Just bland harem lead things.
Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara Ep. 6
• Alright, let’s tune into yet another episode of stupid fun in Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara, except, well, it’s not really fun. Wait, what: “This earth has a skin. And various cancers grow on this skin. One of these cancers is the human race. We are the doctors for this skin.” Y-you’re not serious, are you? It turns out the House of Seven Virtues is taking a keen interest in Souta becau–… ah man, who cares? Let’s just skip to the stupid harem shit.
• Souta’s class gets a new transfer student, and she’s got the same flag-breaking abilities as him. But nevermind the new girl for now, because Souta finds his time being split up once again between the girls at Quest Hall. Basically, it’s a beach episode. Doesn’t our hero just look so excited?
Yep. It’s okay, buddy, you’ll survive.
• Blarg, yet another character who has never been to a beach:
But y’see, her home country’s landlocked! So what if she’s a princess? No member of royalty can reasonably afford a trip to the beach!
• And of course, we have a character who doesn’t know how to swim:
I sure hope some manly harem lead will give Megumu the swimming lessons he sorely needs. Unfortunately, Souta can’t swim either. Rest in pepperonis…
For the love of god, why?
• Anyway, it turns out Souta can’t swim because whenever he comes close to any body of water, he gets flashbacks of — get this — true despair:
• So it’s up to Tsumugi, the school’s “grandmother” with the giant knockers, to teach Souta how to swim. Ugh, this is so mind-numbingly stupid. Can I just move onto the next show already? Fuuuuck.
• During a breather, Souta meets a fuchsia-haired girl who has a plot-advancing flag on her head. Good thing we’ll cut away from the girl and go right back to Souta’s incredibly stupid friends:
C’mon, is there literally anything worth covering in the rest of this dumb episode?
No, no there simply isn’t. All you need to know is that the fuchsia-haired girl returns and leads Souta to some cave. As they’re about to leave, the tide comes in and traps them. The girl thinks they should make an oath of siblinghood if they manage to escape the cave. Souta notices that there are now death flags on the girl’s head, so he can’t turn her down! I guess if he did, she’d jump into the water and drown yourself? Shrug, who knows? Anyway, they become siblings, the android then locates and saves them, and all is well. Even better, I’m moving on because this harem bores me more than anything.
Nisekoi Ep. 18
• Time for a beach episode? You better believe it! Alas, if only the adaptation could continue on forever like the manga that it is based upon. Then I assure you, this episode would hardly be the show’s only beach episode. But wow, how odd? Once again, harem anime syncs itself up and deliver a couple of beach episodes in one week.
• Cue up the generic lines. Oh, I’m so glad everyone could come! Boy, this is the first time I’ve been to a Japanese beach. Man, it’s got fucking sand… and water. Beaches are all the same no matter where you go.
• When Chitoge tells Marika how she’s been to a North Carolinian beach, Raku snarkily comment, “What are you two, celebrities?” Man, lemme tell you about those bitchin’ North Carolinian beaches! Hoo boy, now that’s what I call Surf City, USA!
• Oh well, you guys know the drill. Time to activate the male gaze. In case you’ve forgotten, however, the cross-dressing Tsugumi’s totally got the biggest rack of all the girls. After all, the more you hide it, the more you’ve got! That’s just fucking logic, man, and this episode makes sure to remind you just how big those breasts are:
That’s how boobs work, by the way. As soon as you unleash them, they go flying in opposite directions. And, y’know, what would a harem anime be if one of the girls didn’t pander to the sukumizu-loving creepsters. So step right up, Ruri! Since you’ve got the flattest chest of them all, it only makes sense that you don the one-piece that makes you look even more under-aged than you already do:
But it’s fine. I just gotta say, “No pedo,” and at the same time, insist that anime isn’t real! Voila! Clear conscience!
A girl is supposed to be embarrassed of the fact that she’s got boobs, but at the same time, she has to continually prop them up with her forearms. After all, who even wants to see breasts naturally hang from a girl’s body? If they don’t look like beach balls uncomfortably pressed up against her chest, then they aren’t worth jerking to!
