Hey look, another anime just started, and it’s apparently about how music will heal and protect a war-ravaged land. That sounds exciting. So who’s the main character?
Oh. It’s a little girl. Well, maybe she just looks young. Maybe she’s really smart and capable. What can she do?
Oh. She’s a trumpeter. Well, it is about music protecting and healing the land. Maybe she’s really good at the… bugle–
Oh. Wow, she literally carries her bugle in her hands wherever she goes.
She’s like a child with a new toy. Well, it’s just the first episode. Maybe she’ll get smarter; maybe she’ll get better at playing her valve-less, slide-less horn. Let’s look at the rest of the cast; maybe the rest of the cast is interesting–
Oh. To be accurate, I’m not calling it another K-On! I’m just saying the characters look like they’re from K-On! Whether or not the blatant plagiarism bothers you, whether or not moe shit bothers you, that’s really not the point of this post. I’m here to criticize the first episode on how it delivers a story. Just from the start of the anime, I knew something was wrong. Kanata wakes up on a moving train in the company of men twice her size. Yeah. They see that she’s awake and decide to give her a share of the war booty.
Hey, she gets a cut. She must not be so bad at her job.
Candy? Are you serious? I know women typically get paid less than men, but she gets paid in candy? They say it has “been half a year since the armistice.” So six months after the cessation of war, she finally gets paid and it’s in candy. What did you get, Mr. Rolled-Up-Sleeves-to-Show-Off-the-Tats?
Yeah, you. He tells her, “Honesty is fine. Work hard, girl!” but he’s probably in a tontine of valuable paintings with the other fellas.
Yeah, burnt sugar sure is expensive. I couldn’t make that on my stovetop or anything. So he asks her why she joined the army, which is a fair question cause the army is no paradise–
We’re obviously not off to a hot start, but maybe the story is good. This is the first episode after all; it has to be compelling. You always try to hook the audience in from the beginning, right? Okay then, what happens in the first episode?
An owl steals a priceless memento.
And Kanata is really determined to get it back.
But she gets herself into trouble because she’s retarded. Meanwhile, some festival celebrating an old myth is going on.
And it looks very odd. So anyways, back to Kanata. I guess here’s the tension: she’s trapped in a deep gorge all by herself. I don’t know why we should care about her, but fine… how will she be saved?
Through the power of sound… uh, resounding. Or something. I guess it’s supposed to be deep, but it’s like “Duh.”
And then she’s magically saved. End tension, end episode. Yay…
No, it’s okay. I won’t be needing the pills tonight. I’ll just rewatch the episode.