Yeah, yeah, a lot of you guys said I should just write about Mushishi instead, but hey, the bad shows pay the bills. No, blogging isn’t my day job, but a man could use a sandwich every once in a while. As such, more Wolf Girl and Black Prince for everyone! At the same time, however, the show is painful to blog. So, I’m going to switch up the format a bit. I switch formats all the time on this blog, so it can’t hurt to do it again! I’ll write one mini-essay at the start of every Wolf Girl and Black Prince posts, then I’ll just do a shortened version of my notes at the end of the post! That’s right! This is the same format I do for shows I actually like! But no, I don’t like this show. Don’t make that mistake.

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We kick things off with Erika’s “friends” sharing with each other the Christmas plans they have with their boyfriends. Of course, this drives our eavesdropping heroine crazy with jealousy, but honestly, this part doesn’t bother me so much. It’s human to feel jealous. Still, if you feel too jealous, then perhaps we have a problem here too. Still, I’m feeling charitable; let’s say Erika’s feeling healthy levels of jealousy. What bothers me is when they start asking her what she has in store with her own “boyfriend.” Naturally, she makes up a lie. Again, it’s human to lie… a little bit. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Erika doesn’t just lie a little bit. She’s the Wolf Girl because she lies all the time. Most people don’t lie this much. In fact, if you’re a chronic liar, that’s perhaps a symptom of a deeper problem. But shh, caring is creepy! Oh, you didn’t get the memo? Y’see, you can’t take anything seriously, especially if that something is meant to be “fun.” But hold that thought for just a second.

At first, Erika tells her “friends” a pretty mundane lie. Oh, she and her “boyfriend” will simply exchange presents and eat Christmas cake. What’s so bad about that, right? Nevertheless, her “friends” find these plans to be rather basic, especially for Kyouya. After all, Erika once claimed that Kyouya was into BDSM. Wait a minute, are you not allowed to enjoy Christmas cakes if you’re into whips and handcuffs? How do you even spice up your Christmas plans anyway? Should he shove ornaments up her ass to live up to his BDSM reputation? But I digress. Point is, Erika starts to feel all inadequate again. Like I’ve said, the chronic lying is a serious problem. The feelings of inadequacy are also a serious problem. Hell, it’s arguably a bigger problem. But y’know, good luck expecting Erika to receive any help for her issues. That’s the problem with these shows. They try to be all light-hearted and shit, but they also try very hard to stand out from the rest of the pack. And how do you make an ordinary shoujo anime stand out? By having a stupid premise, of course! A premise that involves misogyny!

Oooh, the Black Prince calls and treats our heroine a dog over and over! How provocative! But it’s not provocative. It’s just misogynistic. But like I’ve said, caring is creepy. If you try to take a light-hearted anime seriously, people take it very, very personally. I don’t know how many times I’ve been personally insulted in the past couple of weeks for criticizing both this anime and Your Lie in April. And why am I getting backlash? It’s because these two shows are supposed to be light-hearted! They’re supposed to be fun! And as we all know, if the creators of these shows intended for them to be interpreted in one specific way, daring to interpret them in any other way means you’re an autistic loser who can’t get a boyfriend. Seriously, someone actually suggested that the reasom I don’t like Your Lie in April is because I can’t get a boyfriend. Unfortunately, I gotta admit that they’re quite correct on this front. I’d love to find me a handsome, dashing man to sweep me off my feet. It’s just too bad my heterosexual inclinations continue to get in the way of that wonderful dream of walking down the aisle in a $2,000 Vera Wang. Le sigh….

I’ll just say it again: caring is creepy. If a show has a light-hearted atmosphere, you cannot take it seriously. You cannot care about its troubling implications. C’mon, people are trying to have fun. As a result, why are you raining on their parade? In fact, this same reasoning is why I’m a fan of catcalling. When hard-working men see a pretty, young thing walk past them, they just want to admire her beauty. So I never get it when girls feel all scared or angry at the fact that they receive compliments on the streets. C’mon… stop taking it so seriously. No one’s oppressing you! Your feelings and interpretations don’t matter! All that matters is what the men intended, and clearly, they intend you no harm! Cat-calling is meant to be fun and light-hearted! Likewise, so what if Kyouya treats Erika like a dog? So what if he acts as if he owns her? Stop taking it so seriously. Again, our personal feelings and interpretations don’t matter! All that matters is the tone of the anime. Like Your Lie in April, this anime’s meant to be fun and light-hearted!

