Winter 2014 Harem Hill, Week 10, Nisekoi Edition: Naked hijinks

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Investigate the true identity of Chitoge’s first love? Poppycock! Come, come! There’s no time to worry about trifling matters such as plot progression and character development! We have a hot springs episode to catch! Anyway, I’m still splitting up the Harem Hill entries for now. And like before, I’m starting off with Nisekoi, which is apparently going to extend itself into the spring season. Oh boy!

• Chitoge insists that “[t]here’s no way [Raku] could’ve been that boy” from her past. Uh huh, whatever you say, girl. The funniest thing about this whole ordeal, however, is that Chitoge doesn’t even have any true feelings for Raku (yet). So a normal person would’ve been like, “Well, that boy from the past might’ve been him, but oh well, that was then and this is now. You can’t really put that much stock into puppy love.” But nope, not in anime. Your first love is for life, son. For life. Even if you don’t have any feelings for the guy now — and even if it’s pretty much acknowledged that people can change dramatically in just a couple of years, so the person you fell in love with then is hardly the same person you see before you now — if you’ve ever loved a boy before, you love him for life. So what’s funny is that it feels like Nisekoi is getting all antsy. Like shit, we haven’t found a good reason for Chitoge to really take an interest in this boring-as-fuck harem lead. Oh well, let’s just play the first love card! Those feelings of true love will thus come gushing out of nowhere.

• Well of course this hotel has a hot spring. What hotel in Japan doesn’t have a hot spring? I think you’re practically required by law to have one. Let’s see though… are we going with the whole “Oh no, there’s only a flimsy wooden fence to separate the guys and the girls!!!” Or are we going to go with the “Guys and girls bathe at separate times, but uguu, I got the schedule mixed up…” Boy, I can’t wait to see which of these two overplayed tropes Nisekoi will pick!

• Raku: “Kirisaki… I thought she was acting a little weird a moment ago, but maybe I was just reading too much into it?” Yeah, you wouldn’t want to do that. According to anime fans, life is a game where you try to analyze just the right amount. No more, no less. Overanalyze, though, and you’ll die.

• Shu suggests that the six of them all play a card game, but to make things interesting, the loser will have to tell everyone about his or her first love. Naturally, everyone but Shu and Ruri are freaking out about this. After all, Chitoge, Tsugumi and Kosaki are all in love with our bland harem lead — Chitoge just isn’t aware of her true feelings yet — and fittingly, our bland harem lead is in love with the blandest of those three girls.

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• Or, y’know, you could just not play. Whoops, I forget that no one in anime ever has the guts to stand up for themselves. They always end up doing whatever other people want them to do.

• I don’t even know why Raku’s even concerned about losing the game. Can’t he just tell the story of him and that mysterious girl from his past? It doesn’t have to be about Kosaki, ’cause he’s got no damn clue if it’s Kosaki or not.

• So it’s the bottom of the ninth! It’s just Raku vs. Chitoge! Who ever loses will have to spill his or her guts about their first love! Uguu, this is potentially so hazukashii!

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Fucking harems. Just typical.

• Ah, so that’s what we’re going with:

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A fine choice, sir! You won’t be disappointed by this vintage! I dare say it has a nice fanservice quality to it, but the delayed misogyny notes will do wonders on your palette!

• And of course, Claude tricks Raku into having a dip in the hot springs even though it’s the girls’ turn to bate. I mean, it wouldn’t be a harem if this shit wasn’t predictable as all hell.

• Looks like we’ve crossed over into a shitty episode of Naruto:

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• Chitoge quickly realizes that this is all Claude’s doing. As such, she tries to help Raku escape, but c’mon… you didn’t think he’d escape without first seeing some hot high school tail, did you? Of course not.

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• Uguu, what do I even do in a bath? Do I, like, wash myself? Gosh I just don’t know. Cue the forced lesbianism.

• The rest of the girls show up, including the teacher, and they all go, “Wow! You’ve got a sexy body, Ms. Kyoko!” The teacher then replies, “Heh, heh… want to cop a feel?” Yep. No need to even comment on this.

• The teacher then says, “Huh? What’s this, Tsugumi? For someone who dresses up as a boy, you’ve got a damn fine body!” Is this a teacher or a fucking sexual predator on a train? “Here, let me feel them,” Kyoko adds. Tsugumi’s classmates proceed to surround and molest her against her wishes. Nope, this is not a dream sequence.

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Have you noticed that the more tomboyish a girl is in a harem, the more likely it is that she’ll be sexually assaulted for laughs? So my bad. Kyoko’s not the only sexual predator here. They’re all sexual predators and we’re on a train straight to hell.

• Raku spots a hole in the stone wall… a conveniently human-sized hole that will allow him to escape to the men’s side of the hot springs. But of course, just as he’s about to make his escape, all the girls begin to question Kosaki about her first love, so Raku pauses long enough for this to happen:

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Yep, Kosaki runs past him without noticing that he’s there. She then sits herself right in front of Raku’s escape route:

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Nope, she still doesn’t notice him. It’s super steamy, man!

