Harem HELL Week 1: Being dumber than a cat is fine too

Prepare yourself for the return of Harem Hill, but hellier!

Satou: Sigh.

Satou: …no, you don’t want to know what’s getting me down.

Satou: I can’t. I just can’t. It’s stupid.

Satou: Okay, fine. It’s just… it’s just… why are eroges so difficult?! I keep trying and trying, but panty shots are all I can unlock. At first, I thought maybe I had picked up a visual novel for all ages, but no, these are for adults so what gives?

Sigh, it’s bad enough that I get no luck in the real world with real women.

Satou: Y-y’know, maybe I’m just not cut out for the world of 2-D…

*POMF*

Satou: Huh?!

Momo: Don’t say that, Satou-kun!

Satou: Why, it’s an anime babe. But what’s an anime babe doing in my room!

Momo: I’m here to tell you not to give up hope! I’m a character from To Love Ru Darkness, and I just want you to know that not all 2-D girls play hard to get! In my show, I happily throw myself at you. In fact, I need you to confess your love to me… *blush*

Satou: Really? Even a guy like me?

Momo: Especially a guy like you! What’s the first thing you want to see when you wake up in the morning? Could it be… a shirtless 2-D girl?

Satou: …oh man. I, uh, I’m not drooling.

Momo: Don’t worry, Satou-kun. We want you to drool! You don’t have to reload saves over and over to make the right decisions anymore. You can have it all right from the very start! My anime is practically softcore porn. There’s just one small problem: all the nudity has been censored out for broadcast TV.

Akiko: Hmph, that’s like getting a handjob from an oven mitt.

Momo: And who are you supposed to be?

Akiko: I’m Akiko-chan from Onii-chan Dakedo Ai Sae Areba Kankeinai yo ne!–…

Momo: Why do incest titles always have to have such long titles? Who can remember it? Not me, because smart girls are too intimidating!

Akiko: …before I was rudely interrupted, I was going to say that I wanted Satou-kun to watch my anime instead!

Satou: Me?

Akiko: Yes, Satou-kun! In my show, I can play your beloved imouto!

Satou: Whoa, I’d be your onii-chan?

Akiko: W-we may be blood-related — twins even! — b-b-but if there’s love, that’s all that matters!

Satou: You are pretty kawaii! Maybe I should watch your show now. I don’t want to keep such a cute girl waiting.

Akiko: It’s not just that I’d be your imouto. I would even let you pretend to be morally righteous.

Satou: I-I don’t understand.

Akiko: You know how society keeps calling you sick and twisted because you want to fuck your sister?

Satou: …yeah.

Akiko: Well, in my story, I’m the one chasing you! I’ll demand that you peep while I bathe. I’ll want to sleep in your bed and all you have to do is pretend that you don’t like any of it! But eventually… eventually… how can anyone keep saying no to such a cute imouto like myself?

Satou: Fantastic!

Momo: No, Satou-kun. To Love Ru Darkness has more to offer than just a slutty imouto!

Satou: Huh?

Momo: We… we have zombie rape!

Satou: I don’t understand. Why are there zombies in your show?

Momo: It doesn’t matter why! Don’t you want to watch as a zombie is about to finger one of our kawaii girls? Isn’t that better than a slutty imouto?

Satou: I… I don’t know. You all sound so wonderful!

Mashiro: Wait…

Satou: Another girl! Oh wow, you’re completely naked already!

Satou: Do you want me to watch your show too?

Mashiro: …not really… actually, I don’t know. Am I on Sakurasou no Pet na Kanojo? It doesn’t matter. I’m Shiina Mashiro and I just really need someone to bathe me.

Satou: Bathe you?

Mashiro: Yes. I also need someone to clothe me too.

Satou: Can’t you put your own clothes on?

Mashiro: Okay.

Satou: Uh, you’re still practically naked.

Mashiro: Oh, I am? I guess you’ll have to dress me after all.

