Yes, make sure to describe accurately what’s happening to you right now. Otherwise, this wouldn’t be another post of Harem Something or Other. Anyways, if you didn’t get the memo, I decided to remove Island from this series of posts. It’s just not harem-y enough. If you still want to follow my thoughts on that show, check out tomorrow’s post instead.
How Not to Summon a Demon Lord Ep. 7
— First things first, we have to understand that Diablo was once betrayed by his so-called friends! He thought they were his nakama, but in reality, they just wanted to use him! Oh no!
— Anyways, the day has come for Shera to tell her creepy, rapey brother once and for all that she has no desire to return to Greenwood. Since we have so much time to spare on our hands, let’s make potions. What MMORPG-related anime doesn’t have a proper potion-making scene?
— After crafting a few potions, that elf flute suddenly starts playing in the background, and as a result, the light has disappeared from Shera’s eyes. Oh no, you know what this means!
— On the surface, it appears as though Shera willingly returns to her creepy, rapey brother. Welp.
— Man, who know a demon lord could be so goddamn mopey?
— Rem tries to give him a pep talk to no avail. Diablo even knows that the girl had been mind-controlled, but he’s still being all butthurt about those kids betraying him. Yeah, the writer basically came up with a throwaway backstory to try and add gravitas to this scene. The only thing that ends up happening, however, is that Diablo comes off pathetic. Look, this happens to all of us at one point or another. A lot of people are fake. A lot of people are phonies. But if you’re going to give up on everyone else just because two dorks pretended to be your friends, you’ve got issues, man.
— In the end, Diablo wants to know why Rem would risk rejection to try and save Shera. Gee, I dunno, risk Shera hurting my feelings… or saving a friend from being potentially raped by her incestuous brother. I DUNNO WHAT TO DO! Anyways, Rem just gives the standard anime answer. It’s all about the nakama!
— Alicia will also help out. Side note: it always takes me a second to remember this girl’s name, because it’s so plain. You got Diablo, Rem, Shera, and… Alicia? C’mon, you may as well name the next person Bob.
— Meanwhile, Shera’s brother is all pissed off that Diablo has never really ordered the girl to do anything… anything what? What exactly was he expecting to hear? Did he actually want Shera to tell him that Diablo had taken advantage of her?
— But yeah, the only order Diablo has ever given Shera was to shake hands with Rem. That still doesn’t excuse the whole slave gimmick, because the control is implicit.
— As soon as Shera calls out for Diablo, he and the other two girls show up to save her. Nice timing!
— Diablo had made short work of Keera’s entire army. I bet you, however, that the story will still want to claim that there are no casualties. We always want to have it both ways. Diablo is super hella strong and badass, but he’s not a killer! When he takes on an entire army, he just give them some lumps! That’s all!
— Shera’s brother tries once more to mind-control her, so Diablo has to resort to issuing an order. We now learn that the slave collar always takes precedence over some lame elven flute. Or maybe both orders cancel each other out, thereby allowing Shera to act on her own free will. Shrug. Who really cares?
— Either way, the girl confesses that she wants to be with Diablo and Rem forever with tears running down her face.
— Pissed that his plans to rape his own sister has been foiled, Keera decides that the best course of action is to destroy the whole world. As a result, he summons a lame-looking hydra. As usual, the girls tell Diablo to run, but he won’t. Unfortunately, we’ll have to wait till next week’s episode to find out what happens next.
— It’ll be ridiculous if Keera somehow survives this ordeal. Look, Shera’s brother is not just a rapist. He is also enough of a psychopath that he would end the world over this conflict. What kind of badass demon lord won’t actually take this guy out?
— Mmm, delicious uniboob.
— Wait, the uniboob has cell divided! One parent boob into two daughter boobs!
— For some reason, if Diablo focuses his attention on something else — like Shera’s boobs — he will automatically craft potions without even having to think about it. As a result, we get a potion-making scene in which we see none of the crafting process. Just boobs. Nothing but shiny, hanging elf boobs.
