Yeah, I’d pretend not to know her either.
Goodbye, Lara Ep. 4
Lisa is incensed to learn that Lara now has human legs. Okay…? Does she not have human legs as well or am I mistaken? I thought we’ve seen her walking about. Towards the end of the episode, Lisa speaks to Lara over the phone, but it is an extremely brief and extremely unsatisfying conversation. She explains nothing, only tells Lara that she is far away (a lie), then hangs up abruptly. You know what? I’m not even going to talk about this part of the story anymore — not until they decide to stop being so damn cryptic. It’s this mystery box that they don’t intend to open until the very end of the series, and I don’t want to play that guessing game.
So instead, we can focus on Lara’s search for her prince. I still feel like it should be Mari, but our mermaid is looking for a guy to fill this role. Well, I suppose she’s only ever been with one guy. Not much to go on with such a small sample size. Plus, it appears as though she consumes romance slop everyday, and those tend to be pretty hetero.
Every so often, a flash of light appears. I believe this is the light she needs in order to bring her people back, right? Well, I don’t think it’s exclusively linked to finding true love. Instead, maybe it simply shows up whenever Lara feels any sort of strong emotion. For example, Lara befriends Himeko, a girl who is in love with her childhood friend Ouji. What fitting names, huh? Unfortunately, they’re too close, so he only sees her as family. Just like that, we get a confession and a heart-breaking rejection in half an episode. Still, when Himeko decides to move on with her life in hopes of finding a new prince, that flash of light reappears. Himeko’s abridged love story mirrors Lara’s own experiences. She, too, was rejected by her prince. I wonder if this is what the rest of the show is going to be. Until it is ready to open the mystery box, Lara will simply continue exploring, learning about, and relating to human emotions. Well, if this is truly the formula going forward, it’s not as ambitious as I would’ve liked. It’s also not the worst premise either.
Iron Wok Jan Ep. 4
Okonogi tries to make the staff lunch, but he botches it. Whatever, he’s a trainee. Just teach the kid like you’re supposed to. But no, they don’t do that here. When Okonogi points out that no one has ever taught him how to stir-fry vegetables, Jan replies, “Of course not, stupid! You figure it out by watching!” Luckily, the owner shows up and reprimands the whole crew: “Times change. If we treat all the trainees like that, we’ll burn through them faster than we can hire new ones.” But why is this coming from the owner? Isn’t this the head chef’s job? How about the sous chefs? Who’s leading this clown show? Anyway, the owner does a demo and blows everybody’s minds. The end result looks kinda greasy, though.
In the second half of the episode, that gross food critic is back with a vengeance. He wants to humiliate Jan for humiliating him. As a result, he proposes a cooking contest between the kid and some guy who goes by the name XO Jiang Ryu. As you might have guessed, the challenger specializes in using XO jiang. It’s amusing to see the show make a big deal out of the sauce. Meanwhile, I have a small jar sitting in my fridge. If you do any Chinese-style cooking whatsoever, you probably have one too. Anyway, the challenger makes a seafood dish lazily topped with his all-purpose XO jiang. He doesn’t actually cook with the sauce. He merely uses it as a crutch, because he can’t otherwise make the food taste good. Meanwhile, Jan distinguishes himself by making Chinese-style Chialapin steak with an XO sauce custom made for beef. My beef (pun intended) with Jan’s dish, however, is not in the cooking but the presentation. He serves it simply: wrapped in bamboo leaves on an otherwise empty plate. It feels incomplete. Nevertheless, Jan wins the cook-off and keeps his job.
I’ve never heard of Chialapin steak. It appears to be a Japanese dish that loads up on the onions in order to tenderize a less-than-premium cut. I would try it myself, but who can afford beef these days? Oh yeah, the food critic utters probably the dumbest line I’ve heard all week: “He uses aroma to lure people in with his cooking.” Like every fucking chef ever? Are you sure you’re a food critic?
The Insipid Prince’s Furtive Grab for the Throne Ep. 4
First, Arnold has a quick chat with the soul of his great-grandfather. They speculate that someone has been attracting monsters into the kingdom for a nefarious purpose. But again, it’s just speculation, so what can I honestly say about it? The mastermind could be any of the contenders. We don’t know what their personalities are like, so there’s no point in guessing.
