But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. First things first, Bellri is about to head down into the middle floors, and somehow, that dark red cloak is “flashy.”
— Remember those sad-looking ogres on… the tenth floor, I think? And remember how they were on a floor that seemed devoid of color? It wasn’t as though the tenth floor was creative-looking or aesthetically pleasing, but it was better than staring at caves and more caves.
Well, we’re back in a cave. And it’s also back to fighting cute, fuzzy little animals. Sure, that hellhound can breathe fire…
And these jackrabbits can wield axes… wait, what? Anyway, my point is still the same as it was weeks ago: the world-building here sucks mega balls.
— Elsewhere, people are still talking about Bellri:
And this person is none other than Hermes. But it’s not like it matters. After all, we don’t really know why the Gods and Goddesses are here, what they really do, what purpose they serve, so on and so forth. But by golly, do they sure have an interest in our boy hero! Who’s the god now?!
— Eventually, Bellri and company are surrounded by more monsters than they can handle.
Other adventurers are having the same problem. Maybe if you wore pants instead of a robe and shoulder pads, you might do a little better against axe-wielding bunnies.
— That desperate other party, however, hatches a dastardly scheme: they intend to train their monsters onto Bellri’s party, thereby allowing them to escape.
As you can see, it’s an evil, evil guy who comes up with the plan. Evil guys are always trying to make Bellri’s life difficult. I bet he’s smirking on the inside, too.
And it’s the cutiepatootie girl who feels guilty. Girls are angels. Guys are evil. Except the main character, but that’s ’cause he’s really just a kid. He hasn’t grown up to be an evil guy just yet. Oh, what a world we must live in that all older guys are not to be trusted.
— So more scenes of Bellri and company desperately fighting off monsters. I think these are supposed to be heart-pumping, edge-of-your-seat moments. But we’re in a dumb cave, fighting off dogs and rabbits. Whatever.
— An earthquake unfortunately all but incapacitate Lili and… the that other dude. The one dude besides Bellri who isn’t evil. Shit, that’s pretty much his only mark of distinction. Oh, he makes good weapons? Not even that unique.
— Oh no, a dog is going to vomit Fire III on our heroes! What will they do! Is this… is this the end?!!@!@!
— Oh good, let’s cut away from the tense moment to see Hestia running in her skimpy outfit. Our goddess is concerned that Bellri hasn’t returned, but when isn’t she concerned?
— When we finally return to our heroes, we see that they are…
…safe for the time being. Well, that’s nice. I sure am glad that whenever a life-threatening moment is about to occur, we just do a timeskip to avoid animating it entirely. When Indy was running away from that rolling boulder, Spielberg should’ve just cut to Jones being safe and sound back in the jungle. C’mon, Spielberg, learn from your Japanese animating overlords!
— So what do we do now? Thanks to that earthquake, our heroes are even deeper into the dungeon. Well, Lili suggests that they head on down to the 18th floor, because it’s apparently a safe zone with no monsters. That’s convenient. And although there’s a boss on the 17th floor, if our heroes hurry, Loki’s party will kill it and Bellri can make it through before it respawns! How heroic. Then when they get to the 18th floor, they can just wait until a kind group of adventurers help lead them back out. Doubly heroic.
— On the outside, those irresponsible adventurers confess what they’ve done, and…
…there’s this overly-highlight moment where Hestia recruits their help. She’s forming a search party for Bellri. Alright, back to what I had originally said, what kind of hero needs a search party? Seriously. Nothing is inspiring about this dude at all. He’s only strong because he’s been given the most awesome traits in the book. He gets the best weapon for free because his mommy is willing to work herself to the bone to pay for it (then he just happens to meet a guy who has no friends, so he’s willing to become Bellri’s personal blacksmith). And in the end, he still can’t even get anything done. He gets lost in the dungeon, so his mommy has to round up some of the neighborhood to go look for him. This really should just be a series about some special child who decided to go play in the woods behind his house, and somehow got lost. And just like that, the dogs and bunnies start to make sense. But it really doesn’t, because a child’s imagination is an amazing thing. Whoever imagined these boring caves are dead on the inside, and maybe that’s why they so desperately want to be a coddled, little kid.
— So Hermes shows up with his assistance, and volunteers to go look for Bellri. After all, Bellri is special, and everyone — including other gods — have nothing better to do than to involve themselves in his life. Supposedly, it’s against the rules for gods to enter the dungeon, but man oh man, it’s not like we know shit about these gods. Just throw some lazy theory out there. Like adventurers are all dead, and they need to go through some ridiculously long cave in order to make it back to the surface, i.e. life. And the gods are supposed to help them achieve reincarnation. I mean, who knows? But it’s more than what we’ve got now, which is nothing. There’s just some dungeon and we’re adventurers so we’re going to adventurer the fuck out of it!!! And there are gods, but they kinda don’t do anything…
— Eventually, Bellri and company run into brown minotaurs. I don’t even remember if the previous minotaur was brown or not. I’ll just pretend it wasn’t brown, so at least DanMachi has the palette-swapping part of JRPGs down. For a short moment, Bellri goes Kirito on their ass, but I guess he can only tap into this Gary Stu-ness every once in a while. Like a Limit Break. Maybe this series is really just Kirito being trapped in an MMO within an MMO, and made to think he’s a weak level 2 character. Inception, baby!
— After the credits, Chloe joins the search party. Ain’t nobody needs pants where we’re headin’! Anyway, see you DanMachi lovers next week for more crackpot theories about this series and why it even exists.