I’m just here for the trash. Plus, Friday tends to be bad for anime. For as long as I can remember, you rarely get anything great to watch on this normally awesome day of the week. Maybe the new Full Metal Panic is decent, but I still have to get around to it. For now, however, it’s all about Mahou Shoujo Site. Of course, I’m under no delusion that this show will be any good. But I guess I’m kinda curious where this story is going. After all, it can’t just be about bullies. There’s gotta be some grand purpose to all these tortured mahou shoujos, right? That’s how it always works. And that’s exactly what we’ll soon find out in this week’s episode.

— Curious about the world of magic? Like most anime, it’s just some crappy filter slapped onto the real world.

— Tsuyuno’s power is quite powerful. I initially thought that Aya would be naturally immune to Tsuyuno’s time-freezing abilities, but as it turns out, she would’ve locked in place too if the latter hadn’t added the girl to a list of exceptions. You got a cellphone app for that? Damn. I wonder who wrote it. The evil website probably has a backend written in Malbolge or something stupid like that.

— The orange-haired mahou shoujo is also heartless. She has no qualms about “taking out the trash.” Basically, if you so much as annoy her, you might find yourself on her shit list. Sure, the world is full of horrible people. But I prefer inspirational heroes. Call me soft, but I prefer to feel good about life at the end of the day.

— Tsuyuno insists, however, that she hasn’t killed Aya’s bully. Uh-huh. I guess she just has a flesh wound.

— Loving that low-res, stretched-out store name. Nice. Only chumps care about aspect ratios.

— Dutch angles add dynamism to the scene!

— Tsuyuno has decided to visit Aya’s home, so Kaname is nice enough to bring up some snacks. Sorry, but who the hell drinks orange juice with cookies? That Kaname is so diabolical!

— What I really dislike about the show is how they really infantilize Aya. Just look at how large her eyes are. It’s nowhere near as bad with Tsuyuno.

— It’s like a video game… but it’s tied to your magical abilities as well. You’ll die if you use your powers too much. But how does Tsuyuno know this? Has she seen someone die?

— There are dozens of us! Dozens!

— Tsuyuno eventually warns Aya that she has to be on the look out for other mahou shoujos. Not everyone is so nice. In fact, there’s a mahou shoujo serial killer hellbent on taking everyone’s magic stick (that sounds so odd). So… it’s just like real life then, huh? Bullied there, and soon to be bullied here. The only winning move is to die and hope you reincarnate in a better universe.

— Of course, the serial killer looks comically deranged. I don’t think these writers have ever actually studied serial killers before.

— So is this phenomenon localized entirely within Japan? Does the evil website lockout foreign IPs because it doesn’t want dirty gaijins to steal its magic sticks?

— Basic perspective errors.

— So can Tsuyuno pause time and take naps during those moments? Can she effectively stay perpetually awake? God, I wish I had that power.

— Tsuyuno volunteers to stay the night, so Kaname can’t do anything toni–… really? Really?

— Elsewhere, we get to watch and hear the mahou shoujo serial killer act all nutso and carefree while some whimsical, tricksy song plays in the background. This is so generic that it hurts. It’s rote storytelling through and through.

— The evil girl has a yearbook, and she instantly pinpoints Aya as her next target. Hm, I wonder how she even knows that our heroine is a mahou shoujo. Is there a mahou shoujo list somewhere? Do you have to update your info every time you move?

— The next day, the Greek chorus chimes in as the sole remaining bully slowly loses her sanity. This is just torture porn but for anime girls. But I mean, it’s also been done before and done better too.

— We think we see Tsuyuno napping in class, but it turns out she was just pretending. In fact, she’s using our poor Aya as a decoy to lure the serial killer out. Our heroine has such terrible luck with friends. First, she’s accosted by bullies, and now Cyclops is taking advantage of her.

— Please don’t kill another poor cat.

— Tch… nah man, nah.

— Tsuyuno tries to freeze time in order to save Aya, but the pink-haired girl can apparently erect a magical box in which everything inside is immune to outside powers… I think. Welp, so much for Tsuyuno being overpowered. This is the sort of story that will just pull anything out of its ass as it sees fit. The evil girl also has a camera that allows her to take on anyone’s appearance.

— Okay, I know I said that it’s bad to kill people… but Aya won’t even defend herself. Look, if you don’t have to kill someone to stop them, then you shouldn’t. Did Tsuyuno really have to slice Aya’s bully’s throat? Probably not. With a little creativity, you could easily cause the girl to get in trouble with the adults and get her taken away for good. But I digress. My point is that if you’re backed into a corner against a psychotic Pikachu, you might really want to consider using everything at your disposal. The story wants us to feel sorry for her because she’s so pure-hearted and innocent, but instead, she just comes across as weak and pathetic.

— Anyways, Tsuyuno eventually convinces Aya to use her magic stick, and this sends the mahou shoujo serial killer… where? Apparently, any location that has a strong impression in Aya’s mind. As a result, the evil girl ends up under the bridge where our heroine used to visit her pet kitten.

— Plot twist: the mahou shoujo serial killer is actually Tsuyuno’s former ally! Unfortunately, we’ve never met Rina before, so this isn’t a plot twist at all!

— Oh no, not that! For a show full of gruesome torture, murder and rape, this is pretty tame.

— According to Rina, the Tempest is coming. Apparently, this “girl” is really a guy. More importantly, he told Rina that the world is soon coming to an end. Not only that, a new world will be born (of course). And somehow, Rina thinks she needs all the magic sticks in the world to survive.

— Elsewhere, we see yet another psycho mahou shoujo, and she is crazy in the exact same way that Rina is crazy. Yawn.

— Uh, what is with all the sperm in the ED?