Mashiro: Oh, and put shoes on for me. And tell me how to wash my face. And take me to school.

Satou: I-is there anything you can do for yourself?

Mashiro: I don’t know. I can draw. I’ll draw manga.

Mashiro: I’m just so innocent. I heard that real women are 3DPD because they know too much. They’re independent. They talk back. They ate the forbidden fruit of knowledge. Me? I’m so innocent, I’d probably shit my pants and sleep in it. I’m just so dumb. If only I had a master to take care of me…

Mashiro: …because I live like a pig. Since I’m dumber than a cat, I can’t even say no if you try to take advantage of me.

Akiko: C’mon, Satou-kun! If you wanted a pet, you can just get a cat! It’ll happily shit in a box for you to dig out like a gold prospector. Not only am I your cute imouto, I totally want you! And it won’t just be me! Like any other harem show, you’ll be living in a dorm with only beautiful girls!

Akiko: One of them is even a big-boobed pirate! Mashiro’s dorm has a guy in it!

Momo: No, Satou-kun! Go for us! We’re easy and we’re even aliens! You can say you nailed slutty girls from outer space.

Momo: And if you’re still lusting for normal girls, we have them too. Best of all, you don’t have to pick just one of them! That trampy imouto only wants you to herself like a 3DPD! I, on the other hand, don’t mind talking about all the girls with crushes on you…

Momo: …while we take a sexy bath together.

Mashiro: …maybe I do need diapers after all…

Satou: So many girls! I don’t know what to do! I-I need more time to decide!

Satou: My harem anime series have left me in despair!

Akiko: Watch my show!

Momo: No, watch my show!

Mashiro: *shits herself*

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22 thoughts on “Harem HELL Week 1: Being dumber than a cat is fine too

  1. Vincent

    Thumbs up for bringing up NHK. Great show. I admit that I didn’t actually read this post, as I am heading off to bed.

    Reply
  2. Where is my moe imouto ?

    I have seen many zombie rape … in fact Alice Soft games have more than one scene with deep penetration
    To love ru is just stealing ideas …
    As much as I hate moe animes … I always download their BDs to fap hihihihi

    Reply
      1. Ian Caronia

        If by “prize” you mean for the “Pet girl” show to suddenly and catastrophically tank in ratings as a sign that the mass populace aren’t really so delusional/sexist/demented as to enjoy such horrible drek, then yes. I’d love that prize, please.

        Reply
  3. otou-san

    …because I live like a pig. Since I’m dumber than a cat, I can’t even say no if you try to take advantage of me.

    man, here I was having fun infantilizing a girl for my own pleasure and you had to go and make it all skeevy.

    Reply
  4. Anonymous

    Akiko: Well, in my story, I’m the one chasing you! I’ll demand that you peep while I bathe. I’ll want to sleep in your bed and all you have to do is pretend that you don’t like any of it! But eventually… eventually… how can anyone keep saying no to such a cute imouto like myself?

    I love you.

    Reply
  5. etery-chan

    This. Is. EPIC!
    The funniest one in a while, among anime blogs universe.
    Although I prefer the story to be subtler, such as Mashiro needs her master to help her go pee-pee, rather talking about shits.
    :-D

    Reply
    1. E Minor Post author

      You expect Harem Hill to be subtle? Okay, well, had she peed her pants, someone would be turned on by it. It’s the internet, so I’m sure someone’s turned on by shitting too, but I’ll take that bet.

      Reply
  6. Anonymous

    rito is the best male lead ever i mean how could someone like a weak guy like that that when he looks at a woman gets so scared like hes going to sh” his pants? The girls are smart how they like the same weak guy when their are plenty of dudes thats not a weak a” like rito? to love ru the best show ever………..im just chillin right now.

    Reply
  7. Anonymous

    rito is a fag not just how he acts around the girls but he can’t protect them in anyway i wouldn’t want no woman to any of my battles i would want to protect them rito one of the wotst male leads ever.

    Reply

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