Absolute Duo Ep. 4: Absolute tripe

Absolute Duo - 0432

Pfft, there’s nothing to see anyway.

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It’s time to introduce a new girl, because we men get bored easily. We can’t possibly focus our attention on just one lady at a time. Plus, the new haremette is blonde, so you know she’s rich. And because she’s rich, you know she has a servant. So y’see, it’s like a 2-for-1 deal! And since Bunny Teacher already prances around in a maid’s outfit, it wouldn’t make much sense to make this new girl a maid as well. Therefore, she gets to be a butler, but the anime really dropped the ball on not making her a reverse trap of some sort.

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What’s what? I don’t see anything.

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Yeah, as soft as a cutting board, I’m sure.

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Afterwards, we find out how Tor’s best bud had managed to survive despite having his Blaze destroyed or whatever. Y’know, just in case you really cared.

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‘Cause she’s evil?

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Not like it matters. Even evil teachers get rehired in an instant. Our heroes try to confront her, but it’s no use when your school’s headmaster is some gothic loli. According to the gothic loli, Bunny Teacher’s unorthodox method managed to make the students stronger, and that’s all that matters!

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So things are briefly back to normal until the blonde haremette finally decides to show up to class. And of course, she just walks right up to the harem lead and demands his time and attention.

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Oh, I suppose we should let the girl introduce herself. Yeah, she’s from England. And Julie’s from some Scandinavian country. Someone’s got a thing for white girls.

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Long story short, Lilith wants the harem lead all to herself. She came all the way out here, because the guy is special. She hasn’t met the guy, nor does she even know what he’s like, but by golly, he’s special. And it’s okay if she breaks the laws, ’cause she’s an Exception:

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But Julie and Thor are both Avengers, apparently. And Thor is already an Irregular. But again, it’s okay, ’cause Lilith is an Unrivaled, and so’s Thor! Last but not least, they’re all Stupid-As-Fuck.

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Predictably enough, Thor won’t leave his Scandinavian haremette just to Duo it up with some English strumpet. I suspect it’s because Julie’s whiter. Guys, guys… if we just name this Absolute Harem, then everyone can get with Thor!

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The next day, Thor takes his pale princess to go shopping for clothes. Exciting anime. Julie might be all European and everything, but she’s literally too dumb to walk through a mall without being carried away by little children. So of course, the harem lead needs to hold her hand like she has special needs.

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Later, they sit down to enjoy some sweets. I was initially surprised to see that they weren’t eating crepes, which is all the rage in most harem series. But of course, we’ve got a Euro fetish going here, so it’s gelato.

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Again, our special needs child needs your manly help. I’ve seen Tamagotchis that are more self-sufficient than these haremettes. We wouldn’t want Julie to feed herself, though. It might hurt the audience’s feeling to know that your true love doesn’t need to depend on you every single second that she’s awake.

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That spoon, though.

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That despair because you have to hang out with a girl, though.

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Anyway, Julie manages to get drunk off of rum raisin gelato. That’s supposed to be funny, I guess. Laugh, you guys. Don’t make the anime feel bad.

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The Japanese haremettes are literally relegated to the background.

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As a result, they run into a bunch of asshole men! Y’see, Thor might seem pathetic to you, but the only alternative are rapists so you may as well just give yourself up to the harem lead.

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Thor initially defends those two, but Lilith shows up out of nowhere to shoot people down with her rifle. Oh boy. Welp, that’s the end of the episode. Tune in next time to Absolute “Why White Girls Are the Master Race” Duo.

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28 thoughts on “Absolute Duo Ep. 4: Absolute tripe

  1. Pia

    “if we just name this Absolute Harem, then everyone can get with Thor!”
    That’s a better name, I don’t know why they named this shit Absolute Duo, limiting the harem to just one haremette is not profitable enough.

    Reply
  2. spectreandy

    I’ve always found anime caricatures to be one of the funniest things ever. It just shows that these writers have never been anywhere else but their apartment and the convenience store around the corner.

