Alright, alright, let’s see what Naoto and his boobettes are up to this week. I never even intended to blog this show, but you guys asked for it. And you know I can never disappoint my five readers.
— “Dealing with Sakurai can really drain a guy.” You don’t say…
— Apparently, after the events in last week’s episode, everyone’s being detained in their homes. Naoto has nothing better to do than to play with his miniature train set. Meanwhile, one of his haremettes is busy exercising hard at a gym because she wants to be useful!
— Haruka goes on and on about how the body metabolizes fat and glycogen, but it seems like she’s staring at her breasts and thinking, “If I don’t change, I’ll just be a burden.” Oops, did I say exercising in the gym? I really meant getting sweaty enough to justify a hot shower scene. Did I say shower scene? I really meant symmetrically docking with my superior for no particular reason other hurr durr skinship.
— Nana wonders if Haruka is only working out for Naoto’s sake. The girl blushes profusely. Naturally. Sigh, since last week’s episode was all about Aoi, I guess this week’s episode is going to be all about Haruka. Don’t worry, guys, I’m sure one of these weeks will be all about trains… one day…
— What’s the story this week? Naoto had received a suspicious-looking letter in the mail. The letter says something like, “Today could be your last day…” Yet another accomplice is out there? And he’s targeting the protagonist? You’d think the dumbass could just open the letter and read it carefully before jumping to conclusion, but no, that would be too smart of a thing for Naoto to do. He thus calls Haruka up so they can meet and discuss the contents of the letter privately.
– They’re having trouble finding a private place to have a chat, so Naoto grabs Haruka’s hands and drags her from location to location. I really don’t think it’s that difficult to find a quiet place to talk, but that’s anime for you. Plus, if he doesn’t do this, then Haruka wouldn’t suddenly be reminded of the time her grandfather held her hand. Yes, her grandfather. How very romantic.
— So after running around for god knows how long, this is the location our hero finally settles upon:
Yes, right outside a bar. Excellent choice, buddy.
— The two of them then call Aoi to warn her about the accomplice. But when Aoi answers her phone, a gust of wind was so strong, it made her drop her cellphone and scream all at the same time! Yes, a gust of wind. No, y’see, it was going to blow her skirt up, and you can’t hold your skirt down with just one hand. Just more brilliant Rail Wars! logic for you. In any case, Naoto and Haruka are now under the impression that Aoi is in danger.
— If you’re wondering about Sho and what he’s been up to lately, he apparently entered a curry-eating contest and won it easily. Good for him…? Still doesn’t get you any lines in any of the recent episodes, though.
— Aoi now walks out of a store (she had to replace her phone) and spots Naoto and Haruka gazing into each other’s eyes. Uh-oh, drama! Christ, why don’t you just call Haruka back and ask what’s going on?
— Aoi goes, “[Naoto’s] not just spineless. He’s using it to get her in the sack.” So the red-head proceeds to whip out her handgun… yeah, in broad daylight in a civilian area. She even tries to aim the gun at his head as she says, “Good thing I got my gun back, so I can put a bullet in his brain.” T-that’s a reasonable response. First, I’m amazed the other two haven’t noticed Aoi just standing there, brandishing a gun in the middle of the streets. Secondly, love the sex-shaming. Trying to court Haruka? Hah, take hot lead, bastard! Third, this is anime, so she’s just jealous.
— A penguin mascot then bumps into Aoi from behind, and a shot actually goes off! The safety wasn’t on! She actually intended to shoot the guy!
— The other two, being the idiots that they are, think they’re under sniper fire. Haruka’s immediate reaction is to dive into Naoto’s manly chest.
— Aoi then has the nerve to get mad at the mascot: “Shut up! You made me shoot at them!” I don’t need to leave the safety on! I wasn’t going to shoot at them! She then gets mad at her friends: “And why’re those two getting the wrong idea?” You. Have. A. Cellphone. Use. It.
— Instead, she tries to jaywalk, so a traffic cop yells at her. Naoto and Haruka are literally just across the street, but they don’t see or hear any of this. Just a pair of Japan’s best train employees in action.
— Naoto notices that someone — it’s Aoi, but he doesn’t realize this — is chasing them. Good! He notices something for once! Let’s see what Haruka thinks: “Don’t look back! Just focus on running away!” Man, it’s so difficult to do two things at once. Who on earth can run and look at the same time! Then again, you’d think Aoi would’ve just called her friends by now…
— Haruka tears her dress trying to climb over a fence. Naoto trips and falls on her. Japan’s best train employees in action!