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— By the way, Erika settles with just sending a selfie of her and Kyouya to her two friends. That seems harmless enough, right? Too bad Kyouya has to be a dick about it.

— Surprisingly enough, Kyouya doesn’t like Christmas. Wait, no, that’s not quite accurate. He actually goes on a spiel about how much Christmas sucks. Geez, I don’t even hate Christmas, and everyone thinks I’m a no-fun cynic. Nevertheless, he considers giving Erika a present: “Let me see… a collar, perhaps?” Bwahahaha, those dog jokes will never get old, you guys. She’s a dog! His dog! Bwahahahahaha! Yo, if you don’t laugh, it just means you’re a hypocrite who don’t like it when girls try to get with male tsundere characters.

— Sad thing is, Erika would’ve been happy to receive the collar. After all, it just means she gets to spend more time with Kyouya. The guy’s response? Kyouya says, “I can’t tell if women are a pain or just gullible.” No wait, it gets even better, because this is Erika’s response to that: “We really are.”

— More choice quotes from the girl: “I decide that as long as there’s hope, I’d love the hell out of him.” She can’t tell whether or not there’s any real hope, though. She worries so much about it that she ends up giving herself stomach pains. Kyouya buys her medicine, but no good deed comes without the bitter medicine. As a result, he calls her an old man for even getting stomach pains.

— In a big twist, Kyouya suddenly confesses to Erika that he’s liked her all this time! In fact, he’d be more than happy to spend time with her on Christmas Eve. This confession touches Erika so much that she cries tears of happiness. She is really, really happy. Like “I’ve just won the fucking lotto!” happy. Then in a not so big twist, he suddenly does an about face and claims he was just bullshitting her: “You still don’t understand me at all. I’d never say anything so sweet.” Here’s the thing… at the end of the series, we’ll learn that he really does like her after all. And hell, his words here are probably true, but for whatever reason, he feels the need to take them back. And my response to that? So fucking what? It doesn’t matter if he actually means his words, and he’s just too scared to admit the truth. He still shits on her feelings. He’s still undeniably cruel to the girl. And yes, he’s being tsundere. But like I’ve said elsewhere, not all tsundere characters are the same. This guy is the worst of the worst. If a female character had acted like this, she would deserve ridicule too. Don’t assume otherwise.

— Erika throws water in his face, runs home in tears, and says she’s tired of this charade. Sure. We’ve heard that before. She’ll go right back to loving the guy by the end of the episode, because this story doesn’t think our heroine deserves to have any self-respect.

— The girl’s so worked up about this incident that she barely eats. She angrily tells her mom that she’s on a diet. Welp.

— She then gets those selfies from her “friends.” Naturally, she’s bitter about their happiness. That’s why I keep putting the word ‘friends’ in quotes. She doesn’t even care about them. They’re just people for her to brag to, and at the moment, she has nothing to brag about.

— For a brief moment — a very, very brief moment — our heroine doesn’t want to keep up the charade any longer: “I quit. I don’t care if they catch me. So what if they shun me? It’s better than staying with Kyouya.” That… that’s progress! But this is anime, so we can’t have nice things.

— As a result, Erika starts reminding herself of Kyouya’s “positive” qualities. Holy shit, these are supposed to be his positive qualities:

Abandon all hope, my friends.

— Right on cue, Kyouya shows up to her home. And what does he say and do?

Aw, he got her a shitty necklace (which he refers to as her collar)! This totally makes up for all his shitty behavior! A piece of jewelry can wipe all those tears away, because the anime thinks girls are truly this materialistic! Remember when Kobe bought Vanessa that giant ass diamond? It’s just like that, you guys!

— Yep:

And to top it all off, the girl thinks to herself, “It’s not fair. You’re making it impossible for me to leave you again.” Wait, wait… I know what you’re thinking. You want to get mad. You want to be offended. But let me remind you of one very crucial fact: caring is creepy.