What a tease. The “plot” advanced for all of two episodes and now we’re back to silly nothingness. Ruri’s like “Uguu!” and Alma goes, “Whatever,” so Ruri goes “Uguuuuuu~!”

Subtlety of a jackhammer
The romance in Sacred Seven is so clumsy, it’s unintentionally funny. Ruri, fed up with Alma’s moody bishounen countenance, shoves a contract in her friend’s face. This gets Alma real mad — super mad. Then Ruri gets mad too; the tension between the two is like… is like… a boiling kettle!

So there — literally a boiling kettle going off in the background. Hellbrick cooks up a scheme to get the two mismatched lovers together, or maybe he’s just as sick of their shit as we are. So instead of actual plot, we get to go on a vacation with Alma and Ruri.

The poor girl’s entrance is supposed to blow us away or something. Something like “Ojousama, you’re so stunningly captivating,” but something’s off about her and I can’t quite put my finger on it….

Bwaaaaah~

We are treated to pointless scenes such as Ruri fumbling change and tripping.

What is this scene trying to tell me? Is Ruri drunk? She’s on drugs, isn’t she?

What did I do to deserve this? Why are we watching this? Is this punishment for how good Tiger & Bunny turned out? Sunrise sold their soul for that anime and now we have to watch the comedic stylings of Sacred Seven till kingdom come. I mean, c’mon, he looks like he could be her dad:

There’s a moment when Alma (I’m finding it really difficult to type ‘Alma’ instead of ‘Squall’ as this post continues) temporarily pauses their trip so he can race a train. This somehow blows Ruri’s tiny, little mind as bloom overtakes the pair.

As if she wasn’t already in love with the guy, but I guess they’re now closer than ever! And this puzzles me, I guess, because what is really the point to Wakana’s character. Usually, there’s some long, drawn-out love triangle in these stupid stories (coughshanacough); they give the non-action fans something to chew on. Since the action sucks so much in Sacred Seven, I totally thought they’d play up the Wakana rival nonsense. Hell, she’s this rock lover and Alma’s this “I’m such a rock” fella, it just made perfect sense! But if Alma and Ruri already have this shit wrapped up, what’s the point!

Bwahahaha! We’re so evil!
I guess I shouldn’t expect much out of the romance when the villainy is as adroit as the live action remakes of anime OPs on Youtube:

The episode opens with Ruri’s “We’re so ignorant! Who can we trust?” line. The episode ends with Kenmi and some underling going “Heh heh heh, we’re so evil. Yeah we’re totally evil.” No suspense or subterfuge whatsoever. The bad guys aren’t even pretending to be good, but the good guys still don’t know shit. Instead, Ruri sends Kagami on a sad, little mission.

Poor Kagami. It’s like the anime’s mocking you too:

Random nobody: “So you’re a Harvard grad? I had you pegged for politics, you know.”
Kagami: “I have a much more important job.”
Random nobody: “Really? You could have been in charge of a whole country. /wink”

Meanwhile, Kagami’s ojousama is falling in love with a rock. Good hustle this week, guys. I can’t wait to see what the next episode has in store for us!