Captain Earth Ep. 21: We need a larger gun

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Teppei’s guns clearly aren’t big enough for the job.

— According to Hirosue, there are “thousands of young men” sleeping on the Tenkaidou, Not only that, they are “entrusted with humanity’s future.” Funny how he didn’t mention young women as well. How do you intend to secure humanity’s future with just men? Or is this just an oversight in the script/subs? I don’t think we can blame the subs though, since I only hear the word “shounen.”

— Hana argues that these boys will sleep for thousands — perhaps even tens of thousands — of years on this ship. H-how does she know this? She’s also comparing her experience aboard the Blume to the boys sleeping aboard the Tenkaidou. The way she describes it, however, implies that she had some form of consciousness during her existence within the Blume. I doubt any of the boys aboard the Tenkaidou will be conscious to any significant degree.

— Hirosue is apparently ready and willing to blow the entire ship up if anyone tries to stop him. This also means that the Ark Faction has a back-up ship full of other presumably sleeping boys. Kinda creepy if you remove the context. Anyway, this sounds to me like the Ark Faction is somehow better than the Intercept Faction at keeping their plans a secret.

— Oh goodie, more Ark Faction idiots to feed us exposition. Y’know, just in case you don’t realize what the bad guys are up to. Ooooh, they don’t intend to hurt anyone on the ship. That’s totally news to me!

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— We then cut to the Designer Children just sitting around and talking. In fact, this is nothing new. This is a flashback that explains why the rest of them had sent Ai to infiltrate the Tenkaidou. Yeah, I’m pretty sure these anime held a conference meeting earlier this year to decide how best to annoy the shit out of me with their shoddy storytelling. “If they attack us [with the Blume], it’ll pose a bit of a problem,” Zin says. Oh, is that so? Wow, who would’ve guessed!

— Moco also tells us something we already know: the good guys can destroy Ego Blocks if they convert Orgone energy into physical eonergy. I mean, if you thought last week’s episode was stalling for time, then I don’t know what else to say about this one…

— Back to the original timeline, our heroes face yet another problem: a giant piece of debris is headed straight for the Tenkaidou. It’s a present from our idol Ai-chan, I’m sure. Anyway, Daichi will go after the princess and Teppei will hop into his mecha to try and deal with the debris.

— There’s really not much to describe here. More debris shows up, so Teppei tries to shoot them down too. Unfortunately, Ai can also make the debris dodge Teppei’s attacks with her powers, so if she keeps this up, both Teppei and the Tenkaidou will be in big trouble. At one point, Teppei is under so much “fire” that he can no longer move his mecha. Daichi thus has to abandon his “save the princess” mission to get into his own mecha and save the day. Pitz eventually warns Akari that something fishy is occurring in the Nipper space port. That’s right, the Nipper space port. You read it right the first time. Anyway, this episode isn’t too impressive because A) the mechas are literally just floating in one place, shooting at, well, space junk, and B) it’s not like the good guys are going to lose. And fine, there are plenty of decent shows where the good guys are behind walls and walls of plot armor, but they usually make up for this with compelling emotional drama. Or hell, just give me some damn mecha action for Christ’s sakes. Sitting in one spot and shooting space junk doesn’t fucking count.

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— On the bright side, since this debris fiasco is dominating a good junk of the episode, I pretty much don’t have much to write. Woo, they’re shooting stuff down. Good job, guys… keep it up.

— With over 500 pieces of debris now headed for the Tenkaidou, the good guys have no choice but to unveil their trump card: the p-p-plasmagnum! Lemme guess… Hirosue will see this amazing display of phallic prowess and change his mind about Daichi? With a gun that big, you can definitely save humanity, boy!

— Wait, wait, we can’t shoot the gun off quite yet! Teppei is still trap out there in the sea of debris. But if we don’t fire the gun now, the ship is done for! W-what are we going to do? Oh, I’m sure Daichi’s going to fire the gun. You don’t pull a gun that big out of your pocket and just let it sit pretty! As such, I’m eagerly awaiting a giant asspull to explain how Teppei will inevitably survive this mess. Oh, you know the asspull is coming, especially when Hirosue insists to Hana that Daichi won’t be able to do it, i.e. save everyone. But he can totally do it!

— Hirosue: “Only those with the necessary resolve can save humanity.” He keeps saying that, but what does it even mean? If Daichi lacks resolve, does he think Hana doesn’t? Does he think he himself has resolve even though he hasn’t been involved in the story for the past couple of months? Or do those Ark Faction dorks-in-a-suit have resolve because they just sit around all day, talking shit about the Intercept Faction? You keep using that word, but I do not think it means what you think it means.

— But nevermind that for now, because Daichi’s about to blow his load! Do it, man! Blow your load all over Teppei! You can’t hesitate!

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— Sure enough, Daichi summons enough energy to wipe all the debris out. This convinces everybody that the Midsummer’s Knights can get the job done, i.e. pull off Operation Summer. But just look at these alligator tears…

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Yo, you jackasses ain’t fooling me. I know Teppei isn’t dead. Just get on with it, already.

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— Teppei suddenly emerges out of a portal as if he had disappeared into another dimension to avoid Daichi’s giant load. How did he even manage this, you wonder? Apparently, his Livlaster had something to do with it. Dude, I told you it’d be a giant asspull. So in the end, everybody lives!

— I guess we’re supposed to marvel at the fact that Daichi was willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done, even if it meant killing his best friend. Big deal. When the fate of the entire world is at stake, the choice isn’t as difficult as the anime makes it out to be. Still, people are pretty easy to impress… what can I say?

— They finally locate Ai’s Machine Goodfellows, but she just ends up ejecting on out of there as if she’s a member of Team Rocket blasting off into space.

— And when I said Daichi had managed to convince everyone, I really meant it. ‘Cause here you go…

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Hirosue comes around and begs Daichi to save humanity. Haha, whatever.


3 Replies to “Captain Earth Ep. 21: We need a larger gun”

  1. All I’m gonna say is this… Ai’s days of being an idol are OVER! When this show is finished, she’ll never be able to go back… unless Intercept Faction keeps her crimes under wraps, which they most certainly will.

  2. The whole cannon firing was freaking lame. I was expecting a powerful shot, not a small beam. Before the last exchange between Daichi and Pointer, I was thinking, “Don’t ogle the sight, you’ll be distracted and fall into a-” ~Pointer pulls out a gun~ “GODDAMN IT!”
    Salty Dog is just salty.

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