• The onsen episode have already demonstrated that girls have no qualms about groping each other’s bodies, especially Tsugumi’s. But let me remind you again how girls are always ready to violate their friends’ personal space:
It’s okay, though! ‘Cause she secretly likes it:
And she never would’ve known that if nobody had forced the issue! So ganbatte, ne! Fight-o!
• Don’t worry though! Raku’s all-knowing judgment isn’t far off!
Those improprietous wenches! I’ll just keep staring at them to, uh, make sure they don’t escalate things… Yeah, that’s right! I’m just here to make sure they don’t break out into a full-blown lesbian orgy! ‘Cause I wouldn’t want to see that or anything…
Meanwhile, Shu is busy exercising his amazing ability to size up a woman’s breasts. Man, wouldn’t it be funny as hell if a girl went around gawking at guy’s packages and rambling off numbers? 4 inches! 3 inches! 5 inches! Oooooh, did I just spot an 8-incher?! C’mon, it’s all in good fun, right? And if she really offends you, you can just hit her with a bat:
I can’t wait to see that anime get made!
• Sure, let’s have another cliché while we’re at it:
As a result, our bland harem lead is too pathetic to touch a girl’s back, and Chitoge is super jealous. Wow, look at all I’ve written and I’m just four minutes into the episode!
• Afterwards, Chitoge wonders why she just feels so gosh darn annoyed at the fact that Raku is paying attention to another girl. Well, gee, I wonder… Chitoge suddenly pulls out the romance charm Raku had given her in the previous episode, and thinks to herself, “But… If that really was a proposal… What… what would I have done?” Well, considering you two haven’t actually been on a real date yet, probably nothing would be my guess. But hey, I don’t live in magical harem land where a childhood promise is tantamount to an ironclad legal contract, so obviously, you should just take my words with a grain of salt.
• The group splits up into teams in order to divvy up tonight’s cooking responsibilities. Raku is conveniently paired up with Chitoge. It almost seems like Shu is playing matchmaker, but he probably just find the situation funny as hell. Well, it’s a good thing at least one of us thinks so.
• Like an asshole, Raku dreads the partnership. He simply assumes Chitoge won’t be of any help to him. At the same time, the girl thinks about all the time she’s spent with Raku ever since she’s come to Japan. If only she knew that he thinks it’s a chore to team up with her.
• Uguu, Raku and Chitoge accidentally touched each other’s hands while doing the prep work. How hazukashii~ I don’t know how professional cooks in a kitchen do it! They must be in love with each other or something. Ramsay-senpai, hidoi! If I’m such a donkey, w-why are you grazing my hand…?
• Why oh why do I feel so flustered when he touches my arm! And why oh why is the camera zoomed in on my breasts!
Ah, who can really say? Harem anime simply work in mysterious ways.
• In all her fretting, Chitoge accidentally cuts her forefinger. She insists on just licking her wound, but our bland harem lead goes, “Just give me your hand! You are a girl, after all. You wouldn’t want that to leave a scar, would you?” Yeah, god forbid you have a tiny scar on your forefinger I can just see it now. The ordained minister will be like, “Speak now or forever hold your peace,” then someone with a heart of gold will stand up and defend the groom’s right to marry an unspoiled woman: “Hold up! She’s got a scar… on her finger! A chorus of gasps causes the entire church to shudder, and Chitoge is forced to storm out of her own wedding with tears staining her once-immaculate make-up. Then I dunno, she’ll probably stab herself in the gut or something. See? See?! This is why Raku is so concerned about the cut! Just one mistake can snowball into a red wedding!
• During the meal, everyone praises Raku for doing a bang-up job, which he happily accepts. No credit is sent Chitoge’s way, but gosh, she deserves it for wasting Raku’s time by cutting her finger!
• Later that night, Kosaki joins Raku at the end of a pier and says boring ass shit like, “It seems a little strange, don’t you think? Back in junior high, I never thought I’d be coming to the beach with you like this.” Who the fuck cares? Ooooh, we’ve come to the beach together! What a weird and strange journey this has fucking been, huh? No other boy-girl friendship has ever found its way to the beach before, I can assure that!
