t like it as much as others do. I think the FF brand is carrying the game hard. Take the name away and you have a pretty mediocre 2D JRPG. Take the Vision system, for instance. It’s completely shallow. In Fire Emblem Engage, each of the Emblem Rings were former FE heroes that you could interact with. You could form relationships with them, chat with them, do paralogues that went into their background, etc. On the other hand, the Visions are just a job system with a fancy shell. It’s not engaging (no pun intended).
So far, the story’s pretty whatever. It’s about as complex as FF4 or FF5. Some people might find it charming, but it’s too simple for me. The exploration is pretty bad. It looks like Octopath at times, but it doesn’t play like Octopath. Every time you come across a cave, it just contains a corridor with a boss at the end. There’s no magical feeling of finding a dungeon five or ten levels above you, but you dive in head first anyway, because you might find some cool ass loot. Yay, I killed a cave boss and got another magicite shard. Woo…