Well, I’ve lost faith in Captain Earth, so it’s back to my stream-of-consciousness style blogging that I do for the lesser anime series.

— Akari reads online that a lot of people actually want the meteor to have hit them and wiped them out. Uh, okay.

— I can’t once recall an anime in which the girl tries to storm off only for the guy to wrap his arms around her tight, take her yelling at him, and calm her down by whispering, “I’m sorry…” It just seems so commonplace that if an anime character ever wants to storm off, she’ll storm off and the guy will be left standing there, staring dumbly as his girl disappears into the distance. I suppose there are two ways to go about it. You could give the girl some space and let her do whatever it is that she feels she needs to do. Or you could try to show her a grand gesture that you care too much to let her go. From personal experience, if my girlfriend’s mad, she’ll get even madder if I try to give her some space.

— We cut to Amara and Moco, and they’re even like, “So, uh, what have the rest of the guys we recruited been up to?” Needless to say, they think getting their hands on Setsuna will change anything. It probably will, sadly. By their powers combined, they will become Captain Planet–… nevermind.

— According to Teppei, “The royal family of the Planetary Gears has the special ability to control Orgone energy.” Why is this the first time I’ve heard about some royal family? In fact, if Teppei knows this much about the Planetary Gears, why haven’t we learned more about them? Where did you guys come from? What happened to the rest of you guys? In any case, Hana is like a princess, I guess, because she “was created using elements found within the royal family.”

— Daichi claims, “What’s important now is where Hana went.” But if that’s the case, then why did he allow her to storm off? In fact, it’s rather silly how Globe can lose track of someone so important to their cause: “She’s turned off her communicator, so we have to wait to hear from her.” It doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. We don’t have to go back to imprisoning the kids and putting shock collars on them. But at the same time, how could humanity’s only defense against the Planetary Gears just allow such a critical character disappear into the night? The truth is, Captain Earth is just not a very well thought-out anime. People had high hopes when the series started, but the show is just plain dumb.

— Oh hey, it’s Setsuna. Apparently, she’s been busying herself drawing pictures of her pink squirrel. Somehow, people pay her enough money for them that she doesn’t go starving.

— Is Hana dumb or what? She has a magical squirrel. Setsuna has a magical squirrel. Just draw the damn connection. Gee, I wonder who Setsuna could be? A designer child? No way… colored squirrels with supernatural powers are just so common! The only other explanation is that Hana has realized who Setsuna is, but she just doesn’t care. But that’s even worse!

— Hana confesses, “There’s someone I want to be with forever, but I suddenly felt afraid to be with him, so I ran away.” What sucks about this sudden subplot is that it’s nothing new. It’s the same shit Teppei went through. Remember? He wavered between his two worlds, unsure if he would one day betray his friends because he was really a Planetary Gear? And as a result, he withdrew himself from the rest of the group? Lo and behold, Hana is now having the same problem. Uguu, I want to be with you, but my true nature… MY TRUE NATURE. I’m sorry, but this is just boring. Hana doesn’t even get a unique story of her own.

— In fact, everyone in this show is dumb. Kube can’t help but wonder, “What is the relationship between the Orgone energy capsules and the Kiltgangs?” C’mon, man, there’s only one plausible explanation.

— I like how Hana and Setsuna are on the run, but they still can’t get away from Amara and Moco, who are just having a leisurely saunter through the place. Plus it’s weird how nonplussed people are in this universe. You’d think the designer children would turn some heads because they look patently ridiculous with their colored hair and skin-baring get-ups, but nah. After all, these same faceless people don’t seem to be all too bothered by the existence of the two colored squirrels either.

— Somehow, Amara stumbles down the right alleyway to find our two girls anyway. Must be an added benefit of his singularity or whatever.

— Kube tries to confront a super-intelligent AI alone, and sure enough, the super-intelligent AI is several steps ahead of him. You’d also think Kube would’ve checked up on Puck’s emergency shutdown switch on a regular basis and made sure it worked, but uh… guess not.

