Fall 2014 Harem Hill, Week 2: Uh, read this monstrosity at your own risk

Fall '14 Harem Hill Week 2

Boy, I hope you guys are ready for an insanely long post, because two more shows join us this week: Daitoshokan no Hitsujikai and Trinity Seven. Three if you count Madan no Ou to Vanadis. It would’ve even been four, but it turns out Girlfriend (Kari) isn’t a harem. For those who haven’t watched it, it lacks that one crucial thing you kind of need for a harem: the harem lead. Hell, if anything, Girlfriend (Kari) has yuri overtones, but that’s neither here nor there. But hey, I’m not complaining. It’s not like I really wanted to compare and contrast six different shows for one post every week. In fact, this post is so long, I don’t expect anyone to read it from start to finish. Oh well, if all you guys do is read about the one or two shows that interest you this season, that’s fine by me.

Anyway, before we get to our four harem anime (I already wrote about Madan no Ou to Vanadis here so that’s why you won’t see down below), let’s take a look at the standings after just one week:

Grisaia no Kajitsu: 6 points
Ushinawareta Mirai no Motomete: 5 points
Madan no Ou to Vanadis: 3 points
Daitoshokan no Hitsujikai: 0 points
Trinity Seven: 0 points

Madan no Ou to Vanadis wasn’t in last week’s poll, but I’m going to just assume it would’ve gotten third place behind the other two shows. And between Ushinawareta MIrai no Motomete and Grisaia no Kajitsu, the former received a whopping 68% of the votes. As a result, you’re probably wondering why the latter has more points. Well, I think my opinion should count for something… so every week, my least favorite harem anime episode will get an extra two points. As such, four plus two gets the six points that you see above! Isn’t math fun!

Alright, now that we got that out of the way, let’s take a look at this week’s episodes…


Daitoshokan no Hitsujikai Ep. 1

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— Goddamn… how are we so supposed to tell these stupid shows apart? Well, this harem takes place at a mighty library. Yeah, really, a library.

— Gaze upon the harem lead when he was nothing more than a shota. Just a shota! And by golly did he love to read back then (and he still does now). He read that book with great intent. No, wait, mega intent! ‘Cause I can really tell when people read a book super hard.

— Yo, question number one. Magic books. Magic books with everything in this world written in them. Everything, man. Even how fat your mother is. Where do you suppose you would find such a book? Duh, in a magic library, dummy.

Sweet fucking animation already. We’ve already seen terrible, terrible animation from Grisaia no Kajitsu and Ushinawareta Mirai wo Motomete. I’m glad to see Daitoshokan no Hitsujikai doesn’t intend to let us down in this department.

— Yo, question number two. How do you get a library card at said magic library, huh? C’mon, genius, everyone knows you gotta be nice to people to get access to a magic library. And to prove my point, we’re going to watch an anime series in which the main character is nice to a whole bunch of girls in order to get into their pants. Wait, wait… this is anime, so they don’t even wear pants. You’ll get into their skirts. Wow, didn’t take you for a pervert, but here we are.

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— Even after our harem lead has grown up, Kyotaro continues to wax poetic about books: “Books shed light unto the darkness. Darkness retreats one letter, one line, one page at a time….” Yeah, uh-huh, sure. Books are just a medium. There are good books and there are bad books. There are plenty of books that do nothing but spread ignorance and hatred. You’re not doing anything but being self-important about your hobby.

— We eventually meet Tsugumi, a shaking haremette who needs to steel her nerves in order to pass out some flyers. Too bad no one cares. No, that’s not me being mean. Really, no one around her cares. Well, I wouldn’t care either if the flyer was for nothing but a “Shiomi Happy Project: “Won’t you make school fun with me?”

— Our harem lead gets a text message from… “the Shepherd.” What, has he keeping an eye on this kid this entire time? And how did he get the kid’s number? Talk about a stalker, am I right?

— All of a sudden, Kyotaro gets a vision of Tsugumi getting run over by a train. But how would that even happen unless she’s literally dumb enough to find herself walking on the train tracks? Let’s find out!

— So he hurries back to the haremette, who’s just standing there with her flyers. No, she’s not standing on the train tracks. She seems perfectly fine. Nevertheless, he drags her away from her location, because something terrrrrrible is going to happen:

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Yeah, it’s him molesting Tsugumi right off the bat. Ah, you just don’t feel as though a harem anime is a true harem anime until the harem lead sexually assaults one of the many girls after his heart.

— And they always think or say something fucking dumb when they’re groping someone. My, my, my…! What is this soft sensation? What is this lushness that I am feeling!

— Welp, her breasts are huge. We wouldn’t expect anything less, now would we?

— And yeah, the train does eventually derail. But it’s like letting him grope her was the price she has to pay in order to be saved. Did he intentionally want to grope her? Of course not. But at the same time, did the writer need to write in the groping? Again, of course not.

— The OP plays and we see a bunch of these haremettes that Kyotaro will be courting later. We’ve already seen Tsugumi, and she’s probably the boring, nice one. Then lemme guess, lemme guess… there’s going to be a childhood friend who lives next door, a quiet Rei-clone, a tsunderekko with an attitude… I don’t know, I think the blonde one is supposed to be the pettanko.

