Sword Art Online II Ep. 4: Kirito goes shopping with his BFF

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Oh my word… we’re in an MMO! We’re finally in an MMO. Hallelujah, you guys! SAO has finally done it! After four goddamn episodes, the main character has finally set foot in GGO. T-they said it couldn’t be done, but I knew all we had to do with sit through three agonizingly slow episodes of people sitting around, talking to each other about their mental problems. I… I like to thank God… and my family… without you guys, I never would’ve been able to watch this anime!

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— Huh, what’s with that long lock of hair? Is Kirito going to be GGO’s Fabio?!

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Uguu, I’m a girl! But of course, this comes to no actual fucking surprise. Unless you’ve been living under an anime rock, both the promo materials and the OP have pretty much screamed at the top of their lungs what Kirito would look like in the sequel. But seriously, imagine if SAO hadn’t dragged its feet. Imagine if Kirito had entered GGO in the first episode, i.e. the one episode that doesn’t have the OP. Then for people who had never read the light novels, Kirito becoming a girl might have actually come as a complete surprise! But A-1 Pictures can’t even do that. It’s not like you couldn’t have Kirito enter GGO, then go back and show us all the mundane bullshit we’ve been watching in the past three weeks. Storytelling 101 is just that hard, I guess.

— The falsetto version of Kirito’s voice was pretty unintentionally funny though, I gotta admit. “Huh… HUH?!” Bro, who are you trying to fool?

— It would be something if Kirito learns a thing or about what it’s like to be a woman in online game (probably not). It would be something if people actually watched this, and started feeling bad for how they or their friends have treated women in online games (again, probably not).

— By the way, nothing about GGO’s setup makes much practical sense. First, you log into the game and you just get randomly assigned a character. Has nobody involved in the creation of this story ever played or followed MMOs whatsoever? Because if they had, they would know that MMO players would never agree to this. People want to customize how they look. Every time a new MMO comes out, a significant section of the user base will scrutinize the character creation process. This is, after all, their online persona that they’ll be adopting for the next… oh, I don’t know… the next few months. As a result, you have to at least like what your character looks like! I mean, you can’t seriously tell me a gamer out there is actually happy to play as this gap-toothed yahoo:

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Come on, give me a break. Secondly, these avatars aren’t even on equal grounds. Kirito has himself a rare F-1300 type. No fucking userbase out there would be happy with this. Why? Because it’s pure luck. If I know my MMO peers, they absolutely hate it when luck is a factor. If you’re going to ever get your hands on a rare anything, it better be because you raided for eight hours a day, everyday, for the past five months. Meanwhile, GGO hands out rare user avatars randomly. That would piss so many real players off, but in fantasy SAO world, the gap-toothed yahoo treats Kirito like a curious, fascinating specimen. Right. C’mon, SAO, you claim to love MMOs, but it sure as hell feels like you know nothing — nothing — about how MMOs or MMO communities work. People would flip their lid if someone logged in and randomly got themselves a super rare avatar they can sell on the market for tons of gold. You mean I’ve been grinding every single day for hundreds of thousands of gold, and this fucker over here instantly got one as soon as he logged in?

— The gaptoothed yahoo offers two mega credits for our Gary Mary Stu’s account. What’s the exchange rate on two mega credits? 50 pretty unicorns?

— Apparently, if Kirito’s model is really a guy, then it’s even rarer! Male privilege at work once again, folks!

— I don’t know why Kirito grabs at his chest and thinks his flatness is sufficient proof that he isn’t a girl. Wow, dude, you think pettankos aren’t girls? Way to be a shitlord!

— Oh man, look at all these guys catcalling our hero:

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Hey, it’s easy. Just make it so that your chat window filters out the /say channel. This way, you can ignore people who aren’t your friends or fellow guild members… oh wait, this is SAO, so you probably can’t do something that every MMO has had for the past decade or more.

— Despite all its flaws, however, GGO does have weird-looking cats sleeping in its alleyway. Oh yeah, that’s the most important thing for an MMO to have: cat immersion.

— Look how Kirito’s eyes light up at the sight of a new candidate for his harem.

— Kirito: “Damn, she totally thinks I’m a girl.” If everyone thinks you’re a girl, dude, just go with it. You’re supposed to be undercover, anyway. You’re here to investigate a potential homicide. Why the hell, then, would you care so much what your avatar even looks like? Seriously. Other people should care. They play for fun. On the other hand, this is your job.

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— Why would you just come out and say you’re entering the Ballet of Bullet event? Don’t you think you’re potentially arousing suspicions quite a bit? Oh, I’m new to this game, but I want to PvP against its top players right off the bat!

— Christ, do I really have to listen to Kirito’s female voice for the rest of season?

