Harem Hill Week 6 & 7: An hour’s worth of each show?!

Try and guess what’s dripping from Shougo’s face.

Okay… it’s not like I had anything else to do today anyway. Here are the standings:

KKK! — 15395
Hagure Yuusha no Estetica — 11310
Dakara Boku wa, H ga Dekinai — 11150

Hopefully, I haven’t inadvertently made the KKK! alliance too strong. As always, I like to start off with Koi to Senkyo to Chocolate because it is just so boring.

The sixth episode was mostly drama. As much as I dislike Chocolate‘s execution of the ‘Senkyo’ portion of its premise, none of this is worth any Harem Hill points. After all, we want to celebrate these shows for their harem goodness. As uninteresting as three dull election speeches might be, none of them are harem-like whatsoever. In fact, I should even subtract points from the anime for all these consecutive words being spewed at me without one instance of fanservice to break up the monotony! Minus 200 points!

Rundown: When Oojima finally makes it onto the stage, he just gyrates like a chicken. I suspect I’m supposed to find this part funny, but uh… no points. The characters then sit around for half an episode and watch the election results roll in. Hoo boy, be still my heart. Naturally, no points. In the end, no points whatsoever for Chocolate‘s sixth episode! Surely, the seventh episode will do better? It definitely shows promise with the following opening:

Yes, we’ve seen this same scene before, but again, do our friends have nothing better to do than to sit in the dark and eat chocolate? Holy hell, no TV, Internet, or even homework? Ah, but y’see, a childhood friend is dead and this is how he would’ve wanted us to mourn him. Only harems can be so dramatic (100).

Unfortunately, a good portion of the first half of the episode is more election strategizing, which does not make for much of a shitty harem. Apparently, the team has hopes that the student body will see Oojima as a revolutionary candidate. To be a revolutionary, you should really have a platform that is more than just saving your stupid club so that you can hang out with friends, but maybe that’s just me (100). More importantly, where’s the fanservice?! WHERE?

Actually, this is more stupid than anything else. If I cut myself, the last thing I’d want to do is stick it in someone’s dirty ass mouth (250), but I guess the vaguely pornographic scene gets a nod (50). No, no, no, the best part of the anime is soon to follow:

Anime characters always get run over (50), but the real kicker is the dramatic chocolate bar falling to the ground (250). Bravo. Seriously, bravo. If you haven’t already guessed, the kid above is the childhood friend that died. The chocolate bar is his Rosebud.

Later on, we get the tame hot springs scene that you see above (50). Chocolate‘s really too mild to take advantage of such a classic harem trope. If anything, it puts somewhat of a twist on the cliche, because it isn’t Oojima and some stupid friend trying to peep on a group of girls. Rather, the girl barges in on him. In fact, she even flat out asks Oojima whether or not he wants to gaze at her naked body. Predictably enough, he’s afraid to answer. How could you not, bro (-250)! Good thing the gay-joke-fodder character shows up (100) to save him from such an embarrassing situation. What would pure-hearted shounens do without homosexuals around to make the audience laugh? Rather than blackface, we have homoface. Oojima even has the nerve to complain later, “Seriously… I can’t even get any peace and quiet in the bath?” Gawd, can a man not bathe without a childhood friend trying to bone him? Women, I tells ya… (250).

Rundown: More gay jokes (100×2). Then later on, the drunk teacher puts some moves on our hero ’cause if there’s one thing a grown woman can’t resist, it’s a kid in high school (250). Oojima then gets caught trying to take the drunk teacher back to the dorms, so a group of girls end up chasing him around in the dark. Good thing a big-breasted classmate is there to save him (50). She even gives him a good talking to (100). Oh no, he’ll have to sleep in her room now because the girls will be hunting for Oojima all night long (100). Well now, someone sure has some giant milk duds (100).

