Captain Earth Ep. 7: Juicy melons save the day

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How risqué. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. You always know an extended action scene is coming when the show suddenly begins to skimp on the budget elsewhere. As such, the first half of the episode is mired in scenes after scenes of people just sitting around and talking. Tsutomu, Peter, and Rita talk about the connections between Macbeth Enterprises, the designer children, and the motives of the Kiltgang robots. Kube and Puck talk about the Kivotos Plan and how nobody apparently knows that Puck is really pulling the strings behind the scenes. Amara and Moco talk about Kube’s cluelessness towards them and Teppei’s attachment to his humanoid form. Three mysterious individuals in suits sit around a triangular table to talk about the Cuban missile crisis and how leaders will keep troubling information away from the easily-frightened public. The four kids at the center of the show talk about the threat of the Planetary Gears and a bit about Hana’s origins as they sit around a table and eat slices of watermelon. It’s downright comical how many low-budget conversations there are just in the first half of this episode alone.

But really, the most frustrating fact is that the show isn’t even feeding us new information. It’s all stuff we’ve already known or guessed at before. Yes, Amara and Moco are designer children, and they’re working in conjunction with Macbeth Enterprises for now. Yes, they can use the Machine Goodfellows to pilot the Kiltgang robots in an attempt to drain humanity of our precious libido. Yes, the Planetary Gears tried to make Hana fire a Livlaster, but she refused and came to Earth when she heard someone’s voice calling to her — probably Daichi’s. I mean, are we going to have an exam soon? Is that why I’m sitting through a cram session? Is that why the first five minutes of the episode have been wasted on nothing but the characters repeating a bunch of information that the audience has already been privy to? No, obviously, the show’s about to have some mechas dance in space, so as a result, we may as well cut costs where we can. It’s just disappointing to see the direction that Bones has opted to go with: a bunch of boring conversations that tell me nothing new about the situation or the characters themselves.

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Eventually, the Planetary Gears do attack. The first time around, Daichi had to fend off Malkin all by his lonesome. Afterwards, Teppei had to save his best friend from Amarok’s onslaught. So can you guess what will happen now? Why, of course we’ll have both Malkin and Amarok attack at the same time! It’s just the natural progression of mecha battles. Likewise, Daichi and Teppei each got to play the hero in the first two battles. It also only makes sense that they now team up to defend Earth from not one but two sex-crazed robots. Nevertheless, Teppei has everything that Daichi does not, and vice versa. Tsutomu is understandably perplexed as to why Daichi would willingly put himself in the line of danger. Yes, the kid gets into the Earth Engine Impacter without any of the adults realizing it yet again. Daichi thus admits that he is scared, but he’s got no other choice. He’s right, though; he may as well just fight. I don’t even know what Tsutomu is objecting to. If Daichi doesn’t try to stop the Kiltgang robots, who else will? The Tanegashima Base is supposedly just one of many Globe’s branches across the entire world, but have you seen anyone else react to the alien threat? Nope.

But this is anime, so someone has got to have a crisis of confidence if not the main character himself. Teppei, the consummate wingman, bravely steps up to the plate to deliver on this front. As we’ve already discovered, our placid sidekick is afraid that he’s more Planetary Gear than twiggy anime hero, so he’s hesitant to join his buddy up in space. After all, what if he gets up there, suddenly goes mad, and betrays Daichi! Well, maybe not, but we wouldn’t have much of a show if the characters don’t have their silly and irrational fears. Thankfully, the girls do what the girls do best and sit on the sidelines. Oops, I mean, Akari walks up and slaps Teppei to his senses. If he and Daichi don’t save the day, she reasons, no one will be able to partake in some juicy melons. Well, that’s a convincing argument if I’ve ever heard one. What young boys would turn down juicy melons? In any case, Akari then goes back to playing the support as she’s meant to do. As for Hana, she does her part by talking to a cute, little animal and singing a song. Truly, they are a pair of veritable mahou shoujos. Maybe that’s why I don’t really mind Moco’s character all that much despite her ridiculous breasts.

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In the end, Teppei solves his identity problem by literally destroying the other aspect of who he is. In other words, he destroys his Ego Block, an action that shocks both Malkin and Amarok. After all, the Kiltgang robots seem to think their virtually immortal status justifies their right to wipe humanity out. All of a sudden, this sucker comes along and gives up his immortality. What gives! I guess spurred by his buddy’s actions, Daichi then takes Amarok out with the classic “We’ll both throw a punch at each other, but only one of us will magically survive unscathed” move. Yeah, for all the money that Bones managed to save in the first half of the episode, the action itself wasn’t really all that impressive. Plus, the show still forced me to sit through that extended transformation scene in which the Earth Engine Impacter slowly increases in size until it is battle-ready. I always feel cheated when I see similar scenes. It’s like I could be watching new footage right about now, but instead, I’m watching this damn sequence for the billionth time. Granted, it has only been what… the third time I’ve had to sit through this sequence? But hey, I’m sure there’s plenty more of it to come.

After saving the planet and all that jazz, everyone rushes to Teppei’s Machine Goodfellows to see whether or not destroying his Ego Block would have any adverse effect on the perpetually sleepy-looking designer child. When the machine opens up, everyone gasps — including Teppei — when it is revealed that he now has a Livlaster of his own. Oh boy! So you mean to tell me that after Teppei stops being whiny and takes charge, the show bestows him with a phallic symbol of his own? I can’t wait to see him thrust it into numerous crevices. Hey, it’s all for Earth’s sake! In any case, all four children now reassemble in the control room. They’ve all got on their bodysuits, but whereas the girls are literally introduced by their tits and ass, we glimpse at nothing but Teppei’s shuffling feet, and Daichi’s popped collar. Nice. Maybe the girls are in bodysuits because they’ll eventually get to fight in space one day, but I’m not getting my hopes up. In any case, the Midsummer’s Knights — yes, you heard me — have been assembled and Daichi is now officially Captain Earth. Hey, that’s the title of the anime! haw


4 Replies to “Captain Earth Ep. 7: Juicy melons save the day”

  1. what do you mean that they beefed up the action scenes? Half of it, from the launch sequence to the actual; fight was reused footage from eps 1 and 2. You even have Moco appearing and doing that exact same seductive pose.

    I actually liked the watermelon scene and the closing sequence. Though, I must say, I don’t get why they have to be in those pilot suits. It’s not as if they got a whole bunch of mechs for these kids to pilot. Or will they? and to really fit into the team, I wouldn’t be surprised if Akari also mysteriously gets her owl livlaster later.

    1. what do you mean that they beefed up the action scenes?

      I meant the scene was longer. And also, I did complain about the launch sequence.

  2. Why are we forced to watch the damn same sequence, are we watching 90’s shows?
    I remember Cardcaptor Sakura and Shugo Chara. Also Voltron and those xxx Rangers.
    Aaand. It’s so damn long.
    I went to pour myself some tea only to find it’s still playing.

    Also, the one thing I still can’t understand until now:
    Why is it necessary to make their Kiltgang travel from the moon to the earth, in order to make it arrive at the earth? Can’t they sneak their Ego Block to earth? Or rather, didn’t they have the cubes by their sides when they are not battling? Just let it transform in front of their van?

    1. I think their Ego Blocks are in an unknown location that they can only access when they are in their Kiltgang forms. Their humanoid selves on Earth have no means to transport them other than interacting with the Machine Goodfellows.

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