And we’re going down with it! I hope you guys are happy.
— First, someone goes, “Illegal aliens are arriving ashore from a small cargo ship in Cargo Pier 5.” Then shortly after a pair of investigators blow up said cargo ship — I really hope there weren’t illegal aliens on the ship, but knowing this anime, those illegal aliens are probably all baby rapists or something — we cut to a bunch of dirty Chinese people infiltrating Yokohama through… a well? An underground tunnel? It doesn’t really matter. What matters is how every single arc has been about Chinese people and what dirty, manipulative scum they are. First, a Chinese organization recruited Japanese youth and tried to stage a rebellion. Then, Chinese gangsters tried to rig the Nine Schools Competition. What now? Seriously? What now? Are they going to assassinate the Prime Minister? Or, even worse, kidnap Tatsuya’s precious imouto?! More importantly, the creator has some major hang-ups about Chinese people. It’s really fucking pathetic. It’s like Stormfront level, but for anime.
— After the opening credits, it is now apparently a new school year. Not only is Miyuki now the vice chairwoman of the student council, Azusa is somehow the chairwoman of the whole shebang. Yes, Azusa… I personally always thought she was an idiot.
— So what has our Gary Stu been up to these days, you ask? He’s been studying alchemy so that he can one day make a philosopher’s stone. Yes, the fabled item that can not only turn worthless metals to gold, but have also doubled as the elixir of life in countless tales! But… can it make this robot feel? That’s the ultimate question!
— Oh, of course, we now get a lecture on what a philosopher’s stone is and what it can do. Riveting stuff.
— “…we’ve got sustainable nuclear fusion through Gravity-controlled Magic in our sights.” I don’t think it is physically possible to roll my eyes any harder.
— All of a sudden, Miyuki takes a knee, then he pats her on the head like she’s a dog. There isn’t a reason why this happens. Just because, I guess.
— After pretty much singlehandedly winning the Nine Schools Competition for First High, Tatsuya is now being recruited for the Thesis Competition. So basically, some author came up with a character who is a walking, talking weapon of mass destruction…. only to stick the character into a high school setting and have him participate in relatively juvenile competitions. In different hands, this would’ve been a parody. But no, Mahouka is completely earnest. Say, why don’t I go back to kindergarten and own the playground with my brilliant monkey bars skills. Those little punks’ll never know what hit’em. Oh, but if anyone asks, I’m only here to protect my imouto. But still, this is funny in a very different, more crucial way. Tatsuya can crush entire armies by himself, but we still have to watch him attend high school and do mundane high school things like have student council meetings. In other words, the creator can make the character as overpowered as he wants, but he can’t even imagine what said character would be like in the real world. That would, y’know, require a modicum of actual maturity, emotional or otherwise. So back to high school we go, the one stage in childhood development that apparently the author is still hung up on.
— What I’m laughing about right now: this guy’s tiny, tiny head:
— God, it’s the same fucking story every time. You want to recruit me into the disciplinary committee? Are you sure? But I’m a Weed! Will that sit well with everyone? You want to recruit me as an engineer to help calibrate the athlete’s CADs? But I’m a Weed! This has never been done before. Will that sit well with everyone? You want me to take over the freshmen Monolith Code event? Are you sure? I’m entering the competition at the very last minute! Will this sit well with everyone? Finally, once more with no passion whatsoever: you want to recruit me to the Magical Thesis Competition? Are you sure? I didn’t even sign up! Will this sit well with everyone? Holy shit, dude, come up with a new story. But again, this is all about a lack of emotional maturity. Someone is still sadly and pathetically hung-up on high school, so he’s created this fantasy Gary Stu character who keeps going back and sticking it to all the cool kids. Neener neener, I’m a reject, but they still want me to join their respective clubs, teams, organization, etc.
— What’s the topic of the proposed? “[T]he technical feasibility of a Gravity Control-type Magic thermonuclear fusion reactor.” Oh, how convenient! Tatsuya was just looking into that! Man, isn’t it nice how things just come together like that? Tatsuya’s waist deep in his own Perfektenschlag.
— So let’s see… in the first arc, Tatsuya proved himself to be a beast on the battlefield as he maintained discipline and crushed the student rebellion. In the second arc, he proved himself to be a beast in athletic competitions. In this arc, he’s going to be a beast in the classroom. I hope in the fourth arc, he invents a time machine, goes back to the 60s, and shows the Beatles what true music really sounds like.
— But like every arc we’ve seen thus far, the story mostly involves the characters sitting around in a room, talking about a topic in the driest way possible. Right now, Tatsuya is hearing all these exciting details like venue locations, deadlines, more deadlines, and thesis submission approval process. Sure, we saw some action… we saw a pair of new faces blow up a cargo ship carrying illegal aliens. Oh, trust me, the author would never pass up on a chance to blow up some illegal aliens. But other than that, it’s talk, talk, talk like it has always been.
— Finally, a scene where the characters sit around and talk has finally ended. We now cut to… another scene where characters sit around and talk. Between The Irregular Conversations at Talking High School and Talking Art Online, I have no idea which of these two shows is better! They’re both just so… talky!
