Okay, enough’s enough. Kirito reeks and he reeks of fanfiction. Let’s just pretend SAO never existed. Someone goes up to you with a story to pitch:
It’s going to be about this badass dude who wears nothing but black. He also uses a sword one-handed ’cause he’s so cool. He can take on groups of people and not even break a sweat. He can even fight dragons head on! Fuck yeah! He knows everything too. He knows when his enemies are going to strike! Oh yeah, he totally meets all this cute, hot babes on his journey. Too bad it’s these same babes that screw everything up!! If it weren’t for them, my main man would never lose! But he saves most of them anyway ’cause he’s just alpha like that. That’s why he usually works alone. People just don’t get him. He has a pain in his heart that others just don’t understand.
Gee, what would your reaction be? This sounds like one of those pathetic self-insert fanfiction, doesn’t it? Welp, too bad we’ve just described our main character Kirito. Honestly, does he have any discernible character flaw outside of being a poopsocking MMO geek? That part, however, is easily waved off because that’s the entire premise of the show. I mean, being a poopsocking MMO geek is actually helpful for once. But still, Kirito’s quest is ridiculously masturbatory.
When have we ever seen Kirito screw up? Once, if you can even consider it his fault. Remember when he failed to save Sachi because her guild led her down to a trap-filled floor? But was it Kirito’s fault? Not really. He failed to disclose some information, but ultimately, the hubris of the guild members led to their demise. Kirito only hid his level because people discriminate against poopsockers like him, after all! There is, however, an even bigger point to be made. The reality is that the girl’s death was not sad in itself. Oh no, the character development and execution simply weren’t there for this to have been the case. Rather, her death’s only purpose was to give Kirito a cheap source of angst. It was a manufactured side-plot to give Kirito this grimdark edge.
Oh, you might argue that every story is contrived and every tale is manufactured to elicit a specific emotional response from the audience. What I’m getting at here is that SAO is hardly organic about it. Everything is designed to fellate the main character as much as possible.
So here we are again. Badass Kirito walks into a weapon shop, but our totally-moe shopkeeper underestimates him. Sigh, I’m stronger than you think, Kirito must think to himself. So he ends up accidentally breaking one of her swords because his own sword (read: his massive dilznick, ladies!) is just so fucking badass like its badass owner. Oh well, let’s embark on a quest to craft another badass sword befitting of his badass hands!
Heh, silly girls don’t understand how to dress for the elements. Lemme help you with that, my moe shopkeeper.
Just watch, I’m gonna slay this ice dragon. What’s that? It’s going to use its ice breath? Don’t worry, I’ll just reflect it nonchalantly ’cause I’m super badass.
And naturally, the moe shopkeeper has to go and fuck it all up. Ugh, this is why I solo. Newbs just hold me back.
Again, Kirito is the Gary Stu who can do no wrong. If he’s made any mistake this week, it’s that he thought he could run up the ice wall, but y’see, that’s just yet another badass moment. After all, other losers wouldn’t even have the skills or guts to try such a feat! Guess we’ll just have to set up camp. So we’re led to a silly bonding moment where the previously tsuntsun shopkeeper suddenly takes a liking to our black swordsman and his jet black sword (read: dilznick again). Kirito gets to charm us with lines like, “Rather than letting someone die alone, it’s better to die with them together. Especially if that someone is a girl like you.”
Aw shit, I bet the shopkeeper’s digital panties just simultaneously wet and froze itself. The next morning, Kirito naturally deduces that the pit is actually a dragon’s nest. Thank God that dragon doesn’t like to sleep in its own nest at night! What’s that? There seems to be fire and light coming from my nest? Shrug, probably just the aurora borealis. This thus allows Kirito to stage a daring escape from their romantic pit when the dragon does return at its scheduled appointment. This involves throwing the moe shopkeeper over his shoulder like some cro-magnon. At the same time, Lisbeth is squealing obnoxiously in his (and our) ears. As the two are soaring through the sky amidst a jaw-dropping digital sunrise:
Heh, one night in MMO paradise — atop a pile of snow and dragon shit, I must add — is all this MMO player needs. Or should I say… playa~
Lisbeth: “You don’t have to pay me. In exchange, I’d like to become your private blacksmith.”
Kirito: “What does that mean? Liz?”
Lisbeth: “When you’re back from the fields, come here and let me do the maintenance on your equipment.”
Oh Liz baby, you can tend to my sword anyday! In the end, however, Lisbeth realizes that Asuna was there first, so she gracefully steps aside. There you go again, Kirito. Always breaking young girls’ hearts. Just a little advice: be careful of who you love and what you do, ’cause the lie becomes the truth.
On a final note, I would totally watch a live action SAO starring Michael Cera. Do it, Hollywood.
I actually enjoyed this episode. Liz was a fun character, though she had to get in the way as always when it comes to moments like these~
Next week is the main story, I think. Wonder how that will be.
Ah, the dreaded ‘f’ word.
Well…
Your commentary just makes this wonderful comedy a lot more enjoyable. But then again – who takes this show seriously? (sadly enough, a lot of people do).