— Meet Kyotaro’s best friend, who’s destined to not only be a pervert, but strike out with every girl he meets. After all, this is the harem lead’s world.

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— And surprise, surprise, it just so happens that Tsugumi is in the same class. She continues to shake and tremble when called upon by the instructor. Kyotaro’s best friend sees this and calls her… sexy? Hurr hurr, you’re scared and nervous. Boy do I want to bang you!

Another haremette suddenly pops into existence. Unlike Tsugumi, she’s headstrong and confident. Future tsunderekko or future tsunderekko? The correct answer is: future tsunderekko.

— And we meet yet another girl. She just happens to work at the school cafeteria. Ikkei requests that she smiles, so uh… she smiles. Sounds like a winner already: “I, Suzuki, gain satisfaction from the smiles of the customers.” But that’s not even the dumbest part. At this prestigious academy, the cafeteria actually has waitresses. Kana takes their orders then brings them their food and everything. Even the top universities in the world don’t have this. And yet, there are 650 students to one class in this damn place, so something doesn’t quite add up.

— The character introductions just don’t stop. They can’t stop! This girl over here can’t help telling our harem lead to put his book down while he’s eating, because… well, I don’t know why she cares. What’s wrong with reading while you’re eating? In any case, she’s apparently been recruiting him for a while now. Naturally, our harem lead is at the top of his class, and she wants such a Gary Stu to join the Student Council. Like every goddamn anime ever, they act as though the Student Council is super important. As such, someone like Kyotaro would be able to accomplish a lot. Too bad our bookworm is literally just interested in books and groping unsuspecting girls. Essentially, Maho hasn’t paid her “dues,” so don’t expect to win the harem lead over.

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— This school is such a great environment for learning, it only has a mere 50,000 students. Again, even the best universities out there don’t have this many students. Our harem lead claims its the best place to get motivated. Well, nothing like getting motivated when you’re one of the 650 students in your fucking class. Oh, I’m sure you’ll develop a great working relationship with your instructors. They surely have the time and energy to devote themselves to each and every single one of their students.

— Apparently, the Shepherd is this mysterious person at this school who appears to you if you work hard. Sheesh, way to demotivate me. I don’t want to meet some strange dude when I’m trying my best to study.

— Oh hey, it’s Tamamo from earlier. Uh-oh, she looks angry! Needless to say, she’s here to punish the harem lead for groping Tsugumi this morning. Of course, Kyotaro tries to defend himself by claiming he was just trying to save the girl. Right, right, and in the process, he proceed to squeeze her breasts quite a few times. Makes perfect sense to me.

— But our harem lead has acquired himself quite an unsavory reputation. It’s a good thing Tsugumi’s not mad at him! In fact, look at how she apologizes to him by pressing her rack firmly against his chest. Predictably enough, Tamamo runs into them like this. Oh ho ho, the misunderstandings. She definitely is our resident tsunderekko.

— Look at this fat cat:

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— It appears that the other students at this school aren’t any better. Wait, is this even a student? He looks like a middle-aged dude. The fuck is he doing here? Not only that, he and his ilk love to walk around the campus in their uniforms. How else would you know how to recognize him?

— Ikkei is such a bro, though. He comes dashing out of nowhere to save the harem lead from certain trouble. Naturally, the harem lead is a weak and ineffectual guy by comparison.

— Tsugumi then tries to tell people that she wasn’t being molested (even though she was). She can’t quite get the words out, so Ikkei whispers something in her ear. In the end, the girl ends up saying that the groping wasn’t non-consensual. The perverted best friend strikes again. But don’t you worry about Ikkei, for he will be punished for his transgressions. His punishment? Oh, just the small fact that he’ll always losing out to the harem lead when it comes to girls even though the latter is arguably more perverted.

— Afterwards, Kyotaro takes Tsugumi, Tamamo, and Ikkei to a quiet spot in the library so that they can talk. For some reason, that fat cat is here. It’s just the typical sort of random shit humor that you so often find in visual novels.

— So at this school of 50,000 students, all four of them just happen to be in the same goddamn class. That makes perfect sense. About as much sense as the existence of some academy with 50,000 students.

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— Now that Stockholm Syndrome has finally settled in, boring-ass Tsugumi can’t help but ask Kyotaro if he’s willing to make school fun with her. What does that even mean? Make school fun? Basically, she’s decided to do something big to change the fact that’s she’s an introvert. It’s probably just going to be some lame school festival.

— Even so, our harem lead can’t help but bitch about this: “Which means I’d have to hang out with this kind-of strange girl, Tsugumi Shirasaki, until Golden Week, huh?” Man, don’t be like that. Don’t just grope’em and quit’em, dude. That’s not nice.

— For some reason, however, Mona is just around the corner (stalker), so she pops out to tell Tsugumi that she won’t let the harem lead waste his talents on such an ambiguous project! But he already doesn’t want to join the Student Council. At this rate, he’ll just do nothing. But I guess she’d rather have that than lose him to a “Shiomi Fun Project.”

