We’re screwed, boys!

— So what’s the brilliant plan? What was last week’s good news? It’s so easy! Just host a soccer game!

— The problem with this episode is that most of it just isn’t very interesting. We kick things off with a meeting to explain why hosting a soccer game is totally a foolproof plan. Well, hey, it’s a business, so you gotta have meetings, right? So gimme all the bar graphs that you can muster up!

— Then we have another meeting to sell the team officials on using Amagi Brilliant Park’s stadium. I mean, it’s a business proposal, so it’s only fitting that we have a business meeting, right?

— Apparently, Triken only needs to wear some necklace to look normal to the outside world. Not that it really helped…

— At first, the proposal doesn’t go very well, because Triken isn’t much of a business person. Kanye’s so desperate for their business, however, that he even allows them to use the park for free. Doesn’t the park need money? Of course it does! But Kanye needs Queen Latifah even more, I guess.

— But on the bright side, we finally see our hero use that special ability of his. We just had to wait until the 11th hour episode to see it in action again.

— With the team officials now officially intrigued, our heroes hurry home to fix up the stadium and its field. It’s okay! We have magic on our side! You just have to plant some scary plant monsters, and voila! What? The story feels rushed? Pish posh! It’s magic, guys! Magic!

— As a result, we get our first montage. Look at those team officials marveling over the stadium. Look at them admire the quality of soccer field. Perfect! Just perfect!

— If the show hadn’t goofed off so much in the earlier weeks, this episode probably wouldn’t be so jam-packed with montages. I mean, did we really need to see that episode where they all pretended to be Kanye? Probably not.

— Kanye has to make up for the fact, however, that they’re pretty much allowing the soccer team to use the stadium for free. As a result, he announces his plans to sell the entire southern area.

— The big news were a hard sell at first, but you know how it is. The tertiary characters, a.k.a. the characters we barely even know, are all up in arms about the sale. But luckily, our hero has been befriending all of the secondary characters, so they speak up for him… some in their own weird ways. And hey, hierarchy rules. Secondary > tertiary, so at the end of the day, everyone is sufficiently happy with the plans to sell off a good chunk of the park.

— I have nothing really to say about this, I guess… Kanye’s doing all he can to save Latifah’s life, and on paper, this seems like the right thing to do. But like I’ve said in last week’s post, I don’t feel an emotional connection to the princess’s character. So while these all seem like difficult decisions to make with just a week to go, none of them really resonate with me.

— Another montage! A montage of them fixing the place up and promoting the upcoming soccer game! And at the end, everyone’s pooped.

— Afterwards, Kanye has a heart-to-heart conversation with the girl he’s fighting so hard to rescue. When the first of August inevitably rolls around, he hopes that she’ll be there to see it. Unfortunately, even if she does survive, she’ll lose her memories and there’s nothing that he can do about it… or is there?This is a happy show, so it isn’t farfetched to expect the anime to have a suitably happy ending.

— Nevertheless, there’s something to be said about Latifah’s inability to age. Storywise, it probably makes more sense if the curse is never broken. After all, she might be royalty, but to the outside world, she’s like any of the other mascots at the park. And while it’s funny to see Moffle, Tiramie, and Macaron kick back after a long, hard day, and down some mugs of beer, they’re not really allowed to age either. Think of a place like Disneyland. It has gone through renovations and updates — even tacking on that California Adventure that no one really likes — but certain aspects about a theme park are ultimately immutable. Mickey is timeless. The other Disney characters are timeless. The iconic castle at the center of the park is timeless. And that’s what it’s all about.

Even when you return to Disneyland as an adult — and this time, maybe you’ve even brought your own kids with you — you want to feel as though you’ve stepped back in time. You want o feel as though you’re reliving your childhood all over again (it’ll just cost you half a grand for the whole family!). So Disneyland isn’t allowed to age, and likewise, Amagi Brilliant Park isn’t allowed to age. Latifah thus represents this sort of bittersweet immortality that comes with being a theme park mascot: “But so long as the park exists, I’ll always be here. Always and forever.” She’ll always be there to spread joy to others, but she isn’t allowed to change.

Having said all of that, I still think the bittersweet reality to her story would’ve really come through if we had spent more time with the girl. If we could actually see her grow as a character, it becomes even more tragic to learn that all of these changes will be undone by August 1st. Unfortunately, the show is more slapstick than drama.

— But forget that, ’cause here’s a third montage! Woo! Three montages in one episode? You betcha!

— Plus, the big day is here, and our characters are working harder than ever to make July 31st a success. And how would you get that across without a fancy KyoAni montage? Yeah, you wouldn’t.

— There’s just one problem…

…whoops.