    Hey, guess what Jap LN writers. Just because a girl is from EUROPE doesn’t automatically mean she’s cultured and prim. Europe’s got as much riff-raff as any other place on Earth. But hey, maybe we got lucky with the new haremette that she isn’t some trashy chav.
    What a hilarious joke that Julie’s a “Scandinavian”. Please, that’s as artificial and arbitrary as everything else she is.
    So what are the chances we’re going to see an American chick? Let me guess: she’ll be caucasian (that’s this shows fetish, I guess), tall, have balloon tits, be super touchy and glomp-y, and be an American flag-bikini wearing cowgirl. Bonus points if she has slightly droopy eyes and knows how to shoot guns.
    Yeah, that’s totally what American girls are.

    Also, do these writers not know that shooting people is “bad”? Like I guess they don’t have a full understanding about firearms since it’s Japan we’re talking about, but this is fuckin’ common sense. It’s NOT okay to pull out a gun and point it at people, much less FIRE it in a public place. Police will almost always use lethal force if you do that. It doesn’t fucking matter if it’s a magic gun or not. Not to mention the chick literally shot down dudes that were not a threat to her, she doesn’t even have the excuse of self-defense. How is she different from a mall shooter? She’s not.

    But meh, anime be anime. These are pretty much sure-fire signs that this schlock was written by a grade-A retard.

    The rest of the episode was just… you know, something we’ve seen maybe a half dozen times before.

    Reply
    1. Pia

      I agree with you everything you said except for the shooting part, this is fiction, so that kind of behavior is very common, she was just trying to play the hero role saving those “helpless girls” from potential rapists using her magical weapon (blaze) that coincidentally has the shape of a shotgun, but her main goal was to show off her abilities to the harem lead, anyway in the end most of these LN writers just care in making their haremettes seem “interesting” for the readers.

      Reply
      1. spectreandy

        Well, it’s the issue of fiction to stretch to how far you want to go before suspension of belief breaks. You want to put in psychics and aliens in the story? Fine, that’s a part of fiction. But then there’s a certain point where the mundane has to stay in its place. What if a character runs over several people at a fair and gets out to get away but nobody really cares? That doesn’t make sense right? People should be losing their shit and police should be going haywire. Because despite being a work of fiction, we come to expect that there are some things that will never change. If not, then we conclude that things have dipped into the surreal.
        The same thing applies here. Everything else in this fictional world is “normal”, Julie and Thor aren’t eating ice-cream through their ears and people communicate with each other using words and not blowing raspberries at each other. In other words, it’s not surreal. Shooting a gun in a public place SHOULD be met with an appropriate response, which would be cops shooting her up until she stops breathing. After all she did harm civilians, “assholes” I guess, but they’re still civilians.

        Sure, this “violence” is common in anime, because most anime that do this have brain-dead retards writing them. This wasn’t any fucking stupider when red-head from Rail Wars! pulled out her piece on the street.
        So what’s going to happen in the next episode? At most she’s probably gonna get a slap on the wrist from the head principle or whatever and a scolding “You can’t harm civilians! You are a bad girl!”. But then again seeing how just awful this story is, I wouldn’t be surprised if nothing big happens to her.

        If she wanted to show off her powers she could have done something that maybe didn’t injure/kill people? Why not use the gun as a club, just hit a guy on the head and scare off the others? But it’s simple, the writer pretty much wrote themselves into full-retard territory. Expect nothing less from this type of garbage.

        Reply
        1. Pia

          “Shooting a gun in a public place SHOULD be met with an appropriate response, which would be cops shooting her up until she stops breathing. After all she did harm civilians, “assholes” I guess, but they’re still civilians.”

          I think you’re missing the point, she didn’t killed those hooligans, she just stunned them, yes she used a they’ll be unconscious for a day at most, isn’t different from what any hero would do to an evildoer in the name of justice since this is also fiction… a reeeeally bad one but still.
          Also, I don’t know about you but I would be very grateful if someone saves me from a pinch like that one, protecting people from criminals isn’t exclusive for cops and they’re not everywhere.
          I apologize if I seem rude but I think you’re over-thinking this matter more than you should, regards.

        2. spectreandy

          Again, we’re talking about Anime-Land to the most laziest degree. So basically, it’s pretty worthless to talk about this stuff.

          But no, I’m not missing the point: the difference between “stun/incapacitate” and kill pretty much lead to the same place: your ass would be in some type of legal trouble-hole so fucking deep that you wouldn’t know which way is up. There’s always the question and debate that if there was a wounded home intruder, whether or not finishing them off would be better so the intruder can’t chase you down with a lawsuit. But then the homeowner would almost certainly be charged for an execution murder even though they have grounds for self defense in their own home.