KKK! — 16945
Hagure Yuusha no Estetica — 11310
Dakara Boku wa, H ga Dekinai — 11150

All in all, a typically meek outing for Chocolate despite having two episodes worth of material to work with. This is thus a great opportunity for Hagure Yuusha no Estetica to make up some ground in the standings.

We have, uh, a bike made out of orichalcum that will electrocute any rider it deems unworthy (100) ’cause, y’know, bikes are sentient. Ousawa gets really worked up too when he learns that the bike used to belong to his dad. Fuck you, dad (250)! The really shitty harem part comes in when a girl tries to touch the bike. Y’see, Ousawa is strong; when he gets electrocuted, he will only get knocked back because he’s devoting all his energy to maintaining the integrity of his clothing matrix. Silly girls, on the other hand, have no ability to maintain their clothing matrix. So when they touch the bike…

Or maybe the bike is just a fucking pervert and it likes to sexually molest girls just as much as its rider (350). Even better, maybe Ousawa’s dad died and entered the bike! Like father, like son (250)! But despite the fact that Ousawa or anything even remotely related to Ousawa has repeatedly put Haruka in multiple sexually-compromising situations (150), all he has to do is cooly toss his jacket over her and it’s all dokidoki. Baka, it’s not like I like you or anything! She’ll even wash his jacket for him. Naisu~!

Rundown: Ousawa is so badass that he can ace an exam and go to sleep in the middle of class (50). A mild panty shot when Haruka goes to investigate Ousawa’s badass bike-riding (100).

The next episode wastes no time either because it’s the obligatory trip to the beach (50+100)! There are so many cleavage shots in this one episode that I won’t even bother to count them all. I’ll just give the episode a 1000 points right off the bat. Anyway, the “plot” this time revolves around stripping Ousawa of his swimming trunks. Yep, this is apparently an event that even gets broadcast on local TV (250). Of course, by making Ousawa “it,” you’re just begging for him to sexually harass every girl at the beach in retaliation (he’ll just ignore you if you’re a guy though). And you people say there’s no such thing as a rape culture (350)!

There’s just too much sexual harassment here to even tabulate the points. This is harem shittiness at its best. 5000 points to House Estetica!

Then again, the anime did wuss out on sealing the deal by refusing to strip the loli character. Tsk tsk. I guess even sexual molesters won’t go that far. This, on the other hand…

…is just good clean fun! The dumbest part is how Ousawa still ends up getting to play hero to Myuu because she had the intelligence to buy a see-thru bikini (250). Then at the end, some boring folks from the medieval dimension talk my ears off, but the damage has already been done…

Hagure Yuusha no Estetica — 19560
KKK! — 16945
Dakara Boku wa, H ga Dekinai — 11150

…to the tune of 8250 points in just two episodes. And just like that, Estetica reminds us that the abyss of harem shittiness is unending. But surely, Campione! will give the KKK! alliance enough of a push so that Imouto can swoop in and reclaim the lead, right?

But that’s where you’re wrong. Campione! literally spends the next two episodes fighting a werewolf of some sort. At one point, Godou launches a thousand golden swords at his opponent, who then responds by shooting out smaller wolves from his back. Yeah, I don’t even know… (100). Stiil, Godou can’t win by his own power so Yuri kisses him ’cause kisses give you power. This is dumb, but not that shitty (100). In fact, the anime should lose points for even daring to display any sort of consensual physical intimacy (-250). C’mon Campione!, did you not get the rape culture memo that corporate sent out a few weeks ago?

I really have nothing to say about these pair of episodes. So here, have a screencap of Erica gazing slack-jawed at a bunch of glowy swords making clangclang sounds. At the end of the episode, Erica makes out with Godou (-250), which infuriates Yuri (100) and as well as the other girl whose name I haven’t learned (100). Terrible.