— Meanwhile, the guy just sits there and thinks, “For me, reading is much more beneficial than those things.” If he’s so goddamn learned, he would probably read somewhere that it isn’t healthy to shut yourself off from the world and do nothing but read. But hey, that’s none of my business.

— You mean the part where he groped you repeatedly, right?

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— Somehow, Kyotaro reasons that Tsugumi is acting on more than just words or emotions, whatever that means. And since he has little understanding of this, he’ll agree to spend time with her until he… does? Later, he thinks that if he can understand Tsugumi, this will become the light that dispels the darkness for him. Wow, talk about dramatic. Plus, what is there to understand? She’s a shy girl who wants to come out of her shell and make her school a better place. It doesn’t take a genius to understand that. Anyway, killer premise, you guys, killer premise.

— Mona leaves the room unhappy, and right as she does, the four friends get a text message from the Shepherd congratulating them on the establishment of the Library Club. Mona’s the Shepherd! Either that or he’s some creepy stalker hiding behind those aisles of books, and he’s been listening in on their conversation this entire time. Or… or he’s really the NSA, and this is a story about how American surveillance has overstepped its boundaries by wiretapping an entire fucking academy in Japan. Well, anything is better than the real story, which is that some magical dude will grant you wishes if you do nice things in high school. Talk about lame.

— Another haremette briefly barges into the room to tell them all to be quiet, but since it isn’t her time to officially join the party yet, we don’t get to learn her name.

— We later see her conversing with the Shepherd on the rooftop of the library. It turns out the two of them are candidates to become the true Shepherd. And they will take a test to determine this. And… blah, who the fuck cares? Onto the next anime, please.


Grisaia no Kajitsu Ep. 2

— When we last left off, we learned that these girls are all psycho, but that just means they must be great in the sack. I kid, I kid. You don’t want to get in bed with these girls. Yumiko, for instance, will just try to cut your dick off with her box-cutter. What? You don’t believe me? Here she is again with that box-cutter of hers!

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Needless to say, our incredibly badass and long-torsoed harem lead easily sidesteps the attack. He sidesteps it so hard, she even went a little cross-eyed.

— I…I don’t think it works like that:

Yuuji: “And you don’t think anything of trying to shed a classmate’s blood?”
Yumiko: “It hasn’t happened yet, so I’m still innocent.”

— Don’t you feel sorry for our harem lead? Shortly after this near death incident, he talks it over with Amane. She’s hardly any help, however, because she constantly tries to play footsie with him. Poor, poor harem lead. This entire time, he’s just impotently slamming a bunch of books down onto his desk.

— You should really play the drinking game for this anime. Every time there’s a panty shot, take a swig.

— After the OP, Yuuji tries to read a book in a well-lit area because that’s one of the many gems of wisdom his master had imparted on him. Instead, he just finds a sleeping, little girl. Yo, don’t do what I think you’re about to do. That’s illegal, buddy.

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— Dude honestly checks her pulse. He actually wonders if the girl is actually dead. What a doofus. Knowing harem leads, it’s probably just an excuse touch the girl. He then examines the apple on her chest before putting it back where he found it. I’m sure there are all sorts of symbolism here, but they’re rather obvious so I won’t spell it out.

— He then sits behind a nearby tree until she wakes up and walks away without even noticing him. What a great scene.

— Oh come on. The girl is just walking to another location, and she still flashes her panties at us? Drink it up, boys. We’re getting hammered tonight. And of course, the harem lead is following the little girl every flash of the way.

— Yuuji watches Makina feed some goldfish in the pond and wonders, “Is she fattening them up to eat?” Goldfish, dude, they’re goldfish.

— For some reason, there’s a crawfish in this pond too, which makes the the girl bend over to poke it with a stick… that’s right, take a fucking drink, you bastards.

— The harem lead finally decides to step in. Y’see, he doesn’t want her to fall into the pond, so he warns her not to fall into the pond. In doing so, she ends up falling… but not into the pond, because his super cat reflexes managed to save her just in time. And yes, you’re taking another drink. This really is just The Fruits of Our Panties.

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— Afterwards, they team up to catch that crawfish, but that’s the thing… I thought these girls were psycho. I thought we learned at the end of last week that these girls were going to do fucked up things. So where are these fucked up things? Aside from Yumiko’s random box-cutter attack, we’re just back to the same ol’ boring harem anime formula, which involves the harem lead walking from location to location, having dull-as-shit talks with the various girls in his life. Are we really going to follow the same pattern every week? Are we really going to sit through twenty minutes of mundane nonsense until some small nothing happens at the end of the episode?

— Makina doesn’t want to call Yuuji by his first name, ’cause that’s embarrassing. So instead, she opts to call him ‘oniichan.’ That’s worth two drinks just because it’s so fucking dumb. What’s wrong with calling him by his last name plus ‘-kun’ like how everyone else would normally do it?

— Holy shit, he’s now telling her how there’s a lot of food in the pond, so that’s why the crawfish is so red. He’s literally giving her a lecture about crawfish. Who the fuck cares?

— As thanks for playing with her today, she hands him her half-eaten apple. Cool.