Second, Arnold comes across a not-quite-an-assassin working for Zendra, one of the princesses gunning for the throne. Luckily, she’s not totally heartless. This “hitman” is only here to injure Arnold, not assassinate him. And they say familial love is dead!
Last but not least, Arnold and Finne go on a not-a-date to scope out the city where the competition will take place. When I first saw Finne, I thought her outfit was rather skimpy. Clearly, the anime thought the same, ’cause it kept giving us bountiful shots of her cleavage.
Anyway, there has been a recent spate of petty theft. When squirrel-like creatures called blatts make off with Finne’s hairpin, the duo conduct an impromptu investigation complete with fanservicey mishaps. It’s an incredibly low stakes side plot that ultimately results in Finne swearing to memorialize Arnold’s good deeds for future generations. Kind of a nothing episode. It’s perfect if you’re rooting for Arnold and Finne to become a couple, but it offers little else.
LIAR GAME Ep. 17
Man, now they’re adding games within the games. Yokoya forces the two suspected traitors to participate in a classic bout of prisoner’s dilemma. Interestingly, Bandana-kun, the one who has met Nao, refuses to crack. A single conversation with our pure, innocent angel is enough to bolster anyone’s faith in humanity’s innate goodness… or make you just as naive. After all, the other guy cracks, thereby giving Yokoya the upper hand over Akiyama again. Yokoya even has a plan to “sink the Country of Day for good.” He then assigns the task to Bandana-kun. The guy has no choice but to follow orders, right? Well, I guess this is where everyone can prove themselves once and for all. This isn’t just a battle of wits between Akiyama and Yokoya; it’s also an opportunity for Nao’s incorruptible trust to face off against Yokoya’s unrelenting cynicism. Will Bandana-kun simply capitulate? Stay tuned because this arc just keeps on going! Man, is round three really going to take up the entire second cour?
Also, I couldn’t help but notice that the entire Country of Night is all guys. I guess they didn’t feel comfortable having mini-Hitler abuse and punish women. For example, Yokoya will give you points to punish (read: beat them up) the transgressors. I suspect the show is unwilling to cross that line with the fairer sex. Even in the Country of Day, however, we’re down to only two female participants. The ratio wasn’t that skewed in round two. Why the shift, I wonder…
Young Ladies Don’t Play Fighting Games Ep. 4
I always wondered how these girls can sustain all the late-night gaming sessions. Even if you try to sneak in a nap before roll call, the lack of sleep slowly takes a toll on you. I guess this is why we get an episode mostly about maintaining a proper balance, i.e. better study for those exams coming up. Mio apparently hates exams. She even quit studying cold turkey at one point, prompting her mother to lock her gaming laptop away. This same story, however, includes Mio having to defend herself against her mother in a 1v1 karate duel, which sounds ridiculous. Point is, I’m not exactly sure how much you can believe her stories. Ah well, it doesn’t really matter. At the end of the day, you just gotta buckle down and study. If you can spend hours labbing in a fighting game, you can crack open a textbook or two and do some problems.
Once exams are out of the way, the girls start talking about what motivates them to get better in fighting games. Tamaki confesses that she’s hoping to catch someone’s attention, so she has even set her sight on entering EVO Japan. Unsurprisingly, all four of them are determined to enter the tournament.
But like I said up top, I still wonder how no one has really suffered from the effects of sleep deprivation. I also doubt they’re getting in enough exercise. It looks like they just sit around all night, gaming away. I’d like to see a slightly more realistic take on what a gaming addiction can do to you rather than this idealized version where four cute girls can act like late-night goblins without any ill effects. Talk about the busted wrists from constant rapid-fire hand movements, the poor posture from not having proper support while sitting and gaming, the brain fog during class from the lack of sleep, and all the other various maladies that can come from excessive gaming. Don’t run from it. Confront these problems head on. Hell, are they even eating and hydrating properly?
Victoria of Many Faces Ep. 4
The way Nonna describes her mom — leaving at dusk, returning in the middle of the night, zoning out or sleeping until she had to leave again — makes me think she probably had to sell herself to make ends meet. Then when she couldn’t take it anymore, she just left — likely to end it all. The sad reality is that if Victoria hadn’t found Nonna, the girl likely would’ve fallen into the same cycle.