— Kirito has focused his stats into strength and agility… hey, that’s pretty much the ideal stats for GGO! What a coincidence!

— All these guns though… look at our Mary Sue’s face as he imagines himself not using a badass sword for the first time in his MMO career:

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I-I’ll have you know I was an expert dual-wielder in my fantasy MMOs! Therefore, I demand a sword in this gun-focused MMO!

— According to Sinon, the starting 1,000 credits won’t even be enough to get Kirito a used revolver. Why can’t Sinon just craft our hero a decent gun to start out with, then? Wait, does this game even have crafting? Do you really just buy and sell guns that you get from drops and drops alone?

— They really couldn’t give Kirito a hacked account with a lot of credits on it, huh?

— So there’s a game within this game where you have to run down a long corridor and dodge bullets:

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If you succeed, you get all the money players have put into the game since… well, apparently, nobody has ever beaten it before. I’m inclined to think it’s rigged, but obviously, our Mary Sue will get the job done. After all, he’s in a hefty need for credits. Predictable much, SAO?

“Paied.”

— Great, Kirito runs like a Narutard too:

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Seriously, you can’t tell me you can keep your balance when you’re bent over like that.

— Y’see, the problem other players run into is that they don’t dodge until they see the predictive bullet lines, and as a result, it’s already too late. Our Mary Sue, however, is a genius who realizes he should start dodging long before the predictive bullet lines even show up! Yes, in the history of the game, no has ever thought to be elusive 100% of the time. Only a Mary Sue could ever think of such a tactic.

— Haha, he even does a dramatic flip to end the game.

— Sinon: “What kind of reflexes do you have?!” Baby, why don’t I show you later in my private e-room…?

— Kirito knows nothing about guns, which is understandable. No, really, it is. Nevertheless, Sinon goes, “You don’t even know that, but you have those ridiculous dodging skills?” I’m sorry, but since when did dodging and knowledge about guns go hand-in-hand? They’re not even intrinsically related to each other. You can hit a three-point shot, but you don’t even know why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch? What are you!

— “It goes back to the American M16…” Please… please don’t start doing this. Don’t start telling me details about assault rifles. I don’t care.

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You’re goddamn right, it doesn’t.

— There we go! Kirito spies an energy sword, and he just can’t resist! The only thing more precious to Kirito than his haremettes is his trusty penis extension!

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Whoa there, boy! Keep it in your pants now!

— Sinon: “Yeah, but no one uses them.” You just did it. You just gave our Mary Sue a reason to be the super special snowflake.

— Kirito wonders why nobody uses energy swords in this game. Sinon explains, “Well, because you can only strike at point-blank range…” But c’mon, even FPS games in my real, mundane world have melee weapons, ’cause guess what…? People panic when you get close to them. Their aim suddenly becomes erratic. You can have an advantage at point-blank range if you know what you’re doing. Sinon then adds, “…by the time you get that close, you’ve already been blown apart.” Au contraire, my future gun-fearing haremette! Will you be blown apart if you can use this energy sword to deflect bullets like some kind of shitty Jedi wannabe? ‘Nuff said, girl. I’m going to buy this energy sword! PAIED!

— Wow, it even hums like a lightsaber. Fucking RIP.

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First, he anticipates bullet lines like a Jedi Master. Now, he wields a lightsaber. All that’s missing is the Jedi mind trick.

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“You will be my haremette…”

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“Yes, Kirito-chan… I will be your loving, doting haremette.”

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“Wow, I didn’t even say you had to be loving or doting… I am the king!”

— By the way, have they even introduced themselves to each other yet? Y’know, learn the other person’s name?

— Hey, they could’ve called the bad guy “Darth Gun!” Alas, another missed opportunity.

— Sinon: “She looks surprisingly good with that.” Man, don’t you listen? He’s been going on and on about how he used to play a fantasy MMO, i.e. a game that’s likely full of swordplay. It’s not hard to put two and two together.

— 150,000 credits for an energy sword, good lord. Maybe RMTs have gotten to this game’s economy, too.

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— Holy crap, this episode is hilarious. We’ve literally spent half of it just shopping. Not just any shopping, though. MMO shopping. MMO Shopping with the girls.

— Oh good, now we’re at a gun range. Let’s see if our Mary Sue is a crackshot as well.

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Pfft, step your game up, son. Tatsuya of Mahouka would’ve hit it by now, and I don’t mean the bullseye.

— I love how Kirito and Sinon are now 10 minutes away from missing the BoB registration deadline entirely. Not only did Sinon, a veteran of the game, wait until the last minute to register, but apparently, Kirito’s bosses allowed him to enter the game without any clue whatsoever that he had only a limited amount of time to enter the contest. As a result, we now have this contrived race against the clock.