— Why is Puck laughing? I know he’s a super-intelligent AI, but intelligence does not necessarily imply that he would also have the ability to emote. Are you telling me that Puck has also been given the ability to feel joy? Typically, rogue AIs tend to be super-calculating and efficient, which is what makes them so scary. They don’t have to worry about emotions, so they don’t feel any pity for humanity. They just do what they have calculated to be right. So it’s odd to me that Puck can laugh. It’s not impossible. Hell, it’s not even implausible. But still, the fact that Puck can laugh should be explained, and I’m not sure it will be. Actually, he’s not just laughing; he’s cackling maniacally. This is your AI, folks.

— I guess that’s why Puck had Setsuna’s former caretaker do all that research on body-snatching, but it seems he intends to steal Kube’s body. Of course, we would somehow have to assume that Kube’s brain is capable of housing Puck’s massive intellect, but honestly, Captain Earth doesn’t seem like the type of show to think this shit out. So of course Kube’s brain is an equivalent to Puck’s current hardware.

— So Hana contacts her friends, but the first thing she says is that Pitz’s hurt. I sure do feel for the poor squirrel, but how about telling everyone that Amara’s in hot pursuit of you? Nah, that’s just not an important enough detail.

— Hana still thinks Amara is only after her, so she ditches Setsuna to run off by herself. See, if she had noticed who Setsuna was in the first place, she wouldn’t have made such an erroneous conclusion. But you know how it is. Setsuna was going to awaken eventually. It was just a matter of time before the last designer child of the week concluded its series of exciting stories.

— Elsewhere, Amara and Moco have Setsuna cornered and… well, you can guess what happens next. Good job, Hana! Not only that, we see Puck doing the same damn thing to Kube’s secretary. Puck’s been trying to get Kube to make a move on her all season long, so I guess it isn’t surprising the AI would take things into his own hands. Still, being this super-intelligent AI who probably has had the means to keep tabs on everyone he’s interested in, just exactly how long has Puck been planning to creep on this woman?

— All of a sudden, Daichi makes the move he couldn’t make in last week’s episode. Remember when he tried to kiss her in the middle of the night even though she had been crying? Well gosh, Hana’s distraught because she thought she was being chased. But instead, the bad guys are after her friend instead. Let me use this moment to kiss the girl. It’s not fucking romantic. It’s just ridiculous. This is just stupid. The guy had numerous opportunities to kiss the girl in previous episodes, but he decides to do it now when there are more pressing matters at hand? C’mon.

— The best part is, three kisses in three different locations, and in all three of them, the guy forces himself upon the girl. But it’s okay! Both Hana and Kube’s secretary relent, and Siren wants to be awakened! Therefore, they wanted it!

— Hana asks Daichi if he’s really not bothered by her true identity. Of course he’s not. Gee, all it took was a kiss and a conversation, and we could’ve prevented all this needless drama and worry? Christ.

— But what about Setsuna? Isn’t Hana worried about her friend? Where’s the sense of urgency?

— This blissful moment, however, is quickly interrupted when the bad guys show up! Quick, you guys, get ready for battle!

Um… nevermind.

— Like every princess, Hana gets herself caught. So even though Daichi and Teppei are in their respective mechas, they’re now in dire straits. Meanwhile, Akari runs around on the ground, saying to herself how bad the current situation is. I suppose it would be too much to ask if they could give her anything useful to do. Like I’ve said, she’s the self-proclaimed mahou shoujo, but that only speaks to her actual insecurities. Hana then goes berserk again at the sight of her friends suffering, so she summons forth her own Livlaster, the Blossom. It only took her 15 episodes to go from a spectator to a heroine. Nevertheless, she’s the real mahou shoujo.

— Seeing Hana in action, Amara asks, “That Livlaster is already in ecdysis mode?” Hmm…

Ecdysis is the moulting of the cuticula in many invertebrates. This process of moulting is the defining feature of the clade Ecdysozoa, comprising the arthropods, nematodes, velvet worms, horsehair worms, tardigrades, and Cephalorhyncha.

Uh, okay…

— Hana checks up on her boys, but forget them! Pitz needs to be rushed to the ER!

— Looks like Hana’s mecha will be called the Flare Engine. Earth, Nebula… Flare? If Akari gets one, wanna guess what it’ll be called?