Parthenogenesis

newborn shoujo

If the harem lead doesn’t pick her, she’ll just shrivel up and die. Or fade away if you want to be less dramatic. Honestly, that’s what she was born to do. If she doesn’t get the guy, she has no life.

No, you’re wrong.

If a girl loses, she moves on, have to get over her crush, and find a new purpose in life. I don’t think they will be nothing if they were to lose.

You’re wrong too. Anime works in mysterious ways, people. Anime works… in mysterious ways. Most animals breed through sexual reproduction. A male fertilizes the female’s eggs, and both parents’ genes mix to produce young. But in anime, a few creatures stray from this method to breed in a different way. On January 31, 1984, a haremette was unchosen. Yes, unchosen. The harem lead took one look at her, and chose a different one. Several weeks later, four new, younger haremettes appeared in her place. What happened? That may not seem remarkable, but it was. Because as you very well know, anime characters almost never have sex. In fact, all female anime characters are virgins. Even if they’re adults. So how did reproduction occur?

misandry do real

At first, careful anime scientists thought the haremette had stolen and stored sperm on her so that she can reproduce. But genetics revealed that the haremette had in fact fertilized her own egg. This was an amazing discovery about anime characters, especially female ones. It turns out that they can breed through something called anime parthenogenesis. It’s Greek, so you know it’s legit. We all know what genesis means. Parthen, however, means virgin, and as we have already established, haremettes are always virgin. Incredibly, the haremette’s remarkable reproductive abilities went unnoticed until just recently. We know in lizards, the sex of a newborn is determined by temperature. In warmer climates, males will be born… or something (go watch a nature show if you care). It turns out that haremettes have a similar mechanic.

How does it work? Well, a harem lead has the chromosomes Z-Z. A haremette, on the other hand, has the chromosomes W-Z. When she is unchosen by a harem lead, she instead splits her chromosomes into two, a W and a Z. Then she clones them. We thus get Z-Z, and W-W. Now, W-W is not an operative pairing. As a result, the egg doesn’t hatch. But Z-Z pairings are simply harem leads, and as a result, new harem leads are born. This has great evolutionary advantages, as it allows the unchosen haremette to migrate to other anime series and create new breeding populations of her own. This allowed anime characters to flourish into all sorts of new and different genres. But as you can probably already guess, there are obvious problems with this method.

dreaded reverse harem

For one, the anime haremette will surround herself with a bevy of harem leads. As a result, she becomes the harem lead herself, and the anime thus turns into the dreaded… reverse harem. Not only that, sexual reproduction has great advantages over that of parthenogenesis. A mix of male and female genes can enable the repair of DNA. As you very well know, not all haremettes are born equal. Some are sadly uglier than others.

deformed

These are errors that sexual reproduction could’ve ironed out. Likewise, sexual reproduction is preferable since it combats unwanted mutations.

anime mutations

Overtime, inbreeding can really morph the characteristics of the anime haremette. Genetic variations also allow for adaptation to the changing environment. Logically, parthenogenesis should be rare and only a last resort. Strangely, that is not always so.

Clearly, creating reverse harems is not ideal. It’s just not. Accept it. So the next generation of anime haremettes asexually reproduced in another fascinating way. These haremettes went unnoticed by the harem leads, so rather than not breed, they cloned themselves.

clones

Of course, this is a genetic dead end. If individuals all have the same genes, the species can’t react to a changing world. Luckily, anime and anime stories are inert. This allows the ever-cloning shoujo to thrive by reliving the same tropes over and over. You get extra brownie points if you get all meta and reference previous anime series that you’ve shamelessly copied. Strangely, the female still goes through the motions of mating. Nevertheless, in the long run, these haremettes are taking a gamble. If anime should ever change (it won’t), they’ll be unable to adapt and they risk extinction.

females only

But what about haremettes in anime series where there are no males in sight. Not a single one. Not only are the characters all female, they even have romantic relations with one another. Are these girls thus doomed to extinction? Strangely enough, anime nature finds a way to adapt even further. It turns out that each of these shoujos can produce multiple offsprings in a day, and each offspring is a genetic copy of herself. So vast numbers can suddenly appear seemingly overnight. They don’t waste time and energy producing males, which by themselves can’t produce offsprings. In turns out this class of shoujos don’t need males at all. Much like the first generation of haremettes, this allows a single female shoujo to arrive in a new series and reproduce even if a single male never appears. Now, all-female populations thrive throughout many seasons.

who needs men

What’s even more remarkable, however, is that an embryo is growing inside these anime shoujos as we speak. It’s parthenogenesis combined with this telescoping of generations, giving anime shoujos a rapid turnover so that they can populate more and more anime series. More than you could ever want. Like living Russian dolls, they just keep popping out clones of themselves until the viewers can take no more. A newly born anime shoujo contains many daughters within her, and they in turn have daughters of their own inside them.

So what have we hopefully learned today? Special ways of breeding can allow these anime characters to survive in new genres or even poorly written ones. So, parthenogenesis is a breeding strategy that is a real series-saver. How else can we have five harem shows in just one season? So before you guys run your mouths about the lives of these anime characters, try to teach yourself a thing or two about anime biology.

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32 thoughts on “Parthenogenesis

  1. ironherc

    This makes so much sense that I suddenly have a urge to purge all unwanted haremettes for they are inferior beings by the simple fact that they’ve been rejected by a equally shitty male who would never have that many mating options if the creator of their worlds wasn’t such a loser himself. Hopefully this purge will bring a brave new era with less harem shows and useless all girls slice of life anime every damn season.

