Is It Wrong to Pick Up Girls In a Dungeon? Ep. 1: Yes

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Sage lesson right off the bat from this awesome anime. Girls like guys who are strong and protect, says Miss Eina. If the generic anime nipponjin simply works hard and gets strong, then who knows? Miss Eyes might just like him! It’s quite easy to imagine. Eyes will be walking down the street, not even noticing any of the guys around her. They don’t even appear as guys to her. Nope. She’s the strongest swordsman around or something at a grand, majestic level of five. But all of a sudden, she sees the main character! He’s strong! He can protect people! And, uh, he’s hard-working! Bam. Her knees start to quiver. There’s a warmness inside her. She can’t see straight. Oh shit, I think it’s dysentery. Forget personality compatibilities. She’s a nice, virginal maiden and he’s a hard-working, never give up hero. What more do you want? Forget life goals compatibility. He’s going to earn the bacon and she’s going to be the perfect waifu. What more do you want? Forget sexual compatibility. He’s going to have a massive 12 inch penis, sex for the first time will be mindblowingly amazing, and just as he pours buckets and buckets of semen inside of her, she will also magically have an orgasm at the same time. What. More. Do. You. Want?

So just work hard, man. Work hard and get the girl. And if you don’t, you still have Miss Massive Gravity-defying Tits who loves you unconditionally when you get home. One even wonders why Mr. Bellend feels the need to look for love outside of the home. He’s got it all right there. She even cooks! Croquettes! Well, the show calls them fried potatoes, but I’m going to say croquettes. But anyway, the girl is practically throwing herself at him. She’s a goddess too! Yeah, gods and goddesses live amongst the humans in this universe, but still! And they’ve formed a “familia” together by having him pledge himself to her or whatever. What more do you want? She bemoans the fact that she can’t get any other follower, but let’s be honest! Does she even want another follower? She really just wants his 12-inch penis! So why oh why are they not banging like rabbits already? Because it’s just bullshit. We’ll tease out this love triangle drama way past its due date, then by the end of the story… well, who knows? Maybe Mr. Bellend will realize that the well-endowed goddess who really treats him like a god is the right girl for him after all. Or maybe we’ll just get that wimpy ending where no one picks no one.

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‘Cause shit, we’ve done enough work today. We’ve figured out what every other anime has already figured out before: work hard. What? You mean I should commit to a relationship and start making it work? Yo, I haven’t thought that far into the future. I’m just happy to work hard! One thing at a time! One thing at a time!!! Let’s get the girl first, then figure out how a relationship actually works, how to introduce each other to our parents, how to navigate our feelings once the honeymoon phase is over, how to handle waking up to the same person over and over and still fall in love with them again and again, how to see her when she’s not at her most gravity-defying-est, how to trust and how to cope with insecurities, how to… no no no no, let’s just work hard for now. Let’s work hard for the next 12 or so episodes. What happens after that… we’ll just leave those super insignificant steps to the wind. If we can work hard, we’ll figure those things out magically. It’s not hard. Working hard is hard. 12 episodes hard. And we’ll throw in some generic minotaur slaying, because there are always minotaurs to slay.

— Anyway… Bellend can level up fast. Yep, that’s his special skill. So much for distinguishing yourself by simply working your ass off.

— And yeah, this has harem trappings as the guy quickly bumps into a waitress in a maid’s outfit. She has no problems whatsoever handing over her breakfast to him, a stranger she has never met before. It’s okay, because she works at a restaurant!

This is how monsters spawn in this amazing universe.

— Oh yeah, his goddess is mad at him because he manages to improve a ton from that grinding session.

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Y’see, his ability to grow quickly is proportional to his strong feelings for some girl. So if he gets a ton of ability points in one day, it must mean he really loves this girl! Wow! So the girl is mad that he has strong feelings for someone else. Who wants to bet that by the end of the series, it’ll turn out that his strength is due to the fact that he cares deeply for his goddess? What a twist…

— Bellend gets a drop: one measly fang. Still, it’s enough to take him down to the local tavern where he can eat buckets of food. It must be easy living in this post-scarcity world.