— Elsewhere, Yumiko complains to Chizuru about the fact that there’s now a boy at a girls-only school. In fact, she’s afraid that they’ll all get raped by him. Don’t worry, girl. It’s a harem anime, and just like we learned in Daitoshokan no Hitsujikai, you’ll be screaming “It wasn’t non-consensual!” before you know it!

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— Our principal does a great job calming the girl down: “Nothing of the sort will happen in his case. I will guarantee that.” Mm, reassuring!

— Yumiko starts trying to dig up some dirt on the guy, but she finds nothing but contradictory information. This just ends up making her even paranoid than ever. As a result, the very next day, she attacks him again. I like how attempted murder is now just a light-hearted joke, so we trot out the super-deformed characters.

— Har har, I see what you did there.

— Eventually, the girl trips and fall and… well, this isn’t just your standard panty flash. Just look at the way you can see every curve of her behind. In fact, her ass sticks out so much, it no longer even looks as though it belongs to her body. That’s three drinks, if you ask me. Everyday, Yuuji goes to school with these insane girls, and as a reward for staying alive, he gets to watch them humiliate themselves before him.

Uh…

— Let’s have a talk with the principal about our “little problem.” But what does Chizuru have to say? Oh, Yumiko just feels threatened because he’s intruded on her territory. What does Chizuru even do? Hm, let’s put it another way: what is she even doing to help these girls? It doesn’t seem like she does anything but downplay everyone’s legitimate fears and concerns.

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— In fact, she adds, “Troubles like this are part of student life, right?” I dunno about you, but I’ve never had to fend for my life before in high school.

— Our harem lead claims he’s having fun. He also claims that he’s been smiling, and this smiling scares him. Ooh, it scares him so! I just don’t believe I’ve actually seen the guy smile yet…

— In fact, like most visual novel protagonists, all Yuuji ever does is stand around placidly, observing the world around him. What a bore.

— But just like that, Makina has started following Yuuji around like a besotted pet. All because he taught her a thing or two about crawfish.

— Amane tells us that a while back, the academy and the locals had a dispute. What dispute? How can you have a dispute with a school of literally five students (this was before Yuuji had come along, of course)?

— JB, a woman with an ostentatiously yellow car, drops by to talk to Yuuji. I’m starting to wonder if there are even any other males in this universe. In any case, she’s apparently responsible for inventing Yuuji a past to use as a cover story. So who is he, really? A hitman? A child soldier? An undercover cop who has decided to infiltrate a boring school of five students for some reason? What does he do that he would need an invented past?

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— We also learn other ridiculous facts, like how our harem lead hates trains, so he opted to walk 200 km on foot. Uh-huh.

— When Yuuji returns to class, Amane demands to know who he was talking to. Why is it any of her business, anyway? Hell, why does any of them care? Don’t tell me they’re infatuated with him already.

— Yuuji says that JB is simply his boss, and his part-time work requires him to get rid of “garbage.” So hitman, right? I’m betting hitman.

— Nevertheless, Amane doesn’t quite buy his story. Instead, she wonders if JB’s really the harem lead’s girlfriend. How would a high school student manage to date a grown woman who drives a sports car? Oddly enough, Yuuji doesn’t even ask Amane why she cares. I would.

— Hm, sure.

— Later that day, when he returns to his room, Yumiko tries to attack him once again. Still, what exactly is her endgame here? What happens next if she manages to kill the guy? Does she think the school will just cover up for her? Or is she find with going to jail for committing murder?

— Blah blah blah, he blocks her attack, and tells her that he isn’t her enemy. Yo, shitlord… men are naturally women’s enemy! Haven’t you heard?!

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— God, this is boring. How should we refer to each other? It’s too soon for nicknames. Oooh, surnames! Goddamn, there aren’t any psycho girls here. This is just another boring ass visual novel adaptation about a bunch equally boring ass girls who are all inexplicably in love with the harem lead’s dick. Regardless of the life they’ve lived up until now, ever since Yuuji’s arrived, their actions have all begun to revolve around him. If they don’t revolve around him, we don’t even see them.

— Yumiko starts to remember how an old woman had given her a bag of fruits as thanks for picking trash off of the ground. The old lady then referred to Yumko’s female classmates as her friends, which really surprised the girl for some reason. I guess this is one of those shows where troubled kids will learn the true value of friendship when it’s all said and done. So much for a bunch of psycho girls, huh? The best part is when the harem lead’s disembodied voice chimes in. What a goddamn sage!

— As the credits roll, we see one-by-one how each of the girls had arrived at the school. No, we don’t get to see the real reason why these girls are here. Please, we’re not allowed to have anything interesting like that just yet. Instead, have some fanservice as well as another drink for the road.

— After two episodes, there has only been maybe one whole minute where anything remotely interesting happened, and I still contend that this one whole minute wasn’t that great in the first place. Oh man, the girls are doing things that we don’t expect them to do! Stop the presses! I’m so easily entertained!

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— Oh wait, one more drink! In any case, the rest of our two episodes have been nothing more than a bunch of bog standard harem anime hijinks. Needless to say, you’ve been fooled if you thought this anime was going to be promising. Seriously, if the source material was any good, do you really think 8-bit would be doing the adaptation?


