I learned something new today: just because you’re a shoujo anime…

…doesn’t mean you’re immune to water sports.

Aoi Hana is actually a very pretty anime.

Which isn’t really surprising. J.C. Staff have shown in the past (e.g. Toradora!) that they aren’t slackers when it comes to the animation department. But I was wary from the start…

E Minor: http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2009/07/03/aoi-hana-yuri-delicious-cake-anime/
E Minor: hmm
Fin: I see nothing damning!
E Minor: lol ok
Fin: I will definitely be surprised if popular TV anime can convey a meaningful love story between anyone, much less lesbians, but I will still say the show is innocent until proven guilty
E Minor: lesbian love story between school girls
Fin: if the screens on sankaku were all panty flashes or them sucking on each others’ fingers to keep papercuts from being infected
Fin: I would say yeah there’s no hope
E Minor: yeah cause lesbians have surreal moments of naked frolic all the time
E Minor: jc staff is a whore
E Minor: so i maintain my cynical position
Fin: the truth will soon be upon us
Fin: I haven’t peaked so who knows you are probably right!

Okay, what I said there was a little strong, but I’ve never been a fan of J.C. Staff. They love to run the Kugimiya Rie tsundere schtick into the ground (Toradora!, Zero no Tsukaima, Shana, and even Ghost Hunt), and even when they don’t, their penchant for loli tends  to ruin anything with an ounce of promise (Honey & Clover and Asatte no Houkou). Yes, it’s true that they’re only being faithful to the source material, but it says something that the studio does the same stuff over and over.

I went into Aoi Hana prepared to hate it, and you’re right, it isn’t really fair, but hey, at least it’s a pretty show.

The animation isn’t perfect by any means. There are some dips in quality here and there, but it’s obvious that J.C. Staff regarded Aoi Hana as its flagship show for the summer.

Nyoro~n: no nipples
Nyoro~n: i am disappointed
E Minor: that’s what lesbians always do
E Minor: sit around in a shallow pool, touching each other’s fingertips

But it also has this ridiculous scene. Look, my girlfriend and I don’t sit around naked and stare dreamily into each other’s eyes. I bet you and your significant other don’t do that either so I’m sure as hell most lesbians don’t. This just isn’t how the real world works. I wouldn’t mind a realistic yuri anime at all if it explores the controversial issue with maturity and realism.

Aoi Hana is already off to a bad start. For a shoujo anime–hell, an anime about a homosexual relationship to begin with–Aoi Hana sure does a good job conforming to heterosexual expectations. I love how they’re nice and thin with perfect proportions. Fumi (the tall one; the other is Achan or something) being flat doesn’t even really matter since that’s just what some guys want.

Nothing egregious had happen in the anime yet, but I was already ready for it to crash and burn.

Aoi Hana’s typical shoujo-ness didn’t help. Apparently if you want to make a show for girls, just blur the edges, turn up the contrast, and wash out the colors. Oh, but don’t forget to turn the blue tint way the hell up.

Oh God the plaintive piano looming behind every scene. And what scenes they are. Wistful memories of days long gone.

And those forbidden touches… those stolen glances. So. Full. Of. Emotions. So. Full. Of. Unspoken. Feelings.

Don’t let go. Please.

Don’t you know how much…

…I need you… koi… ai… nandesuka? …wa…karimasen~

The drama is so ridiculously overwrought. Even at the show’s best, something just didn’t feel right. The creepy incestual moments certainly didn’t help.

E Minor: uh
Nyoro~n: omg
Fin: what in the
Nyoro~n: what teh fuck
E Minor: haha
Nyoro~n: i don’t remember talking to my friends/cousins about my boobs
Fin: the creepiest [cousin]
E Minor: it’s like those shitty yaoi shows
E Minor: but at least yaoi anime don’t go
E Minor: “heh, ur hanging pretty long there”
E Minor: “nice ballsack bro, i see you’ve grown”
E Minor: “ur bulge kinda flat, hth”

If I’m wrong about yaoi shows, don’t bother to correct me. Please. But again, nothing completely egregious yet in the anime, right? Until this.

Nyoro~n: watersports..
E Minor: watersports twice this week
Fin: oh goddamn it
Nyoro~n: porque
Fin: DAMMIT
E Minor: we can never escape it

I wanted to be nice to the show. I really did, but at this point, it just completely lost the plot. Fumi will apparently leak at the drop of the hat, piss or not.

E Minor: she cries down there and up here
E Minor: goddamn
E Minor: she is the leakiest girl since juden chan

To be fair, she was being molested in one of these shots, but why must one character in a relationship always be so goddamn helpless (well, if you’ve been reading this blog, you should know exactly why)? And why must she be so goddamn angsty?

I don’t have anything against strong feelings, but Fumi’s so full of issues that it feels cheap and manufactured. Pleeeeease love me. Pleeeeeease feel sorry for me. But why should I? I don’t know anything about her aside from the fact that she’s a complete downer.

And you know you’ve got serious angst when your damn pupils wiggle.

And to top it all off, the incest came back with a vengeance.

No, just no. It’s not even limited to Fumi and her cousinlove.

Fin: oh godammit
Nyoro~n: she’s my cousin and a girl, but why do i feel attraction to her?!
Fin: yeah fuck this show
E Minor: lol
Fin: why’s it gotta be incest
Fin: and pee
Nyoro~n: incest, pee, cornertoast, rape
Fin: Im so mad
Nyoro~n: wincest
Nyoro~n: i hope the bro rapes the lil sis
Nyoro~n: then that’ll be teh saving grace
Fin: you betrayed me aoi hana
Fin: and now I will crush you
Nyoro~n: fin was looking forward to yuri anime…
Nyoro~n: >_>

Aoi Hana is trying really hard to be legitimate. I can tell with the watercolor look. With the music. With those dramatic shots of just the eyes. If only eyes could speak. It tries so hard, but in the end, Aoi Hana is just so typically derivative. Its pretension, however, makes it insulting.

E Minor: water color again
E Minor: bet it’s done with pee too
E Minor: i’m imagining the bob painter guy
Fin: lol piss watercolor
Nyoro~n: oh god
E Minor: ok let us just paint yuri right here
Nyoro~n: piss + tear watercolor
Fin: we’ll just add a little incest over here
E Minor: dab it into the loli pee
Nyoro~n: their skin is yellow
Fin: and that will be our little secret
E Minor: and we just got the perfect little seagulls

Both main characters are so uncharismatic that I really find no reason to continue following this show. I suspect, however, that people are gonna watch just because of the yuri, thus simply making a joke of romance in general, much less homosexual relations. Fin might continue to follow it to see the train wreck. I, on the other hand, will be washing myself (not with piss, mind you) of this trash.