• Raku goes, “Wait, but Onodera, I thought you couldn’t swim? Were you able to have a good time here?” Dude, have you seen her go into the water? In fact, I haven’t seen a single damn soul go swimming in this entire episode, and it’s the so-called beach episode.
• Apparently, she’s a prodigy at making sand castles:
Too bad the castle of her personality is built upon pillars of sand. But ah, she admits to herself that she really, really likes spending time with our bland harem hero. Aw, how retching. All of a sudden, she works up the courage to ask, “Hey, Ichijo… Is it all right if I kiss you?”
• Oh look, it’s Chitoge in the distance!
And she asks herself, “What did she just say? Don’t tell me…” No, don’t you tell me that she somehow overheard Kosaki’s request from that insane of a distance. Just look at the screencap above. You gotta be kidding me!
• Kosaki finally realizes what she had just blurted out, so she’s freaking out about it. She looks to Raku, however, and the idiot’s got this look on his face:
It turns out he had fallen asleep! You didn’t think he’d actually hear her, did you? Still, who the hell looks like that when they’re sleepy? Seriously, Raku looks as though he’s getting his nuts sucked off by a vacuum.
• Shaken by the incident, Kosaki runs off like the idiot that she’s always been. As for Chitoge, she is strangely in denial: she thinks she’s misheard Kosaki. In fact, this is what she thinks Kosaki had asked:
Kimchi owns though, so I approve!
• The next day, Kosaki checks in on Chitoge. After all, she’s noticed that Chitoge’s been looking rather down
s lately. Obviously, Chitoge’s not about to admit that she’s been feeling awkward around Raku. Nevertheless, she does that thing where she pretends as though she’s talking about the friend, but we all know the friend is really her. Whoops, my bad. We don’t all know that. The clueless Kosaki wouldn’t be able to take a simple hint, for instance, if it hit her right in the ovaries. Instead, Kosaki thinks Chitoge is talking about Tsumugi. Hey, Tsumugi is literally a friend.
• Kosaki comes to the conclusion that this “friend” must be crushing on this guy that she suddenly can’t seem to talk to. Predictably enough, Chitoge freaks the fuck out:
Yo, yooooooooo… haven’t we seen this episode before? No, honestly, I think we have!
Oops, my bad. It was the other tsunderekko that had freaked out in a previous episode. Now it’s Chitoge’s turn! After all, every tsunderekko’s got to go through the same tired motions.
• Kosaki is having fun though: “I was just wondering if you and I used to talk like this when we played ten years ago, too…” Duh hutt, if only I didn’t have the memory recall of a titmouse.
• Hilariously enough, Chitoge goes, Huh?” and Kosaki has to remind her that according to Chitoge’s father, they used to be close friends. Chitoge’s already forgotten! Titmouse!
• Even though Chitoge’s pleased with the conversation she’s just had with Kosaki, Chitoge can’t quite admit that she likes Raku just yet. The gang notices that Chitoge’s nowhere to be found, so our bland anime hero goes looking for her. Oh, she’s just freaking out over whether or not she’s in love with Raku:
• Raku eventually tells her that if she’s got something on her mind, she can confide in him. Sure, sure she can. The girl replies, “I mean, you don’t even like me, do you?” Raku, ever the smooth motherfucker, says, “Well, I guess I’d have to say yes.” Gee gee, guys. Gee gee. But wait, it gets better! Chitoge asks, well, as big a question as it’ll ever get in Nisekoi:
• Boy, it sure sounds like the girl is feeling vulnerable. I-I think she could use some kind words. But gosh, I love Kosaki though! Hurr hurr, I wouldn’t want people to get the wrong idea just because I’m nice to another girl! Then again, just because I like Kosaki doesn’t mean I should be a dick to Chitoge, right? There’s a middle ground, right? Right? Nevermind, dick mode it is: “Are… Are you kidding? Of course there’s no way it would work out!” Oh shit, what am I saying! I can still reel this back though. I mean, I’m not exactly Mr. Perfect myself. Just don’t make it sound like I’m blaming everything on her: “I mean, you’re just so not my type, you know? You’re not graceful, you’re violent, and you’re not sweet at all. We’d probably be fighting just like this all the time, anyway!”
