I was gonna start playing through the Kingdom Hearts games, because I’ve honestly never touched any of them before. Why has it taken me so long to touch the series? Well, c’mon. We’re talking about the unholy combination of Disney and Nomura. That sounds terrible on paper. Disgusting. But I’m a stupid dummy who will probably buy Kingdom Hearts 3 when it comes out in fifty bajillion years, so I thought I may as well try to force myself through the first two games. That was the idea, anyway. But now I’m procrastinating. I’m trying to put off playing those games as long as I can. So much so that I’m literally writing this post as a way to procrastinate. It turns out my revulsion to the idea of Kingdom Hearts is so strong, it’s driven me back to blogging. Amazing!
Unfortunately, it’s been so long since I’ve written a single thing for the blog. So, so long. Seriously, what the fuck did WordPress do to this site. I hate it. But whatever. I’ll write something. Something terrible. But it’s a start. This is like getting back into jogging for the first time in a long time, and as a result, I will be projectile vomiting everywhere. I haven’t even taken a single step, and I’m dry-heaving. And once it starts, it will get everywhere. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. A lot of the words that follow are going to be extremely disorganized. I’m just gonna write whatever comes to my brain. I don’t want to call it stream-of-conscious writing, because that would be an insult to stream-of-conscious writing. I’m just vomiting, dude. Hold my hair and let me throw up. And it’s going to be pretty self-indulgent. The blog itself is self-indulgent. Why the fuck does anyone care what I think about anime? You can quote me on that.
So there are a lot of shows airing in the fall. Way too many to write about. Honestly, I’m too old for this shit. Way too old. When did I start this blog? Back in 2009? Seriously, I’m too old for this shit. It doesn’t even make sense for me to do this anymore. But we can look at this as a new era. A new age for Moe Sucks. These words represent the death throes of the blog. Old and broken man tries to get back into the game, but some Bane analogue will just come by and break me in half. Okay, enough masturbatory nonsense for now. There’s plenty of time for that later. My point is, before I went off on some stupid meta faff, I’m just gonna write about stuff that caught my interest. If anyone is offended that I skipped over generic weeb shit about cute girls doing the latest popular gimmick, then just skip to the bottom and flame me in the comments. Get it over with, y’know? You won’t be the first to insinuate that I’m a homosexual (in not so kind words) because I don’t like your Japanese cartoons, and you won’t be the last.
Okay, so what’s up first?
Garo: Vanishing Line
Honestly, the trailer looks pretty dope. I’m ready to see Garo in a contemporary setting. Let’s fucking go.
But here’s the thing with MAPPA. They first got on my radar with Kids on the Slope. They didn’t produce it by themselves, but hey, credit where credit’s due. I think I wrote a post extolling the series somewhere. After Kids on the Slope, there were some works that I didn’t care about, but Terror in Resonance exploded onto the scene. I loved it. I loved the tone. I loved the story. I loved the characters. I know a lot of people hated the ending. Whatever. I won’t revisit that. I won’t overanalyze why certain things tend to be turn offs for the general public. If I keep blogging long enough, we’ll get to that topic eventually. It’s the fucking elephant in the room, after all. But for now, let’s look on the bright side, which is that, if you’re reading this blog, you’ve likely seen Terror in Resonance. High fucking five, man. You know I sit next to someone who actually helps out with the organization of Fanime every year, and she’s never heard of this show? But that’s a whole ‘nother topic altogether. Point is, Terror in Resonance made me keep an eye on MAPPA.
Then they followed it up with Rage of Bahamut and Garo, two excellent shows in their own right. Well, Rage of Bahamut wasn’t that good, but it was entertaining enough. It’s a single, and MAPPA is still batting pretty well. Unsustainably well. So like all things in this universe, the studio regressed towards the mean. MAPPA is like that guy who used to be a child with brimming potential, but is now stuck in some soul-sucking corporate job. I know, I know. You’re gonna say Yuri on Ice was great, and I’m a philistine for having missed it. But remember, I’m too old for this shit. Three or four years ago, I might have watched everything and anything just to throw some words at the board and call it a new post. Look! Analysis! E Minor with yet another fresh take (read: rote and banal). Honestly, I got to a point where I was really only excited for one or two shows a season, and the rest was just bullshit to fill out the week. Nowadays? I wouldn’t watch that shit. Not in a million years. Not because it’s bad, but because I just don’t give a shit about figure skating and I’m not going to pretend to for 300 odd views. More like ten nowadays since the blog has been dead for so long.
So this is like seeing that kid you’re so disappointed in, but well, at least he isn’t doing heroin. He’s safe. Safe, bland, and totally unambitious, but in a pinch, I guess you can lean on him. Good for you, MAPPA. You could’ve done a lot worse for yourself. I guess. Garo’s a safe bet.
The show’s synopsis says that the heroine needs to become an extreme sadist, but the PV is bland as fuck, so I’m mad that I got tricked into watching 51 seconds of some poor voice actress straining her vocal cords to mimic what idiots believe the ideal teenager is supposed to sound like.