— No teleporters in GGO. No fast movement of any sort to speak of. Again, what a shitty MMO.

— No time to waste, baby. Hang on tight!

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I knew owning a motorcycle in real life would pay off! Now I can ride in-game!

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— She goes on to say, “…almost no one can handle them!” No one! Are you serious? Even Kirito’s ability to ride a bike is fucking unique. El-oh-el, guise, these bikes have just been sitting around collecting dust because no one can ride one! What’s next? Kirito’s the only person who can bullseye a womp rat on his T-16? As an aside, I like how the girl is groping Kirito’s chest already.

— The patented “bury my face in your back” anime move.

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Noice. The seduction of Sinon has begun. Give yourself to the Mary Sue, Sinon. It is the only way you can save yourself.

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Well, that was quick.

— Sinon: “Hey, faster! Go faster!” Keep this PG, girl.

— Boy, that was an exciting episode! What’s next? Eating e-caeki with my BFF? Accessorizing my cute armor with my BFF? Don’t hold back now, SAO!

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36 thoughts on “Sword Art Online II Ep. 4: Kirito goes shopping with his BFF

    1. E Minor Post author

      On the one hand, Tatsuya is actually strong in real life. On the other hand, Kirito has an actual harem.

      Reply
  1. Anonymous

    This fucking show is so embarrassing.
    And WOW, does Kirito look terrible as a girl. Is that reaaally supposed to be a girl?

    Reply
    1. Anonymous

      Not really a chick, but yeah, the artist could have done a little better.

      Great episode over all. /sarcasm

      Reply
  2. rafer

    I was killing time in WoW when there was a bunch of people in trade chat talking about how awesome SAO is. Then they started talking about how awesome NGNL was. I died a little inside that day… I promptly quit WoW for Wildstar. Maybe I’ll come back someday.

    Reply
    1. FlameStrike

      SAO is questionable and filled with lazy writing, but I though NGNL was entertaining at least.

      SAO really has some face palm moments though. In that HUGE CITY he JUuuuuuuuusttt happens to run into the perfect person to become his harem member and get him signed up for BoB! What would have happened if he didn’t run into Sinon? Also all of the omfg Kirito is supah special things irked me. Well using the sword is ok, and he’s always been known to have omfg reflexes (Dual Swords is given to the player with the highest VR reflexes in the game after all), but anyone who can ride a bike can ride a buggy!

      Eh at least Tatsuya for example has his status as an experimental supah solider to explain his omfg specialness, but Kirito is supposed to be just your average joe.

      Reply
  3. mrfatso

    ya… for a series that say they love mmo, come on… which mmo would say hahaha, you cant customized your character, instead let’s rng take care of that.

    Did they actually forgotten what they did in season 1 before the death game stuff, the players tweak their apperance, our gary sue made himself taller than usual, while a few dude chose the female gender… you know normal mmo stuff?

    Unless this game introduce the item god/rng god to audience, this would be consider bullshit in any other mmo.

    Reply
    1. E Minor Post author

      Man, it doesn’t have to be MMOs. Plenty of online games nowadays allow you to customize your character. And even if you can’t, they would never force you to play a gap-toothed yahoo.

      Reply
  4. akeem

    Best episode yet. The moment he saw his long hair and went “hmm” I couldn’t stop laughing. To top it off our heroine who is unbelievably scared of guns knows all there is to know about them. I thought she would get sick reading about guns but boy is she an expert.

    Reply
    1. Anonymous

      Well, obviously the writer has to appeal to the niche otaku that get a chub from girls with guns.
      Logic and character consistency be damned!

      Reply
    2. E Minor Post author

      Naw man, she’s magically not scared of them ’cause they’re not real. But a toy gun in real life….!!

      Reply
  5. Boytitan

    I had to stop reading when i saw the pics of how fucking stupid he was running. Even in naruto they don’t lean over that far and they do that shit to throw weapons. He is as curved at a fucking 90% angle who in the blue hell thought that shit looked cool. A wish pandering show can’t even fucking wish pander that just look retarded.

    Reply
  6. Boytitan

    I can’t even read this stuff for the humor I just can’t. This guy makes goku and superman seem normal and superman is so O.P. in D.C. continuity rewrites they to depower him to have a challenge again. As a gamer I just can not longer read about this series even for the humor. Even if no one could used half the crap Kirito can in game it would have been patched to be usable. They wouldn’t just have stuff rotting away. Some one would figure out how to use it or it would be patched to be usable, worst case scenario it is useless and no tinkering will make it useful. In one episode he has done 3 things no one else has. I demand the makers of this series all be forced to play Ut 2004, then Rise of The Triad, finally Halo 3 until they understand how fps games work.

