Well, just the adaptation, that is. I feel sorry for anyone still reading the manga. But still, what a momentous occasion! As such, I think it’s only right that Nisekoi gets its own post. Let this be our going away party.
To refresh your memory, Kosaki was supposed to play Juliet in the school play, but she just had to go and sprain her ankle at the very last minute. But it’s okay! Chitoge now gets to play the leading role like she was always meant to. Anyhow, you just know this play’s going to be good when Chitoge starts things off by saying, “I’m fine! I’ve memorized the important parts.” But even though Chitoge is practically bailing him out here, Raku responds with his infinite grace: “As usual, you’re a gorilla whose brains, at least, are high-functioning.” Man, who wouldn’t want to date such a sweet and sensitive guy? Sure, he realizes his mistake immediately and tries to apologize for it — “M-M-M-M-M-My bad! It just slipped out, like it was old times!” — but hey, those thoughts still had to have come from somewhere.
The play starts, and it’s incredibly garish-looking, which is just fitting for a Shaft adaptation, I’m sure. Eventually, Chitoge flubs her lines. After all, Raku did call on her at literally the last minute. You can’t really blame her there. You can, however blame both her and Raku as they begin to argue onstage when the latter takes umbrage with Chitoge’s screw up. Nevertheless, the audience is having a blast! After all, you realize what’s going on here, right? This isn’t Romeo & Juliet whatsoever. The play the characters are acting out onstage is nothing more than a summation of Nisekoi itself:
- Oh look, Chitoge and Raku are arguing in the play like how they would argue in real life. Oh, those silly kids.
- Tsugumi shows up as Juliet’s maid, but thanks to Shu’s trashy talk show host-esque narration, the maid is now in love with Romeo, i.e. Raku. Tsugumi is thus forced to confess her love to Raku, which she tries but ultimately fails to do. Oh, how funny.
- Marika shows up as Josephine, a lover that Romeo has apparently been two-timing with. In an attempt to play this off, Raku reveals that Josephine is none other than Romeo’s imouto! Therefore, their love cannot be! But wrong move, bland harem lead! This is anime, after all. As a result, do you honestly think the taboo surrounding incest would actually deter Marika? In the end, Marika falls ill again, and that allows her to truly depart from the play.
- Kosaki still can’t be in the play, but it’s okay! Because we’ll just keep the incest theme going! Claude thus shows up as Friedrich, Juliet’s older brother. And oh yeah, he’s in love with his sister. Woo, incest is wincest, am I right, guys? Ain’t nothing creepy about Chitoge’s longtime bodyguard “pretending” to be in love with her. Also, Friedrich? Really? You couldn’t even pick an Italian name to match Juliet Capulet?
Of course, Kosaki is missing from the play, so it isn’t exactly a microcosm of Nisekoi. But y’see, if Kosaki had actually been in the play, the play would never end. The audience would be trapped in that auditorium until the universe ends spectacularly. So count your lucky stars the girl isn’t actually in the play. It’s even funny how the play is superior to the actual show despite attempting to mimic it as much as possible. Who knew brevity would be the soul of wit? Someone should write that down.
Eventually, the skirmish between Friedrich and Romeo causes the stage to crash down on the two of them. But if there’s any quality that a bland harem lead can bank on, it’s his determination! So Raku bursts forth from the wreckage, and this… this makes Chitoge admit to herself that she is in love with him? Wow, really?
Well, she does reminisce and start thinking about all those oh-so-special moments they’ve shared over the course of the anime series. Like, y’know, her becoming deathly afraid of the dark and thus requiring her white knight to rescue her. Ah, nothing says true love like a girl cowering in the corner and the guy playing her reluctant savior. But fret not, Nisekoi lovers. This confession is no confession, because they’re still in the middle of a play. So even though this tsunderekko has finally been tamed, Raku won’t know about it just yet. In fact, he spends most of the episode going, “Wuh? She’s nice to me! Huuuuuuuuh? She’s not sulking! Buuuuuh…”
So as I’ve been saying… it’s plainly obvious why the audience loves this bastardized version of Romeo & Juliet. Sure, sure, both Raku’s gang and Chitoge’s gang are in attendance, and they are thus enamored with the kids’ performances. But no, look deeper. Like I’ve said, what you see on stage isn’t really Romeo & Juliet no matter how much Chitoge tries to draw the comparison between her and Raku to the two tragic lovers in Shakespeare’s play. Instead, what you see is a quick summation of Nisekoi itself. The audience is thus just a stand-in for the story’s creator. He’s basically patting himself on the back for what a wonderful fucking story he’s written. It’s purely masturbatory and, quite frankly, rather pathetic.
