Black Bullet Ep. 5: Get hammered

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Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

Episode Summary
Rentaro is now Seitenshi’s bodyguard. Seitenshi goes to meet the Osaka Area representative, who voices his desire to conquer the entire world after the Gastrea threat is elminated.

• Every time the show sexualizes any of the lolis, just take a shot or more. Every time the show is stupid about girls, take a shot too. Rentaro and Enju are training. She flashes her panties at him when she performs a high kick. Welp, that’s definitely a shot.

• Rentaro and Kisara discussing Enju’s schooling and a potential job prospect. That’s neat, I guess. Oh yeah, Kisara pauses to tell Rentaro something. As she does so, her breasts bounce unnecessarily. Even though she’s not a loli, she’s still pretty young. I’d say half a shot. By the way, cloth does not hug a girl’s chest like that. It’s only happening here so we can see the ribbon titfuck her breasts:

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That’s good for one whole shot.

• Even though Seitenshi already has a ton of guards under her employ, she wants Rentaro by her side as she travels to distant places. What about his schooling? Oh well, I guess you can never be too safe, right?

• Not right: Takuto, the head of Seitenshi’s bodyguards, reveals himself to be a possessive creep, claiming that only he’s allowed to be by the president’s side. I guess Seitenshi’s government doesn’t do a very good job of psychologically screening her bodyguards. It’s just hilarious how Rentaro originally didn’t want to take the job, but he immediately changes his mind after being attacked by these goons. Hm, should I tell Seitenshi about this? Nah, I’ll just protect the girl myself! I’m always there when girls need help! Seriously though, I don’t care that he takes the job. I just don’t understand why he doesn’t bother warning her first before leaving the premises. If you say, “Oh, she might not believe him,” I don’t see why she wouldn’t. She wants him to be her personal bodyguard, for Christ’s sakes. Why wouldn’t she believe his word?

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• Oh look, a bunch of mean, old men are bullying another little girl. Rentaro to the rescue! Y’know, he just keeps stumbling from one conflict into another, doesn’t he? And hey, after saving the little girl, her shirt is threatening to fall off her tiny body, thereby revealing her flat chest to us! Yeah, I’m going to say that’s three shots. Sure, sure, we find out later that she’s an assassin, so someone’s could argue, “E Minoooooooor, maybe her sexualization was on purpose!!! Maybe she was trying to seduce Rentaro.” But even if that was the case, it still takes a special kind of thinking to wake up one day and think, “I know, I’ll write a story about prepubescent little girls doing all sorts of little things, including seducing anime heroes!”

• Anyway, the girl’s name is Tina Sprout, and she’s here to kill Seitenshi. And oh boy, now she’s taking a shower. Five shots! After all, it’s really, really critical to the story that you see her shower. It’s equally critical to the story that you see Tina’s chest covered by nothing but her waif-like right arm.

• Tina is a pretty poor assassin considering how the policeman she attacked is in critical condition, but his car is pretty much wrecked.

• Calm down there, Rodney King:

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• The proportions in this anime are silly at times.

• Look at that wiggling sukiyaki footage.

• Who the hell is Miori? Is this the first time we’ve seen her in this anime? Anyway, she just barges into Rentaro’s apartment. Kisara follows shortly, and passes out right on top of Miori:

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According to Rentaro, these two girls absolutely hate each other. Probably because they’re both in love with the main character. That’s worth half a shot just for how stupid it sounds.

• Girls insulting each other’s bodies. Half a shot.

• Miori clings to Rentaro’s arm because she really wants to piss Kisara off. Kisara has a measured response:

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Haha, girls and their jealousy, right? Half a shot.

• Miori doesn’t back down, though. In fact, she whips out a handgun of their own. This is an apartment. They were just eating seconds ago. This is all just because of a guy. In other words, this is fucking retarded. Three shots.

• I thought the girls would back down or something, but no, you literally see bullets fly out and damage Rentaro’s apartment. I’m sure glad those stray bullets didn’t hit any of Rentaro’s neighbors! If that had happened, he’d have more than a security deposit to worry about. But needless to say, have another round of three shots just because the anime simply couldn’t help but double down on its idiocy.

• The next day, Rentaro tells Seitenshi that he doesn’t trust any of the area’s leaders, especially President Saitake. Even though these leaders had all managed to restore their areas to prominence, they did so by being dictators, and this really grinds our hero’s gears. But anyway, this is nevertheless a scene in which the Tokyo Area’s representative takes political advice from a teenage boy.

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• Why does Saitake look more like a Russian than a Japanese?

• Saitake is mad that Rentaro had destroyed the railgun from last week’s episode. Apparently, a society nearly devastated by the Gastrea threat nevertheless has the means and resources to transport said railgun to the moon. But our brave hero just had to ruin these plans by killing a Stage-5 Gastrea that was threatening the millions of people living in Tokyo. Ugh, how selfish of him!

• The corpulent bastard then tells Seitenshi that once the Gastrea threat is eliminated, he will carry out the will of Japan, which is obviously world domination. Dude, you’re barely surviving as it is. I wouldn’t worry about world domination just yet. We find out later that he’s receiving help from outside nations, which makes it funnier to me that he thinks he can just turn around and conquer those same nations.

• Afterwards, Rentaro and Seitenshi pat themselves on the back for not giving in too much to the farcical Saitake. Right.

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• I love the stilted dialogue, especially when Rentaro casually mentions how Japan is stock full of Varanium just because it’s an island nation. By the way, what are they drinking? Orange juice?

• All of a sudden, Enju wakes up and headbutts Rentaro. She then tells Seitenshi, “Rentaro has a thing for big boobs.” Boy, weren’t we just talking about uniting Japan and achieving peace within its borders? Let’s quickly change the subject to what type of girl our anime hero likes! Two shots.

• Anyway, an assassin strikes, but Enju and her magical shoes manage to kick the bullets away. Cool.

Closing Thoughts
I think that’s nineteen shots in total! Stick with me, guys! I’ll get you hammered every week!


6 Replies to “Black Bullet Ep. 5: Get hammered”

  1. Something about the way Kisara’s hair is drawn really bothers me.

    And yes, the area of her uniform covering her boobs appears to be made out of skin-tight rubber for some reason.

  2. At least those ecchi-ness are in term of plot only.
    Because you didn’t actually get to see Enju’s panties.
    Whoever write this story must be funny in the head, though.
    The more episode I saw, the more unlikely that Rentarou’s rank is in the 100.000ths.
    The dude was elected as Tokyo’s ruler’s private bodyguard.
    The dude defeated 3 ruler’s bodyguards by himself.
    The dude saved Japan by single handedly defeated the bad guy who killed other top ten mercenaries.
    Most importantly, do they have such a large population so that there are more than 100.000 hired soldiers?
    I don’t know. Their world seems pretty barren to me.

    1. I guess Mahouka’s not the only anime airing this season that can’t decide if it’s protagonist is weak or strong. Actually, if you replace incest with pedophilia, I’m not sure they’re all that different.

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