“In the first place, you need to be more girlish, or what, feminine? I’m telling you…”
Predictably, Chitoge explodes in response to Raku’s insensitive words: “Oh, just shut up, will you? I get it, so just shut your mouth!” She then apologizes and runs off into the night, leaving our dick of a harem lead shell-shocked as to what just happened. Well, I don’t know, bro. All you’ve done is completely shit on her feelings. All you’ve done is blame every dysfunctional thing about the relationship between you guys on her. Actually, let’s cut the jokes and pisstakes for a second. Let’s try to be serious for once. You don’t even acknowledge her as a girl because she doesn’t fit your definition of how a girl should act. Yes, of all the people to decide what a girl should be, it’s the bland harem lead. Gosh, I wonder why she would rage at you. I wonder why she would proceed to ignore you all summer.
No, I fucking get it. You’re in love with Kosaki, the girl who’s got the personality of thin gruel. You thus don’t want to betray your feelings and give off the impression that you and Chitoge could work as a couple. But look, man, turning someone down gently isn’t rocket science. C’mon, you don’t size her up like you’re trying to decide which slab of steak to slap on the grill. Way to destroy a person’s ego, bro. Would you like someone to do the same to you? “Hm, you’re x, y, and z and that’s why our relationship would be total shit!” Obviously, if you’re not interested, you can never completely spare a person’s feelings, but you know what you could at least do? Be honest and take responsibility for your share of the situation. Don’t turn away like an asocial wimp, look into her eyes, and say, “If I wasn’t already in love with someone else, I’m sure I could give you a great answer.” But ah, that would require you to admit that you like someone else, huh? And to do that, it would require you have something you’ve been lacking all season: some fucking balls.
• Eventually, summer ends and class is back in session. Raku still has no clue why Chitoge is giving him the cold shoulder. He’s so fucking oblivious to what he’s done to the girl:
Gosh, why is it so hard to connect with the opposite sex? All I ever do is invalidate them as a person!
• So anyway, there’s apparently going to be a class play, and Shu offers up the suggestion that Raku and Chitoge should play the roles of Romeo and Juliet respectively. Time to blush like mad stutter like an idiot, right? As you can see, Raku is more than happy to play the part:
B-but what about our tsunderekko? Chitoge simply turns her head to the side and coldly announces, “I won’t do it.” Welp.
• Obviously, these two are going to make up. After all, this wouldn’t be the never-ending harem if they didn’t. Nevertheless, it has been a thoroughly enjoyable experience to see the idiot at the center of all the girls’ attention massively fuck up. We get a glimpse into what a pathetic and self-centered piece of misogynist shit he is. This won’t last! He’ll play the hero again soon enough! But hey, I can crack open a beer to this episode’s ending.
Seikoku no Dragonar Ep. 5 & 6
• Great, I have two episodes of this harem to cover. I can’t wait. Uh, the last time I left off, Veronica, i.e. Silvia’s incredibly harsh taskmaster of a sister, was about to pay the town of Ansullivan a visit. So yeah, I’m sure we’ll have lots of fun with this story. I wonder if Veronica will fall in love with Ash Blake too.
• According to Veronica, it’s been four years, two months and thirteen days since the sisters last met. Christ, why such an exact figure? It turns out the Silvia we initially see in the episode is really Cosette in disguise. After all, the real Silvia had been too afraid to see her sister. As a result, Cosette tries to pass herself off as her master in order to protect the girl from Veronica’s wrath. No such luck, however:
Or, y’know, it’s just a convenient way to show off Veronica’s ass. Wait, no, more like a convenient way to tear off Silvia’s clothing, including her panties:
Yep, nothing like nee-chan forcing her imouto to go naked in public. Good ol’ Dragonar… oh how I’ve missed your rapey antics.
