…is that there is no plot twist. Read further if you want to know why. And yeah, this would’ve been one of my regular ol’ “Everything Else” posts, but uh, plans fell through. I don’t actually think this show deserves a dedicated post, but I’m lazy again this week.
Alright, let’s just get started right off the bat: Yuzuki and her LRIG Hanayo have switched places. Hm, why aren’t you surprised? Is this not “The Cruel Truth” that you’ve been looking for? D-did you actually come to expect this? Well, duh… of course you did. We all did. Who actually watched last week’s episode and failed to come to this conclusion? Gawsh, Yuzuki and Hanayo are flying towards the big golden card in the sky — and I’m sure you could buy this too, kids, so make sure to ask your parents for money! — but I can’t possibly imagine where Hanayo might have gone! Alright, enough sarcasm. This week’s episode of selector infected WIXOSS literally takes up its entire runtime to deliver the most telegraphed punch of all time. As such, what a weak and ineffectual punch it is.
The thing is, the show was doomed to fail from the very beginning anyway. People keep trying to compare selector infected WIXOSS to that other shitty, overrated anime, but at least that other shitty, overrated anime wasn’t screaming “POTENTIAL DOOM AND GLOOM AWAITS” right from the very first second of the very first episode. Unfortunately, selector infected WIXOSS was so excited at the prospect of being such a dark and twisted anime that it set itself up for failure. We’ve been sitting here, waiting for the bomb to drop, but we end up getting not so much as a fart. Oooh, the selectors switch places with the LRIG. How terrible. The LRIGs knew everything all along too. They’re not our tomodachi after all. I-I don’t know who to trust anymore! The problem is that none of this really matters in the grand scheme of things. So you’re telling me a bunch of horrible girls are trapped in some cruel game that affects nobody but themselves? Oh well!
Could you imagine it, though, if these girls had had wishes that were… gee, I don’t know… meaningful in the first place? I wish for world peace! Aw shit, now I’m an LRIG… but then again, the LRIG that has stolen my life is now bringing about world peace so… well, this is not so bad after all! And now, my new selector wants to end world hunger! Sweet! Unfortunately, these girls are full of either selfish or silly (e.g. “I want to have friends”) wishes, so it’s really hard for me to give a shit about what ends up happening to them. They’re not exactly battling to rid the world of pain and sorrow, y’know? So who the hell cares? Well, I’m sure the show will have a couple more twists up its sleeves. I just doubt it’ll be any good.
Anyway, even though Ruuko no longer wants to battle, the LRIG-ified Yuzuki guilt-trips the girl into battling Hitoe anyway. Do it for Hitoe! Do it for Yuzuki too! In fact, all we need now is for Ruuko to become a shitty Jesus figure and sacrifice herself for the sake of all the selfish selectors and their equally selfish LRIGs. Do it, anime, fulfill your destiny! Save these brats from the twisted world of WIXOSS, which you can enjoy for just the low, low price of just… just what, exactly? Hmm, I think I’ll pass.
— So if you win, you become an LRIG and some other girl gets to live your dream life. If you lose, something bad is supposed to happen to you, but in practice, people like Akira just get a shitty scar. The only way to win is to not play, which is what the girls should’ve done all along, but battling is just so addicting! Like drugs! Or sex! No wait, I gotta battle so I can force my brother to screw me against what he might actually want! Hm… ah well, I’m sure the poignant message is in there somewhere!
— Sure, you shouldn’t say things behind other people’s backs, but am I supposed to feel sorry for the incestuous twins? Yeah, right. In fact, if there’s anyone we should feel sorry for, it should be Hanayo: “Yatta! I’ll finally be free! Wait, what? I have to live out some girl’s sick incestuous fantasies? Goddammit…”
— “You won’t forgive me? That’s awful.” This anime has to top the charts for the most rolled eyes per minute. This is incredibly dumb.
— Every school has a rooftop large enough to house several football fields, apparently.
— Kazuki was the one who introduced his sister to WIXOSS. Ruuko’s brother introduced her to the game too! Goddammit, oniichans. You guys have ruined your imoutos’ lives.
— Why are we even bothering to see how Yuzuki and Hanayo came to meet each other? Who cares?
— Yuzuki, now as an LRIG, shows Ruuko her scrunchie! What used to be a symbol of their friendship is now a symbol of terrible portent! Oh, the irony! Everyone, give this show a round of applause! No one has ever used irony in a story before!
— Under all that pressure, Kazuki confesses his love for Yuzuki. Of course, he doesn’t know his sister has been replaced with Hanayo. Oh dear, even when he wants to fuck his sister, he can’t. I really feel for him. He was this close to wincest, my brothers. This close.
— Of course, this is why incestuous relations are problematic. Is he really in love with his sister? Or is his protective instincts just kicking in because of all the horrible things people have been saying about his sister? Of course, you could also just attribute his confession to the magical powers of WIXOSS making Yuzuki’s wish come true (with a twist, of course).
— So did Tama use to be a real life girl too? And was she really this brainless back then?