Everything Else, Spring ’14, Week 8: Sexy genetic levels

selector infected WIXOSS - 0805

Hm, you totally got him there with your ironclad logic.

Nobunaga the Fool Ep. 20

Nobunaga the Fool - 2001

There’s a whole lot of talking that I don’t care about in this week’s episode. The only thing that remotely interests me is that Arthur’s got some sort of weird face-changing power, and it allows him to almost seemingly mind-control anyone who gazes upon his face. After all, Da Vinci’s questions about Arthur’s face are too heavy-handed to ignore. Likewise, Arthur’s mask is too heavy-handed to ignore. He is whatever you want him to be. For Alexander, Arthur is “a man amongst men, like a god.” For Caesar, Arthur is apparently “[t]he Aphrodite of his soul” (the subs probably should’ve said Venus instead but whatever). But what will Arthur look like to Nobunaga? Maybe a raging dragon boner. Oh yeah, it is pretty lame that monkey boy comes back even stronger than ever. What is he, the Bionic Man? C’mon…

selector infected WIXOSS Ep. 8

Akira: “Say, how do you like my face? Pretty disgusting, isn’t it?”

Actually, no, not really. She has a scar running down the right side of her face, and… well, that’s pretty much it. If you think a scar disgusting, then I really don’t know what to say. In fact, I don’t want to say anything lest I scar your innocent soul any further. I bet people who buy into this show even jumped in their seat when Akira suddenly charged at Ruuko. Too bad it just cracked me up. All I’m saying is that life is full of horrible things, man, and it ain’t limited to just scars on a girl’s once pretty face. But that’s the thing with selector infected WIXOSS, isn’t it? It’s just too soft. Apparently, a scar is too disgusting. Apparently, wanting to play a card game is a terrible addiction. Apparently, not being able to bang your brother is the most tragic love story in the world. In reality, these are all super mundane and super boring — and yes, it has gotten to the point where incest in anime is just lame and cliche nowadays — but maybe if selector infected WIXOSS pretends hard enough that it’s a dark, psychological tale, it’ll come true! As they say, fake it till you believe it. And boy is this anime really faking it.

selector infected WIXOSS - 0804

But seriously, selector infected WIXOSS simply doesn’t have the cojones to truly be a dark and gripping tale. It’s just too cute. Even when Ruuko goes into that otherworld and encounters a “nightmarish” version of Tama, you can still very clearly tell that it’s a cute, adorable shoujo beneath all that oh-so-horrible facade. Oh, her eyes are hollow, she’s a little rough around the edges, and there’s blood and shit. Pfft. Give me a break, man. That’s not creepy or monstrous whatsoever. The situation with Akira is the same, and I’m not just referring to her dinky, little scar anymore. She wanted to ruin Iona’s career, right? So now that she’s lost three times, it’s her own career that has been ruined! While this is true — as I’m positive idols do not have scars running down a side of their faces — selector infected WIXOSS has no imagination. There are so many tragic ways a career in the entertainment industry — an industry rife with scandals and dark secrets — could go wrong. Despite this, the anime opts to go with the most superficial option. As a result, the entire anime is superficial. The entire anime has no depth.

So yeah, Akira tries to scar our heroines, but a cop just happens to show up and scare the disfigured idol off. How convenient that his patrol would take him by the right abandoned building! Afterwards, Yuzuki tells Ruuko to quit the game, but you know the latter can’t. Nevertheless, the girl is totally gutted that Yuzuki no longer wants to be her friend. Like I’ve said, you fake it till you believe it. As a result, if we simply have Ruuko cry for the rest of the episode, the audience will eventually buy the idea that her despair is totally genuine and not contrived. As for Yuzuki, she continues to seek out selectors to battle. After all, she’s got a bro to bang. Eventually, she does become an Eternal Girl, so her clothes literally disintegrate for some damn reason. Then to top it all off, she and Hanayo begin to fly towards the magical door in the sky. All of a sudden, however, a black vortex appears out of nowhere and consumes Yuzuki. Wait a minute! That’s no magical door in the sky! It’s a magical card in the sky! Becoming an Eternal Girl means you’ll be imprisoned in the world of WIXOSS forever! Oh no, poor Yuzuki! At the end of the episode, Hitoe’s mom buys the girl even more of the shitty card game. In her latest pack, she finds an LRIG, and it looks suspiciously like Yuzuki:

selector infected WIXOSS - 0803

Stop. Don’t. Come back. Ruuko will be so sad to learn what has happened to you. Oh sure, right before Hitoe gets her new LRIG — is she now able to become a selector again or what? — you see a scene in which a Yuzuki tries to seduce her brother. I say “a Yazuki,” however, because it’s pretty obvious something is off about the girl, and I don’t just mean the cheesy attempts at flirting:

Yuzuki: “They say that if you think someone smells good, you’re attracted to that person on a genetic level.”

Wow, I’m so hard right now just thinking of our genetic levels, baby. Tell me more about your DNA sequences! Anyway, I keep hearing how this is a plot twist, but how is it remotely a twist? We all knew something bad was going to happen. You lose, you suffer. You win… well, did anyone actually think it was going to be all rainbow and sunshine for the girls? selector infected WIXOSS telegraphed this so hard that you would have to be legally blind not to see it.

Soredemo Sekai wa Utsukushii Ep. 7

Soredemo Sekai wa Utsukushii - 0701

So this week, Livius’s Uncle Bardwin comes back into the kid’s life and tries to seduce Nike. Maybe he’s trying to test her or something, but in the end, his intentions don’t really matter. Livius gets so jealous from just seeing Nike and Bardwin together in the same bed (it’s anime so nothing happened) that he intends to torture Bardwin to death. Nah, that’s not even a joke. He really hates his uncle. As for Nike, he grabs the girl by her hair and threatens to burn her kingdom to the ground. For the time being, however, she’s trapped in her room indefinitely. Yo, that’s fucked up. In fact, that’s the sort of thing that should make you pack up your bags and run for the fucking hills. Whenever Nike looks at Livius, she should be seeing red flags pop out of every single one of his orifices. Nevertheless, I know Nike and Livius will mend their relationship somehow, so I’m just dying to see how the show’s going to write off the kid’s incredibly abusive behavior. I’ll never understand why people will tolerate cheaters or abusers. Have some damn respect for yourself.

10 thoughts on “Everything Else, Spring ’14, Week 8: Sexy genetic levels

  1. flamerounin

    Since many have said that Wixoss is seemingly trying to do a Madoka, here is an amusing coincidence: Madoka does its big reveal exactly at the end of episode 8, through a character that Yuzuki seems is meant to emulate.

    1. DataportDoll

      Can you imagine some kid seeing WIXOSS and going “Wow! COLLEST THING EVAR!” and then their jaded friend handing them a box set of Madoka, narrowed eyes, fist tightening as not to strangle their noob associate. Then they watch it, return to class the next day, weeping. I see this happening at least once.

      1. flamerounin

        That would give a nice twist to the word DESPAIR That is, of course, if the kid survives the trauma of Madoka XD

  2. Soulstriker R Vanquish

    Nobunaga the Fool:
    The other episode Arthur’s face looked like it’s made of wax or something.

    “it is pretty lame that monkey boy comes back even stronger than ever.”
    It’s lame enough that he’s alive. And from 1 arm and 1 leg short, to a quick-moving super soldier in a short period of time?…

    “What is he, the Bionic Man?”
    I’ll have to disagree on this. He’s the Iron Monkey. The Iron Monkey!!!

  3. redemptrix

    you’re tellin’ it like it is re: wixoss, that’s for sure. i’ve stuck with the show up to this point out of some grotesque desire to see it actually do something with the obvious miscellaneous plot threads it’s been scattering around but i don’t know if i can continue if it’s going for the full madoka, here, with the whole “SUPRISE the girls become the thing!!”. and yet i’ve seen some people actually praise this awful plot “twist.”

    1. E Minor Post author

      Yeah, I don’t know how anyone can call this a twist. Did people think it was going to be rainbow and sunshine when Yuzuki became an Eternal Girl? The anime telegraphed a bad end so hard.

      1. redemptrix

        it really did. now, the real question: when does yuzuki get the obligatory LRIG rainbow dye job? come on, wixoss, gimme some ANSWERS


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