    Reply
    1. Anonymous

      The writer’s Japanese, so I doubt he’d play those games.
      It’s pretty much an insult to label whatever they’re playing as MMOs. It’s just a lazy writer who centered the WORLD around our Gary Stu Kirito so that he can basically win. It’s just writing at its most amateur level.

      Reply
  7. eternia

    Lol. Look at that old man with unshaven face and missing tooth.
    Won’t the player who got that avatar just rage-quit the game?
    But no, everybody are satisified with their avatar because fuck logic.
    This anime is so insulting to gamers and I have stopped at episode 2 myself.
    Let E Minor suffer for us. Hehehehe.
    That running pose is even worse than what we saw in Akame ga Kill.
    I dare Kawahara Reki to try running like that.
    He will hit the floor with his face in no time, flatten his nose.

    Reply
  8. Bsul

    God why, Why must u make SAO and MAHOUKA suck so badly…. T_T, the novels are at least somewhat funny, this is just rage material

    Reply
  9. Killer Queen Arbee

    You know what bothers me? This guy’s ALO stats is supposed to be reset after the whole Kayaba gave him superpowers incident… but as soon as he went to GGO, it felt like his stats are still as OP and as powerful as his stats when he first went to ALO.

    I feel like Kirito is lying about his stat reset in order for Leafa to feel sorry for him and gain her trust.. Especially his Since in the Underworld game I heard… his “SO IMBUH SAO” stats are carried over to it.

    Reply
      1. elior1

        kirito won this mini game becouse he had expirence in this kind of skills which is speed more then anybody in ggo you have to remember he was in SAO for 2 years and played to survive

        Reply
        1. Killer Queen Arbee

          But he did say that his ALO stats were reset and he became a low-level… surely he would actually show that he isn’t as tough, and MAYBE had at least more willpower and effort on his part instead of pressing the “IMDABES” button all the time like he did the first time he came to ALO.

          Since what type of hero simply breezes through life without actual struggles in his way or actually people trying to ground a hero when he gets his power into his head (since let’s face it, Kirito has pretty much a big sociopathic ego for a mere NORMAL player)? Sure we can go with the chick with AIDS beating him and maybe them being actual rivals, but she just ended becoming a mere inconvenience since her disease killed her. Sure we get villains who try to stop Kirito, but they were almost one-note and always just there to make Kirito’s sociopathic behavior more justifiable and better than them. Hell, he admits to kill 3 players in SAO and isn’t called out on it.

          This is how Gary Stu’s work, show off them being great and powerful and awesome WITHOUT the Effort WHILE excusing all their fatal flaws as something glorifying. This is also how wish fulfillment works because he’s as bland as a bed of nails, but we have to assure you that he’s perfect for YOU, the regular chubby, unlikable Joe, to be like him.

          So don’t flop the source material in my face when the anime makes it feel more like I have to praise his gamer god penis every 5 seconds instead of giving me actual MMO meat.

        1. elior1

          i didnt read the light novel but i think he much more slower then he was in alo and sao it took him 3 or 4 minutes at least to get to the line.he was much faster in also and the upside ggo that at least it will take him time to get used to guns since he alweys used swords

        2. Killer Queen Arbee

          That wasn’t much of a reason to make me believe he got more human. He still can dodge bullets like a boss in a game where no one else can’t win even if there’s a factor of “he got a little slower”.

    1. E Minor Post author

      You know what bothers me? This guy’s ALO stats is supposed to be reset after the whole Kayaba gave him superpowers incident… but as soon as he went to GGO, it felt like his stats are still as OP and as powerful as his stats when he first went to ALO.

      Well, he probably spent some time playing ALO after, well, the ALO incident. We saw them questing in the Extra Edition, after all.

      Reply
      1. Killer Queen Arbee

        True. Though I kinda call out on that he still is as powerful in GGO as he is in SAO and his first ALO stuff. Would have been fun if his second ALO account was used and he’s not as fast as he is back then. That would be interest continuity AND maybe a reason for him to work hard more.

        Reply
        1. E Minor Post author

          he still is as powerful in GGO as he is in SAO

          We’ll see. After all, we haven’t actually seen him actually fight yet. At the story’s current pace, I wonder if he ever will.

  10. elior1

    also i think his speed got slower before in sao he could dash 10 meters in under 3 seconds and if we look at alo arc ALO arc when Kirito kills that one player with one slash, he nearly “teleports” himself to that guy. That already shows that his current stats is way lower than the one he converted to ALO in the first season.

    Reply
  11. elior1

    i didnt read the source metarial this is what i think i just think he got much slower in GGO then he was in sao since his speed in alo was very slow in the begining when he slay to save lifia beside the player before him just rushed into the bullets not moving left or right and kirito even if his speed was very slow move instead of just stand there

    Reply

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