Spring 2014 Harem Hill, Week 11: Virtual worlds and an enraged dragon loli all in one place!

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Welp…


Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara Ep. 11

— Alright, so what is going on with this show? All I remember from last week is that Nanami won some kind of beauty contest.

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— Christ, it’s the eleventh episode of the season, and we’re still introducing new characters. She looks exactly like Rin, though. I mean, c’mon now… when you start to run out of character designs, that’s probably a good sign to stop.

— Nanami is freaking out about the fact that a popular idol is right in front of them. Souta has never heard of this super popular idol, though. I’m sure she’ll fall in love with him anyway. We’ll just have to wait and see which tired trope Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara will employ for this subplot.

— On the other hand, she might be the fated bard in our harem lead’s RPG party or something, but I’ve long forgotten the details about Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara‘s more serious subplot.

— So we get a montage as Nanami shows her favorite idol around the festival. Yawn. I have no idea how Day tolerates this show. Maybe if you guys visit her blog enough, she’ll post more on why she likes the show.

— We hear some sob story from Serican about how her first year as an idol was so tough, and she failed to win any fans over to her side. So she’s sitting there, sobbing away on a swing set when a hooded fella comes by and tells her not to give up. Hey, wait a minute, that voice sure does sound familiar!

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— Yes, that’s right. The mysterious person who helped bolster Serican’s flagging (heh, get it?!) confidence was none other than the bland harem lead himself! Funny how he doesn’t recognize her now, huh?

— Isn’t it ironic, you guys? Serican owes her career somewhat to Souta, but she doesn’t realize that Souta is none other than her “Purple Flagman.” As a result, she treats him rather shabbily at the moment: “And I guess you can come if you want, Hatate.”

— I’m not sure why Nanami is mad about Souta being the “Purple Flagman,” though. Isn’t Serican her favorite idol? Then shouldn’t she be thankful that Souta’s pep talk had saved Serican’s career? Ah, you can never understand blonde tsunderekkos.

— As if the show couldn’t get any more dramatic, Souta confessed that he was planning to commit suicide the very same day he had talked to her. Christ…

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— Afterwards, the girls — except for Nanami, of course — are all dressed up in preparation for the post-festival dance party. Even poor ol’ Baba-sama is in on this. C’mon, guys, did you really have to defile an old woman by making her a loli?

— Kurumiko: “As your little sister, I’ll approve of as many sisters-in law as you want.” Welp.

— Souta has no choice but to agree to dance with every single girl in his harem. Even Nanami reluctantly joins the group because, uh, she doesn’t want to be the only one left out. Classic tsunderekko.

— So we get yet another lazy montage of the festival…

— Everyone’s in attendance for Serican’s crappy concert. Nanami is freaking out as expected. All of a sudden, Serican spots Souta in the crowd, and suddenly connects his image to her Purple Flagman. Yes, right here and now. So as the music starts to play, she’s really singing for him:

Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara 1105

Yeesh.

— Light flags begin to appear on everyone’s heads. The lights then converge onto Serican only to focus itself onto Souta’s chest. R…right… He is now convinced that there are people who can bring light to his world, because, y’know, light is literally beaming itself into his chest. Who needs metaphors!

— All of a sudden, the world freezes in place and Souta comes face to face with Number Zero. Y’know, the masked loli.

— Souta starts to see 1’s and 0’s on his friends’ faces. Oh god, this anime is really going to go there, isn’t it? Number Zero finally says, “So you can see data other than flags now? Your power’s exceedingly rapid growth is overloading the server. The world has frozen.”

— Y’see, the Angelus Gemini, some sort of management system for these virtual worlds, is going haywire, and it threatens to control all of humanity!!!

Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara 1106

— And Souta is nothing more than a harem anime version of Neo: “The power to change the very parameters of all phenomena!”

— But why Souta? What makes him so special! Well the guiding light, which is none other than the loli Sakura, had chosen Souta. So, uh, that’s that.

— Unfortunately, Souta’s very presence is destabilizing his current world. So although he’s promised to dance with every single one of his haremettes, he must… alas, he must depart from them! Hidoi, Souta-kun!

— So with one swift movie, Souta deletes himself from his haremettes’ memories. Everyone but Nanami, that is. ‘Cause she’s special.

facepalm

— Anyway, tune in next time to see where this overly dramatic harem anime will take us! I’m sure Nanami will be doing her best to find Souta and convince him that no matter what, she wants to be by his side!