    Reply
  2. spectreandy

    Someone, send this “peer-reviewed scientific journal” to Japan and let the information disseminate.

    -10 years later-

    + Otaku and NEET population decreased by ~95%
    + Population growth boosted by ~75%
    + Gross industry and economy increased by ~80%
    + “Japanese Animation Movie” wins Palme d’Or from the Cannes Film Festival and several Oscar nominations and wins for Best Foreign Language Film
    + Last three Nobel Piece Prize recipients are Japanese

    … maybe …

    Reply
    1. spectreandy

      Oh, yeah. I forgot. That because of the Ero industry, these girls also have an alternate version of themselves in alternate universes where they are the sluttiest slut-whores that EVER existed. I’m talking about gangbangs and creampies as far as the eye can see. They basically become lifeless fuck-dolls until their va-jays become so worn out that you can drive a semi-truck through them.

      Sorry for the graphic language, but you know, alternate universes are a legitimate part of existential and physics-based discussion, but since we’re extending that to anime logic: why the hell not?

      But it’s curious and funny how most of those doujins have like faceless middle-aged dudes or scumbags banging the girls instead of the actual canon Harem Leads. Huh. It’s almost as if these Harem Leads are limp-dick, worthless, bottom-of-the-barrel, self-insert characters that have as much value as week old dog shit.
      Wait, what if these middle-aged dudes ARE self-insert characters? Oh shit.

      So there you go guys: your “chaste” waifu from your favorite harem/ecchi show probably got plowed and impregnated in an alternate universe. Wow, that’s pretty fuckin’ rough.
      Chances are, that shit was from the NTR-genre. Phew. Better think twice before throwing a REAL-WORLD birthday party for her.

      Reply
    2. higgsbosoff

      By “gross industry” you mean “gross” in the economic sense, I assume. Because on another hand the “industry of things that are gross” would receive a fatal blow.

      Reply
    1. spectreandy

      1. They’re fuckin’ dead because they’re fuckin’ dead because who gives a shit about them.
      2. Mom is an alien organism that mimics human-female-mother-hospitality to an ludicrous degree.
      3. Dad is an asshole that spends 99.99% away from home because of “work” to pay off the house.
      4. Siblings don’t count because they’re prime suspects for MOE. Sisters are for loli panty shots and brothers are to creep on friends (only if you got chick-friends) or to be a fucking little shitlord.

      Moral of the story: Kill the parents (CAR ACCIDENT OR CANCER) and spare your siblings if you want an ANIME MOE life. That’s sarcasm by the fucking way.

      Reply
      1. Baphomet

        3. Dad is an asshole that spends 99.99% away from home because of “work” to pay off the house.

        This is directly lifted from real life, by the way.

        Reply
  3. Jovian Dreamer

    The current genetic offshoot is rivaling, perhaps even surpassing, the progenitor haremette’s population in modern times. Today’s anime is dominated by a pathological condition rooted in the genetic disorders that have built up over generations of improper propagation. The name of this condition is Moe. And it Sucks.

    Hopefully my paragraph above attempting to play off of your piece works. And I enjoyed reading! It felt fresh. Will you be contributing in the future? Also, I’d be interested in seeing E-Minor put a creative spin on his writing sometime.

    Reply
  4. Jovian Dreamer

    That’s a cool pic, by the way. The first one. It fits the theme of the post and everything, but I also just think it looks cool. Is it from an actual anime/manga by any chance?

    Reply
  5. Flawfinder

    This explains Da Capo II and how all the females in that are supposedly descendants of the females in the first Da Capo despite sharing the family name of said females so much.

    Reply
  6. Anonymous

    Why are some of these anime leaving out the fact that they are Harem. Seriously, the Harem aspect is like a big chunk of the foundation of some of these anime.

    Reply
    1. spectreandy

      The harem genre comes from the most delusional and damaged version of the human intellect. To a point where one would deny that the concept of “homo sapien”-intellect” even exists.

      Personally, I don’t think we should consider “a work of art” from a desperate and deranged mind as anything serious. That’s to say that the idiots that green-lit this type of trash are any better.

      This truly is an industry that places quantity over quality. Perhaps even more so than Hollywood or the video game industry.

      Reply
  7. Plinfan

    The truth has been spoken! We shall pray for the end of current age of moe-darkness and the rice of the golden age of anime, where the plotlines are fresh, the charaters unique, the animation gorgous and the charakters have a normal sex live without generic fanservice, imature comedy-attemps, harem in genaral and painfully boring unresolved sexual tension. Until than we shall spread the word!
    (Onestly, that artikle made my day)

    Reply
      1. Plinfan

        Hey, that doesn`t mean we can`t pray. I mean the christians prey for jesus to return for 2000 years, so praying for a change in the japanice industrie isn`t so far of^^.

        Reply
  8. 67dreams

    “Well, a harem lead has the chromosomes Z-Z. A haremette, on the other hand, has the chromosomes W-Z.”
    “As a result, the egg doesn’t hatch.”

    Reply
  9. 67dreams

    “A newly born anime shoujo contains many daughters within her, and they in turn have daughters of their own inside them.”
    I’m gonna be sick

    Reply
  10. IonCaron (@IonCaron)

    About as good as certain aspects of evolution. Hahaha
    No but really, this was beyond fucked up and just damn beautiful. Perfect, E Minor.

    Now I’ll be thinking of moe-moe anime girls laying eggs bearing pregnant clones of themselves.
    THANKS FOR THE NIGHTMARES!

    Reply

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