The rest of the episode has Victoria constantly looking over her shoulder, because Prince Conrad has her under surveillance ever since her little stunt at the party. Jeff manages to get Conrad to back off only for Second Prince Cedric to larp as a ninja and tail Victoria anyway. What a bizarre revelation. Why is a grown man putting on a costume and stalking a woman and her child in broad daylight? She manages to scare him off with a couple broken ribs, but this is untenable. Victoria will always have the royal family’s attention so long as she stays in this country. This isn’t the end of it either. We already know that the ruler of Hagl is sending someone to look into her. It’s only a matter of time before they threaten Victoria and Nonna’s peace.
This is a low budget show, but even then, the action scenes were embarrassingly poor this week. The “fight” between Victoria and Cedric was incredibly hard to follow, because they couldn’t actually animate anything. As a result, it was a bunch of uncomfortable, zoomed in shots of each character. Yeah, let’s do with fewer action scenes going forward.
Jeff continues to see Victoria regularly. He even confesses that his biggest fear is her disappearing one day. She says she wouldn’t do such a thing, but that’s a lie. The last time Jeff was at her place, she had an opportunity to hug him back before he departed. She didn’t. That’s probably a good thing. I don’t see any scenario in which Victoria doesn’t disappear again. She screwed up when she knocked that would-be assassin out. Hopefully, she can bring Nonna with her when she flees again this time. Personally, I would lose all interest in this show if she ditched the kid. Jeff? Eh, I could do without.
The episode ends on a super depressing note. Jeff fills Victoria in on the would-be assassin’s motives. Apparently, his target was a marquess who had raped his sister. She, of course, lost everything including her mind. The marquess simply had to cede his title to his son and continue living a cushy life as part of the upper crust of society. So Victoria stopping the would-be assassin kinda screwed things up in more ways than one. Had he succeeded, he would’ve salvaged some form of justice for his sister. In an ideal world, we wouldn’t need to resort to vigilantism. But instead, the would-be assassin will be hanged. Who will take care of his sister now? The sad thing is, Victoria stopped the guy simply for the thrill.
Red River Ep. 4
What a laughable episode. Essentially, Yuri and the prince are rewarded for their idiocy. First, they meet with Tito’s sisters, but oh noes, the impending battle is too important so we don’t have time to explain anything~ C’mon, it would’ve taken like five minutes to explain how Tito died. But they don’t bother to explain anything, and on the day of the big battle, Kail leaves Yuri behind with the sisters. Of course, this isn’t on Yuri and Kail entirely. Tito’s sisters aren’t asking any relevant questions either. Someone fed them fake news and they bought it hook, line, and sinker. But how were they supposed to know it was fake news! A man hiding his face with a black cloth showed up to their home, claimed to be Kail’s messenger, and told them Tito had died. Wouldn’t you believe such a trustworthy individual? But seriously, everyone is just dumb in this show.
Kail and his army are losing the battle. Meanwhile, Yuri expresses disbelief at the fact that no one is riding their horses into combat. Whether or not this is actually true for the ancient Hittites in reality, in this anime, horses are only meant to pull the chariots. I mean, can you blame the Hittites? They haven’t researched that technology yet! In an attempt to get Yuri killed, the sisters lure Zuwa towards her. She desperately climbs onto the first horse she sees, bumblefucks her way into the larger fray, and scares the other army into breaking their ranks. This not only reverses a battle that Kail had been losing, it also causes a light bulb to go off in his head… wait, light bulbs won’t be invented for thousands and thousands of years. Let’s just say an oil lamp lit up in his head. That’s why he’s so slow on the uptake. Seeing Yuri accidentally ride her way into victory, however, clues him in on the true potential of horseback riding in wartime combat. Hilarious. The sad thing is, we still haven’t explained a damn thing to Tito’s sisters!