Seikoku no Dragonar Ep. 11

— What even happened in last week’s episode? Oh right, the bad guys want to kidnap Eco. But before we get to that, let’s show off some skin! It looks like they’re sitting in a pool of urine…

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…but it wouldn’t surprise me if this is somehow intended by the show’s animators. Cosette then molests Silvia in the pool of piss. Don’t you feel like downloading this episode to watch for yourself, now? I’m sure you do.

— All the girls are worrying about what they’ll wear to the masked ball. Not Ash Blake, though: “It’s not like it matters what a man wears to these things.” Gee, I wonder why some girls feel as though Asian guys are not sexy…

— For some reason, Silvia drops by Ash Blake’s room, and the two of them proceed to sit there awkwardly on the bed. Ash Blake is naturally freaking out about it: “And what’s that supposed to mean?!” I don’t know, man… why don’t you just ask the damn girl what she wants? Oh god, the opposite sex is so difficult to talk to! Wait, how come no one finds me attractive but 2-D anime babes whose lines are written by men? Oh well, better overcompensate by claiming that 2-D women are superior anyway.

— What an oddly shaped blouse:

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C’mon, if you’re going to draw breasts, at least do it right:

how to draw breasts

— Primrose flat out tells Eco that Ash Blake will one day fall in love with a human girl. Game over, dragon loli, game over. Sure enough, the girl has a meltdown over it and runs away. Great, Ash Blake will now spend the entire episode looking for her, won’t he? Look what you’ve done, Primrose.

— Meanwhile, Ash Blake finally learns that Milgauss is none other than Silvia’s brother, Prince Julius. Silvia is having a hard time dealing with this revelation, so I guess she’s here to get some emotional support from the bland harem lead. As a result, he starts talking about his own father, who apparently ditched him and his imouto. Wait, Ash Blake has an imouto? And we haven’t seen her yet? Wow, I’m surprised! You have more restraint than I thought, Seikoku no Dragonar! Wait, you’re still full of nasty-ass pseudo-tentacle rape… whew, my opinion of this harem almost went up for a second. Almost.

— But right, right, we were talking about Ash Blake’s absentee father: “But one day, I asked my mom, ‘Why did Dad leave?'” Plot twist: his mother is his father.

— In the end, Ash Blake’s advice to Silvia is simple: just go find Milgauss and ask the guy herself why he’s become the bad guy. Man, communication? That sounds like a swell idea. Now, if only anime could start taking its own advice.

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— The two characters go back to staring at each other awkwardly as if to say, “Shit, what do we even do?” So Zeus unfortunately has to step in and throw a lightning bolt, which causes Silvia to dive into Ash Blake’s manly frame. Don’tcha know? Every girl out there is afraid of lightning storms. Like dogs. Girls… are… dogs? Heh, I see what you did there, harem anime

— Ash Blake prattles off all these reasons for why it would be a bad idea to kiss the girl. For instance, she’s in a highly emotional state due to the circumstances surrounding her brother. But fuck that! Let’s kiss the girl anywa–… Cosette drops and interrupts the fun. ‘Cause y’know, tentacle rape is cool, but let’s not actually have any of the girls actually get physically intimate with the bland harem lead. That would just be wrong!

— When the anime returns to Eco, the dragon loli is still running. Now, she’s running dramatically through the rain. Yo dragon loli, you’re going to get a dragon cold if you keep this up.

— Eventually, Eco runs into Anya and a bunch of guys up to no good: Is that a handgun? In this universe?

— In any case, there’s nothing Ash Blake can do about Eco’s sudden disappearance for now. He has to attend the masked ball anyway. And welp, this is the dress that they had to get tailored specifically for Silvia:

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if you look across the room, however, every other lady is dressed appropriately for the occasion.

— Half of the time you see Anya in this series, she’s showering. Seriously. We just saw her in a maid get-up, but now she’s showering again. I hope her skin is okay.

— The anime tries to make it seem as though Eco is in any real danger. Oh my god, Anya aims her gun at the dragon loli and we hear a gunshot as the show fades to black! I-Is she dead?! Hah, if only.

— Even though Ash Blake and Silvia have spotted Milgauss prancing around at this very ball, she reminds our hero that he can’t do anything about it. So y’know, let’s just dance the night away. Good lord, it looks ridiculous:

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— Uguu, I’m just thanking you for listening to me. Don’t get the wrong idea, baka!

