Killing Bites Ep. 7: To go where no honey badger has ever gone before


— Oh hey, more backstory I don’t care about. Honestly, I’m just here to see who has the sharpest fang. Nothing else matters to me. Even the girls don’t matter to me, because they’re not really drawn all that well. Gimme the fangs.

— Recap, recap, recap. What is this? Dragon Ball Super?

— This oh-so-threatening Kido guy is apparently a tree hugger. I can’t wait to see what animal he ends being. I’m hoping sloth. Also, Gorilla Boy is still alive (I forget if I ever gave him a stupid nickname), but of course he is. Who’s actually really dead in this show besides the rapist Solid Snake?

— “A blow from a crocodile’s tail can even pierce the defenses of a hippo’s hide.” I’m skeptical.

— You would naturally assume that this is worse than Killing Bites. After all, death > killing. Death is what killing hopes to achieve. But just watch it fail.

— It critically failed. Hoo boy, there’s no coming back from that one… I think. You never know with these dumb shows. Seriously though, what animal is this Kido?

— The guy then kneels down and punches Renekton some more for good measure. Stop! Stop! He’s already dead!

— This is where someone’s supposed to stand in front of the crowd and yell, “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!” I mean, isn’t this what these rich fucks want? Don’t tell me there’s a line they won’t dare cross. Poor people killing each other is A-OK, but don’t you dare be so sadistic!

— According to Kido, this isn’t about sadism at all. He just wants to turn Renekton into fertilizer. You could also just eat the guy and then let your body take care of it. Just sayin’.

— This looks absolutely terrible. In any case, he’s about to strike Hungry Hungry Hippo, but the latter suddenly disappears into a hole. Of course. After all, Bunny Girl wasn’t digging those holes for reason.

— Elsewhere, the 2v1 fight against Geico Insurance never pans out, because the villainous is ordered to pull out. Somehow, this just feels rather anticlimactic. I was expecting another ridiculous fight to unfold.

— Instead, Chesty Cheetah turns and pounces on Honey Badger, but we kinda already know how that’s going to pan out. The two hot girls of the cast aren’t going to even injure each other much less kill each other. But the show doesn’t want to blow its load yet, so back to Hungry Hungry Hippo we go!

— Okay, nature guy is really starting to stretch credulity.

— Hungry Hungry Hippo says he’s going to stay hidden for now, but it’s going to be hard to hide a goddamn hippo.

— Meanwhile, Bunny Girl just has to stay out of trouble, but she somehow digs her way into it.

— Gorilla Boy: “Then I’ll be happy to squash you. And I don’t mean figuratively!” Nobody was thinking figuratively, dude. Nobody. But the show always cuts to something else just as soon as something interesting is about to happen. So do we get to see Bunny Girl fight Gorilla? No. We see this instead…

— …where are the fangs? C’mon, where are the sharp fangs!

— They can’t even make lesbian kissing look hot. It just looks… awkward.

— Apparently, the girls are only horny because this lady did something to them. Civet, huh? What’s a civet? Apparently, its musk is used to make perfumes, which naturally works as an aphrodisiac in an anime. But wait, don’t they also feed coffee beans to these animals? Then you “harvest” the beans from their feces and sell that shit (no pun intended) for tons of money?

— Right.

— My word! Heavens to Betsy!

— See, it’s not that I dislike hot girl-on-girl action. The problem is that it gets sickos all hot and bothered. Do you really want to see some pervy old man stick out his pervy old tongue? No, right? So let’s hose those two girls down so we can get back to finding out who has the sharper fangs.

— Elsewhere (I say this a lot for this show), Geico Insurance runs into Taiga Aisaka. But if you’re expecting an exciting bout, she just goes down in one blow. Afterwards, Taiga goes on and on about how a Destroyal without his BFF Leo is just so goddamn boring, but if I recall correctly, he almost died to the crocodile, so what a crock of shit. Plus, Leo lost to Honey Badger. Man, after all that build up, this episode is just picking people off left and right without any excitement or drama.

— Honey Badger and Chesty Cheetah are still going at it, but none of their clothing have come off. Hmmmm.

— So Yoko seems to think her grandfather has merely been tricked into becoming a pervy old man. She also thinks winning this Destroyal will somehow change him back. How? Shrug. Magic, I guess. In her words, she will claim victory and take back his heart. Just like that.

— In the end, Honey Badger snaps out of her sex-crazed delusion by thinking about Shidoh. What’s the point of having Yuya around again? Anyways, she then has some harsh words for Chesty Cheetah:


— You heard her, folks. Sharp fangs > sex. Somehow, I’ve kinda lost all enthusiasm for Honey Badger’s catchphrase. It’s just been so cold up here, I can barely move my fingers to type these words out. Maybe I’ll get back into it next week.

— But before she can kill the civet, Taiga stops her. Ah well. End episode. I can finally sleep. And yeah, like I said on Twitter, I’m saving Beatless for tomorrow since I got back so late tonight. G’night.

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