Goblin Slayer Ep. 11: The battle for milk, cheese, and ice cream

Right off the bat, Goblin Slayer tells Big Titty Childhood Friend to run, ’cause the goblins are coming. Her response? “But you can defeat them, right?” Haha, isn’t that just entitled? Well, I’m not gonna do the sensible thing and remove myself to safety, because you can just murder them! Well, according to our hero, he can’t defeat this incoming horde of goblins. Goblin Slayer even speculates that the force is being led by a Goblin Lord. But why so many? They’re not just after the farm, right? Unless, of course, the goblins are stupid and think that they need this many numbers to take out three people and some livestock. Well, again, Goblin Slayer speculates. He thinks the goblins want to use the farm as a stronghold so that the horde can later attack the town. A farm? Eh, I dunno.

Nevertheless, BTCF is not going to run. Her reasoning? BECAUSE HE’S STAYING BEHIND SO SHE’S GONNA DIE WITH HIM. Sorry, but survivor’s guilt is not a good reason to stick around and hurt your friend even more. Obviously, this dude cares about her, but it’s more than that. Despite Goblin Slayer’s outward coldness, this can’t be an easy conversation to have. He already has to accept the fact that he doesn’t have the strength to repel 100-plus goblins. He already has to face the inevitability of his death (although the episode’s title already clued us in on the fact that the other adventurers will help out so we know he won’t die). Now he has to deal with the fact that someone dear to him will likely get captured and raped until she’s mentally broken because he’s not strong enough to protect her. All because she doesn’t want to deal with survivor’s guilt again. Sorry girl, but where’s your brain at? You developed in all the wrong places. Oh well, Goblin Slayer isn’t going to put up a fight. She wants to stay? Alright, he won’t try any further to change her mind. Stupid characters and the monotony of fighting goblins over and over really drag this show down. Sure, it says it right in the title that the dude will slay goblins, but I’m so bored of staring at the same long-nosed, green-skinned freaks over and over.

Goblin Slayer heads straight to the guild and asks his fellow adventurers for help. Oddly enough, the guy with the lance is like, “Oh, you’re still alive.” Uh, what would’ve killed him since the last time they met? At first, people kinda laugh at our hero, but when he finally tells them that a Goblin Lord might be leading a force of a 100 strong, everyone has their mouth agape. They still don’t want to help, though. They’re also citing the usual reasons. Just goblins, goblins are gross, blah blah blah. Lancer Guy is all like, “We’re not obligated to listen to requests.” Uh, no shit? That’s why it’s called a request, dumbass. But at the end of the day, it all comes down to one thing: money. No honor among adventurers, apparently.

Luckily, Goblin Slayer is prepared for this. He tells the rowdy group that he’ll put everything he has on the line to pay them. Gotta protect that stupid BTCF, I guess. Can’t protect one sister, so you gotta protect the other one (yes, I know they’re not related). In response, Lancer Guy is like, “I can tell you’re serious about this.” WHAT PART OF A GOBLIN LORD AND A 100 GOBLINS WEREN’T SERIOUS? In the end, however, Lancer Guy finally agrees as long as he gets a drink afterwards. All that bluster just to back down after Goblin Slayer shows some humility. I hate all of these characters. It’s like helping the community out and taking care of a dangerous force aren’t good enough reasons. Gotta have all this stupid bravado in front of everyone.

Elf Girl will also help out (of course). She wants her reward to be, well, Goblin Slayer’s company. She wants to take him on a real adventure. Look, it’s not like she likes him or anything. I-i-it’s just be fun, okay! Yo, where’s Priestess? Guild Lady then comes through with a fat stack of quests, ’cause the rest aren’t as charitable. I suspect that this is supposed to be a touching scene where everyone agrees to help out because they’re appreciative of Goblin Slayer. They all owe him in one way or another, so we should be touched. And sure, for Dwarf Guy and Lizard Man, the only stuff they want in return are ultimately inconsequential. Y’know, a barrel of alcohol for the former and a giant wheel of cheese for the latter. But as far as the rest of the group is concerned, I’m just like whatever. I can’t shake the fact that they’re cowards until a couple of people got the ball rolling. First, Lancer Guy had to swallow his pride. Then, the Guild had to promise a gold coin per slain goblin (how would they even verify this?). Would anyone but Goblin Slayer’s party have lent a hand if these two conditions hadn’t been fulfilled? So y’know, screw this whole “We’re adventurers!” shtick.

As we look around the room, people decide to join the battle one-by-one. The Guts-wannabe is apparently tsundere for Goblin Slayer. One girl looks like she’s doing an Ice Climbers cosplay. Too bad she doesn’t have a partner. We have some Amazonian-like adventurer marveling over the “strange” quest she’s just heard about. Yeah, what a strange quest — protecting a farm from goblins. So bizarre! Finally, Priestess shows up, but we always knew that she would help. If there’s anyone who loves Goblin Slayer as much as BTCF, it’d be Priestess. I just find it funny that she just kinda slides into the scene outta nowhere.

Later that night, everyone has gathered ’round the farm, and the goblin scouts see this. The horde is still going to attack anyway. Imagine if the goblins suddenly decided not to attack. Goblin Slayer would lose a lot of credibility. Too bad goblins are as dumb as rocks. Well, not completely. They have a few tricks up their sleeves. As the goblin horde creeps closer to the farm, they hold up their rape victims as shields. They don’t end up being very effective, because the adventurers quickly rescue those poor girls, but the shock value is still present. All the badass warriors then take turn slaying goblins while being supported by the mages in the back. Even the newbies are doing their best like fetching water or whatever. One of the newbies is happy that he had bought armor ahead of time, but it’s clear that not everyone needs defense. Death by Snu-Snu Lady clearly doesn’t.

Eventually, goblin riders, i.e. goblins on “wolfback,” show up and join the battle, but thanks to Goblin Slayer and his meticulous planning, the adventurers seem to be prepared for everything. Will the good guys even suffer a single casualty? Whoops, I spoke too soon. These guys get to die. Just look at them. They don’t look like upstanding adventurers, so of course they get to die. And now, the battle is serious, because the goblin champions have finally arrived. I still find it funny that the goblins have the concept of shields and cavalry, but they still don’t wear armor. Sure, the ones in Water Town did, but not these ones. Nevertheless, fighting big, hulking goblins is right up Lancer Guy’s alley, so he’s going to town on them while his partner, the slow-talking Witch, backs off for now. As for Goblin Slayer, he is off on his own to face the Goblin Lord. So next week, we’ll wrap up this whole series up. If I was a betting man, I’d expect to see a sequel. Oh well, I didn’t like the show, but I can’t lie: it brought in more views than any other show this season.

1 thought on “Goblin Slayer Ep. 11: The battle for milk, cheese, and ice cream

  1. Akeem (@Akeem08113438)

    “I hate all of these characters.”

    this made me lol i tell ya. sounded just like my close friend.

    i’m just waiting for this season to be up so i can start the new crop of anime and follow your posts. was buried in school work


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