Once again, the sisters try to assassinate Yuri. Rather than let Kail explain things, Yuri thinks the sisters need to hear everything from her. She begins by saying, “I admit it’s my fault Tito died. … I’m sorry. I’m really sorry!” Great start. Naturally, the sisters manage to slip a poison down Yuri’s throat. It doesn’t actually kill her. It only magically puts her body in a “state of temporary death.” Nevertheless, Kail then leaves her body mostly unguarded, allowing the queen’s aide to abscond with it. So now we have a cliffhanger where Yuri needs to escape her captors, but she runs into an unkempt old man with an axe. Well, she bumblefucked her way to her first victory, so I’m sure she’ll bumblefuck her way out of this predicament as well. Still, if everyone could stop being so stupid for a second…
The Villager of Level 999 Ep. 5
This is such a weird show. After fighting all night to repel the horde of monsters, the heroes come face to face with Esteller, the demon who has been manipulating Alice’s father. Esteller is protected by a giant mecha that is powered by the demon king himself. So we get the usual shounen thing where Kagami keeps throwing himself at the mecha, gets smacked, heals himself up, rinse and repeat. For some reason, Esteller lets the protagonist do this over and over. Slowly but surely, Kagami starts making progress. Every time he loses and heals back up, he gets incrementally stronger. Like I said, it’s a shounen thing. Eventually, Kagami breaks through the mecha and rescues Alice’s father.
What is the source of this power?! Why does he keep fighting against all odds! Where does this determination come from! All of a sudden, the show gets all meta on us. Why do we fight at all? Why do we have roles assigned to us from birth? Kagami isn’t motivated by revenge or ruling the world. He wants to strike back at the individual who created this world and shackled everyone to their fates! Okay… but this is more of an 11th hour JRPG reveal. Kinda weird to get it midseason.
Unfortunately, the reunion between Alice and her father is short-lived, because Esteller, still obeying his destiny, issues another challenge: if Kagami truly wants to go against the creator, he must… HE MUST… he must farm up 10000g to buy a mystery treasure chest from the guild? Huh? All that triumphant, JRPG nonsense about overcoming your limits and challenging god… and your follow-up quest is to farm up gold? Imagine getting to the end of Final Fantasy VII, but you can’t descend into the Northern Crater to face Sephiroth until you win enough mini-games at the Gold Saucer. That’s what this feels like… but we’re not even at the end of the game. We’re five episodes in, and Kagami is just like, “Time to start a casino!” Oh okay.
Clevatess S2 Ep. 3
This show’s DNA hasn’t really changed despite the drastic shift in setting. It’s still very plot heavy with little to no room for character development. So what happens? Klen and Alicia continue their investigations separately even though the latter would love to collaborate. As a result, Alicia has to form an alliance with the jackass twins as well as Naie, one of Drel’s former followers. Meanwhile, Klen has been hanging around two particular students, because they’re also dark beasts like him… kinda. They’re basically puppeting two humans while Klen is the only dark beast who can show up in “person.”
The funny thing is that both Alicia and Klen gather pretty much the same information, i.e. something about the hero’s legend. In light of this, they really should just work together. He has a telepathic link to her, so it shouldn’t even be a hassle for them to swap information. Nevertheless, he’s a cold bastard.
Alicia suspects that there are other important books out there like the Book of Toah, but she gets transported to that same mystery dimension that Nathan was lost in. Our hero then gets stuck in a jar, and we all know what happens when anime girls are put in jars. Meanwhile, the Eslinn ruler sends his Sword Saint to invade Luna Mountain. Last but not least, the evil church guy continues to do evil church guy things: stand in one place and look creepy. Look at the whirlwind of events I just rambled on and on about… and nary a sliver of character development in sight. There’s just nothing interesting to say about Alicia or Klen. We could’ve replaced them with any other duo, and I feel like it wouldn’t change this story up all that much.
And the thing is, this is actually the show going backwards. In the first season, Alicia had to confront her father’s killer as well as redeeming herself as a hero. Klen had never encountered a human child, so he used the kid as a proxy to better understand humanity. Those motivations are not entirely gone in the second season, but they’ve been relegated to the background. This happens a lot with sequels. Okay, we’ve established the baseline for the main characters, so we no longer have to give them a driving force. But I contend that you still do! And fine, Alicia wants to prevent war from breaking out; she wants to spare the students’ lives. It’s not enough, though. It’s emotionally dry.
