That’s a reasonable response.

— At the start of the episode, we see our hero cooking up a rather… creative concoction. This is what leads to his childhood friend up there being tentacle-raped… figuratively, of course. The funny thing is, the combination doesn’t strike me as a lost cause.

Okay, you flame-grill the octopus, and peanut butter literally doesn’t go with it. But it’s not like a somewhat sweet, somewhat savory peanut sauce hasn’t been eaten with food before. Throw some damn lemongrass, tumeric and coriander on that octopus, make an Asian peanut sauce, and bam… you got yourself octopus satay. I even bet it would taste pretty good.

— Food in this world either gets you raped or… gives you lots of gas? I think I’ll pass.

— Now this… I’m not sure how I would fix. I don’t think it’s impossible, but meh, I don’t care enough to think too hard on it. Maybe if it was a spicy strawberry jam… less sweet, more savory.

— These guys should stop waving their knives around like that. It looks dangerous.

— No one really takes orders. You just shout out what you want, and I’m sure Soma will remember exactly what you wanted.

— The main character later remarks to himself that he should’ve shaken his Chinese fried rice three more times, and he might have beaten his dad. Yeah, that’s the key. Shaking it three more times. Just three, though. Don’t push it.

— But seriously, an anime character actually has a parent. And it even looks like the dad spends a lot of quality time with his kid. See, there’s the solution to the absentee father problem in Japan. Fathers should just become cooks. Mothers too. A nation of restaurants, ramen shops, etc.

— Must be Japan’s awesome food that’s giving their women such giant, jelly-like breasts. And I guess the urban planner wants to bulldoze this quaint, little restaurant to build some generic high-rise apartment, huh? Fuck cheap housing! Besides, have you ever seen a benevolent urban planner? I sure haven’t.

— As a responsible adult, I always let my son do the talking. He’ll handle this issue with great aplomb because what middle school kid isn’t well-trained in this sort of thing?

— “What are you going to do after middle school?! I see!” *hangs up immediately* Great talk, dad.

— The salt is real. So apparently, if you don’t listen to the evil urban planner, her goons will just salt all your meat. Well, that sucks. Too bad we can’t afford any security.

— OUR RESTAURANT IS CLOSED FOR THE DAY! UGH, WE’RE DONE FOR.

— Well, give the lady what she wants. ‘Cause she promises never to come back if he blows her socks off. Why would a lady with thugs backing her up not keep her word? Seriously, I don’t understand.

— Okay, I didn’t mean literally. That’s illegal, you know.

— Welp.

— Blah blah blah, a montage of sizzling food later…

— So the dude wraps some potatoes in bacon, and that’s going to destroy the urban planner’s puny mind. ‘Cause,  y’know, bacon and potatoes are ingredients that we haven’t fully explored yet, especially when you mash the potatoes and let it absorb bacon fat.

— As he explains the secrets behind the dish, the lady sits there and squirms with her arms at her crotch. Who needs sex when food tastes this good?

— The problem is that the show beats the joke into the ground then some more. The scene just drags on and on and on… I get it, the fucking potatoes taste great. Apparently, it’s even more entertaining if she loses her clothes.

— Meh. This isn’t really over-the-top in a funny way. It doesn’t even crack a smile. But it’s not like I feel anger, really. I just find myself shrugging at it. That isn’t deep analysis or deconstruction on my part. I’m literally just telling you how I’m reacting to what I’m seeing.

— To nobody’s surprise, the dad walks up later and tells his son that he’ll be shutting down the shop for three years. In fact, he’s going to work with some partner of his, and he’s going to pack his stuff as soon as possible! Sure, sure, deep down, he’s doing this to help Soma broaden his horizons. Soma won’t be stuck in some local, neighborhood restaurant. He’ll go out, see the world, tastes new things, hone his skills, blah blah blah. But still, does that really mean that the father has to once again disappear from his kid’s life? So much for not being an absentee father.

— But speaking from experience, it’s rare for me to see Asian parents ever being emotionally available to their kids.

— Anyway, the episode closes with Soma being sent to some elite culinary school. And just like that, naked, chibi-versions of the show’s characters begin to flood my screen. Time for me to go absentee.

— But if you want to stick around, there’s a girl getting her clothes wet beneath a waterfall after the credits. See? I care about my readers.