— Bulat just died last week? First things first, let’s have Mine topless at the start of this week’s episode. It’s the only way to counter last week’s tragedy!
— But BFG girl is now fully healed! I guess we didn’t have enough tsundere goodness in the last couple of episodes, so here we go again.
— Mine rushes to the courtyard to find a sparring partner. What should she find there, though? Oh, just Tatsumi and Lubbock doing push-ups while Akame and Leone sit on them. I don’t think that’s good for your backs, you guys. But even if you insist, I think they could’ve found suitable weights to put on these two characters. Akame herself doesn’t even look like she weighs much.
— In all seriousness, I know they’re all like, “We have to keep it together! We can’t allow ourselves to feel sad and mourn an ally’s death. We knew people would be killed! Blah blah blah blah.” Fine, great, that makes sense. But at least give the guy one fucking episode before you move on. Otherwise, you make it feel like it doesn’t even matter that these characters died. Hell, when Sheele died, Tatsumi and Akame both had their lil’ sob session in the middle of the night. I mocked the execution of the scene, but I don’t question the scene’s importance.
— But instead, we see Mine all blushing and shit just because Tatsumi is determined to use the Incursio properly. Oh boy, have we started the deredere train already?
— Najenda shows up to tell the gang that she’s got a delivery job to do. Speaking of which, what does she do besides this? I never understand why we don’t see her out in the field.
— Oh right, she’s going to go recruit some new members. Just more new faces to slaughter. I don’t they’ll hang around for long.
— Hearing that they need to find Bulat’s replacement, Tatsumi blames himself for being weak. Najenda then goes, “Yo, you guys stood up against the Three! The Three!” Yeah, more like Bulat did 99% of the work.
— Najenda: “When the Revolution takes place, you’ll have helped mitigate a huge concern.” First, it’s the Revolution. And I can’t help but laugh at the idea that by taking down the Three, Tatsumi has helped anything. This is shounen logic, after all, so there’s just an endless parade of powerful bastards lining up to replace the Three (just like how Najenda will conjure up two new members for Night Raid).
We already see it happening anyway; Akame’s sister is being pulled to the capital just for this very job. These stories will never end. It’s like a sad game of whack-a-mole. Kill one guy and another one just pops up in his place. But naw, dude, Tatsumi totally saved thousands of Revolutionary Army soldiers from having to fight the Three later!!!
— Great, now Tatsumi is crying like a baby. It’s not because the group Bulat’s death or anything. Tatsumi is crying because Leone had told him what Bulat once said: “HURR THE SHOUNEN HERO CAN BE STRONGER THAN ME ONE DAY!” A-Aniki! You died too soon!
— The anime then cuts to Esdeath paying the Three’s graves a visit. Holy shit, the enemy does a better job paying respects to the dead than the good guys. In her own way, of course: “You guys. So that means you were weak. It’s only natural that weak people are eliminated.” But hey, that still doesn’t make a mass murderer a cool character, you dorks.
— By the way, if you haven’t noticed by now, I’m paraphrasing most of the characters’ words, ’cause it just ain’t worth the trouble to pause and rewind the video over and over.
— We then meet Wave, who looks like any other bog standard shounen hero. Unfortunately for him, Tatsumi has already laid claim on this shitty anime. Plus, he’s a seaman. As a result, he’ll be joining Esdeath’s special forces squad instead. Let’s meet them one-by-one. According to Esdeath, each member is quirky, so I can’t wait!
— Oh goodie, the show’s trying to be all funny again. This is Bols, and apparently, he’s a very shy person. Uh-huh. I know some of you guys say the manga is like a parody of shounens, but I can’t reconcile the rape and death of thousands one page and lulz meta shounen humor on another page.
— Next, Wave meets Kurome, and like her sister Akame, Kurome is protective of her food. So wacky, you guys!
— Who’s next? Who’s next! Oh good, it’s Seryu. Wave thinks she looks normal, but little does he know, she probably has a gun shoved up every orifice.
— Seryu then introduces Dr. Stylish. What a terrible group. Not a single one of them looks interesting whatsoever.
— Last and very least, we meet this guy, who simply looks like a grown-up version of Nyau. Great. Now they’re recycling character designs. This entire time, however, Wave is just bitching up and down about how nobody looks normal. They’re really trying to make Wave some kind of “What if Tatsumi had joined the wrong side” character, aren’t they?
— Now I’m watching Wave and Bols cook assorted seafood as the main course for the rest of the group. Christ, why am I watching this? This is so fucking boring. Who cares what they’re cooking?
— Apparently, Sheele’s stupid pair of scissors are still in Esdeath’s possession. And oh yeah, she’s going to hold a contest to see who gets to win it. Hm, considering how the start of this conversation was all about Esdeath looking for love, this is… suspicious, to say the least.
— Next, we see Tatsumi, Leone, and Lubbock meeting up in a secret hideout in the capital. Oh god, Tatsumi’s going to enter this contest for Sheele’s Imperial Arms, isn’t he? And what’s her face is going to fall in love with Tatsumi of all people, isn’t she?
— Tatsumi wants to know just exactly how strong Esdeath is, so obviously, it’s story time. Some tribe rebelled against the Empire, and the Empire had trouble putting them down. Y’know, guerrilla tactics and all that jazz. The tribe’s village was also separated from the Empire’s army by a strong current. Ah, but y’see, Esdeath has the power to freeze an entire body of water. So then the army just marched right over and murdered the tribe in cold blood. Wait, wait, Esdeath doesn’t stop there. To her army, she goes, “…it’s time to enjoy ourselves.” The anime doesn’t come right out and say it directly, but it’s pretty obvious she had her army rape the women in the village. Naw, man, they’re just wrestling with their clothes on! Ugh, disgusting. See, this is why I don’t buy the parody argument. While the manga may contain elements of satire in it, at the same time, you have a general commanding her troops to rape an entire village with a straight face. And none of this is really necessary. This isn’t a meditation on the brutality of war. Esdeath’s troops rape and kill people just to make the story seem edgy. That’s it. And that’s what we call gratuitous.
— God, Tatsumi is stupid:
Leone: “I wonder how many hundreds of thousands of kills it took for [Esdeath] to gain that evil aura.”
Tatsumi: “She must be a monster for you to talk about it like that, Sis.”
D-Did you not just hear a story about how Esdeath had her troops rape a village just to make the tribe hate her even more?
— Esdeath gives the emperor and Honest a list of what she’s looking for in a man. The list basically describes Tatsumi to a tee right down to the “pure, innocent smile.” Welp, it’s happening. The super evil but super hot enemy general is going to fall in love with our bland-as-sfuck hero.
— Afterwards, we see that Esdeath’s tournament is already underway, but the lady finds herself bored: “Since they’re boring subjects, the battle itself is boring, as well.” Heh, implying that Tatsumi isn’t a boring subject too.
— So Tatsumi shows up and wins his last fight easily. He even smiles big at the end. Oh… OH! What’s that?! Is that yet another strong, powerful female character succumbing to her nature?!
Yes, yes it is. Pathetic.
— Esdeath then puts a collar on Tatsumi and drags him back to her room like a dog. You think Esdeath has the advantage now, but Tatsumi will just break her heart later when he inevitably escapes and tells her he can’t be with someone so evil. Then we’ll get to watch the general cry, which I’m sure just makes here seem more moe to her fans. What a dumb anime.