Yeah, I think I’ll go with the English title just because it’s so ridiculous. And yeah, I’m going to go with my livepost format for this anime. You didn’t think I was going to write an essay on a show about a guy becoming a twin-tailed shoujo, did you?
— I’ll start this off by saying I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a girl with twintails in real life. It probably wasn’t a thing where I grew up. Oh well, it doesn’t matter. I prefer medium to short hair on girls anyway.
— Even though he’s at his high school’s entrance ceremony, our hero Souji can’t help but ogle the various twintails around him. This sounds like a killer anime already. A girl nearby keeps grimacing and glaring at Souji. I bet she’s the childhood friend. In fact, I expect to be force-fed a bunch of stupid anime tropes and cliches.
— During class, Souji stupidly writes down on a questionnaire that he wants to start a twintails club. That same girl from the assembly then calls him an idiot under her breath, but at the same time, she has twintails. If she’s really a childhood friend, she must know all about his fetish, so it looks like someone can’t be honest about their true feelings. This is going to be one of those shows where there’s nothing remotely appealing about the protagonist, but the girls will compete for his affections anyway, huh?
— In fact, why isn’t this included in Harem Hill? Eh, I just don’t feel like it. Plus, if you really wanted to, you could argue that half of these shows should fall under the jurisdiction of Harem Hill. I gotta draw the line somewhere or else that stupid post would end up being over 5000 words long every week.
— Welp. But wait a minute, I don’t see any twintails on the middle girl. False fucking advertisement, yo.
— Yeah, he and Aika, the dark-haired, twintailed girl, are childhood friends. Then all of a sudden, they start sparring in the middle of a street. Just a couple of 15-year-old karate experts.
— Like always, you can only tell if a female character is an adult if she has giant breasts. #justshittyanimethings
— Not only is that lady an adult, she’s Souji’s mom. She then encourages Aika to hook up with her son later. Hilarious stuff. Never gets old. Let me start drawing a doujinshi where the mom joins in too.
— Silver-haired girl appears to be stalking our hero. And so it begins. Prepare yourself for the Hareming.
— Aika: “If you want a twintails club, just make one. I guess I could join if you’re desperate.” That was easy. I guess curry is all it takes to win her over.
— The silver-haired girl eventually introduces herself, which includes sexually assaulting Aika and calling her a trap. But hey, it’s girl-on-girl, so the hero merely goes, “Calm down! Let’s try to resolve this.” Way to stick up for your childhood friend, buddy.
— Really? Her name is Thuearle? Yeah, I’m never going to say that shit out loud.
— Anyway, the deranged-looking Thuearle shoves a bracelet in Souji’s face when he confirms that he likes twintails. Speaking of traps…
— S-she doesn’t have time to explain! She’ll just stand here and insist that you put the bracelet on while using lots of innuendos! No, she can’t explain while she stands here! Didn’t you hear? There’s no time!
— What’s funny, however, is that although the animation here isn’t anything special, it’s miles ahead of what we got in the Harem Hill shows (well, I haven’t watched the library show yet). Holy shit, were those shows ugly or what? I’ve only briefly scanned through Trinity Seven, but it’s a dumpster fire too.
— Souji suddenly comes to the realization that twintails would look great on Thuearle. I hope there’s a scene where he drools over an obaachan with twintails. Don’t let me down, anime. C’mon, I’m not exactly asking for much here. If he truly has a twintails fetish, then fucking go for it. Don’t give me this weak-ass shit.
— Thuearle says she’ll do anything if our hero puts the bracelet on. The sad thing is, you know what he’ll want. He’ll just ask her to get twintails, and it’ll be groanworthy as fuck. These shows are so sexually inert, they’re boring as hell.
— Oh, I highly doubt that:
But she finally wins him over when she tells him that the world will be robbed of twintails if he doesn’t put on the bracelet. Sure, I’ll believe what this random stranger tells me.
— So she shoves the bracelet onto Souji’s arm, then teleports all three of them to a different location. There, they find Strawberry Tails from earlier, but… gasp! She doesn’t have her twintails anymore! Thuearle was right! The world is coming to an end!
— When Strawberry Tails wakes up, however, she denies ever having twintails. It turns out the bad guys responsible for her looking, well, normal have also erased her desire to have twintails! This… this is so stupid it’s not even stupid funny. It’s just stupid, man. And of course, Souji’s reaction is predictable enough.
— Speaking of said Elemerians, here they are! Some fucking lizard king then goes, “Yes! Take it from them! Take the twintails from this world!” Yep, not even stupid funny. It’s just so direct and blunt about its joke that I can’t even be bothered to care. The whole thing is just kind of cringeworthy. With a show like Rail Wars!, there was at least the pretense that it was trying to be an educational show about trains. Gonna be the Twin-Tails!!, on the other hand, is so unabashed about its true intentions, it’s ends up not being as ridiculous and funny as it should be.
— For example, it’d be one thing if our hero merely gender-swapped and got twintails in order to save the world. But he’s not just saving the world. He’s saving the world from being robbed of twintails. Ironically, this ends up making the entire premise feel less ridiculous and surreal. Rather, all we get is a shitty joke, and the novelty is quickly wearing thin.
— There’s a reason I go back to Harem Hill over and over. The best harem shows to mock are the ones that take themselves seriously. Those shows genuinely believe that they have a great story to tell, and this is what makes them truly, truly ridiculous. This is what makes them worthy of scrutiny and examination. What’s equally fascinating and horrifying about those shows is that they’re entirely earnest. Then there are shows that are abjectly horrible like So, I Can’t Play H! Gonna be the Twin-Tails!!, on the other hand, is neither of those things. Rather, it’s both too self-aware and too safe to be funny. It’s firmly tongue-in-cheek, but at the same time, it doesn’t really have a great joke to deliver. It’s just hurr durr the world will be robbed of twintails! Okay…? Is that it? Again, the show merely becomes a shitty joke. Worst of all, it’s a joke that will repeat itself for the next three months.
— So the student council president gets captured too. And immediately, the lizard dude erases her twintails, which enrages the protagonist. He thus uses his bracelet to transform into that thing that you see above.
— At this point, there’s not much to say anymore. Our hero calls himself Tail Red, then uses his various abilities to defeat the lizard dude. Yawn. I don’t think I’ll be covering this show anymore.
— When Souji destroys some device, twintails magically reappear on girls’ heads. Elsewhere, the true antagonist delivers a speech to his subjects, but that about does it for the first and last episode I’ll ever watch. Oh well. No big loss.