Trinity Seven Ep. 1

— So what is this show even about? I vaguely remember something about a kid losing his cousin, so he goes to this school that will teach him how to get her back. In the meantime, he’ll be bombarded by a bevy of hot anime babes. Yeah, that sounds about right.

— This here is Arata Kasuga, and I presume he’s having a dream about his cousin. He tells us he has to reach out and grab her hand. He just has to! Aaaaand of course that just means he’ll reach out and grope some poor girl’s breasts in real life:

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And just like that, another harem anime has begun!

— Oh, he’s groping his cousin Hijiri. Well, wouldja look at that… she hasn’t quite disappeared just yet! I guess we get to watch how that shit all goes down.

— Normally, you’d take your hands off of the girl, but he leaves it there as he asks her for breakfast. Ah, these harem leads are getting more and more spoiled by the second.

— “Come on… Are you still mad?” Arata wonders. I know, right? It’s just a little sexual assault to start the day. Oh sure, sure, it was an accident. Nevertheless, there’s a distinct lack of an apology.

— Do any of these shows have good animation or am I doomed to look at these ugly harem anime until the day I die?

— The harem lead tells us he doesn’t mind his rather uneventful life, but just as he says that, the sun starts looking all weird and shit. Instead of asking his cousin if she sees anything weird as well, he just brushes it off. Okay then.

— But when he walks past a mysterious shoujo, he hears her tell him to wake up or… she’ll kill him. Man, I hope it doesn’t turn out that he’s some sort of demon king or anything lame like that.

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— Later that day, he asks his cousin if the sun was always black. She says yes. Apparently, the sun has always been black. Welp. For whatever reason, she also tells the guy that this is the world he had wished for. Double welp. I guess he’s now something akin to a demon king, and he’s also responsible for the creation of this world. What else can this kid do? Does he also know why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

— Furthermore, this is a world where he and his cousin get to have fun over and over. I’m guessing the world got fucked up, so he’s created this fake world to live in? But then that mysterious girl tells him to wake up or she’ll kill him… so not everyone’s happy about this current arrangement.

— Even worse, Hijiri seemingly wants Arata to stay asleep forever, and she’ll tempt him with her sweet, sweet cousin body. I’m just joking; it’s not sweet, you sick fucks. Still, the way she talks about herself, Arata starts to wonder if Hijiri is even the real Hijiri. Yeah, the real Hijiri is long gone, and perhaps to cope with it, he’s created this false world around him.

— Arata eventually accuses Hijiri of lying. After all, the childhood drawing she had drawn featured a red sun. C’mon, you really think a childhood drawing is any sort of ironclad proof? Yeah, this Hijiri is obviously deceiving him, but kids draw shit in all sorts of color. I’m pretty sure you’d find stuff like a green horse if you’ve ever visited a kindergarten class. Surely, you’re not going to call the kid a liar if he later says that horses are brown, black, or what have you.

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— All of a sudden, the girl from earlier takes a shot at Hijiri, but of course, the latter erects a force field just in time to protect herself.

— Girl: “So you’ve finally revealed your true colors, cracker!” Uh, what? That’s not even a mistranslation. She literally says the word ‘cracker.’

— Arata’s reaction to the new girl’s sudden appearance makes just about as much sense as the cracker comment: “You’re the girl from this morning with the outrageous boobs!” Yeah, the sun is black, my cousin is possibly a fake, and this girl has a fucking gun aimed at us… but man, dem Tittas.

— Oh, okay, her name is Lilith Asami, and naturally, one comment about her breasts is enough to make her blush. You women!

— Arata: “Wh-Why do you look like you’re dressed to kill?!” Actually, I don’t think she is… But she tells us she’s wearing a mage combat uniform. Sure, sure. What combat uniform doesn’t come with thighhighs? I really like how they accentuate my calves. ;3

— When Hijiri snaps her fingers, the illusion is dispelled. Apparently, the world really looks like this.

— Just a mere three days ago, a gravitational phenomenon appeared and wrecked the town. Just three days ago? That’s not much of a illusion. But yeah, his real cousin disappeared around that time. He remembers how she had handed something to help him create this false world. So I guess she was a mage herself.

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— If the world is just an illusion, what has he been eating this entire time?

No! No! Bad cousins!

— So the fake Hijiri is nothing more than a shadow projection of the real Hijiri, who’s floating around in some… other space or something. Whatever, the details aren’t particularly important. Lilith then gives our harem lead an option: dispel this fake world entirely and lose all memories of his cousin, or, well, die. Because Hijiri is still alive somehow, Arata comes up with a third option: he’ll just attend a magical school instead! Uh, what? Why Lilith didn’t just kill him right there and then, I don’t even know… She could’ve spared me the trouble of having to blog this anime.

— Lilith is actually a teacher at this school. But she’s still the same age as the main character, so don’t count her out, boys! She’s still a haremette! Man, even if she was older, they’d still tell us something stupid like how she’s a virgin and has never been kissed. Y’know, like Chizuru from Grisaia no Kajitsu.

