I’m really, really bored already. F-fine, we’ll watch one episode. Just one, though. But if any of you expected a great returning post from me, I’d turn back now.
This… this is the all-important girl at the center of the story? Tch. When the synopsis said, “One day, [our hero] meets a girl named Makio Kidouin, and when finding that she lives alone, he decides to watch over her,” I expected the heroine to be a little older than this… BUT LULZ ANIME.
Great, it’s a toddler in distress. Saving damsels is just too 1995.
Those jungle gyms in Japan are insane.
Luckily, Yotaro, a bonafide knight — uh huh — just happens to be nearby, and he’s always ready to aid a lady in need. For some reason, however, our hero feels the need to whip his lance out as he bravely leaps into the air at our falling toddler. Maybe he’ll catch her with his spear–… NO! NO! THAT IS WRONG. SHE IS TOO YOUNG.
What the fu…
See, I was like, “Oh, he’ll break his fall with his lance or something. That’s why he pulled it out.”
*tips mask* But seriously, this is just like their fateful encounter in some flashback, right? We’re going to do a time skip where both characters grow up, yeah?
Fuck you anime.
Yeah, no you don’t, you liar. Anyway, we see the kid get knighted at some ceremony, and then there was some world building about the organization that he belongs to, but none of it is compelling enough to talk in length about. This shit is adapted from a light novel, though, so you can imagine reading these chapters? And I thought my job was boring and tedious…
We see that the kid has daddy issues, but then again, this is anime. Dad went to pick up a bento at the nearby combini and forgot how to get home.
Soon afterwards, we see the kid save come to the help of another maiden in distress. This one is a little older than the first one. A little. Again, this is anime. You gotta take baby steps. Literally sometimes.
Five minutes into crunchyroll and chill and he gives you that face.
Oh shit, we’re, like, in the modern world. I thought this was gonna be some slightly medieval escapist fantasy, but Yotaru is some masque-donning, lance-wielding “knight of the world” running around in modern Japan. I’m too old for this shit.
Carry a big stick taken literally.
Eventually, Yotaru drives the hoodlums away, but he gets really dramatic for no reason.
Like neckbeardian levels of dramatic. But I mean, he is a white knight…
The girl reacts accordingly:
So are we supposed to laugh at this kid or what? ‘Cause the kid’s all, “Well, I was raised this way. My body can’t help being a white knight.” There’s always some kernel of optimism buried deep within the terrible recesses of my mind that’s like, “Yo, it’s a parody, and it’s making fun of people with Yotaro’s mentality.” But see, you can’t get your hopes up, because the last half of the episode is utterly, utterly terrible.
But before we get to that, some girl and her talking horse is looking for Yotaro. Oh, did I say horse?
I meant a fuckable horse. Is that even illegal in Japan? Neeeeeeigh.
You ever get the sense that none of this is real, and this is just a bunch of fucked up cosplayers running around in broad daylight when the rest of us are trying to go about our day? That guy’s car is too small for him, by the way.
Needless to say, the opening of the anime happens after our hero got called a pervert by a slightly older girl. So then the only person he can impress is this really young and impressionable kid who’s probably in kindergarten or some shit. Cue the “WELL ACTUALLY SHES IN MI-…” I don’t fucking care, man. If you’ve read the light novels, tell me nothing. I’m not gonna read your comment. I don’t want to know anything extra about this story.
Unsurprisingly, Makio just leads a dude she hardly knows back to a gigantic mansion that she lives in all by herself. Yep. No parents. Just some maids. But the maids don’t even stay the night. She is all alone. And thus we’ve created the only character in the world that could possibly be impressed by our hero and his antics.
Speaking of daddy issues…
And then waking up to a girl that you may as well be a father figure to.
Why does Makio live alone? I don’t know. I stopped paying attention. Something about orders. Something about the girl being the only daughter of some prominent family. Of course. The hero wasn’t going to meet, save and watch over some peasant girl.
Eventually, some bad guys show up to take Makio away. Why? See, this is the story trying to tese you. Like, don’t you want to know why she’s so important? Eh? Eh? Wait, what do you mean you don-…
So of course, the masked hero triumphantly returns to beat the bad guys up. And what do you do when you fight a guy with a 3 meter lance? You pull out knives.
EVEN THE MAID HAS DADDY ISSUES. Anyway, hero wins, horse-girl finds our hero, end episode. This show sucks. This post sucks. This blog sucks. I want to go back into hiatus. Ugh. I mean, I want to write. I really want to write. My day job doesn’t give me any opportunity to write or express any sort of creativity. But I can’t write about this. It’s impossible.