Net-juu no Susume
I snorted with derision when the PV abruptly cuts to the love interests, and the super generic jpop blasted in unison. I have the awful feeling that the moral of the story here is to bend this overexpired Christmas cake back into normalcy, which is why her love interest is a tall, handsome, gainfully-employed blond boy. Maybe he plays a female avatar in the game. Oof. You rebel you. But hey, conformity is the name of the game.
I’m rather much more interested in how she can become a NEET and, well, afford everything else. In reality, most NEETs are supported by their families, but I must’ve missed it if there are any parents in that PV. The romance will be played up. The “second life” in that unimaginative net game will dominate a lot of the narrative. What I don’t expect to see is the economic and mental burden of becoming a NEET. I’ll check out a couple episodes to see if the anime even has the balls to address any of that or if it’ll just hand-wave it off somehow.
Houseki no Kuni
The PV doesn’t make the show look all that bad. It actually looks kind of interesting. But this synopsis does the show a disservice:
In the distant future, a new life form called Houseki (gems) are born. The 28 Houseki must fight against the moon dwellers who want to attack them and turn them into decorations, thus each gem is assigned a role such as a fighter or a medic
That is such a terrible synopsis. It’s actually absurdly funny how incredibly literal it is. Words have been used to murder this anime. I have no idea if it’s any good. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. But the PV at least hints at something that is potentially visually interesting. And yet, we’ve plumb the depths of language to draw out the bluntest cudgel of words possible to absolutely pummel this anime.
Imouto sae Ireba Ii
I don’t want to link the PV. The synopsis says it all, anyway:
The story follows the everyday life of Itsuki, a novelist and “modern day Pygmalion” who works day in and day out to create the ultimate younger sister.
What does it say when a 20 year old adult is still fixated on creating the perfect imouto.
He even looks like an insufferable asshole.
Kids fucking dying. That’s all I’m here for.
Time for an intermission, because you can feel my regret settling in. You can feel my words running out of energy already. I blew my load on the Garo paragraphs, and now I barely have anything left for these shows. Why did I even start this post? I’m bored and tired now, but I still got a handful of PVs to wade through despite knowing at the back of my mind that most of this schlock will not merit a response. This post even kinda mirrors the blog. I always start out with a lot of drive, but inevitably, that will peter out. Ultimately, I need inspiration from the shows, and they just don’t do it for me. And the rest of the post becomes this painful lurch to the finish line. Hell, if I could just stop writing right now, and pat myself on the back by saying how the sudden end of the post is, like, such a clever imitation of real life. But that’d be stupid. Nevertheless…
Shoujo Shuumatsu Ryokou
It looks and sounds like it won’t have any tension. That’s gonna be a no for me.
Kekkai Sensen & Beyond
I like the show’s music, but honestly, the story is quite unremarkable.
As a quick aside, there’s apparently going to be another season of that cooking shounen. Yep. That’s about all I’ve got to say about that.
That Kino show
There isn’t much I can say from this trailer other than that I’m not terribly impressed by the art direction. It’s been 14 years since the first series aired. Yes, I have little to go on besides a short promotional video. And visuals aren’t everything. But nevertheless, this is a visual medium. People are going to say that the story is what truly matters, but I disagree. Read a book if the story is the only thing that matters. In a visual medium, the visuals become a part of the narrative. It’s not about the show not looking technically impressive. No, it’s not that. It just looks… uninspiring.
Here’s MAPPA less safe bet. Due to my biases, I’m a bit apprehensive to watch this show, actually. Where are they going with this? I mean, is it just me or is there a very thin line for MAPPA to tread here? After all, the synopsis spells it out quite clearly that this dude starts off “pathetic” and “disrespected” by his own family. Evidently, something happens to him, and he becomes a robot and you’re not going to disrespect a robot, are you? But let’s get right down to it. The truth is that it’s hard to actually be genuinely apolitical. You can choose to not participate, I suppose. You can choose to stick your fingers in your ears and try as you might to drown out the noise, but even that act alone is a statement. So you’d be hard-pressed to convince me that some old man turning into a hero is not political in its own way, especially within the context of the culture surrounding this anime. And that’s the source of my apprehension. Of all the shows on that will air next season, this show has the greatest potential to disgust me if the moral of the story goes in a certain direction. I realize I’m being a bit coy about what I’m trying to get at. I’m pussyfooting around a bit. Call me gutless if you want. But continuing on, who cares about loli antics anymore? Who cares about some dumb loser in search of yet another imouto-fueled high? Those are all just fetishes. Barely fulfilled fetishes at that. They live in the dark and they’ll die quietly in the dark. The world is not impacted whatsoever by that sort of nonsense. But here, you have the potential for an actual statement, and I’m curious and somewhat reluctant to learn what it might be.
Okay, we’re over 2000 words, and it’s actually so terrible, I don’t wanna go back and proofread any of it. I told you this was going to be a low effort post. What you see is what you get. Ugh. If I didn’t mention a show, it’s because neither its synopsis nor the PV elicited a reaction that I could possibly spin into a horrible mess of words. Don’t do what I just did, kids. Language serves a function. Language is a powerful tool to help us understand the world around us. And I’ve just abused it terribly.