Ange herself might have changed, but that doesn’t mean Cross Ange has! What waste product will our heroines expel in this week’s episode? Read on to find out!
— I’m still wondering if this is finally the episode where we meet the bishie who will soothe the pain in Ange’s delicate heart.
— Jill’s praising Ange for having a high kill count after only her third mission. Well, it is a mecha anime, so she is the chosen one. It’s funny how some things never change. Blah blah, Villkiss has accepted her, blah blah, Libertus something or other.
— Instead of being a crybaby, Ange has instead opted to be cold and emotionless. She’ll shove allies out of the way if it means she can score a kill. Well, isn’t that nice? She may have cut her hair, but she’s still the same detestable scamp. On the other hand, you do get money for racking up a high score, so I guess that’s the impetus. Still, the whole premise is starting to feel like a bad video game. Murder dragons and rack up a high score! Buy super awesome items with your hard-earned money!
— The girl in yellow earns 180,000 cash, whatever that means. They can’t even bother to make up a fake currency. Meanwhile, our chosen heroine manages to earn a whopping five and a half million cash. What’s with the inflation in this universe?
— At this point, Ange could do anything, and it would piss someone off. She doesn’t want to spend any of her five and a half million cash? What a jerk!!! She’s breathing? Ugh, such an uncouth pig! Still, you have to wonder if the tables have now been turned. Does the story now want us to hate her squad members? Why else would they get so annoyed with her not spending her own money? Seriously, who even gets mad at that?
— Look at this girl; her fucking bangs frame her eye sockets.
— So course, Ange is now the victim of hazing. If she won’t spend her hard-earned cash, they’ll rip her clothes up so she’ll have to! Naw, stick it to them, girl! Wear that tattered outfit! That’ll show’em! Spending your money at this island prison simply props up an unjust capitalist system anyway!
— Oh, she is putting it on!
— For some reason, Emma Bronson takes an exception to Ange’s new look, which is just plain ridiculous. The girls are practically half-naked anyway, but somehow, showing off your underboob is truly, truly over-the-line: “I will not allow you to dress in a way that disturbs this base’s order.” What’s going to happen? Ange’s going to drive the other girls wild with lust, and everyone will have sex?
— Man, the language in this anime! I don’t know who to blame, the original writers or the subbers, but our predominantly female cast continues to drop insults like “skank” and “whore” all over the place. Why so hateful, guys? First, you make the girls prance around in practically nothing, piss themselves, and get raped. Then you have them call each other skanks and whores. Did a woman hurt you in the past or something? Is that why this anime has been made?
— Again, Hilda is still hung up on Zola’s death. The other girls continue to refer to Zola as their “oneesama,” too. See, she raped them with love. You just don’t understand. They’re so hurt by her death that they will avenge her. Nothing has really changed. Ange no longer believes she’ll escape this island, and she may have cut her hair, but these are superficial details. Week in, week out, we are still forced to watch these girls bicker with each other even though they could die to dragons any day now.
–So the girls try to prank Ange, but they keep screwing up. And the winner to the question up top is shit. Last week, it was piss, so this week, we had to step our game up. That sure is some fast-acting laxative.
— “Whore” wasn’t good enough, so the yellow girl — I refuse to learn her name — has now taken to calling Ange a “wretched whoregoblin.”
— You can now add “slut” to the list. Again, these girls are half-naked, but they still feel the need to shame each other for wearing a g-string.
— “Yeah, that ugly pig hoe’s skanky bitch panties.” It’s like a little kid finally got to swear for the first time without being reprimanded.
— These faces, man.
— Finally, when her top literally rips in half, Ange finally folds and buys herself a new uniform. Jasmine also suggests that our heroine can buy herself some peace of mind, but the latter turns down the offer. So the outside world is supposedly a utopia, but only because the Normas are shipped off to some island prison. The implication here is that a true utopia is a farce. At the end of the day, the rich outsiders are only rich because they exploit the labor of a minority class — doubly so because they’re all women. Not only that, if you want peace of mind, you’re going to have to buy it. In fact, refusing to participate in conspicuous consumption gets you ostracized. Jasmine even implies that Ange somehow deserves the treatment she’s getting because she won’t spend her money. You can’t even opt out of the system. You are forced to fight the dragons regardless of whether or not you want money. The rest of the characters act like money is a godsend, though. That’s pretty funny.
— Later, Salia scolds Ange’s two bullies, but the yellow girl says, “She killed our captain and two new recruits, but she’s still alive!” But that’s the thing: they haven’t been trying to kill her. These characters can’t even be consistent with themselves. Do you want her dead or not? Then why are you trying to make her shit her pants and nothing else?
— Hilda agrees with the bullies: “Maybe a good girl like you could [stop bullying Ange], but not the rest of us ordinary people.” Ordinary people aren’t good girls…?
— Anyway, she even thinks Ange is getting special treatment because the former princess is good in bed. As a result, Salia and Hilda have a bit of a stand off. You’ve got it all. Stereotypically catty characters, sex-shaming, sexist insults, accusations of girls sleeping their way to the top, and more! Some people will say, “Turn off your brain and just enjoy how ridiculous it is.” But what’s even ridiculous about it? What’s even funny about any of this? It’s just hateful. It doesn’t even have an outlandish premise like… drinking breast milk gives you shounen powers. It’s literally just half-naked girls being giant asses to each other.
— A whole bunch of dull scenes follow. Salia is trying her damndest to be the best unit leader, but snooooooore. Then Vivian has lunch with Ange. Naturally, they’ve having curry. It doesn’t matter what anime it is, it’s always curry. Anyway, Vivian tries to befriend the frigid princess, but Ange just shits all over Vivian’s feelings. ‘Cause, y’know, that’s just how it is. For whatever reason, the writer wants us to hate most of the characters on this show. I previously postulated that Ange is unlikeable so that we wouldn’t feel bad when the other characters mistreated her. At this point, you can’t help but think these characters are unlikeable so that we won’t notice how misogynist the story really is. “Bro, you have to admit that she’s being a total bitch! Look how mean she is!”
— We then see Hilda sneak into the hanger and presumably fuck with Ange’s mecha. Just on cue, dragons show up the very next day. In the ensuing battle, something slips into the Villkiss’s engine, causing it to malfunction and plummet our heroine into the briny deep. You almost expect the show to end on that cliffhanger, but nope. After the anime fades to black, we come back to this:
Yes, this is how the bishie is finally introduced to the story. By sleeping naked to our tied-up heroine. Why the fuck is she even tied up? Oh, you’ll just have to watch next week’s episode to find out! Nothing quite like rape implications! But as you can see, it’s probably just a silly misunderstanding. In next week’s episode, our heroine will already be on friendly terms with the guy!