And oh yeah, I would watch Michael Cera in a black suit wielding cool blades any day. (Oh wait, isn’t that Scott Pilgrim anyways? With better ladies?)
I dunno, I’ve never seen Scott Pilgrim in its entirety. I think Michael Cera as Kirito played straight would be awesome though.
It’s been a while since I’ve seen the movie. But based on the article, you used the .gif well sir.
/golf clap
Of course Kirito’s gonna be like the Gary Stu of these side stories. A side story that makes the MC work pretty hard? No way–
*ahem*
Eh, the episode was ok.
I dunno what you guys saw in that episode. It was so comically bad.
I dropped this show after the 2nd episode, but it looks like it’s gotten significantly worse. At least in the 2nd episode he seemed a little vulnerable and actually relied on Asuna’s skill a bit. Take away any vulnerability and reliance on other characters and we’re just left with a boring, as you said, Gary Stu going around waving about his (e-)penis.
Have you seen the little blurb from the LNs that have since been removed from the latest editions? It just pretty much confirms that the story is nothing more than a wish-fulfillment wankfest.
No I have not, what does it say?
What the fuck was that you just linked me to? Is this actually from the LNs?
You can Google it if you don’t believe me!
I am genuinely astonished. Near speechless. I was sceptical that the light novels are as good as everyone keeps saying, but that is ridiculous.
That quote (from chapter “16.5”) isn’t from the light novels. It’s fan-fiction written by the author (if that’s even possible) and was posted on his website. For whatever reason, the early fan-translations just threw it in there as canon without so much as a note, so we end up in this strange situation. They’ve since fixed it, but as we can see, the damage has already been done. I know all this because I read that light novel and wondered why it’d suddenly become hardcore pornography out of the blue!
Still from the author’s mouth.
Indeed, but it’s unfair to bash SAO with something that the author wrote as a piss-take. I’m not refuting that the show is utterly pandering, mind, but let’s have it right. Ever since Orson Scott Card, I’ve learnt to separate an author’s bullshit from their fiction.
How do we know it was a piss-take? Besides, if I was bashing the anime based on the blurb, I would’ve included in the post above. It was an aside, and as such, I only mentioned it in the comments. So I think your charge of me being unfair is, well, unfair.
And Ender’s Game is horrible with or without Orson Scott Card’s reprehensible views.
I’d like to know why you feel that way about Ender’s Game (I remember reading a fascinating interpretation of it as an apologetic for Hitler!) but that’s obviously beyond the scope of this blog so, yeah. No pressure :p
I can’t be bothered to go tit-for-tat on SAO anyway, just wanted to bring some facts to the discussion since what you said above was misleading.
The author wrote it. Fans deemed it important enough to include it in their translations of the LNs. I view translations as more than just opening a couple dictionaries and matching words from different languages to each other. Translations are essentially a re-interpretation of any given work. As such, the blurb is no less a part of the “one true canon” as any other piece of writing.
But hey, I know fully well that few people agree with me when it comes to deciding what is or isn’t canon, so I guess agree to disagree.
So far, a lot of time is spent for me comparing protagonists to other protagonists and if too much lines up with that same old harem guy that’s in every show, annoyance level rises and pupils turn skyward. Same way with other supporting cast and even so-called romantic targets. When I’ve been on the fence about a character too long and an episode like this comes along, I just get lazy and assume a character isn’t going to change. If I wanna watch cool people do cool things in action scenes, I’d rather go play a game and perform the action scenes, so that doesn’t really boost Kirito’s character image for me no matter how many cool things they make him do. Take all of that sword skill away and how is he not just that same normal guy with a little tinge of “I couldn’t protect them” angst?
Man, I remember you telling me three years ago that you liked swordplay in anime. Have tastes changed?!
Well I do, it’s just…I mean think of it this way. I don’t know if you’ve watched Campione Ep 7 yet, but when the aptly named Blandetti character and what’s her face with the blue hair fight…I mean the swordplay is cool and such, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s still Campione and I guess in three years I’ve just grown at least to the point where I’d start asking why. Swordplay is still a nice touch wherever, it just doesn’t save things completely for me like it used to. That and in a lot of shows they just clash and jump back and do the same old crap….Animation limitations, maybe….>_>
So out of curiosity, when was the last time an anime impressed you with its swordplay?
I always enjoy see practical, more realistic sword fighting. I’ve been watching Utena lately, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that the fencing was actually reasonably accurate. For popular fiction, anyway. I’m used to seeing it portrayed like this
Oh God, I see the guy and just immediately remember he’s a Korean who made himself white. Fucking Bond movies.
Seirei no Moribito is the first thing that comes to mind, even though the main character wields a spear. Episode 1 fight scene, for example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdKiPOkh0K8
what do you think of the swordplay in samurai champloo? I know it’s awesome, I don’t know how realistic it is.
That was actually gonna be the other thing I said. Definitely unique which there’s something to be said for. I’ve never tried blocking swords with the metal bottoms of my geta before, but there’s a first time for everything. Even if it was cool for cool’s sake, something about the show made it awesome to me. I did kinda watch it 3 years ago, though.
datwink o.0
Come on, you’re just bitter that you can’t be such a good player as Kirito (both literally and metaphorically). Your post is funny, but it oozes with your jealousy!