Hagure Yuusha no Estetica — 19560
KKK! — 16845
Dakara Boku wa, H ga Dekinai — 11150

By my math, Campione! ends up losing 100 points for its compatriots. Tsk tsk. You might naturally assume that negative points imply may imply that a harem is the opposite of bad, i.e. good. Well, no. Campione! still sucks on multiple fronts (mediocre animation, boring action, lame characters, etc.), but it’s just not a shitty harem for this very week. Now, speaking of a shitty harem…

Dekinai steps up to the plate with… uh, a plot development episode. But y’see, what separates Dekinai from something like Campione! is that the former isn’t afraid to litter its own plot development episode with a ton of fanservice. You have a legendary sword stuck within you? No problem! Here are some naked girls anyway! This is not Dekinai‘s shittiest episode, but it doesn’t go home empty. At the end, the childhood friend gets kidnapped by some man in a black cloak (50). Exciting.

Rundown: Each of the girls fight over Ryousuke in front of his mom (100). Two girls get naked and bathe (150×2). Cule fantasizes about her naked cousin for some reason (150). As usual, a monster attacks and Lisara’s clothes disappear (150).

In the following episode, it’s time to enter the Grimworld and save the childhood friend. Here, have some panty shots too (100×2). Somehow, this also means flying toward a lake that is oddly shaped like a penis, but what do I know (100)? When we cut to the childhood friend, we see that the villain only really wants the legendary sword after all. Dekinai misses the opportunity to have the villain sexily torture the childhood friend, but I guess only Ryousuke is a pervert in this show.

Sure enough, the three saviors get attacked and Ryousuke tries to use his pervert powers to save the day. I’m not sure how many points a shitton of naked asses are worth though. Let’s just say 1000. All of a sudden, however, Dekinai wants to develop its characters, so Ryousuke now conveniently suffers from a lack of confidence. In other words, he can’t get it up (250) even when he’s in a house full of sexy maids (50). So what’s a guy to do? Why, have the sexy maids with weird tongues lick him all over, of course (250)!

I gotta dock points for the creepy snake tongues on those maids though (-100). But alas, Ryousuke now suffers from PTSD (250). No, really!

He gets triggered by a falling lamp. It’s the funniest fucking thing. Even MILF-y boobs can’t save him! Is Ryousuke’s dick out of commission for good? Only one way to tell: Cule will sex him up for science (250)!

Rundown: More naked bathing from our heroines (150×2).

Somehow, 3300 points seem like a letdown for Dekinai, and this brings its total up to…

Hagure Yuusha no Estetica — 19560
KKK! — 16845
Dakara Boku wa, H ga Dekinai — 14450

…just a paltry 14450. Imouto doesn’t even have to worry about KKK! falling to third place. In fact, can Imouto right this ship and steal the Crown of Shit Harem back from Estetica?

Nothing like a naked girl to start things off (150). Shougo needs to get close to Mei to determine whether or not she’s his sister. Unfortunately, she may have to go back to America because her maid cafe is failing. First things first, we have to spice up this cafe with cattails that can magically adjust to its wearer’s mood (like those weird cat ears you can buy). In other words, more panty flashes for everyone (250)!  But wait, what’s this?

How can I fap to an ass that looks as though it is the portal to the abyss where Cthulhu resides! Of course, any shitty harem worth its salt will have to embarrass girls and force them to do things they don’t want to do (350). Imouto should even gets points for the inspired moaning performance from its VAs (250). Unfortunately, while Imouto has the balls to do all of the things I’ve just mentioned, it has no balls whatsoever to show off some panties? Ridiculous (-500)!

Nothing beats rapey undertones though. Why does she moan with pleasure when Shougo grabs her fake tail, you ask (350)? Obviously, it’s been shoved up one of her orifices. I mean, what else could explain all the histrionics?

