Subaru Academy is under attack! Oh wow, this looks to be a heart-pumping episode! Shh, I know it’s not, but just play along. Here, we see Momoka facing off against three assailants:
Boy, it’d be a damn shame if one of the characters started rambling on and on about stuff that no one would care about…
Momoka: “I see. It’s unfortunate, but I assume this means Pendragon has allied with the Trailers? And I believe you three… are the three-man cell that none could stand against in the battle of the Ruined World. You are a magician who can manipulate the atmosphere, and the one beside you is able to create airtight enclosures.”
Welp. So anyway, it seems as though this dude wields an oversized… uh, stapling gun?
Yep, it’s an oversized stapling gun:
Oh well, I don’t really care what he’s using. Let’s just fight already. Just give me something to actually get excited about. I mean, the last thing you’d want to do is to pause the action in order to explain exactly what the characters have just done. That would be ludicrous.
Staple-gun Guy: “[Your Black Door spell is] no use!”
Evil Girl: “Your magic power is only as great as a single person’s can be. The three of us work together to amplify the power of one. This barrier cannot be broken. We are the masters of this place.”
Sigh… alright. Are we done yet? Can we actually get to the action now? No, no we cannot. The barrier around these four characters suddenly begins to fade away. Momoka’s enemies are thus perplexed! What’s going on? Shit, I shouldn’t have asked…
Momoka: “I helped myself to a free ride. You, in the middle. By holding on to the two of them, you erected an escape barrier. You knew a way to escape this vacuum. I simply added myself to your little pretend train. I didn’t activate my Black Door spell for no reason. I was secretly creating a small hole behind him.”
Let me remind you that the only action we’ve seen thus far is one of the enemies shooting out four giant staples, which somehow created a “barrier.” In actuality, all it did was place a purple filter across Momoka’s office. In response, Momoka yelled out, “Black Door,” nothing happened for a while, then all of a sudden, the purple filter went away. That’s it. That’s fucking it. Outside of the riveting action that I’ve just described, the entire scene has been nothing but yap yap yap. Then in the end, Momoka creates a giant black hole, which ends up pulling in her three assailants to their doom. Hint: she wins. Wow, talk about an exhilarating encounter!
So of course, it’s now Violet’s turn to match magical wits with Momoka. Why didn’t she just team up with the other three assailants to take Momoka down? Hey man, bad guys have honor too, y’know! They’d never fight an unfair fight! Anyway, Violet’s first move is to summon Valkyrie, which appears to be a dark-skinned girl with horns:
Right. In any case, Momoka has her hands full trying to fend off Valkyrie. I can see it; Valkyrie’s twice our headmistress’s size. From the side, Violet says, “I’d better finish you off while I can.” Really? Are you sure you want to do that? ‘Cause I mean, you could’ve done that before by teaming up with your three stude-… ah, whatever. So to finish Momoka off, Violet takes Valkyrie away (why?) and summons a wyvern to battle. The creature then basically swings its tail once and, uh, it looks like Momoka’s down for the count.
To which Violet remarks, “That was certainly anti-climactic.”
The rest of the episode is pretty uninteresting too. Takeshi finally realizes that his brother is both a traitor and a liar. Y’know… shit we’ve known for quite a while now. Our hero then gets his ass kicked by this thing:
After Gekkou knocks his oniichan unconscious, Kurumi rushes to the latter’s side to give him… CPR? How is that going to help? In reality, it’s just the story’s flimsy excuse to get their lips to touch, which ends up enraging Gekkou even more. But the best part is that Kurumi’s shape-shifting powers somehow manages to kick in during this steamy CPR session, so it ends up looking as though Takeshi is kissing himself:
Yeah, I’m not sure what the point of this is. If for some reason you actually give a shit how the episode ends, Gekkou absconds with Kurumi slung over one shoulder while Takeshi has a nightmare about his mother. What an amazing anime.