• Veronica then plays a poor man’s Satsuki by mocking Silvia’s sense of shame. I’m going to forcibly strip you in front of everyone, then wonder why you’re crying! C’mon, woman, how can you be a warrior on the battlefield if you can’t even handle a little bit of sexual assault from a family member?!
• Right about now is when the bland harem lead would jump in and defend his haremette… so, uh, where are you, Ash Blake? How can you stand idly by and allow this travesty to occur right in front of your very eyes! If anyone should be allowed to tear off Silvia’s clothes, it should be you!
Oh, there we go.
• When Veronica recognizes Ash Blake for who he is, she immediately orders a knight named Glen to seize the hero for god only knows what reason.
• Elsewhere, Anya tells the audience out of nowhere that her master had stopped some kind of ethnic conflict in her tribe. As a result, she’s loyal to him now. Still, Veronica must have had some hand in this ethnic conflict, because Anya’s people are rushing to Ansullivan to get their revenge on the infamous Iron Blood Valkyrie. Great, I can’t wait to see all of Ash Blake’s converge in one place.
• Back at the Academy, Ash Blake finds himself in a stuffy outfit:
Not only that, he is introduce to a Primrose Shelly. Not only has her breasts fused at the top, but they are just plain ridiculously shaped:
I’m convinced that the person in charge of this show’s art direction has never seen a breast in his entire life. In any case, Ash Blake is all dressed up due to Veronica’s orders. She intends for him to serve as some form of distraction. I’m sure this is going to be good.
• Finally, Veronica has returned, and it looks like we’ll be taking a bath. As such, Primrose goes, “You must undress at once.” Uh, why the hell did you tell him to get dressed then? When Ash Blake still refuses to strip himself down to the nude, Primrose says, “Fine, then I’ll just strip you buck naked with my undressing technique,” but oops, she went and used it on herself:
Ho ho ho, such wacky fanservice.
• Eventually, we make our way to the onsen aboard Veronica’s ship. Yes, her ship has an onsen built into it. And boy, would you just look at those beautifully-drawn breasts:
And of course, our bland harem lead is in the house:
Why not, my friend, why not? After all, you’ve got the cock of the hour! Eco’s been invited too, by the way. So’s Rebecca. And last but not least (except in Veronica’s eyes), Silvia arrives fashionably nude to the party. Let’s just get all the girls naked for no reason whatsoever!
• Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty. As you’ll recall, Silvia’s brother was infamous for the crime of dragon-killing. As a result, he was executed and now the Lautreamont family line has no heir. Oh, you can already guess where this is going. Veronica has therefore come to Ansullivan with a marriage proposal. This is why she had suggest earlier in the episode that Silvia should “settle down.” In fact, she wants more than that. She wants her imouto to bear a child for the Lautreamont family line and she wants Silvia to do it now: “You’re already sixteen. Bear a healthy child now, while you’re still young.” That’s right! A day over sixteen years of age is just a day wasted! You may as well start pumping those babies out now. Oh, I can already hear the excuses. Uguu, this anime has somewhat of a medieval setting, so of course, it’s only natural that a girl gets married and starts bearing children at such a young age! I don’t care, sickos. Unless the life expectancy in this universe is 35, having a child at such a young age is just plain ridiculous.
• But why can’t Veronica bear the child instead since she so badly wants the Lautreamont bloodline to continue? As it turns out, she’s only interested in military affairs. Apparently, that’s more than enough of a justification to force Silvia into domesticity at the almost-too-old age of sixteen..
Fuck your dreams! Repeat after me, guys! Domesticity! Domesticity! What’s that? Domesticity!
• The logic gets even better! Who should Silvia marry? Glen! Why Glen though? Because Glen used to be so devoted to Julius, Silvia’s late brother! And since Silvia continues to defend her late brother despite the cloud that hangs over his death, why, she and Glen are just a match made in heaven! The two idiots can just sit around and talk about good ol’ dead Julius all day!
• Ash Blake bravely leaps to his haremette’s defense again. God forbid Silvia stand up to her own sister, right? Thanks to his words, however, Veronica will give Silvia one more chance to prove herself in combat. Oh boy.