Ahem…this is one of those shows that are mediocre, but due to devoted fanbases that keep expectations up by means of the dreaded “it gets better!”, get more flak than they deserve. Well, for me, it has been consistently mediocre, and I’ll stick with it until that is no longer the case. I still want to get acquainted with the LN as well, and…wow that link.
People keep saying this is the best of the season O_o. Fuck compelling human drama, I want swords and babes!
*fuck compelling human drama. Would appreciate an edit there.
Why do you think characters like Superman, Batman, Capt. Kirk, Indiana Jones, and Optimus Prime are so popular? Why do you think Chuck Norris, Hulk Hogan, and Mr. T were/are so popular?
People might not be as keen to admitting it as they once were, but A LOT of people still like the Big Damn Hero that’s just awesome and cool and “made of win”. Actually, I didn’t get SAO’s popularity… until now. *Now* I get it. Kirito is the Capt. Kirk of the modern anime world, and deep down inside, I bet that’s a BIG part of the reason why so many people like/love SAO.
Kirito is what the otaku *aspires* to be rather than just a total stand-in character that’s like your average otaku only surrounded by cute girls. And I honestly like that for a change (at least he’s not a loser that girls *inexplicably* fall for). Kirito legitimately wins over many cute girls, his “flaws” are of the sympathetic sort that simply enrich his character, and he’s simply badass and cool in most of what he does. Yet beneath the badass black-garbed outfit he has that heroic heart of gold. What’s not to love? ;)
At the end of the day, it’s actually a pretty thin line separating timeless and iconic characters like Superman and Batman and Optimus Prime from a Gary Stu. The difference is a certain je ne sais quoi that’s hard to put one’s finger on. Some of it is probably like the difference between a good magician and a bad one – Can they make you truly believe in what you’re seeing and not have you think too much about how they pull off their magic tricks? Do they keep you in a certain awe over this cool hero/magic trick, or does it feel overly contrived to you?
Of course some don’t like this character type regardless, but for those that do (or at least are willing to), I think it’s the overall artfulness of the presentation that makes it work or not. And I guess with SAO, it has a certain artfulness that makes it click with people where bad fanfiction doesn’t.
None of the heroes you listed are fellated nonstop by their stories. Superman has actual character flaws. Batman definitely has actual character flaws, so on and so forth. They also work to make themselves great. Kirito just shows up one day and he’s a badass.
There’s also the issue of comparing Kirito to characters which have had decades and decades of works penned about them. Which Batman am we referring to? There are so many to choose from. In that case, I will just pick what I consider the peak of Batman’s characterization, which would be the Batman that we see in the latest movies and the comics that they are inspired by.
Even the Big Damn Hero gets into sticky situations where he sometimes needs other’s help. Even the Big Damn Hero will screw up from time to time. Hell, the entire point of The Dark Knight Rises is that Batman can actually lose. There’s a big difference between the Big Damn Hero and a self-insert, which is what Kirito feels like.
Are you serious? Just to use one example, Batman is a totalitarian weirdo who can’t get over his parents’ deaths! That is not a Gary Stu, bro. That’s not even a thin line. That’s a Grand Canyon. Why do you suppose Watchmen‘s Rorschach existed? He’s meant to subvert heroes like Batman. Clearly, Batman’s better than you or me, but a Gary Stu is much more nuanced a concept than just an awesome hero:
I’ve bolded the parts that I find relevant to SAO. Should otakus have someone awesome to aspire to? Sure, I’ll concede that. There’s nothing wrong with this idea either. I have great respect for great people too, but they’re also real people with real flaws. Understanding how they overcome their flaws and personal hardships is what makes them even greater in the end. Perhaps Kirito is great, but he represents the cheap sort of greatness because he never earns it. He just shows up one day and kicks ass. Batman struggles. Superman struggles. Kirito doesn’t.
If you like it, whatever, but I’m not convinced. It feels masturbatory.
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“It’s going to be about this badass dude who wears nothing but black. He also uses a sword one-handed ’cause he’s so cool. He can take on groups of people and not even break a sweat. He can even fight dragons head on! Fuck yeah! He knows everything too. He knows when his enemies are going to strike! Oh yeah, he totally meets all this cute, hot babes on his journey. Too bad it’s these same babes that screw everything up!! If it weren’t for them, my main man would never lose! But he saves most of them anyway ’cause he’s just alpha like that. That’s why he usually works alone. People just don’t get him. He has a pain in his heart that others just don’t understand.”
Is that you, Kentaro Miura?
Miura wouldn’t be trapped in an MMO; he’d be trapped in Idolmaster.
Not before he created the original Black Swordsman.
So SAO is generally a generic Fantasy Anime with a Bland male protagonist who every otaku wishes to be and the so-called tough love interest who eventually becomes a waifu for the otaku, and epic SKILLS AND POWERS THAT GROW OUT OF NOWHERE AND IS APPARENTLY A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE…
…Just with an HUD and life bars?
Barely an HUD.
… Pop-up menu?