My Stepmother and Stepsisters Aren’t Wicked Ep. 3
Miya finally meets someone who doesn’t immediately love her at first sight: a tsundere, little brat. She’s a cousin of theirs, and she’s afraid of losing Arisa to Miya. That’s it. That’s the whole story. Once Arisa clears up the misunderstanding, we’re right back to the same, tired jokes.
Maybe I’ll drop this anime. I did watch three whole episodes. Nobody can say I didn’t give it a fair shot.
Mebius Dust Ep. 3
Another frustrating episode. First, we see a man in a suit talk on the phone. Get results? What results? They never explain anything. JUST GET THE RESULTS. As for the kiddos, our group of misfits has to compete against a meaner group of misfits. The game? Dodgeball where nobody bothers dodging anything. Seriously, what the hell was that? I think the people behind this show has never seen how dodgeball is played.
At first, the good kids are winning thanks to Araki’s precognition, but then that mysterious, pale girl shows up and starts taunting him. About what? Hell if I know. She’s being cryptic and coy the entire time. Also, she’s apparently the boss of the meaner group.
The meaner group’s second-in-command can seemingly seal Araki’s powers away, so his team starts losing. Soon, it’s down to just Araki and one other kid. Araki tries to use his powers to no avail. He tries so hard that something dark and edgy comes out of him. No, really, that’s all I can say, because once again, the show explains nothing. So his friends surrender the match, and that’s it.
These stupid contests take up so much time, we only get a drip feed of world-building or plot progression. And what little we do get makes no sense whatsoever. It’s like dangling the carrot in front of the audience from a mile away. I don’t know what I’m chasing. Hell, I can’t even see what I’m chasing. It’s fine not to have a plot hook after the first episode, but we’re three weeks in with no real story in sight.
Chainsmoker Cat Ep. 4
There seem to be only two types of adults in this universe: degenerate women or gross ass old men who are turned on by them. I think we got three hard-on jokes this week. We’re also introduced to a human woman — maybe the only human woman living at the apartment complex — and she loves to rope the catgirls into modeling for her hentai reference photos. Does anyone normal exist here? Nope. Hameko’s vlog, which gets her banned for sexual content, pretty much confirms this.
The young’uns like Yaniko’s sister seem okay for the most part. You can’t help but wonder, however, if some invisible force of nature will suddenly transform them into one of the two camps once they enter into adulthood. Hey, if Yaniko’s sister is a minor who still has to go to school, then their parents must still be around, right? Do they not care about Yaniko’s current situation…?
Dara-san of Reiwa Ep. 4
Like previous weeks, we get two stories unfolding in parallel. In the past, we continue to see Dara’s sister plot and scheme her demise. No interesting revelations, really. Just fleshing out the tragic story with extra details — details that I’m not so sure is necessary.
Back in the present, we learn that Yamatagi-Madara, the evil snake that is sealed away in the mountains, has tried numerous times to reincarnate. Unfortunately, it kept losing the “reincarnation gacha.” Pay-to-win, my guy, pay-to-win. If you wanna get a good reincarnation, you gotta whip out the credit card. But jokes aside, it then tries to possess a girl named Amane, but her body couldn’t house its powers. As a result, the evil snake had to age her up several years. Sadly, this is just a shameless attempt to give a 12-year-old girl the physique of a 16-year-old. This is on par with Kojima trying to justify Quiet’s skimpy outfit. Worse, actually, since we’re dealing with a minor.
Anyway, Amane has a crush on Hinata, so I don’t think Yamatagi-Madara is getting its revenge anytime soon.
I Became a Legend After My 10 Year-Long Last Stand Ep. 4
Sia gives Lock the lowdown: if a vampire lord drinks the chicken’s blood, an interdimensional portal will instantly appear and allow even scarier monsters to come on through. In the meantime, however, we get pretty much what amounts to a setup episode with silly antics. For example, Celiss stumbles upon her dad and Lock in a compromising position. She was mad when she thought Lock was her illegitimate half brother, but she sings a different tune now. The fujoshi brain, man… I mean, either way, the (incredibly wrong) conclusion is that your father is cheating on your mother. Don’t just condone it because it’s BL! More importantly, I think this show should just be the comedy it so desperately wants to be.