— The two of them try to call Nana, but they can’t reach her. When a flower pot falls over, Naoto thinks they’ve been found. But how! Haruka suggests, “They must have triangulated your location via that cellphone!” Excellent deduction from the best and brightest train employees in Japan! So she tells him to get rid of the phone! Even better! The camera then pans up to reveal the true culprit!
— Dumb and Dumber finally find the time to catch their breath in some carpark. Dumb expresses her happiness that she can help the hero out. Yes, you’re really helping him out. All of a sudden, however, they are beset upon by an army of cats! Man, what the fuck is this? It’s one thing to have fanservice on and around trains, but this episode literally has nothing to do with trains. Literally nothing.
— When a cat leaps for Dumber’s head, Dumb bravely pushes him out of the way with her head. Watch out! Those cats are even more dangerous than a trigger-happy, jealous redhead! Naoto rewards himself with a little upskirt action.
— Dumb: “I’ve read in books that people can train dogs as assassins. Maybe that’s what these cats are!” What fucking book was that? Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure you can even read?
— Oh. My. God:
The truth is that there was just the scene of canned fish on Dumb and Dumber’s clothes, so that’s why they were being chased.
— Even without dangerous assassin cats chasing them, Dumb can’t help but tear her skirt more and more. It’s really difficult to walk, man.
— So Dumber sneaks the girl into a Transportation Museum: “Maybe they’ll forgive us when we explain it’s life-or-death.”
— Dumber then sees a poster for a restaurant, then proceeds to reminisce about the time he and his parents once ate there. Uh…
— Elsewhere, Dumb and Dumber’s superiors get a phone call alerting them to the alarms being tripped at the Transportation Museum, so we know there’s someone there with them. Still, when the anime cuts back to Dumb and Dumber, the latter’s just going on and on about the place. They nicknamed a steam locomotive “The Lady!” Isn’t that just fascinating!
— Dumb can’t help but grab on to a corner of Dumber’s shirt like so. I-it’s just so they don’t get separated! You gotta hold on tight, too! All these people at this closed museum might force them apart!
— All of a sudden, Dumb asks Dumber about a time exactly eight years, three months, and fifteen days ago. That’s… that’s oddly specific. But Dumb is very serious about this. This is her trying to purse her lips. Y’see, a single chance encounter eight fucking years ago is enough to make the girl fall deeply in love with the train-loving Dumber forever. That’s how love works, guys.
— Aaaaaand here are the bad guys. They’re completely unrelated to the “suspicious” letter, of course. In fact, it’s just a complete coincidence that Dumb and Dumber have run into them.
— Still, the bad guys are now chasing after Dumb and Dumber, but it’s okay! Aoi and company have now made it to the Transportation Museum themselves!
— One of the bad guys grabs onto Dumb’s shoulder, but when Dumber knocks the bad guy out of the way, somehow this causes Dumb’s shirt to get ripped off cleanly. CLEANLY.
When we see her again, she’s completely lost her top and… her bra too? Or was she just not wearing a bra the entire time? Wait, c’mon, you’re not telling me a girl that endowed has been running around the entire episode without a bra on.
— Dumber can’t believe his partner is now completely topless. I can’t believe it either, Dumber. I can’t believe it either…
— Dumber then locks Dumb away in a closet; he intends to fight the bad guys all by himself! Luckily for him, his superiors are here to beat up the bad guys. And Aoi is here… to beat him up.
— Meanwhile in the closet, Dumb thinks back to that day from eight years and three months ago. Dumber had protected her loli self back then too! Luckily, she wasn’t naked at the time. Rail Wars! may not be about train, but at least it doesn’t have naked lolis. Still, never grow up kids. When you do, you just keep losing your fucking clothes.
— Welp, time to free the naked girl from her prison:
Wait, what did he even do again? But it doesn’t matter, ’cause Aoi gets even madder. That’s basically the harem dynamic in a nutshell. Get with one girl, the other girl gets mad at you. Get with the other girl, the first girl stabs you in the gut, then chops off the other girl’s head.
— In an attempt to explain himself to his superiors, Dumber hands over the threatening letter… which turned out to be just a promotion for life insurance. Hey, can you blame him? Dumber can’t read! Is it a crime to not be able to read?!
— But despite being stripped down to just her panties, Dumb feels as though she had a fun day with Dumber! Yay, all’s well that ends well in Boob Wars!