In the end, Mei is not Shougo’s sister because, like Draggle says, smart girls don’t win (250) — or lose depending how you would like to interpret it. Instead, she knows the identity of Shougo’s sister, but won’t spill the beans because she’s afraid that the illegitimate child will be ostracized. Oy, this is getting a little too heavy for a shitty harem! Shougo seizes the golden opportunity to be corny as fuck by swearing to protect his imouto despite the fact that she wants to bone him. That’s just one dedicated onii-chan (250).

Rundown: Silly boob physics (100); apparently Konoe’s cream puffs can bounce. The maid cafe is full of girls pretending to be your imouto (100). Like Chocolate, Imouto likes to use Mister X for oh-so-hilarious jokes about two guys possibly being gay (100). Mei tries to seduce Shougo with her flat chest (100), but Shougo runs away instead (100).

But wait, there’s still an episode to go, so what else do you have for us, Imouto?

Konoe and Miyabi continue to slobber all over Shougo, but he won’t pull the trigger ’cause he really, really doesn’t want to accidentally nail his sister (-100). Mister X re-suggests what everyone has been clamoring for since the start of the series: why not a DNA test? Ah, but here’s the dilemma: how do you get the girls’ DNA?

Oh ho ho, the dumb girl actually thought Shougo was really going to swab her vagina on the school’s rooftop (250). And leave it to anime to sexualize the hell out of everything. The harem lead is sticking a cotton swab in a girl’s mouth? One word: kimo-fucking-chi (250).

For some reason, however, Miyabi is suspicious of what Shougo might do with Konoe’s mouth cells so she refuses the cotton-swabbing. Seriously, what can you do with a damp cotton swab? Did she think he was going to rub it all over himself (250)? Oh dear, what else could our harem lead possibly do then to collect Miyabi’s DNA?

Yep, every shitty harem inevitably returns to water sports. Estetica already went there, so why not Imouto (250)!

Piss apparently looks like milk (250). And Miyabi also apparently pisses like a horse (250). Yes, I know that this is just a “dream sequence,” but what’s the qualitative difference? Miyabi refuses to piss in a test tube for Shougo, and storms off, but just later in the same episode, we see her trying to feed him food again. Ah well, no need to hold a grudge over a guy requesting your urine (250), am I right!

For some reason, the Imouto decides to broadcast a message to Shougo using the school’s intercom system. This leads to a disciplinary crackdown that ends up with Rinka in a tub (150), talking to herself like a crazy person (100), and even almost touching herself at one point (250). Why? She was thinking of Shougo, of course — that irresistible ragamuffin. But let’s face it: Mister X is the most suspicious of the haremettes.

Rundown: Shougo blushes like a loser when a pair of (clothed) breasts press up against his back (100). The girls fight each other to feed our rich harem lead (50). We see a bevy of girls wear those barumas (50). Mister X shows up naked at Shougo’s place like it’s no big deal not once but twice (150×2). No, really, this item in the rundown deserve a screencap of its own:

Oh God, I’m almost done with this post. Two weeks worth of episodes, people. Two! Alright, what are the standings now?

KKK! — 21345
Hagure Yuusha no Estetica — 19560
Dakara Boku wa, H ga Dekinai — 14450

And Imouto rockets KKK! right back to the top.

Now, time for you guys to help me out a bit. I want to gauge the readers’ interest in Harem Hill. After six entries, how is this feature turning out? In other words, is this something that I would want to carry over to later seasons (God forbid)? Basically, here’s a poll:

Let me know what you guys think.


30 Replies to “Harem Hill Week 6 & 7: An hour’s worth of each show?!”

  1. I was reading your comment that not many people had read your Outlaw Star articles. My opinion is this:
    1. I find that I really do not know what I know until I write it out conecutively. The act of writing forces me to marshal my inchoate thoughts into a logical statement of what I believe on a particular subject. The act of writing forces me to think consecutively about a particular subject, and then to arrive at particular conclusions. In short, the act of writing disciplines my thoughts to the point where I have mastered what I believe on a particular subject. By writing it down, it cannot be lost. If I had not written it, the thoghts would have remain submerged and finally drifted away and been lost. So Goethe would note his random thoughts on whatever scrap of paper was handy, because if he did not it would have been lost. So writing on a particular subject is an important part of educating yourself and developing your own set of ideas.