• Whoops, it’s not really combat at all. It’s like Quidditch but with dragons:
That’s right, that’s a ball in the dragon’s right claws. You can’t make this shit up. But seriously, even if Silvia manages to win this stupid match, how does it prove that she’s capable of fighting on the battlefield. I’ve got nothing against a girl hoping to avoid becoming a mother far before she is ready to, but I don’t see how flying around with a fucking ball in your dragon’s claws proves anything.
Mutombo slaps the ball out of Kobe’s hands. He then slaps again, and this time, it flies all the way across the battlefield for a score. Shit, why can’t Silvia do that too? Why is she wasting time carrying the damn ball around?
• In the end, Silvia gets knocked off her
high horse dragon. Welp, I guess she’s got no choice but to marry Glen now!
• In fact, Glen shows up with orders from Veronica herself. Veronica wants Silvia to repent for her shallow ambitions or something. I don’t know, the story’s already starting to bore me. Before Glen leaves, Silvia asks if he would really marry her. Glen answers in the affirmative. After all, he’s just following Veronica’s orders. What a loving family that will be. Not only that, this proposed family will be responsible for bearing the heir to the Lautreamont bloodline! YHou can ask any child psychologist out there — go on! — and they’ll tell you that the best heirs come from families in which the mother was forced to marry the father by a creepily overbearing sister.
• Ash Blake tries to tell Glen off, but the taciturn knight just tells our bland harem lead to remember his place. Yeah, right here in the middle of all the poorly-drawn breasts. What of it?
• I guess we haven’t had any Eco fanservice in a while, so here you go:
Someone just had to go and get the flat-chested dragon drunk. Are you about to drive an icepick through your skull yet? ‘Cause I am.
See? See? If you delay the icepick any longer, it’ll just get worse. Come, come, don’t be shy. Trot your keister over here. The icepick does not discriminate.
Ugh. Next episode, please. All you need to know is that another loli has shown up, and she’s here to assassinate Veronica:
Sigh. One more episode to go.
• You’ll notice, however, that this new loli — her name is Avdocha, by the way — has decided to take over a church, i.e. the place where Veronica had order Silvia to go and go by herself. Hm, suspicious. That doesn’t seem like a very good assassination plan, if you ask me. In fact, Avdocha’s plans somehow include stringing Jessica Valentine up and stripping the Ash Blake groupie down to just her underwear:
Yep, another genius fucking anime. In case you’ve forgotten who Jessica Valentine is, she’s wants Ash Blake to knock her up badly. After all, he’s apparently royalty now.
• Avdocha claims that if Veronica doesn’t give herself up, the girl will kill one of the hostages. Veronica insists, however, that she won’t negotiate with terrorists. She even claims she’s ready to blow up the church if need be. Oh, Ash Blake doth protest, but she gives him this look that tells me she’s got something up her sleeves. Anime is just so predictable.
• We cut to the church, and Silvia has somehow managed to blend herself in with the rest of the common hostages. I guess you can go after a princess all you want, but that doesn’t mean you’ll recognize the princess’s sister when she’s right dab in front of you.
• As it turns out, Jessica had given herself up so that none of the terrorists would recognize Silvia. As a result, we are treated to a scene in which a bunch of faceless men rips off Jessica’s clothes:
• Anya is also hiding amongst the hostages. She’s the only dark-skinned person there, however, so I don’t know how the terrorists have fail to recognize that she’s one of them.
• Rebecca hatches a plan in which Ash Blake will approach the church without anything on him. He’ll serve as a distraction, y’see, and the rest of the Archdragonars can sneak into the church through an underground passage. And during this whole explanation, we’ll of course stare at Rebecca’s rack:
Don’t misunderstand! Its topology merely serves as an excellent diagram for the church’s layout. Oh, I’m sure that’s the reason.
• All of a sudden, Avdocha reveals that she’s only doing this in order to look for her long-lost sister. Uh, okay. Anya’s the only other dark-skinned girl we know, so… nah, that’s too obvious, isn’t it? Or is it?