In the aftermath, Chitoge takes Raku aside and actually apologizes for how she’s been acting. She then swears that she’ll be normal from here on out. Right. Riiiiiight. Let’s take stock. Raku was a total clod and blasted Chitoge that night on the beach even though she clearly looked vulnerable and needed some kind words. Clearly. Then he spent the rest of the summer not apologizing to her. When he finally saw her again at school, he was too dense to realize why she was mad. C’mon, it was pretty obvious. Finally — finally! — he found out what had been bothering the girl, but he still didn’t apologize. In fact, Raku repeated the same shit he had said before. Oh wait, there was one small change: Raku confessed that he doesn’t hate Chitoge. Oooh, wow, So after all of that, Chitoge is the one who ends up apologizing. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Oh well, what else can I expect from the same dude who literally has a fictional audience laugh at his own shitty harem? When you’re that self-absorbed, your bland harem lead will be self-absorbed too. So much so that the bland harem lead can insult a girl, but the girl ends up apologizing to him. That’s just fantastic!
But anyway, Nisekoi ends here on the twentieth episode not because this is where the story naturally and organically ends. After all, if it had actually ended here, Raku would pick one of these girls and that would be the end of it. But nah, he actually goes back to Kosaki later that day and acts out part of the play with her. After all, he doesn’t want her to miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime, i.e. the chance to play his beloved Juliet. What girl would want to pass that up! So as you can see, even though Chitoge has now admitted that she is in love with the guy, we’re no closer to reaching any sort of conclusion to the story. The only reason the show has decided to end here is because tacking on another arc would take up too many episodes. So we may as well end the first season here. This way, we can immediately jump into the next arc when the second season of Nisekoi airs! Yay! Another season of Nisekoi! I’m so excited! In fact, let’s take a look at what’s in store for us! I don’t often spoil an anime series’ story for myself by reading their Wikipedia entry, but what story! Whoops, I mean… Nisekoi is such a great harem, I just can’t wait until Shaft decides to grace us with another one of their outstanding adaptations:
- First up, there’s a Paula McCoy, an assassin from America. Not only that, she has a rivalry with Tsugumi. Paula eventually challenges Tsugumi to a competition that involves seeing who can steal a kiss from Raku first. Yes, two fucking assassins decide to prove their worth by seeing who can kiss the bland harem lead first. You read it here, folks. Afterwards, she tries to engineer situations in which Raku and Tsugumi end up together. Cool. I guess we couldn’t get enough of Ruri, so let’s add another Ruri.
- Second, there’s another Onodera out there. That’s right, Onodera Haru joins the group of haremettes, and she’s Kosaki’s imouto. She’s yet another tsunderekko, probably because Chitoge is now in love with Raki so her “tsundere-ness” has been blunted. In fact, she starts off hating the bland harem lead! She doesn’t trust him! She thinks he’s a no-good pervert who’s out to take advantage of her poor oneechan! Nevertheless, she gets into trouble one day and is saved by a “prince.” She thus falls in love with said prince, but little does she know, however, that the prince is really Raku! Wowie-wow-wow! What a twist! In the end, the imouto falls in love with Raku too, but she’s too nice to stomp on her sister’s feelings. But who cares about that? What’s important is that another girl is in love with Raku, and aren’t you just salivating at the thought of watching Haru’s story adapted to the TV screen? I know I am!
- Finally — but likely not finally because we all know Nisekoi is an undead zombie of a harem that can never die — there’s a Kanakura Yui, yet another childhood friend of Raku’s. In fact, she’s the chair of the Char Siu mafia. The Char Siu mafia? Really? The BBQ mafia? Whatever. Anyway, She also knows the other haremettes! They’ve just forgotten her like they’ve forgotten everything else in their pathetic lives! And because she’s a childhood friend — as well as the fact that she knows the other haremettes — she too has a key! And you know what? She ends up becoming Raku’s new homeroom teacher. How does that work, you ask? She’s an older childhood friend. In fact, she’s old enough to be his homeroom teacher, but still young enough to be a virgin as well. Actually, I don’t actually know she’s a virgin, but c’mon, it’s anime. Since when is a legitimate haremette not a virgin? Oh yeah, Yui moves into Raku’s house too. Why don’t she just become his mom while she’s at it? Then we can have mother-son incest too!
Boy, don’t these stories all sound awesome? Aren’t you just excited for the potential second season? Not only that, we can always count on Shaft to add their own personal flourish to their adaptations like bizarre head-craning and tilting! And self-absorbed monologues! But wait, didn’t I mention that Yui has a key of her own? That’s right! The fucking locket! What about the locket! How can we end the first season of this brilliant show without addressing the goddamn locket? Well, how ’bout it, Nisekoi? You wanna throw us a bone and tell us anything about the locket? Anything at all? After all, we haven’t seen or heard about it in weeks.
Yes, this is it. The anime literally has a giant, black keyhole fly right at its audience. It may as well be Nisekoi‘s giant dick fucking its audience in the ass, ’cause that’s what you get if you actually like this show. Peace.