Sage lesson right off the bat from this awesome anime. Girls like guys who are strong and protect, says Miss Eina. If the generic anime nipponjin simply works hard and gets strong, then who knows? Miss Eyes might just like him! It’s quite easy to imagine. Eyes will be walking down the street, not even noticing any of the guys around her. They don’t even appear as guys to her. Nope. She’s the strongest swordsman around or something at a grand, majestic level of five. But all of a sudden, she sees the main character! He’s strong! He can protect people! And, uh, he’s hard-working! Bam. Her knees start to quiver. There’s a warmness inside her. She can’t see straight. Oh shit, I think it’s dysentery. Forget personality compatibilities. She’s a nice, virginal maiden and he’s a hard-working, never give up hero. What more do you want? Forget life goals compatibility. He’s going to earn the bacon and she’s going to be the perfect waifu. What more do you want? Forget sexual compatibility. He’s going to have a massive 12 inch penis, sex for the first time will be mindblowingly amazing, and just as he pours buckets and buckets of semen inside of her, she will also magically have an orgasm at the same time. What. More. Do. You. Want?
So just work hard, man. Work hard and get the girl. And if you don’t, you still have Miss Massive Gravity-defying Tits who loves you unconditionally when you get home. One even wonders why Mr. Bellend feels the need to look for love outside of the home. He’s got it all right there. She even cooks! Croquettes! Well, the show calls them fried potatoes, but I’m going to say croquettes. But anyway, the girl is practically throwing herself at him. She’s a goddess too! Yeah, gods and goddesses live amongst the humans in this universe, but still! And they’ve formed a “familia” together by having him pledge himself to her or whatever. What more do you want? She bemoans the fact that she can’t get any other follower, but let’s be honest! Does she even want another follower? She really just wants his 12-inch penis! So why oh why are they not banging like rabbits already? Because it’s just bullshit. We’ll tease out this love triangle drama way past its due date, then by the end of the story… well, who knows? Maybe Mr. Bellend will realize that the well-endowed goddess who really treats him like a god is the right girl for him after all. Or maybe we’ll just get that wimpy ending where no one picks no one.
‘Cause shit, we’ve done enough work today. We’ve figured out what every other anime has already figured out before: work hard. What? You mean I should commit to a relationship and start making it work? Yo, I haven’t thought that far into the future. I’m just happy to work hard! One thing at a time! One thing at a time!!! Let’s get the girl first, then figure out how a relationship actually works, how to introduce each other to our parents, how to navigate our feelings once the honeymoon phase is over, how to handle waking up to the same person over and over and still fall in love with them again and again, how to see her when she’s not at her most gravity-defying-est, how to trust and how to cope with insecurities, how to… no no no no, let’s just work hard for now. Let’s work hard for the next 12 or so episodes. What happens after that… we’ll just leave those super insignificant steps to the wind. If we can work hard, we’ll figure those things out magically. It’s not hard. Working hard is hard. 12 episodes hard. And we’ll throw in some generic minotaur slaying, because there are always minotaurs to slay.
— Anyway… Bellend can level up fast. Yep, that’s his special skill. So much for distinguishing yourself by simply working your ass off.
— And yeah, this has harem trappings as the guy quickly bumps into a waitress in a maid’s outfit. She has no problems whatsoever handing over her breakfast to him, a stranger she has never met before. It’s okay, because she works at a restaurant!
— This is how monsters spawn in this amazing universe.
— Oh yeah, his goddess is mad at him because he manages to improve a ton from that grinding session.
Y’see, his ability to grow quickly is proportional to his strong feelings for some girl. So if he gets a ton of ability points in one day, it must mean he really loves this girl! Wow! So the girl is mad that he has strong feelings for someone else. Who wants to bet that by the end of the series, it’ll turn out that his strength is due to the fact that he cares deeply for his goddess? What a twist…
— Bellend gets a drop: one measly fang. Still, it’s enough to take him down to the local tavern where he can eat buckets of food. It must be easy living in this post-scarcity world.
— Unfortunately, it’s not post-bullying, because in walks Eyes and her entourage, which includes this male miqote. He starts making fun of Bellend, and all Bellend can do is shrivel up and get the fuck out of dodge. Very heroic. Bellend should rest easy, though. There’s no competition here. The male miqote is even named Beta.
— All the girls have some space-age, skin-tight clothing at all time.
— We see our hero take his rage out on some frogs later. When people insult you, you just bottle up your feelings and go abuse some animals instead.
— By the time Bellend gets home, his goddess is too worried sick about him to even stay mad anymore. And blah blah blah, he wants to get stronger. Oh well. So ends the first episode of this dumb anime.