— It’d be one thing if they were talking about something new and different in each and every single scene. But they’re not! They really are not! In the previous scene, Tatsuya was carefully informed about the competition and his responsibilities within the team. In this next scene, he’s now informing his friends about the competition and his responsibilities within the team. Holy shit, I like the Sisyphus of anime bloggers. I watch one shitty scene, I think it’s over and done with, then I get to watch another scene that’s just like the previous one. Back to square one, bitch. Watch the fucking scene again!
— And every time Miyuki’s present, everyone’s talking but her. She’s just creepily staring at her brother the entire time.
— When the two siblings return home, they find that their step-mother has let herself in. Miyuki even has to hide herself behind her brother’s back, because according to anime, women are weak and easily scared.
— Aaaaaaaand of course their stepmother has giant breasts. ‘Cause y’see, unless an older woman in anime is an obaba, anime refuses to draw them with an older face. Their faces must look young and pristine as if they’re teenagers. But how do you distinguish an older woman from a shoujo like Miyuki? Why, you give the older woman giant breasts, of course! On the flip side, of course, every single older male in this show has been drawn with square jaws and broad shoulders to distinguish them from the younger male characters. But can you imagine if the same logic had been applied equally? Oh man, every older male character would be distinguished by giant balls swaying to and fro around their ankles.
— Tatsuya tells his sister there’s no rush to prepare dinner, and that she should change out of her school clothes first. Miyuki then goes, “If you have any requests as to my change of attire as well… Whatever your desire, Brother, I’ll be happy to wear it!” Really? In front of your stepmother too?
— Sayuri, the stepmother, gripes that the two siblings still resent her. Tatsuya valiantly leaps to his imouto’s defense: “She may look mature, but she’s just a fifteen-year-old girl, after all.” Nah, I don’t think anyone in the real world thinks she looks mature. Obviously, her breasts are too small.
— Take notice at how Sayuri continually has her arms crossed, propping her giant, mature breasts up for everyone to see. Like c’mon, who has their arms crossed for that long?
— Alright, so what does Sayuri even want? She wants Tatsuya to return to the research lab, but this would require him to drop out of high school. Wha…? Quit…. quit high school? And join the real world? And interact with adults? I… this is all too much! I’ll just use the “Miyuki needs a guardian” defense, ’cause obviously, women can’t protect themselves. This is despite the fact that, y’know, First High is full of girls from all these prestigious families, and they all seem quite capable of being on their own. Not only that, none of them are even as overpowered as Miyuki. Let’s not forget that Miyuki’s a Mary Sue herself! Sure, Tatsuya’s Gary Stu-ness has overshadowed the girl, but she’s still overpowered as fuck too!
— Since none of Sayuri’s arguments will work — and c’mon, he’d never abandon his imouto — she will bring the work to him:
I don’t know what it is, but it needs analyzing! And it needs to be replicated! Why? Meh, do you think I care enough to learn why? I pretty much just tune out the details when any of Mahouka‘s characters start going on and on about “magic.”
— Oh god, she finally uncrossed her arms. Hallelujah!
— Yeah… yeah… sitting around talking about a rock. What of it?
— Sayuri eventually leaves in a huff, but Tatsuya has a hunch that she’ll run into trouble. That Tatsuya just has a nose for damsels in distress. So he tells his sister to lock up and wait patiently for him to return. He then hops on his motorcycle, ’cause that’s just what Gary Stus do nowadays; Kirito had one too.
— Tatsuya was right; bad guys are attempting to steal that Maga-whatsit away from Sayuri. You can see her here practically suffocating in her car:
Why didn’t the bad guys attempt to steal the relic before Tatsuya had gotten home from school? That’s why you chumps keep failing, man.
— “I didn’t expect this guy coming!” I’m speechless. But seriously, you know what smart people would’ve done? Had a spotter to see “this guy coming.”
— But then…!
Tatsuya got shot! Wait, Tatsuya got shot?! Not like it matters. The wound closes up as if he’s the T-1000. Funny part is, the T-1000 displayed more emotions in a single 2-hour film than Tatsuya ever could.
— Our Gary Stu then uses his superior intellect to trace the path of the bullet back to its original location. When the sniper smugly looks to fire a second shot, our Gary Stu is already prepared. What a joke. Can we ever lose a battle? Nope. Can Tatsuya just run away from a fight for once? Nope. People tell me they’re okay with this, because they’re tired of weak, ineffectual characters. But where’s the middle ground? Where’s the moderation? Why must we go from one extreme to another?
— Because everything’s got to be fucking binary, man. It’s too much work to draw the line right down the middle. It’s too much work to create a character that has realistic strengths and weaknesses — flaws that he might have to work around! It’s not like discerning tastes will care either, so why not make the hero as Gary Stu as fuck?
— Afterwards, Tatsuya returns home to an imouto desperate to show off her new apron to him:
Nope, no incest here, guys. What? You’ve never had a woman — let alone a sister — model an apron outside of a bedroom before? C’mon, guys, what is this? 2014? Puh-leeze. We’re still in the 50s!
— Tatsuya: “You look lovely in it. So much that I want to secretly display you in a glass case just for me.”
Aight, I’m out. There’s an additional scene after this, but I am fucking out. That’s enough Mahouka for me this week.