Dance in the Vampire Bund Ep. 1

“Keep it simple, stupid.” In other words, get to the point.

We start the episode with a vampire attack. Seemed promising.

Then we sadly derail into a stupid talk show debating the existence of vampires and their characteristics.

Honestly, what narrative purpose did this whole sequence serve? To prove that vampires do exist? But the audience already knows vampires exist; you don’t watch something called Dance in the Vampire Bund without expecting some damn vampires. In the end, the talk show was just masturbatory meta-shit. It wasn’t even a bad parody, necessarily; it successfully mocked how talk shows rely on the opinions of no-name celebrities… but that’s completely irrelevant to the story.

Here’s how the episode should have went. We start off with the vampire attack from the beginning then segue into the tiny news report on vampire attacks throughout the country — that part is fine because it’s short and unobtrusive. Then it should have cut all the way to people chasing the giant lizard vampire only to fail because it’s a giant lizard and most cops aren’t equipped to handle insurance salesmen.

Finally, the loli vampire shows up, kills it, gives her little crappy speech about her vampire kingdom,

and then the rest of the story can start from there. We don’t need 20 minutes of dawdling filler about whether or not vampires exist and what weaknesses they have because it doesn’t contribute a damn thing to the story. Nobody goes into a vampire story expecting to get the same myth over and over. We have a few facts that can’t change obviously, like the bloodsucking part, but even a weakness to sunlight isn’t canon nowadays thanks to stuff like Twilight’s sparkly emo Edward. As a result, the talk show scene didn’t accomplish anything other than make us wait till next week to see the real story begin. Just cut to the chase and don’t waste my time; “keep it simple, stupid.”

Here are Fin’s two cents:

At first I thought Bund was being ugly and boring on purpose to parody some TV show, but by the time the vampires popped out I realized that no, it really was that ugly and boring. People gave SHAFT shit for using those placeholder cards in Bakemonogatari, but honestly those would have been preferable to this. The whole show could have been one ‘Scene Missing (red)’ cards, then at least I wouldn’t have had to watch my favorite director embarrass himself with loli vampire tripe.

13 thoughts on “Dance in the Vampire Bund Ep. 1

  1. Topspin

    Amen. SHAFT needs to stop thinking their masturbating on other people’s work will always work – they got lucky with Bakemonogatari, that’s it. It seems they really want to one-up KyoAni on that “screw the fans” action.

  2. LostMarbles

    It’s still an improvement over the first chapter of the manga which involved the male protagonist stripping Loli Vampire Queen and rubbing lotion on her. This was, of course, followed by the second chapter where she runs around in a thong trying to get the protagonist to to grope her flat chest. Sure there was action and it had some point to it, but that was subservient to the pedo fanservice.

    1. E Minor Post author

      I’ve never seen the manga and, from what you said, I never will. It was still a poor first episode either way. To be honest, I thought this was gonna be a failure anyhow just from the trailer.

      1. LostMarbles

        Yes, but I appreciate that I can say it sucks without having to see the loli running around mostly naked. It almost makes me believe that they can avoid those scenes entirely — but then I remember that the anime industry doesn’t work that way.

        1. E Minor Post author

          If you’re lucky, it’ll be confined to the DVDs. Quite frankly, I’m betting that Seikon no Qwaser will outshine it.

    2. Topspin

      Having not read it either, I hope the anime doesn’t turn out to be another loli fanservice show. You’d suspect the fandom was already pandered-to this season, what with Chu Bra and all.

      1. E Minor Post author

        Having not read it either, I hope the anime doesn’t turn out to be another loli fanservice show.

        After Bake? 8-ball says don’t count on it. To be fair, Studio Ghibli is really the only studio I don’t expect fanservice from.

        1. Topspin

          True, but it’s not the fanservice that bugs me in this case, I’m pretty used to that.. it’s the needless loli part. Especially when we already have a purely ecchi show airing about seventh-grade lolis :S

          I guess they just couldn’t overcome that unwritten law of anime that all supernatural females over 100 must look like they’re in middle school.

  3. vaneea

    It’ll be interesting to see the scene where Mina Tepes is being examined for her chastity in front of 3 elder vampires. Loli spreading her legs in front of older men. Gross!

  4. Chiriviri

    The whole show is an excuse to include a loli-bodied character, but old enough to make sex with her legal.


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