    2. But If this is the case, then why bother to write for the public? Why not just write in your private notebook (the way I do) and be done with it? I think the answers are that man is a social animal by nature and we seek contact with our fellow men. A blog is one way to do that. So writing for the public provides us with an incentive to write in the first place, because it allows you to make contact with others. By writing for the public, you will get feedback which will give you knowledge you did not have before, and which you would not have received if you had not written for the public. The more you write and receive feedback, the better the writer you will become.

    3. If there is no one to read what you have written, why bother? But as I stated, writing has its own reward, and is absolutely necessary for your disciplined self-education. Public notice is an incentive, because we are social, but you don’t really need it. Even if an article has only a few readers, it does not matter, because you have the benefit of the knowledge you have garnered. Stephen Crane wrote a little poem on the subject called “There was a man with tongue of wood” on the subject.

    4. I remember that the late mystery writer, John Creasey, the author of more than 500 published books, stated that before he succeeded in publishing anything at all, he could literally paper his wall with the rejection notices from publishers. There aren’t that many publishers any more. In the first half of the 20th century there were hundreds of pulp magazines where writers could learn the trade of writing and support themselves, but the pulps are long gone. You don’t get paid for blogging, but it istill a place to learn to write with an audience.

    5. When you survey your collected works, I’ll bet you will find that you have enough material and ideas to publish your own book. The skills you pick up are useful tools you will be able to use in any job. A true idea can always be recycled.

    6. As far as Gene Starwind goes, the ideas with which you were dealing were fairly complex, but the ability to deal with complex ideas is a necessary part of your toolbox. The problem is that you cannot expect to find a large audience which wants to exert its brains. I would recommend you press on with the articles anyway, if only to expand your range of styles and subject matter. These are the kinds of articles that can become part of your job portfolio. I don’t think the average employer would quite appreciate the Harem Hill articles.

    As I find, the mere act of writing this note required me to do all the things I have been talking about. I congratulate you on your Harem Hill article, by the way. If it took anything less than 6 hours to prepare, I would be much surprised.

    1. I would recommend you press on with the articles anyway, if only to expand your range of styles and subject matter. These are the kinds of articles that can become part of your job portfolio. I don’t think the average employer would quite appreciate the Harem Hill articles.

      Well, I’m not sure I’d show my employer “Moe Sucks” to begin with. Regarding the rest of your comment, I essentially agree, but you also have to remember that I write a post almost once a day. In other words, I write a lot. I write a whole lot. If I don’t end up writing another post on Outlaw Star, and the forecast certainly doesn’t look good, I don’t think it’s a huge loss. Secondly, at this point, writing is still just a hobby. I’m not looking to make a career of it. As such, I want blogging to be enjoyable. It’s enjoyable when I write about shows I like even when nobody reads these posts. It’s enjoyable when I get interesting feedback even when it’s for shows I don’t like. Unfortunately, a show that I neither like nor get any feedback from is twice as bad as the two above alternatives.

      Anyway, I appreciate the sentiments — I really do — but I don’t think it’s really worth my time to continue on with Outlaw Star.

      I congratulate you on your Harem Hill article, by the way. If it took anything less than 6 hours to prepare, I would be much surprised.

      Well… I don’t know if it’s bragging or sad to say that Harem Hill doesn’t take me anywhere close to six hours to write.

      1. The kinds of qualities you can develop by writing are useful for much more than just writing. Also, I was referring to how much time it would have taken to produce this particular post of Harem Hill rather than a typical one. There were a lot of shows to cover this time around. Also, I don’t see how you could have written at length about Outlaw Star without finding something to like about it.

