Bargain Bin Kirito gets to go on a road trip with seven underaged female characters. There’s not a single male in sight! Are isekai heroes really so insecure that they can’t even stand being in the same room with someone from the same sex?! Yes. The answer is always yes.
— Just look at that dumb face. We almost forget that he is supposed to be a 29-year-old programmer.
— Elves are apparently vegetarians in this universe (if not vegan).
— More in-game shenanigans. It’s kinda remarkable that it has taken us ten weeks to even consider using an item box. At the same time, however, I don’t really know why we need one considering how BBK seems to be carrying a ton of stuff on him at all times. The guy then says he doesn’t really know what his storage space can and can’t do. As viewers, we naturally assume that the main character would investigate this offscreen, but apparently not! What has he been doing all this time?
— Don’t lie, BBK. Don’t lie. It’s unbecoming of you.
— Dude, I’m watching a grown man pretend to be a teenager and make stuffed dolls for his lolis. What the fuck.
— My brain is turning to mush. It’s literally turning into mush. Yes, literally.
— Scintillating mini-map action!
— Captivating loli frolicking action!
— Sad elf-type loli action!
— Terrible leaf-playing action!
— We’re nine minutes into the episode, and not a single important thing has happened. It has been nine minutes of just BBK hanging out with his lolis.
— Finally, one of the lolis takes BBK aside to show himself something odd about the fallen columns around them: they apparently resemble toriis (aka those iconic gateways to Shinto shrines). BBK feels as though he’s seen these same torii before, and not only that, he suddenly remembers a loli from his past! A goddess-type loli?! I like how a major revelation for this anime simply leads to yet another loli to add to his lolidex.
— The girl goes on and on about reincarnation, so maybe BBK has died in the real world. Man, that sucks. Instead of reincarnating into a cool game, he ended up in one of his company’s shitty games.
— But then he goes on to say that he’s never actually talked to such a girl in real life. Rather, he had made a game in his youth that resembled this exact scenario. So what’s going on? All of the games he’s ever touched are merging into one world, and that’s what he’s stuck in?
— Animals eating animals. What a sick, sick world!
— Yes, I realize that humans are animals too. It’s called sarcasm.
— Unfortunately, after just a couple minutes of plot development, we’re right back to inane loli shit. Like, for instance, adopting this wild baby animal out of nowhere. C’mon, that ain’t a loli! It doesn’t belong on the wagon! As a result, the animal quickly makes its departure. Good riddance! Only lolis are allowed around here!
— Delicious pancake-eating action!
— Oh God, there’s an insert song. Make them stop.
— Meanwhile, BBK is studying up on shadow magic, which he likens to a programming language. It’s almost as if… as if the creator of this world had been a programmer! Like… duh?
— Also, what does it even mean for magic to resemble a programming language? It’s much more likely that the writer just wanted to make some sort of comparison that would sound cool to viewers.
— Plus, this looks nothing like programming.
— “Nope, I’m not a lolicon!” says the lolicon as he gropes one of his lolis.
— And like a typical sexual predator, he blames the victim.
— Eventually, BBK bumps into yet another slave trader, but he doesn’t get to buy any lolis this time. He just get to buy a bunch of rats. But it’s okay, ’cause this makes his elf-type loli happy. You gotta keep your lolis in good mood or they won’t evolve, I think. I dunno, I’ve never played Lolimon.
— And because they are not lolis, the rats quickly depart. They’ll probably just be captured as slaves again. This is a rather horrible, disgusting world. After all, our hero is literally a slave owner. He actually owns most of these lolis if you’ve somehow already repressed that memory. I think the only loli he doesn’t own is the elf-type… for now, anyways.
— Lolis butchering cute deer action! We just murdered Bambi’s mother. Tsk, tsk.
— 17 minutes into the episode, and we’re right back to inane loli shenanigans.
— Stimulating drenched loli action!
— This is basically what BBK studied all that shadow magic for. He didn’t crack open that book for anything cool. Nope. He just wanted to wash the grime off of his dear lolis.
— Intriguing loli-sleeping action!
— Electrifying storage space experimentation action!
— What amazing thing does BBK discover? Time continues to flow in an item box. This is not the case with your personal storage. Basically, you can hatch an egg in an item box, but not in your storage. Okay, then…
— So what does BBK do with this knowledge? He stores hot stew in his storage, so when his lolis wake up, they have something warm to eat right away. Great.
— Heartwarming loli-smiling action!
— The episode ends with everyone paying their respects to the brave rats that died in their service of elf-type loli. Also, BBK gets a bell. I’m sure that’ll be useful later. More importantly, I’m finally done with yet another episode of Death March to the Parallel World Rhapsody. God, that was painful.