— Afterwards, Silvia dances with her brother. For some reason, this gets the entire room’s attention. They’re dancing very beautifully, you see.

— Eventually, Cosette finds Primrose, who then apologizes to Ash Blake for the mean things she had said to Eco. What did she say that was even mean? That dragons can’t have sex with humans? Seem pretty reasonable to me… Nevertheless, Silvia gives her maid a good scolding: “Eco’s a dragon, sure, but inside, she may as well be a human girl.” You tell her, girl! She’s transhuman, you insensitive shitlord!

— Happy that Miss Swiss Cheese Dress somehow understands Eco’s kokoro, Ash Blake puts a hand on her shoulder and thanks her.

— Well, now that Eco’s been abducted, the natural thing to do is to try and save her. This requires our hero to sneak aboard the Beowulf, Vandenhul’s airship.

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— The anime cuts to the villains, and they are doing terrible things to Eco. Terrible, dastardly things! Like firing “Ubermana Beam No. 11.” Ubermana. Are you serious? I don’t see any Ubermama Beam, though. I just see a naked Eco writhing in a pain, then all of a sudden, visions of tentacles begin to flood her mind. Christ, what is it with the fucking tentacles?

— Sure enough, those tentacles become real. Eco begins to despair as the evil scientist prepares to fire the final Ubermama beam. Naturally, the machine goes haywire. Oh no, Eco will go berserk with all these negative feelings. She’ll become the ultimate evil dragon! Will Ash Blake be able to tame this dragon?

— Elsewhere, pain runs through Ash’s left arm. Something bad is happening to his dragon loli!

— Here it comes! Here comes the ferocious new dragon!

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Wow, this sucks.

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2 thoughts on “Spring 2014 Harem Hill, Week 11: Virtual worlds and an enraged dragon loli all in one place!”

  1. 9 eyed piece of shit. Thanks to you, I get the condensed, funny version of a lot of crappy anime. So thank you, and keep on writing, you’re damn good at it!

    It’s anime like this that piss me off the most. All these characters are so fake. No little girl acts so female doggy as Eco. No girl is as socially awkward as Silvia. And no Guy has brains like the MC… What’s his name again? SEE? He’s blander than special K cereal with water in it. They only use girls to fufill wishes and otaku pander. It’s like they only care about making money off the poor shallow emotions of Japan’s worst. OH WAIT!!! duh.

  2. FlagHead: Wait, WHAT?! When did this become the Matrix? What in the hell?
    Man, at the beginning I said something like “it’d be interesting if it turned out he was actually living inside of a VN” or something. My guess might’ve been right but damn was I wrong about it being “interesting”. haha
    But when did this “virtual world” become a thing? Did I miss something or was this as abrupt as it seemed?

    Thanks for the recommendation by the way. I’ll give that blog a look!
    And also thanks for mentioning who the hell Number Zero was because I absolutely forgot. Even the mysterious masked loli is forgettable. haha

    I wonder where the show will go from here now that we know everyone is just data. Will he even care about them anymore?
    …It’s a harem, so probably yeah, though it’d be better if he didn’t.

    DragonHead: Of the numerous horrible things I’ve come across, I’ve yet to see someone admit that “Piss pool molestation is my fetish”. haha

    Okay look, making fun of Ash Blake is one thing, but to then make fun of men who prize 2D over 3D is another. You’re a cool cat, E Minor, but no one talks shit about me preferring my waifus over the difficult Rubik’s cubes that are 3D women. I mean their thought processes are just beyond confusing! I can easily predict what tsundere #953 will say/do, and it’s that predictability that brings comfort. You’ll never know the solace of being in love with 2D, mate, kissing your waifu’s figma before cuddling with her body pillow for bed. I almost feel sorry for you.

    “Girls… are… dogs?”
    Nah, dude, they’re sheep. That’s why they need to be herded into harems by shepherding harem leads.
    “She’s transhuman, you insensitive shitlord!”
    I’ve been chuckling pretty hard this whole update but this got me good. HAha!

    Anyway, I checked it out and this is apparently based on a [ecchi] light novel series, kinda like SAO. So if you think it’s ridiculous to be bombarded with tentacles in your anime, imagine how much worse it’d be reading it in a novella. Every chapter there’s some in-depth description of the wriggling dragon tentacles and how buoyant the bouncing bosom is in it’s Swiss cheese gown.

    How does this shit sell? And sell enough to get an anime adaptation?

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