— Since he’s now a transfer student — aren’t they all? — Arata has to introduce himself to his new classmates. Right off the bat, some blonde anime babe with twintails immediately asks him what type of girls he’s into. The answer is apparently cousins.

— But instead, he tells us he likes girls with big boobs. Well, Lilith, you heard the harem lead. Now don’t you feel special?

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— Oh my fucking god, I knew it: “Is it true that you constructed a new world, something that only someone of the demon lord class could do?” Shit, there’s a demon lord class? As in, multiple people can be demon lords? What is anime’s fucking obsession with demon lords? Is this the only way harem anime fans can imagine themselves being a badass?

— Whoa, I’m surprised that the headmaster isn’t a woman too. Well, close enough, I guess.

— Blah blah blah, the Royal Biblia Academy is a secret school, and it receives funding from governments all around the world. Even so, Arata is only here to find out how he can save his cousin. Yo, this ain’t much of a harem if you’re just going to fixate on one girl. And I know this is a harem because there’s going to be seven of these trinity fuckers showing up soon enough. Hell, Lilith’s probably one of them, huh? Of course she is.

— What are the Trinity Seven, you ask? Let’s hear it from the horse’s mouth: “This school has seven students who are like boss characters in a game.” Triple welp. And of course, they’re all girls of varying hair colors and bust sizes.

— If they’re so damn important and powerful, why aren’t they running this school? Who’s this headmaster and why do they respect him? Nevertheless, the guy straight up advises Arata to get to know the Trinity Seven and make some of them his pawn. Basically, become the harem lead. Live the harem lead. Breath the harem lead.

— So let’s start meeting these girls already. Here’s one. Her name is Levi, and she fancies herself a ninja. Too bad she’s just a ceiling.

Trinity Seven - 0116

— Here are two other Trinity Seven members. I don’t know what their specialties are yet. I don’t think I really care to know either.

— So four down, three to go, right? Have you always wondered why the Trinity Seven are all girls? Well, according to Levi, “[m]agic is the research of the mind and emotions,” and who’s more emotional than women, am I right, fellas?!

— It turns out Lilith is normally an ice queen, but she’s blushing profusely all the time now. You can thank our beastly harem lead for that. How amazing is it that she barely knows the guy, but he’s already turning her world upside-down? These stories don’t even try to make the romance seem plausible. Dude literally shows up and he’s already winning her over.

— But the Trinity Seven aren’t the only girls around. In fact, the grimoire, a.k.a. fake Hijiri, is still dangling from Arata’s neck. Hey, why throw away an almost perfect simulacrum of your cousin? That’s just a terrible waste. After a long day, she thus gives him the bright idea to take a nice, relaxing bath. See? Keeping around a fake cousin that you can grope is already paying off.

— But even though Arata’s entering the men’s bath, this is a harem anime, so he has to run into a naked girl. Not just anime girl, mind you, but a girl who looks exactly like his cousin. So, uh, we have real Hijiri, fake Hijiri, and now Hijiri-lookalike. How many fucking cousins do we need? Do I have to break out the banjo or something?

Trinity Seven - 0122

— This Hijiri-lookalike, however, is a Rei-clone who isn’t at all fazed by the fact that she’s naked around an equally naked Arata. Anyway, it’s Arin, and she’s also a member of the Trinity Seven. And with that revelation, the episode just ends. Okay.


Ushinawareta Mirai wo Motomete Ep. 2

Ushinawareta Mirai wo Motomete - 0201

— So as you’ll recall, even though it had seem as though Kaori was run over by a bus, we’ve quickly rewind time back to day one of October. Yeah, just keep in mind that Kaori doesn’t get hit by the bus until day fourteen. This time around, however, Sou finds a mysterious, naked girl in the school. At the same time this happened, that black cube that Nagisa often likes to play with started lighting up. Ooh, how peculiar!

— Well, if there was any doubt, the OP comes right out and tells us that the story is all about changing the past and future. But even though it’s the OP, the animation is still pretty shoddy.

— The better question is what’s up with your face?

— In fact, Yui, the new girl, is just staring at no one in particular in this frame. Actually, the girls are all staring at nothing in particular.

— But I guess I should talk about the plot. Basically, a random, naked girl has shown up out of nowhere, and she won’t say anything. The only clue they have is that she knows Sou’s name. Yep, that’s it. That’s all the plot. Now, back to our wonderful animation…

— Yep, this is what I’m talking about:

Ushinawareta Mirai wo Motomete - 0205

— I just love everything in this scene. I just love, love everything in it. The salad tongs, the pitcher of water, the amazing perspective, etc.

— In fact, screw the plot. Let’s just laugh at the shitty animation. Nothing’s going on anyway. The girl’s identity is still a mystery, but ooh, she’s now a mysterious new transfer student! In the meantime, she’ll be staying with Nagisa. Perhaps Nagisa knows more than she lets on, but whatever. Yui will also help out with the planetarium stuff, because hey, we can’t forget about that riveting subplot.

— We proceed to see the kids do just that, i.e. build the planetarium. Yawn.