• Elsewhere, a naked Eco is working on yet another Arch set for Ash Blake. She’s also naked. I’m not sure what her nudity has anything to do with crafting a set of armor, but hey, ecchi anime just gotta ecchi.
• Even babies are now getting in on the action:
Have you no shame, babeh?! The baby wants to nurse, and as soon as the baby latches onto one of Anya’s nipple, the girl immediately squeals with pleasure. Yeah, that’s exactly how a woman’s body works, guys. Even if she’s in a dangerous situation — she’s literally surrounded by terrorists threatening to kill the hostages — just the slightest stimulation of her nipples will send her moaning with delight. I can tell you guys have had a lot of experience with women.
• When the baby cries out because Anya dared to deny the child one of her nipples, it gets Avdocha’s attention. Our Osama Bin Loli then acts as though she’ll feed Anya and the baby to the dragon, and this forces Silvia to reveal herself to everyone in the church as Veronica’s sister. So then, y’know, Avdocha does what Veronica had done just earlier:
Yep, there’s this weird thing in this universe where girl’s uniforms cleave perfectly in half without damaging the skin underneath. Not only that, Silvia goes completely naked this time, nipples and all. I will, however, spare you guys the screenshot of said nipples. Interested fucks can just download the episode for themselves. In any case, Avdocha taunts Silvia much in the same way that Veronica had taunted Silvia. Gee, are you going to tell me that Avdocha is really secretly working for Veronica? ‘Cause that would be dumb. Anyway, again, the idea is that a woman who is embarrassed to have herself naked in public is somehow incapable of being a warrior. Yeah, nothing like sexually traumatizing a girl to prove a point. What a bunch of loving sisters you guys are.
• But after suffering through a series of painfully boring flashbacks, Silvia doesn’t cower this time! She stands up and announces that she will no longer be afraid. Rather, she will be reborn as the new Silvia Lautreamont! Y’know, one that’s not ashamed to be naked in public! Wow, what a breakthrough. Look, I don’t care if a girl feels embarrassed to be naked in public or not. Honestly, I really don’t give a shit. But do you realize what is happening here? Basically, sexual abuse is being conflated with tough love. In this retarded universe, the ends justify the mean. As long as Silvia overcomes her insecurities, who cares if Veronica is abusing her! Again, it’s not that the destination is necessarily undesirable. I’m not quibbling with that. It’s how we got there. If you think it’s okay to repeatedly strip a girl naked until she’s just “okay with it,” you’re pretty fucked up in the head.
• Anyway, Rebecca and gang finally show up to subdue the terrorists. Meh.
• Avdocha’s dragon goes to attack Ash Blake, but Eco finishes his new Arch just in time:
Are you excited? You better be! Who isn’t impressed by this oh-so-cool visage:
But you fool! What have you done! You’ve revealed your secret identity to Jessica! Oh no, watch out!
As expected, women just want to spermjack rich guys! Ugh! Naturally, our hero can subdue a dragon zombie and freeze a bomb so that it won’t blow up and destroy the church, but he simply cannot overpower a ravenous gold digger. That’s just pure and simple logic, my friend. Thankfully, Rebecca was there to save his ass.
• Our manly hero then goes and gives Silvia the piggy-back ride she so sorely deserves for overcoming her sexual abuse. What a beast. Oh well, time to retire for the day…
Think again! Spermjacking is so funny. Let’s beat this joke into the ground!
This time, however, Ash Blake is saved by Eco, but men, you must all remain forever vigilant! Those conniving women will stop at nothing!
Alright, even I have my limits. A person can only ironically spout so much misogynist logic before the knuckles start to feel a little too heavy.
• To cap this stupid episode off, Avdocha reveals that she had been working for Veronica all along. Man, who could’ve guessed that? Furthermore, this incredibly convoluted and destructive ruse was just a way to “correct [Veronica’s] unworthy sister.” Stripping her naked in front of her classmates wasn’t enough! I had to strip her naked in front of a church! Sexual abuse as tough love! What a brilliant idea!
Ugh, time to pass out. I’m not even going to proofread this post. You can read this week’s Harem Hill in all its mottled glory.