A beach episode in my reverse harem? Well, why not!
• What’s the best way to understand and connect with humanity? Why, by studying their anatomy…? Even our heroine’s like, “Is this really important?” But hey, does it say God of Knowledge on your nametag? Yeah, I didn’t think so. I mean, you just happen to be the only human here. Pfft… not like that’s important or anything.
• Apollon, despite being the Greek God of knowledge, mistakes this lecture on human anatomy for a mystical incantation. Right. I realize gods are made of that magical divine stuff, but you’re telling me they don’t have something analogous to a muscle?
• Tsukito, the Japanese god of the moon, is apparently a brainiac. Or maybe he’s just really good at note-taking, but for most people, that’s enough to make you a brainiac. I’m just going to refer to him from now on as Moonshine.
• Drunky, a.k.a. Dionysus, is busy napping at his desk, muttering stuff like, “These grapes are delicious.” I sincerely hope that’s not a euphemism for a certain anatomical part of a bishie’s body…
• Clumsy tries to wake Drunky up, but ends up falling to the ground somehow. Does this… does this sort of thing trigger someone’s maternal instincts or something? Honestly, I can’t imagine why anyone would find Clumsy attractive. But having said that, Apollon springs to action because a guy falling from his desk is a really serious business. Not even a guy. A god.
• The entire class proceeds to freak out, thinking that giant eight-headed snakes are attacking. Uh, what? Are you sure we shouldn’t be starting at preschool first?
• Thoth mad. Thoth real mad. Thoth no Mister Thoth. Thoth only MASTER THOTH.
• THOTH DOES THIS EVERY TIME HE TALKS TO GIRLS.
WHY CAN’T THOTH GET A DATE? THOTH SO LONELY…
• But let’s put this shit into perspective: it isn’t purely coincidental that Thoth is acting like this. Someone out there likes this kind of shit. Someone out there actually likes the fact that every time you even dare to make a reasonable request of some arrogant jackass, the guy immediately backs you up against the wall.
• Thoth: “All they do is nap and play around.” Well, shit, why don’t you try to exercise a little sympathy, dude. Doo do doo, I’m just a random god from another culture. Yeeeeah, I’m having so much fun being a god… Wait a minute! What’s happening to me? Where am I? Why am I wearing this weird get-up (i.e. the school uniforms)? What? Some creepy old man has kidnapped me to some strange location and he demands that I stay here for an entire year and have play dates with some random chick? Gosh, why won’t I put in the hard work to study? Why am I so ungrateful!
• Uh, apparently it’s the summer already because old man Zeus is all antsy in the pants, and as such, summer vacation will start tomorrow. Well, that was fast. But these bishies are sort of stuck on this island, no? So I mean, what exactly are they going to do for fun? What’s the equivalent of a beach episode in a reverse harem anyway? Wait, is this why Zeus changed the seasons so quickly? Does he want to see the bishies in speedos?!
• Apollon even has to clarify what a summer vacation entails. Holy shit: “Is that some kind of break for the summer?”
I didn’t realize dumb blond jokes were a thing in otome games too!
• Guys, let’s just show these unhappy prisoners the fun side of prison! Oops, I mean, “school life.”
• Outside school! Seaside school! On a floating garden! On a related note, I guess the equivalent of a beach episode is, well, a beach episode.
• So… where’s the girl in this picture? Oh… ooooh….
I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that either.
• I’m sure seaside school will be a blast! Yo, Emo, a.k.a. Hades, stop being so glum about Persephone and go have a splash in the water with us bros!
• Apollon even refers to Hades as Uncle Hades. Aaaaaaaah.
• The school store has both food and swimsuits. How convenient: “I was so surprised! You can buy anything. In fact, the store accepts orders for free.” Why… it’s like it’s not even a store… it’s like it’s just a place to facilitate this silly game!
• Yui then tells us she’s even bought something special for the occasion. Ooh, how feisty! I bet it’s just something as mundane as a watermelon.
• Apollon sees Yui practicing her swordsmanship and asks, “What is that? What are you doing?” ‘Cause Greeks don’t have swords.
• Our blond bishie then gets all sensitive and asks Yui if she’s okay. After all, the bishies have each other! And, well, Yui’s all alone… with Thoth from time to time. But our heroine allays his fears: “You’re all good people, and I’ve grown used to it.” After what? A few days?