— Unfortunately, it’s not post-bullying, because in walks Eyes and her entourage, which includes this male miqote. He starts making fun of Bellend, and all Bellend can do is shrivel up and get the fuck out of dodge. Very heroic. Bellend should rest easy, though. There’s no competition here. The male miqote is even named Beta.

— All the girls have some space-age, skin-tight clothing at all time.

— We see our hero take his rage out on some frogs later. When people insult you, you just bottle up your feelings and go abuse some animals instead.

— By the time Bellend gets home, his goddess is too worried sick about him to even stay mad anymore. And blah blah blah, he wants to get stronger. Oh well. So ends the first episode of this dumb anime.


15 Replies to “Is It Wrong to Pick Up Girls In a Dungeon? Ep. 1: Yes”

  1. Not the worst thing ever, but really dumb. I like stories of heroes growing to their full potential, but the only reason why he’s doing all this is for a girl, okay that’s understandable, he works hard to gain her affection which would make sense if he knew that his dream girl actually likes strong guys. Like you said already, working hard to impress someone won’t get you anywhere, there’s also many factors which the first one would be to first talk to said person and learn more about him/her. It’s better than all the horrible stuff from last season, but I need more than just the typical “need to be amazing at been a badass to impress a girl” story. Also that random guy pretty much bashing the main out of nowhere was so forced it hurt a bit physically.

  2. I think the problem I have with the show is that the message is so uttery primitiv. Works equals more power, power equals attraktion of women. This notion of power = reproduktion is probably as old as multcell organisms ( Because bacterias just multply themself, they are mostly indepent from the other bacterias). The problem is that we live in a sosiaty that makes ous diffrent. Ideas, Insticts, ect still remains from prehistoryic times but the notion of power is diffrent. Power isn`t just one powerful individuall, but a entire soziaty of people with diffrent abillitys. Also women are no longer bound to seek strong males to ensure a good, healthy futher for their children, they can work themself, independed from males and free to choose their partners. Yet, as I said before Instincts, rolls and Ideas still lingers, even with civilisation, technolegy and so on. The Series shows the dissire of people for a simplified world. A World were you gain power through work and training and gain the affection of femaies automatically. Things like slowly forming a relationship, testing things out, learning how to behave and reallysing the way the other person thinks and acts, all this is pushed aside by the simple notion:
    Power = affection.

    Sorry I know this might be off topic, just something I thought about while I read your comment

  3. Apparently, aside from the Beta male, the MC’s the only named male character. I can already tell this is going to be legendary!

  4. Really what I’m looking forward to:

    1. Tired harem elements thrown in for “mass appeal”
    2. Shitting on MMO/game concepts
    3. Ass-pulls for the MC’s convenience
    4. Tired harem elements thrown in for “mass appeal”

    So, uh. When is the next season of SAO coming out? At least that show is awful enough to get me to laugh. This one unfortunately looks like it’ll just be mediocre.

  5. Anyone remember Beet the vandel buster?
    I feel i never gave that anime credit enough. I thought the whole level up thing monster hunter schtick was dumb… but at least there, the young ,chosen hero who has be gifted with super special awesome power at least gets his ass handed to him until he starts learning his goddamn lessons.

    Now here? This guy is doing what i do in every RPG ever: Find some skill to abuse and grind levels.
    + i will never understand whats up with the “designated hero already has hot, fanatically devoted waifu” thing either.

    I am waiting for the beach episode, the octopus that will grope girls and the obligatory evil villain clown that pops up from the ass end of nowhere and probably take some girl prisoner/hostage/mind-twist-rape etc.

    The basic premise is not really bad. Could have been fun.

    1. “+ i will never understand whats up with the “designated hero already has hot, fanatically devoted waifu” thing either.”

      Well, it worked in Unbreakable Machine Doll anyway. Still better than tsundere bullcrap.

  6. You have no idea the narrative complexity and geopolitical themes that will be brought up in this series, E Minor. Aspects of warped altruism and misplaced patriotism coupled with the fevered worship of faux deities…
    Nah. Fuck it. Just throw some more boob-shots in there.

    Boobs without substance is a terrible thing.

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