        1. The kinds of qualities you can develop by writing are useful for much more than just writing.

          Well, I’m not going to write another Outlaw Star post just to improve myself. There are lots of things I can do to improve myself.

          Also, I was referring to how much time it would have taken to produce this particular post of Harem Hill rather than a typical one.

          So was I? This particular post did not take anywhere close to six hours.

          Also, I don’t see how you could have written at length about Outlaw Star without finding something to like about it.

          I didn’t say I didn’t like anything about it. I just don’t like it overall.

  2. Ah the usual harem posts, enjoyable as always. Btw Gw2 just a few hours away! One does not simply resist GW2 for harem posts

  3. I love your harem hill posts, that’s the only reason I’m watching half of these shows. (But even with this watching KoiChoco and Estetica is quite the struggle…)

    After this week, I think I am finally becoming convinced of Imouto’s greatness and why you always rank it so highly.

      1. I’m watching all of them. If it weren’t for harem hill I would have dropped Estetica and KoiChoco, they are just plain awful. Possibly Dekinai as well, although I don’t find it nearly as bad as Estetica and KoiChoco, at least stuff happens and it isn’t just the main character constantly abusing people. Imouto is… Imouto, and I can’t wait to see what hilarious BS Campione makes up about mythology each week.

        1. I find Dekinai way more repetitive than Estetica, but maybe that’s just me. Both are pretty creepy in their rapey undertones. Chocolate is just valium in animated form.

  4. It’s getting exceedingly harder to muster up cognitive thoughts on most of these shows….

    I guess one of the main problems I have is that nothing tends to happen, or at least nothing that seems significant. Usually they just get caught up in some circumstance that gets forgotten along the way while nothing seems to connect. It’s like they expect us to care about the characters purely on what they’ve shown the audience, but they fail to show anything particularly new or interesting. End result? Apathy….

  5. Dropped all the harem shows so this is the only place I can get a succinct summary of what idiocy I am missing.
    Really want to watch Chocolate now to see the Rosebud scene.

    Don’t really care whether you continue it. Though you probably don’t care that I don’t care so that makes it easy for both of us.

  6. Looks like the readers want it to continue. More thought-provoking pieces are nice and all, but we all know how satisfying it is to watch someone talk about just how bad a train wreck is. Keep up the good work, on both types of posts.

  7. By “season” do you mean that you will do harems in Autumn, Winter, and Spring as well? Or will you just be doing this every Summer? (I assume you will do it again, because of the results of the poll)

        1. Well, of course. I just hope that someone decides to translate your Harem bashing posts into the language that matters in the anime market….time for a Harem Backlash….

  8. I guess I’m joining the party rather late, but I might as well make my opinion be heard.

    Your Harem Hill posts are hilarious and all, but I’ve gotten kind of tired of this whole thing. I get it: these shows are all terrible and highly problematic on many levels. The point has been made.

    I feel like in writing so extensively about these shows you’re showering them with attention that they don’t merit as well as attracting readership from the wrong quarters. Not to mention these posts don’t really prompt any sort of compelling discussion.

    I’d much rather see you blogging about older shows like Yojouhan Shinwa Taikei or even something like TTGL – shows that are fairly well known and have received some level of acclaim (hopefully for good reason). At least then you’d be more likely to receive intelligent and interesting comments.

    Of course, I realize I’m vastly outnumbered in my opinion. Oh well.

    1. I’d much rather see you blogging about older shows like Yojouhan Shinwa Taikei or even something like TTGL – shows that are fairly well known and have received some level of acclaim (hopefully for good reason). At least then you’d be more likely to receive intelligent and interesting comments.

      In theory, yes, but things don’t always turn out as one might expect. Your overall point is well taken, and trust me, I’m not a huge fan of these posts either. At the same time, however, I only write these posts once a week (assuming that I’m on schedule) — Harem Hill is one post out of the four or five I’ll do weekly — so I don’t think it’s a big deal if I devote some attention to trash anime.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.