— It seems that the new girl has quickly gotten attached to Sou and Airi, which makes Kaori sad. Man, are we really going to do this again? Well, yes, we are doing this against because we’ve turned back the clock. Great, I get to watch the girl mope around some more. I just wonder if she’ll die again, this time. Hell, will she even die in the same way? Well, it’s only day two, so hold onto your butts.

— The next day, Yui climbs her way to the school rooftop, so Sou follows her. She tells him that she feels as though there’s something she has to do, but he just dismisses it. Instead, he keeps trying to convince her that stars are cool: “Look, making a sky full of stars sounds like fun, right?” Haha, give it a rest, dude. I do like stars, but c’mon.

Ushinawareta Mirai wo Motomete - 0217

— Then as they sit there quietly on the bench, the harem lead can’t help but think back to when he found her naked. The thought alone makes him yelp. What a winner. The scene just comes to an end as he laughs nervously. Seriously, who wrote this shit?

— Afterwards, Yui gets a headache, and suddenly mutters Kaori’s name. Seems like she can tell who’s going to die or something. When she later spends some time with Kaori, it’s Airi’s turn to complain that perhaps the new girl has gotten tired of her and Sou. What is wrong with you people? Thanks to some exciting tea-brewing action, however, our Astronomy Club members come up with the brilliant idea to open a planetarium cafe. Every fucking anime does a cafe. Would it kill you guys to come up with something new? No, don’t do a ramen or yakisoba station. That isn’t any better either. Naturally, Sou whines that this new direction detracts from the overall stargazing experience. Guys, what about the stars?!

Yes, yes!

— Elsewhere, another student runs into a ghost. Yes, a ghost. I’m not sure if it’s possible for an anime ghost to ever scare me, but predictably enough, the girl screams when she turns around.

— Ooh, it’s now day six. Just eight more days, guys. Just eight more days. But anyway, the kids talk about how strange things keep happening in the old school building. Yeah, strange things alright. All of a sudden, however, everyone hears a strange whirring noise and the entire place starts to shake. Even worse, a box is about to fall on Kaori’s head:

Ushinawareta Mirai wo Motomete - 0211

Oh no, not a tiny box! Sou is such a hero. Yeah, this show ain’t too funny.

— Kenny isn’t even recognizable anymore. Hell, has he said anything important all episode long? I don’t know if he has. In any case, the student council drops by once again. Since time is just repeating itself, they’ve once again requested the Astronomy Club’s help in keeping the students in line. But since there is a ghost this time around, they should also look into that as well.

— The next day, everyone pairs up to ask people around the school about the ghost. It’s not too exciting, so I won’t get into it. In the end, even though a ghost had walked past Airi, she doesn’t notice it. The investigation was ultimately fruitless.

— So instead, everyone returns to the classroom to play dress-up in the newly-arrived meido outfits. Y’know, the one for that planetarium cafe. This is the best the anime will ever look, so savor it. Somehow, this leads to Yui groping other girls’ boobs. C’mon, guys, there are only three minutes left in the episode. Is someone going to get Final Destination‘d or what?

— Kenny continues to stare at a picture of his girlfriend overseas, but uh…

— When Yui goes to retrieve her hat, she touches the black cube on Nagisa’s desk, and it somehow awakens her. She finally knows what she’s here to do. But this is where the episode ends so we learn nothing. Absolutely nothing. Worst of all, nobody even dies!

Ushinawareta Mirai wo Motomete - 0218

We simply get another glimpse at that mysterious laboratory, and that’s it. All in all, this was an incredibly uneventful episode.


Week 2’s Poll

So what was the worst episode this week? I’ll let you guys know what I think in next week’s post, but you can probably tell from how the weekly rankings shape up in this week’s “Everything Else” entry.

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13 thoughts on “Fall 2014 Harem Hill, Week 2: Uh, read this monstrosity at your own risk”

  1. Hey, can I just ask if you won’t be watching Nanatsu no taizai? I recall you mentioned somewhere you will give it a shot, and I was waiting for you to blog it before picking it up.

    Also, voted for Grisaia no Kajitsu, just because it’s trying so hard to be dark and serious, when it’s the same uninspired crap like all other LN’s.

  2. Harem 1 – Fat Cat is Best Cat
    “Naturally, the harem lead is a weak and ineffectual guy by comparison.”

    And thus lies the fate for all perverted best friends to come in harem. Naught but ill-conceived attempts to make the plain main characters appear the most saintly prospective husbands. “Oh, he’s not like that friend of his. [The MC] will treat me with respect.”, so the hopefuls go. As you’ve said, 90% of harem leads are arguably just as perverted, only better closeted. Yet this illusion is enough to completely and unrealistically overshadow the actually competent bro. It’s very sad, especially when you consider that people whom actually possess the kindness supposedly inherent in these harem leads don’t even watch these kind of shows.

    “At this prestigious academy, the cafeteria actually has waitresses.”

    Eh, the more students there are, the more that became waitresses at this dingy, I guess. Still, wish fulfillment to the MAX! It can’t be a proper harem unless it panders to as many fetishes as possible, no? I can only imagine the poor poor local (maybe even overseas!) schools that had to be shutdown because this place stole all their students

    “Naturally, our harem lead is at the top of his class, and she wants such a Gary Stu to join the Student Council.”