• Then in an attempt to help Raku escape, Chitoge somehow faceplants into Raku’s… lower back?

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So what? Who cares? Jesus Christ. Anyway, that about wraps up the episode. Tune in next time to another episode of We’ll Never Advance The Story ‘Cause We Never Had One!

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9 thoughts on “Winter 2014 Harem Hill, Week 10, Nisekoi Edition: Naked hijinks”

  1. We’ll Never Advance The Story ‘Cause We Never Had One!
    Of course. 113 chapters and it’s not getting anywhere. You know how it works pretty well. It’s just a rinse and repeat of christmas, valentine, hot spring, beach, test of courage, summer festival, love letter, misunderstanding and misunderstanding.
    Shounen Jump’s readers downvoted a lot of decent manga, to the point that they are axed, and upvoted Nisekoi so that it keeps running happily. I can’t help but think that something is seriously wrong with their brains.

    1. Well, with that much material to already cover, I’m sure Shaft would love to milk this series for extra seasons. After all, they are notorious for running adaptations into the ground.

  2. “…A train straight to hell.”
    Gotta try not to overthink this, E Minor. The moment you do this “funny cliche” scene becomes akin to something out of The Accused.
    …ugh

    You know, whenever we cross this cliche I still feel uncomfortable about like for Persona 4.
    I really like P4, even more than Persona 3 (but nowhere near as much as 2)
    However, then I think of Naoto and the girls in the sauna scene… And I feel ashamed.
    “I don’t like the scene either! It just happens to be in a game I like! I’m forced to endure the forced lesbianism and contrived cliches too! Honest!”
    But my cries fall on deaf ears, and once again I feel awful.

    Well not really, but you get my point. haha

    Good to see this show continuing to stagnate even after the introduction of a new (horrible) character. Nicely done.

    1. Speaking of Persona 4, I’ve thought about doing a Let’s Play of the game, but I don’t think I’d get very many readers for a text-based Let’s Play. I could record myself playing it, but I don’t think people would want to hear me ramble on during the game’s many cutscenes. Oh well.

      On a related note, I almost did wrote a post about that visual novel where you fall in love with pigeons or some shit, but yeah… the draft for that post is left rotting around somewhere.

    2. You know, whenever we cross this cliche I still feel uncomfortable about like for Persona 4.
      I really like P4, even more than Persona 3 (but nowhere near as much as 2)
      However, then I think of Naoto and the girls in the sauna scene… And I feel ashamed.
      “I don’t like the scene either! It just happens to be in a game I like! I’m forced to endure the forced lesbianism and contrived cliches too! Honest!”
      But my cries fall on deaf ears, and once again I feel awful.

      P2 Fans unite! Someone seriously needs to make Persona 2 stuff again. I actually do not mind an anime of it…IF they follow the game and make the characters interesting.

      Also, yeah I did not like Naoto in the sauna scene since it’s another of those “OMG YOU ARE SO CUTE AND HOT WHY CAN’T YOU BE A GIRl. YOU SHOULD BE A GIRL NAOTO~ GIRL NAOTO IS BEST NAOTO” instead of actual bonding. I mean come on… It would be awesome if the girls actually learn some detective tricks from Naoto. It would actually be cute for some reason. But nope. Cliches. So much for “treating me like you did before.”

  3. “I don’t think people would want to hear me ramble on during the game’s many cutscenes.”
    Mate, people have had years to practically memorize the lines from that game. I doubt they’d be upset about not being able to hear Character X say “that one line” they like so much even after their third playthrough. haha
    To be honest I’d be very much down with a Let’s Play from you, text or video.

    You could always write up each segment (like each rescue or something) and just edit the recorded footage to fit along with your commentary. It’s a bit more work, but it would give things a fresher feel as an LP and it would be unique to you, since everyone just talks over game footage and rarely do people cut out grinding, gaps, etc.

    Either that or a simple text walkthrough. It’s up to you, of course, but these two ways are the best ones I see where you can still be as witty and/or cynical as you usually are without feeling forced to overtalk because of gaps in gameplay. If you want some ideas on how to do a text walkthrough you can head on over to LPArchive(.com) and glance over a few.

    Food for thought, I guess. As I said, I’d be totally down for an LP from you either way. I really enjoyed your Saya no Uta posts that had me and mine cracking up, but I guess the game got too gross for you to continue? I don’t blame you. Don’t know how many times I could stand to read “I penetrated her womb” and loli rape before I went mad. haha

    “On a related note, I almost did wrote a post about that visual novel where you fall in love with pigeons or some shit”
    OH I know that one! That’d be a fun read too if you ever feel up to going through with it.

    1. I’ll probably do it for sure when Persona 5 comes out. As for Saya no Uta, I didn’t stop because it disgusted. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before. I just stopped because I lost interest in writing about it.

        1. This won’t happen for quite a long time though. Since I often go on unannounced breaks, never know if I’ll be around for it!

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