Hint: she did nothing. But that won’t stop the Gary Stu from praising the Mary Sue!
— So the episode opens with the Crimson Prince blowing people up with his magic spells. And by blowing people up, I really mean that their bodies violently contort before turning into a billion, tiny chunks of flesh. What I find odd, however, is that Mahouka has never been this violent before. Even when those Chinese gangsters had endangered Miyuki’s well-being in the previous episode, we simply saw the Gary Stu disintegrate people into, well, static. For whatever reason, however, we’ve kicked things up several notches in just the last two episodes along. In the previous episode, we saw Tatsuya literally chop people in half with his magic. Evil foreigners have always been a prominent threat in the story, but judging by the violence, it seems that the latent anger inherent in the story has finally decided to boil over. Mahouka seemingly relishes the way it’s killing these faceless grunts in the most violent, gruesome way possible.
— By the way, this is not what I meant by action. Action has a certain art to it. This is just a gratuitous smattering of gore.
— I’m sorry, but I can’t ever not laugh when these characters do the Narutard running animation. This is what little kids do when they play at the park, but y’see, they’re kids. They get to be silly and dorky. What’s Mahouka‘s excuse?
— Anyway, we just get to see more high school kids beating up fully-armed adults. Yeah, yeah, these kids truly are stronger than the adults. Bloodline means everything. Yo, I’ve heard it a billion times before from a billion Mahouka apologists before. Just because you say it is so doesn’t mean the anime suddenly stops being any less dumb. “That’s just the way it is!” is not a good enough excuse for this anime and its stupid contrivances to exist.
— An accident nearly prevents Azusa’s group of students from reaching the underground shelter. Look! An adult is being useful!
— The same accident does, however, hinder’s Mayuki’s group, so an inadvertently funny scene unfolds.
Mayumi: “I’m going to call for helicopters from my father’s company.”
Shizuka: “I’ll contact my father, too.”
Sweet, who else wants to call their dads? Yo, don’t get me wrong! The elite upper crust works really hard to get where they are! There’s no privilege here!
— Remember how Miyuki removed Tatsuya’s limiter last week, and he’s supposed to be all SSJ now? Well, this is our Gary Stu in his fancy new bodysuit. He looks more like a gimp than a hero.
— Tatsuya waves one hand across his crotch before shooting down an unmanned drone. Uh-huh, what a badass.
— We return to the Crimson Prince and Curious George. The former confesses that it’s his duty to protect the blah blah blah nobody gives a shit. These two characters have had no development whatsoever, so this scene doesn’t mean anything. This is what happens when you have a cast of billions. None of them gets any significant screentime and they all suffer as a result. Hell, even Miyuki, the Mary Sue at the center of this entire story, has hardly had any development. She’s just there to fawn over her brother’s dick. Nothing more, nothing less. So you’ll excuse me if I can’t help rolling my eyes at a “touching” moment between the Crimson Prince and his prepubescent-looking buddy. If Miyuki doesn’t hold up to scrutiny, then you can just forget about the Crimson Prince. Plus, it’s nothing we haven’t heard before. I’m an Ichijo, so I must do so-and-so. So basically, bloodlines, bloodlines, and more bloodlines. Tell me something I don’t know.
— Plus, the whole bloodlines thing is so lazy. It’s just an arbitrary fact of the matter, y’know? Why is this person strong? Oh, well, he comes from a powerful family! Why does he feel the need to take this action as opposed to that action. Well, y’see, he’s from a powerful family, and that’s all the justification you need! In a story where the character development is already flimsy as shit, the bloodlines thing only serves to weaken the characters even more. They have no compelling motivations. They are not interesting people. They’re just a bunch of “chosen ones,” bound by duty due to the prestige arbitrarily attached to their family names. Well, it sure is easy to come up with a billion characters when this is the case, huh?
— As Curious George watches the Crimson Prince walk away, he says to himself, “You come back safely too, Masaki. Because you’re my one and only commander.” Christ, get a room.
— Mechas show up to give our students a hard time, but it’s okay. Miyuki can just freeze some of them in their tracks. Meanwhile, Leo has been training hard just to pull this sweet technique out. Sweet-looking sword, dude. I’m glad I sat through twenty-four episodes of shit to watch these amazing battle scenes unfold. There’s hardly any choreography here. The mechas simply arrive in convenient packs of two, then one-by-one, our heroes throw themselves at the enemy. Did you just see Leo cut one mecha in half? Now watch Erika cut another mecha in half! Don’t stop now! Here’s Erika’s brother cutting a mecha in half (nice animation, by the way)! Fucking sweet! There are so many people chopping up mechas willy-nilly, I can’t even keep track of who they are anymore! Who’s this guy? Wait, don’t answer that question; I don’t really want to know.
— The characters all pay lip service to the idea that they’re in danger, but it sure as fuck doesn’t look like they are. A battle usually has casualties on both sides. I mean, I’m sure the word ‘attrition’ exists in the Japanese dictionary. I just don’t think it exists in Mahouka, this twisted, soulless version of Japan’s future.
— Those dirty foreigners! I knew it all along!
— Those rescue helicopters finally arrive, but wait, what’s that! Uh… a killer swarm of bugs? But yawn, Tatsuya and gang show up and dispel the swarm. Y’know, I thought some true Gary Stu shit would really go down in this week’s episode. I didn’t know Tatsuya farting at Lu Gonghu would end up being the height of his Almighty Overpoweredness. Uguu, he’s really this Hindu god! Yeah, well, that doesn’t magically make this shit interesting. Who the fuck cares if all he does is kill bugs? I mean, what’s even the point of removing Tatsuya’s limiter last week if all we’ve seen him do is take down an unmanned drone, then play pest control with some fucking bugs? Seriously, what a fucking joke.
— Nothing’s going on. The “bad guy” is just this nebulous Chinese threat that we don’t really get to see. Sure, Chen Xiangshan is out there somewhere, but he looks like a golfer on the course than an actual Chinese operative hoping to bring down the glorious motherland. And even though a war is taking place, there’s no palpable sense of danger whatsoever. It’s like fucking whack-a-mole for Tatsuya’s friends. They literally stood in a square and waited for the mechas to show up. Then they kicked the mechas’ asses. I swear, I could play Asteroids and get a bigger thrill out of it than anything this anime could offer up. I don’t think I’ve even seen a single student get hurt. Just kill me, man. That alone is more dramatic than anything Mahouka could come up with. People think I’m being unfair, but this literally the most boring war I’ve ever witnessed. A child playing with toy dinosaurs and superhero action figures could come up with better action than this. A killer swarm of bugs, man. A killer swarm of bugs.
— Oh look, people finally get hurt. Unfortunately, Madhouse doesn’t even bother to animate it, so we just get some still shots with action lines imposed over them. Secondly, none of the students are ever in trouble. Can hurt a single hair on those precious kids’ heads. Fuck the adults, though. Fuck the lot of them. Seriously though, nobody important ever has to break a sweat. The only victims are these faceless idiots we’ll never see again.
— Jumanji then dons this samurai-esque armor, and tells people to defend the motherland against the foreigners. Yeah, you tell them, dude!
— We see the Crimson Prince again, but I’m well over him. Moving on…
— All of a sudden, one of the groups lowers its defenses because they think they’re about to be rescued. As a result, Takeaki and Kei are “fatally wounded” in their attempts to shield their girlfriends from danger. Anyone with common sense would know that the battle isn’t over, so why did the students suddenly become idiots? Oh, I think you know why. We’re near the end of the episode, so it’s finally time for Tatsuya to save the day. Even though his friends have been having no trouble whatsoever with the evil mechas all episode long, they must now act like idiots and thus allow themselves to get shot.
— But what can the Gary Stu even do?! Easy. He’ll just resurrect them. Yes, Tatsuya can literally bring people back to life. This isn’t even a real story anymore. This is just some sad person’s delirious fantasies. Sad thing is, I’m not even shocked or am I even impressed. This show is so bad, even the resurrection of the dead seems boring.
— Oh well, episode’s over! Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion to Mahouka!