    Naturally. The guy watching wouldn’t want to be reminded that he flunked stuff because he started watching this kind of show now, would he? Well, I suppose that was a little mean. But the necessity that’s been planted into this sort of thing sickens me. It banks on the inability of the viewer to respect him/herself is how I see it.

    …Guy looks smug as fuck in that last picture.

    Harem 2 – Somebody Probably Has a Desperate Hard-On for Box-Cutters
    “In fact, she’s afraid that they’ll all get raped by him.”

    The bonds between flesh are harder to withstand in real life, but everyone hopes to be able to see and believe that they’re stronger than the base desires of primordial genetics. The sooner you accept the fact that you’re a piece of flawed meat, the sooner you can try to find your happiness. Ah, but who reads this, anyway?

    “What does Chizuru even do?”

    Why, pander to the teacher-student fetishists of course. Remember; she’s still a pure virgin! Either that or she’s psychotic herself. Killed the actual person-in-charge and took his/her place.

    “JB, a woman with an ostentatiously yellow car, drops by to talk to Yuuji.”

    I knew Justin Bieber was a hot chick in an anime somewhere.

    …That wide-screen format is pretentious as fuck.

    Harem 3 – Everybody Loves the Demon Lord
    “Normally, you’d take your hands off of the girl, but he leaves it there as he asks her for breakfast.”

    Holy shit what is this I don’t even. Hopelessly in love or not, this is the kind of lead we’re supposed to be rooting for? Devoid of all common sense and compassion for another (initially perceived) human being? His own cousin at that?

    “Right off the bat, some blonde anime babe with twintails immediately asks him what type of girls he’s into.”

    Shit, how many twin-tails have we seen these past few days? Today alone? Oh right, there’s a whole show about twin-tailed magical girls doing twin-tailed magical girl stuff. Right. I also noticed this blond girl is one of the titular Trinity Seven, but she also looks slutty as all hell in that line-up picture. Everyone’s secretly a pervert in these shows? Putting aside the terrible character designs, I felt the line-up picture was a lazy move on the part of the adaptation (if not the source itself) on delivering excitement to the viewers. Usually, if these kinds of shots are present in, the characters’ silhouettes are the only things present, keeping the viewers in the dark on their true dispositions and identities. When one of them actually pops up in the story, it’s an almost sure sign that good shit is about to happen. But here it’s like they’re not even trying. You can already see that that first girl, Lilith, is one of them.

    “These stories don’t even try to make the romance seem plausible.”

    Nope, got seven other girls to cover.

    …The characters really do look horrible.

    Harem 4 – Dumpster Fire: The Animation
    I couldn’t agree more with a commenter’s post in a previous thread somewhere that mentioned a dumpster fire.

    “Even worse, a box is about to fall on Kaori’s head.”

    Did the scene actually play out from such a distance? Well, I suppose the characters’ asses have more excitement than the actual thing going on…

    “Kenny continues to stare at a picture of his girlfriend overseas, but uh…”

    What the fuck is that midget thing in BDSM getup. Holy–

    …Even a disco ball couldn’t save that club from being boring. My stamina is wearing thin… You’ll have to forgive me for not covering Vanadis. All it reminded me was of Rape Art Online, but with more Tits!

    1. Did the scene actually play out from such a distance? Well, I suppose the characters’ asses have more excitement than the actual thing going on…

      No, it tried to look more dramatic just to make a joke out of the harem lead’s “heroic actions.” My point was that it just wasn’t very funny.

  3. You really did a great job here, It was very fun to read, this shitty harems doesn’t deserve this amount of effort, anyway:

    – Daitoshokan no Hitsujikai: I haven’t seen it yet, I didn’t know it even existed… it slipped off my radar, I’ll check it out later.

    – Grasaia: it dissapointed me I think it deserve my vote this week, well I was to naive for expect more I guess.

    – Trinity Seven: yeah, harem leads are getting too spoiled lately, I remember when they had to save their haremettes from danger individually to gain their affection and even then, they weren’t allowed to sexual assault them without some sort of punishment, anyway, this show sucks, 0 originality, the harem lead has done nothing and every girl and the principal are smelling his farts just because he’s supposed to be a demon king, like we needed another mao, I swear every season there’s at least one, why they keep recycling this same shit.

    – Ushinawareta Mirai wo Motomete: I couldn’t stand it, I dropped it last week, but I’ll keep reading about it here, because it’s funnier this way than boring the hell out of me watching it.

    In summary, they all suck, but that’s how they’re supposed to be, so no big deal, to be fair I think Vanadis was decent this week.

  4. Grisaia is super disappointing.
    Where is the hitman plot? the psychopath plot?
    All I see is a clumsy girl trying to attack MC with a pink cutter.
    A pro wouldn’t trip like that when her attack missed.
    The rest of them? An instant imouto that you can lift around by her collar.

    Anything redeeming? Nay.

  5. I find it funny how much you pick on Airi when it comes to pointing out the bad animation in Ushinawareta. Not sure if that’s deliberate or she’s just in almost every scene & it can’t be helped.

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