          And to clear it up, there is a VERY clear difference in using force to protect someone WHILE a crime is happening and BEFORE or AFTER a crime has happened.
          For example, if those guys were actually raping the girls or actually physically assaulting Thor, then yeah, the girl has a clear line for brandishing her gun and actually shooting them, either to kill or stun. If not, then she would be legally charged for assault or murder, either or. If she killed/stunned one guy, and the others immediately stopped, then she is legally barred from either chasing or shooting them. In that case, that is her actively pursuing assault/murder. But should magic count? Yeah, why not, if can be used offensively or even defensively then it should fall under lawful oversight.

          And I agree with you, cops aren’t everywhere. But the reality is, neither is somebody with a concealed carry pistol. If someone is really concerned for their own safety, the best bet really would be to carry around pepper spray, a taser, or a self-defense pen. Like these girls should’ve done…. if they weren’t retards living in a retarded anime land because stupid shit like this ALWAYS happens.

          As for the hero vs. evildoer. It’s pretty much vigilantism, which is again illegal. But hell, what are anime police going to do? Fiction just dictates that they won’t probably ever get caught because that’s how the universe works. Their identities are always anonymous and no matter how hard police can try, they’ll never get caught. Or heroes can be accepted by local/national governments as an organization to uphold the law and “defeat evil” as it were, just like the police.

          And yeah, I do overthink these things because it’s part of my job to notice these details. I wish I could shut it off when I watch anime, especially bad anime like Absolute Duo, but yeah, kinda can’t. It’s just more shit I can throw on this shit.

          Again, the intricacies of defense law and public etiquette is probably too much for the peabrain that wrote this story in the first place. A semi-competent writer would know all this before even thinking about writing this hare-brained entrance for a character.

        3. Myco

          I think you might have missed the part where it’s a magical not real gun. I mean, the show is bad, but it isn’t going into crazy town.

        4. spectreandy

          Basically the rub is that it doesn’t matter what the delivery mechanism is. If it’s capable of causing bodily harm, then it’s subject to being legally scrutinized.
          Like I wrote to Pia, yeah, this show is SUPER retarded, but because of what I do, it’s kind unavoidable to me and it’s just more shit I can throw at this show.

          However, I will argue with you that this show already STARTED in crazy town. Crazy town being it’s poorly thought out and inane in every single aspect. It’s written for stupid babies who get excited when badly drawn flesh mounds are plastered on the screen.

        5. E Minor Post author

          Eh, I see your point, but I’d rather look at what its weaknesses say about everything else. The blase attitude towards someone brandishing a “gun” in public extends to everything else about the show, i.e. the relationship between the characters are just as fake and pathetic. Then once we arrive at that conclusion, we can just leave it at that and laugh at the show for its badness.

    2. kcat4

      Meh, I’m still confused as to how they got the idea of a small shield wrong. It looks about the size of a buckler yet they attached it to his forearm losing one of the few advantages it has in maneuverability. I mean wearing a gauntlet would be more effective than the way he uses his shield. But then again why would I ever expect the author to research such a topic that basically requires him to wield a pot lid for a few minutes.

      Reply
  3. S&P

    I’ll be borrowing this line from now on
    ‘I’ve seen Tamagotchis that are more self-sufficient than these haremettes’

    Reply
  4. Random Boobs Lover

    Why every single anime these days have to take place in a special school that use stupid English naming sense for their special students. Why does it have to have an imouto, a childhood friend and a blonde as compulsory, the rest can be student president or senpai or whatever but that’s just extras.
    Wonder if this stuffs sell, I can’t imagine people being this stupid, if you want hentai plot could just google
    And fking trinity seven doesn’t show tits in BD $&@(*$&)($@

    Reply
    1. Anonymous

      “And fking trinity seven doesn’t show tits in BD” I guess that pretty devastating considering your user name lol

      Reply
  5. ironherc

    Boring as hell, people acting like idiots (why do the other two girls stalking them? the dude asked one of them if she wanted to come along, big breast chick made it look like a date for no reason).
    “But Julie and Thor are both Avengers, apparently” Look, I know Steve and Tony have been recruiting a lot of people to join the team with almost 20 members strong now, but I’m pretty sure this two losers aren’t avengers material. Heck! they wouldn’t even make it in avengers academy.

    Reply

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