We then meet Erik’s daughters, and they’re huge fans of Lock. They actually read a storybook of his exploits. This is the butt-kissing that I was talking about. Blah blah blah, everyone prays to Lock in the morning, because he’s so amazing. Dude, I thought we established this in the first episode. Why are we retreading this again?
Only near the end do we get the tiniest bit of plot progression. One of Eric’s maids has already been charmed by vampires, so she traps Celiss and Erik’s daughters in a room. A portal then opens up, allowing lesser vampires to attack. Hm, I guess becoming a bloodsucking undead makes you lose your genitals. No thanks! More importantly, if your goal is to claim the exalted chicken at all costs, why are you sending only lesser vampires? That’s stupid, no? But Celiss is only an F-rank adventurer, so maybe the big bad vampires are giving her a handicap. As we all know, vampires are known for their honor and chivalry.
Since we already went to such ridiculous lengths to nerf this encounter, I wish I could’ve seen Celiss prove herself by defeating the lesser vampires on her own. She does valiantly defend Erik’s daughters, but in the end, Lock shows up to save the day. Okay, then we’re back to the original problem: why send lesser vampires? Ah well, not like I expect much from this show.
The Drops of God Ep. 16
Hilariously irresponsible episode, and it’s all because the story feels the need to keep ramping up the stakes. The Fifth Apostle is all about an aloof, solitary wine — a wine that calls to mind the Matterhorn! Both men instantly come to the same dumbass conclusion: we gotta climb that mountain! Uh, have either of you climbed even a single mountain in recent years? The Matterhorn is no Mt. Everest, but it’s still considered a challenge. And when I say that, I’m referring to experienced mountain climbers, not a pair of privileged ass Japanese boys. Yeah, that’s right. They’re back to being boys again for this reckless and irresponsible stunt. Shizuku even admits he hasn’t climbed since high school. Meanwhile, Issei is trying to take shortcuts. Rather than naturally adapting to the elevation, he’s going to pop a pill.
The day before the climb, Shizuku’s guide wants to call it off because the weather forecast is bad. Totally legitimate reason to cancel, because this is a matter of life and death. You can’t screw around on a damn mountain. A simple image search will show you the endless bodies scattered up and down Mt. Everest, because people act like complete tourists and underestimate the sheer physical challenge before them. Again, the Matterhorn is no Mt. Everest, but it can still kill you. But Shizuku has to climb the Matterhorn and he has to climb it now!
Somehow, this mini tantrum works, so the guide agrees to chart a different path that will shield them from the winds. Are you kidding me? Dude, it’s a fucking wine contest. Not only that, it’s one round of said contest. Are you seriously going to endanger not just yourself but one of the locals over fermented grape juice? Because you need the “authentic vibes” that can only be found at the top of the mountain? Shizuku and Issei are currently tied at the moment. He’s hardly out of the game if he has to forfeit on account of inclement weather that might get him and his guide killed. But nooooo, I wanna climb it now! I gotta win! Ugh, fuck these privileged ass boys. It was all fun and games when the wines simply gave them hallucinatory visions, but this is too much.
Everything else about everything else:
I finally finished Digimon Story: Time Stranger, and yeah… that sure was a JRPG to ever JRPG. It’s just aggressively mediocre in every way. Take the 60 fps mode, for example. The devs clearly didn’t care, because enabling it drastically lowers the game’s resolution. Not only that, everything looks oddly washed out. A normally brightly colored game loses almost all of aesthetic charm. And this isn’t the only way that the game is painfully average. Yes, I had nice words to say about the battle system last time, but that was only relative to the uninspired gameplay found in the Pokemon games.
On a related note, I hate it when difficulty levels do nothing but jack up the enemies’ stats. I think Mega+ puts every single enemy at max level, so every fight becomes a slog unless you lean hard on using cheese strats. I think one of digimons does HP-based percentage damage, which is pretty much the only way to do the final boss fight without taking a bajilliion, gajillion years. As a result, all the careful party-building and customization go out the window. Doing a Mega+ run was no fun.
At the moment, I’m not sure what to play next. In normal circumstances, I would just grab anything off the top of my backlog and give it the good ol’ college try. But I’m kind of in a stressful period of my life right now — yes, again — so I feel weird committing to any game or platinum trophy that requires time and focus.