— Diablo then makes the mistake of telling the elf that he would like more moments like these in the future. Yeah, sure, moments of him scoping out her tits. Real sensitive soul there, bro.
— Sure enough, we see Shera chained up in her brother’s tent. Even though he can mind control her, he still feels the need to make it look as rapey as possible.
— He even unleashes a cloth-eating slime upon the girl. Why? So that she can get naked, of course! This dude can’t even tear her clothes off himself. He has to let a slime do it. Tch.
— I think someone’s been reading too many doujins in their spare time.
— Luckily, the slime didn’t manage to eat through Shera’s panties. We all know women’s underwear are made from the strongest fabric!
The Master of Ragnarok & Blesser of Einherjar Ep. 7
— In his rage, Loptr tried to murder Yuuto, but he ended up killing his own father in front of everyone instead. Was he then detained and imprisoned right there and then? Of course not. Everyone just allowed him to run off. Gee, I bet he totally won’t try and get revenge on us or anything, huh?
— With his last breath, Loptr’s father still tells Yuuto to make his kid the patriarch when our hero finally decides to return home. Yeah, sure, he killed me and abandoned his people just because he didn’t get to be the patriarch, but he totally deserves it later. Totally.
— Back in the present, there are news of the Panther Clan stirring up some trouble. Felicia then reveals that her brother has become said clan’s leader. Oh boy.
— Loptr had even asked her to join his side, but she will remain forever by Yuuto’s side for whatever reason. I guess his dick game is just that good.
— It should be noted that Felicia’s brother has the unique ability to copy any technology that he sees. A smarter dude would’ve just copied Yuuto’s smartphone, but maybe that’s impossible. I’m just saying, though…
— In any case, Loptr’s forces also included the dreaded cavalry, which means this won’t be an easy fight. We soon cut to the guy chilling in his tent with his second-in-command. The girl behind him is Sigyn. Apparently, it doesn’t get very cold around here.
— Anyways, when the Panther Clan attacks the Horn Clan, Yuuto is forced to go to war against Loptr. The latter initially has our hero completely surrounded, but Yuuto quickly unveils his latest toy: war wagons. I think these were employed by the Chinese, but whatever. I don’t really care about any of the war technology or strategies being implemented in this show.
— In anime, whenever one character used to be an ally, the other characters will always speak about them in glowing terms. Yuuto still clearly hopes that he and Loptr can be best bros one day, and I find this absolutely ridiculous. Again, Felicia’s brother murdered their father. Not only that, he’s willing to wage a war just to get his revenge on Yuuto. You know what happens in wars? People die. Lots of people die. Not just soldiers, but innocent civilians too. And yet, the writing in these shows are so myopic that a hero like Yuuto will still insist that his brother is amazing. Dude, get a grip. Loptr’s about as amazing as dogshit.
— But I digress. The war wagons force Loptr’s cavalry back, so he has to rely on his trump card: Sigyn’s spastic dancing. Apparently, she has the ability to turn soldiers into berserkers, zombie-like men who do not fear death. Hell, her dancing almost works on Yuuto! As a result, Loptr’s forces are able to advance against Yuuto’s war wagons despite being riddled with arrows.
— Finally, Loptr is able to carve a direct path to Yuuto. Felicia tries to protect our hero, but her brother is willing to cut her down if need be.
— This is when Sigrun finally shows up with the Yuuto’s trump card: camels. No, really, camels. The ungulate proceeds to spook all of the horses in the area, thereby forcing Loptr to retreat. Hilarious.
— Still, Loptr has not been defeated, and it’s hard to imagine that he’s just going to give up after one humiliating defeat (to camels).
— After last week’s bathhouse hijinks, the show is back to its war games. As a result, we have very little harem content to deal with. Too bad the rest of the show is just plain boring.
