And we’re back to the terrible anime.
— Naturally, Esdeath doesn’t seem the slightest bit mad about the fact that Tatsumi had run away from her. You’d think someone like her would maybe punish Tatsumi for his transgressions, especially since she hasn’t been shy about BDSM nonsense before. But no, she coos at him pathetically. Do you still need evidence that Esdeath panders to a certain anime-viewing demographic? Well, just take a look at her character right here. She wildly swings from a cold, brutal general to someone who handles Tatsumi with kids gloves. Essentially, she can be a hardass all she wants, but let’s not offend the audience identification character!
— And sure, she’s in love with him. But why is she so fucking stupid? He says he’s only here to hunt Danger Beasts, and she buys it wholeheartedly. C’mon. If they were already together, I could understand her being blinded by love. But they’re not even together yet. He resists her every step of the way. And yet, our brilliant general becomes a fool who hangs onto to Tatsumi’s every word. Okay.
— Esdeath: “Your physique has certainly become more pronounced.” Riiiiiight. Still looks as scrawny as ever to me.
— Unfortunately for Esdeath, her little reunion with Tatsumi is rudely interrupted by some hooded freak, the guy probably responsible for all the recent troubles in and around the Capital. He then uses his Imperial Arms Shambala on our couple. What does it do? It teleports the two of them to some tropical island. The night has also somehow turn to day. Amazing!
— Tatsumi suspects, however, that they’re just hallucinating, so he tells Esdeath to hurt him. ‘Cause y’know, you often pinch yourself to see if you’re in a dream or not. Why he didn’t just pinch himself or punch himself in the gut, well, I don’t know. But of course, Esdeath doesn’t hurt him. She instead kisses him as fanboys around the world go wild.
— Esdeath: “In the capital are forty-eight super weapons known as Imperial Arms.” Really? Are we really going to do this again?
— Esdeath summons a giant pillar of ice so that they can check their surroundings. I like how Tatsumi proceeds to sit on that pillar of ice as if it isn’t cold at all. Hell, maybe it isn’t cold. Not like Akame ga Kill! would even care about such a thing.
— Some giant creature then emerges from the ground to attack our couple. Tatsumi stupidly wonders if the two of them alone can defeat the Danger Beast. I don’t think he’s realized just how ridiculously overpowered Esdeath really is. She proceeds to knock the Danger Beast down in an instant. I mean, it doesn’t die, but she’s basically a one-woman army. Yo, who wins? Esdeath or Tatsuya?
— Her breasts are getting unwieldier and unwieldier with each passing episode.
— Not to be outdone, our shounen hero charges headfirst into battle, and deals a mortal blow to the Danger Beast. Esdeath is very impressed. Too impressed. The voice actress for Esdeath are reading her lines as if she’s getting an orgasm every single second she’s near Tatsumi.
— When another monster shows up, she summons a giant ice meteorite. Like a lot of Mahouka episodes, this isn’t even interesting to watch. She’s just pulling random moves out of her ass. There’s no narrative, there’s no drama, there’s no anything. We’re just watching Esdeath pick enemies off one by one.
— Next, we get a montage of our super-couple spending quality time together on the island. Great stuff. This is probably a lot of people’s favorite chapter, huh? Just look at our hero turn away from a woman in her bra. Uguu, my wholesome shounen innocence. It’s really sad, though. Akame ga Kill! wants to be the edgy shounen with all the blood and gore, but it keeps the traditional shounen hero. Why? Why wouldn’t you also “edge-up” the hero as well?
— Haha, we’re so meta, you guys.
— Esdeath knows how to get off the island, but first, she wants to learn more about Tatsumi. She then reveals some information about herself. Yawn.
— Tatsumi still thinks he can convince Esdeath to join his side, but what does he have to offer her? His friendship? He knows two things, basically: she values strength, and she’s in love with him. Either give it up and make the girl fall in love with you hard, or become so strong, she can’t resist becoming your devoted follower. But Tatsumi’s too much of a prude to take the first option. So much for having an edgy shounen. You have a hero who’s too limited to do anything interesting, so why even bother?
— Esdeath’s backstory is basically a broken record. The weak deserve to die. The weak deserve to die. Aaaaaand… yeah, the weak deserve to die. Nothing deep, revelatory, or interesting here.
— Esdeath’s Imperial Arms is some Danger Beast’s blood. Naturally, the power of the blood drove everyone else crazy, but Esdeath is an exception because she’s just one giant Mary Sue at this point. Seriously though, Tatsuya or Esdeath?
— Ah man, this episode has gone on long enough. Tatsumi realizes he can’t change Esdeath. Elsewhere, the new bad guy reveals that he’s the prime minister’s son. Bam, done. Exciting plot developments? Life-changing information? Nah.
— The portal that had sent them to the island suddenly opens up. Tatsumi has a small window of opportunity to not only escape, but strand Esdeath on an island for a little while. Of course, she’d eventually find her way off the island by herself, but still, he’d at least delay her. Unfortunately, Tatsumi feels bad. He feels bad, you guys! They had spent such quality time on this island, he can’t just ditch her! Even though she just told him that she’s irredeemably evil, he can’t just ditch her! Hilarious stuff, you guys.
— The episode ends with Tatsumi hiding behind a rock to avoid Esdeath’s detection. Truly, an inspiring hero. Truly, a great episode that has completely changed how I look at Esdeath.