• Apollon then begins to rant about Zeus: “He always does everything his own way.” I’ll say. Just ask Callisto, Io, Alcmene, Semele, Ganymede, Europa, Leto, Leda, Danae… honestly, we’ll be here all day if I kept going. But did you know how Zeus came to impregnate Danae? Yeah, he came to her in the form of a golden rain. Muse over that for a bit the next time the old man shows up in this anime. Oh yeah, Ganymede is not even a woman. He was just this super hot Trojan bishie. So one day, Zeus came down in the form of an eagle and flew off with the guy! Oh man, that crazy Zeus! So y’see, this is hardly the first time Zeus has kidnapped a bishie and trapped the poor guy on Mount Olympus. So now he’s doing it to his own brother and his two sons. Biiiiig deal. Get over it! A father knows best, yo.
• Out of nowhere, Apollon says “I love you” to Yui.
Oh no no no, don’t misunderstand our bishie! He just meant he loves her strength and optimism! Yeah!
• Yui: “You’re always so bright and cheerful, just like the sun.”
• In response, Apollon says, “I wouldn’t say that.” Uguu, I’m darker than you think! I’m in a metal band! It’s called Death Chariots!
• Everyone came, guys! Everyone truly came! We’re going to have so much fun at the beach!
• Which… they’ll have to walk to. The entire way. Why? According to Yui, “[t]he journey is important, too.” Right. The journey to the beach on foot is really critical to understanding the human condition. Like getting sweat in your buttcrack.
• Oh shit, Grumpy (Susanoo) calls Yui a Weed. Is this…? Nah.
• So how’s Emo doing?
Ah, the same as ever. Well, good for him!
• Somehow, getting to the beach involves passing by a waterfall, crossing a bridge, and passing through a canyon full of crystal formations. This scintillating world-building, man.
• Eventually, our bishies reach the beach, and Apollon wastes no time in stripping down to his bathing suit. In fact, all the bishies came prepared by wearing their swimsuits underneath their regular clothes. So brace yourself!
Dammmt Grumpy, that’s not a bathing suit.
• Yui then goes, “Oh, good. Even the ones who didn’t want to come are having fun.” B-but they haven’t done anything yet. All they’ve done is get naked.
• But as soon as Apollon tells Yui to change into her swimsuit, Zeus immediately changes the season. Hmm. Hmmmmmmmm. Hey, he got what he wanted.
No need to make the girl get into a swimsuit too.
• All the bishies start to freak out like headless chickens, especially Hades who thinks he’s spoiled the broth by even coming.
• Apollon and Moonshine are determined to go for a swim anyway. Unfortunately, the two bishies just end up catching a cold.
• So the truant gods begin to bitch and moan about how they’ve been misled. Apollon begins to sound like a pathetic school boy: “I’ll search for a way… I’ll find one! A way to make seaside school fun.” He then runs outside to try and channel his prophetic abilities through a tiny fountain.
Yui: “When you said, ‘Flower…'”
Apollon: “Yeah… I think I meant the plant.”
…as opposed to what?
• Gosh, the fall season has made all the flowers wilt! But if… if Apollon can find just one flower that hasn’t wilted, it means this seaside school is still fun! Apollon’s voice has gotten a rather unbearable whiny tinge to it as of late.
• But despite Apollon’s best intentions, the other bishies have left. After all, Apollon’s got no authority here!
Really now? Of a class that has only like twenty people at best, half of which are spirits who don’t seem to say or do anything?
• And off on the magical horse they go!
• Elsewhere, the other gods begin to wonder if perhaps Apollon is in cahoots with old man Zeus. Hades instantly leaps to his nephew’s defense: “…Apollon… has a love more pure than you can imagine for you… No, for all of us.” W-well then.
• Flirty, a.k.a. Loki, is just about to storm off when Apollon returns with… with?!
The bishies are transfixed! The fireworks are super effective!
It’s not like I, the Norse god of fire, likes this sort of thing or anything, uguu…
• Afterwards, Grumpy reluctantly admits that humans “can make some pretty neat stuff.” Like fireworks! Wow!
• As they are walking home, Yui pauses for a second to look at some flowers. Apollon suddenly freaks the fuck out:
So when he runs back to “save” the girl…
Yeah, uh, clingy much?
Dude, she left your side for less than a minute.
• But that’s it from our bishies for now.