— As you can see from the screenshot above, we have Felicia frolicking in the river with some girls.
— And of course, there’s always Dumb and Dumber.
— Also, I don’t know what Sigyn is doing here, but it looks ridiculous.
Yuuna and the Haunted Hot Springs Ep. 6
— The first half of the episode focuses on Chitose. Just because she looks 13 doesn’t mean the anime won’t lewd her.
— When the others aren’t looking, Chitose likes to sneak off to middle school. Yep, that’s right, she’s a middle schooler. Technically, she’s at least decades old. Nevertheless, it has always been her dream to go to school, and I guess this is the first time that she is able to.
— At one point, she angers a dog, so it starts chasing her. Don’t her hips look a bit odd here? It’s like her bottom half isn’t fully attached to her top half.
— Anyways, when Chitose gets to school and starts talking about idols with her friends, we find out who she has a crush on. It isn’t Kogarashi? Well, color me surprised.
— Like I said, just because she’s a middle schooler doesn’t mean the show won’t lewd her.
— Eventually, Chitose and her friends run into a pair of pushy punks. As a result, the zashiki-warashi has no choice but to inflict immediate bad luck on them. She has no control in what actually happens, though. All she can do is play around with someone’s luck. What ends up happening is supposedly random.
— Technically, the punks’ bad luck will be immediately balanced out with a score of good luck. I wonder what’s going to happen to those two…
— In any case, Kogarashi didn’t recognize Chitose at all, so her status as a middle schooler remains a secret for now. More importantly, she blushes as she watches him walk away. That’s the spirit! Now you’re a proper haremette!
— In the second half of the episode, Kogarashi and Yuuna visit a nearby onsen. Even though Yuuna currently haunts on onsen, she is looking forward to enjoying herself at another one. Makes sense. Though to be fair, this one is has a built-in water park somehow, so I guess it’s more like a resort.
— Anime cliche #4839: if a boy and a girl are hanging out somewhere, they must ask each other over and over if they’re on a date.
— Anime cliche #598: if a boy sees a girl in her normal, everyday clothes, he will finally realize that she’s actually pretty damn cute! Apparently, her cuteness cannot be noticed otherwise…
— The idea here is that Yuuna can’t pass on if she has lingering regrets. Since she’s never been on a date, Kogarashi can pretend that they’re on one. I dunno, you’re either dating or you’re not. Still, this is good enough for Yuuna. As long as she gets to do all of the couple-y stuff in her head, she’s happy.
— Plus, she’s a ghost that nobody else can see, so they can’t exactly do stuff that are restricted to couples. Hell, the guy even has trouble redeeming his free ticket.
— They won’t even let him order a drink for two. Likewise, he can’t get a dessert that is meant to be shared. Finally, they can’t even use the photo booth (even though she would just show up as Casper) because it is meant only for couples. What’s up with that? If a customer wants to pay, let them pay. I’m actually kinda surprised that the resort is literally refusing to take Kogarashi’s money. Ah well…
— Since we can’t do fun couples stuff, we may as well lewd the girl. When Yuuna asks Kogarashi what type of swimsuit she should wear, he picks absentmindedly picks out a skimpy bikini.
— Hell, it might as well be a micro bikini.
— In the end, she ends up going with something a little more sensible.
— Halfway down the slide, Yuuna’s top comes off. The ghost has told us before that if she wants to wear an outfit, all she has to do is visualize it. So how exactly does a top come off if it’s not even real clothes?
— Oh well, logic doesn’t matter in harem anime. The only thing that matters are moments like this one.
— And just because the other girls aren’t here, that doesn’t mean we can’t imagine them in their bathing suits!
— In the end, Kogarashi and Yuuna agree that they had a good time even though they couldn’t do any of the couple stuff. More importantly, Kogarashi realizes that he would be sad if the girl ever moved on and stop being a ghost.
Your moment of zen: