Spring 2014 Harem Hill, Week 12: Taming the dragon loli one last time

Seikoku no Dragonar - 1213

Wow, the dragon loli anime is at least kind enough to wrap its story up in twelve weeks. Unfortunately, the flag anime insists on surviving to see another day. After all, its Matrix-esque plot is just so good.


Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara Ep. 12

— The Angelus Gemini thingamajig is trying to take control of the world, I guess. But don’t you worry, ’cause our hero’s here to save us:

Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara 1201

Hey, why are you laughing? That’s our hero, man! And here’s the physical manifestation of the rogue network control system:

Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara 1202

See, this has quickly become the best harem anime ever! We go from the bland harem lead trying to cope with at least ten stupid haremettes all at the same time to the bland harem lead becoming Neo and protecting us from one-eyed angel, muscle-bound angels.

— Sadly, Souta is not quite Neo. Instead of kung fu, he instead opts to plant death flags on his opponents, thereby causing them to explode after a short period of time. So, uh, I guess he’s Zilean.

— Back in the “real” world, Nanami is going nuts trying to convince the rest of Souta’s haremettes that he once existed. There’s nothing too interesting or wild here. Eventually, she gets mad enough to break into Souta’s old room even though it is now currently off-limits. Somehow, this is the same as breaking his “encryption,” uh-huh. Ruri thus shows up and plants a kiss on Nanami. Yeah, yuri-isms are how you recover your memories. If you’re a guy, I guess you’re just shit out of luck.

Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara 1204

Nanami then finds herself talking to… herself. Here, she realizes that she was really Souta’s sister all along. Yes, it turns out Souta is the prince of Bladefield all along as well. This anime jumped the shark a long time ago, but it has somehow managed to do it again.

— So the reality of the situation is that Nanami had dove into the virtual world in order to save her otouto, but Number Zero interfered and the-… ah, who cares. If you watch the episode, it is literally minutes after minutes of two characters talking in front of a boring backdrop. The only thing is missing is them walking around each other in a circle. Still, I love how these shows will fap around all season long, then try to squeeze everything into the last few episodes to make up for it. Preserving all the generic harem hijinks is much more important than the integrity of your story, apparently.

— When the anime cuts back to Souta, we see that our Neo is at the end of his ropes, but it’s okay! His haremettes have forced themselves back into his world!

Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara 1203

Yeah, Baba-sama is there as well. Hell, even his homeroom teacher is now a part of his harem.

Jags_fan

— Luckily, that about wraps it up for this week’s episode of Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara. Yeah, my coverage is incredibly short this week, but literally nothing happens. Souta battles some stupid-looking shit, and Nanami talks to herself. That honestly sums up the entire episode. If you don’t believe me, watch the episode for yourself.

— Now, if you really want to kill yourself, listen to the previews for next week’s episode.


Seikoku no Dragonar Ep. 12 (Finale)

— The golden dragon egg thingie finally cracks to reveal…

Seikoku no Dragonar - 1201

…pretty much the dumbest-looking dragon yet. C’mon, it’s got pink side bangs for Christ’s sakes.

— As expected from any terrible anime’s finale episode, the bad guy decides to spill his guts now to the good guys. Julius never went mad! He only killed his dragon Mordred because it was really evil all along. Unfortunately, Mordred became a spirit to possess Julius instead and the rest is history. Now, Mordred has awakened Eco’s true power so that he can possess her body and really wreak some havoc.

— Veronica dashes at Mordred’s spirit form in an attempt to stop the evil dragon from possessing Eco, but then we get the most random tentacle rape scene ever. Out of nowhere, she sees herself, well, being raped by tentacles. Eventually, Julius snaps her out of it and she comes to, fully-clothed. It’s like the people behind Dragonar said, “Hm, y’know, we haven’t had a tentacle rape scene in a while!”

— When Mordred takes over Eco’s body, it literally just means she turns black, and her horns grow out. Really. That’s the extent of this anime’s creativity. Well, I guess you can’t expect much from a show that throws random scenes of tentacle rape at you just because the story hasn’t been rapey enough as of late.

— We thus cut to a conversation between Navi and Mordred. Navi refuses to be subordinate to him, so… well, y’know what that means:

Seikoku no Dragonar - 1202

“Hey, whatchu working on?”

“Oh, y’know, just drawing some tentacles?”

“Uh, what for?”

“To rape a humanoid version of a Dragweiss.”

“Oh… uh, I’ll probably regret asking this, but what’s a Dragweiss?”

“It’s like a library for dragons. It’s a repository of all their knowledge.”

“So a library has a humanoid form… and you’re drawing the tentacles that will rape it?

“Yeah, pretty much. Look man, I need the money.”

— Back in the real world, Ash Blake intends to solve this predicament the only way he knows how:

Seikoku no Dragonar - 1203

Hey, man, don’t judge. It’s a cultural thing, and we totally can’t, like, judge people’s cultures even if parts of them are ass-backwards.

— But y’know, how is Ash Blake going to get to Eco when she’s all the way up there? Obviously, you just commandeer Veronica’s ship. Surely, she’ll agree to it since this will help save her kingdom. Actually, she doesn’t. For some reason, Julius has to hold a gun to her head and threaten her in order to get control of the ship: “Otherwise, I’ll reveal your secret in front of your subordinates who admire you.” I honestly don’t even get this scene. Why wouldn’t she have just handed over the damn ship in the first place?

— Oh, you’re probably wondering what Veronica’s secret is. See, you thought Veronica was just a hardass when it came to her sister, but she actually really enjoyed torturing the girl. Remember when Veronica first showed up in the story, she literally cut Silvia’s clothes off of her? And we all thought it was just standard harem hijinks, huh? But nope, it all makes sense now. Veronica cut the poor girl’s clothes off because she actually wanted to see Silvia buck naked. As a result, Veronica’s shameful secret is actually the fact that her entire room is a shrine to Silvia, her own little sister. No, wait, it gets even better. Veronica has Silvia’s previously worn bikini top and bottoms stored away in a fucking display case. And oh yeah:

Seikoku no Dragonar - 1205

To top it all off, she secretly took a picture of Silvia while her imouto was bathing. Yes, if Veronica hands her airship over, Julius totally won’t reveal Veronica’s secret to the world. He somehow knows all of this, but he’ll allow Veronica to keep creeping on their sister if she complies. It’s fine. We just need the ship. Christ.

— If you ever wanted to see dragon bondage, your wish has just come true.

— Meanwhile, Julius is being such a trooper.

— In any case, our main man Ash Blake has managed to land himself onto Dragon Eco, and will now attempt to tame her at all costs. Eco even gets first-row seats, and… uguu, the heroic sight brings a tear to her eyes. Oh, if you’re wondering about Navi, she’s here too. Apparently, she survived Mordred’s tentacles, though her clothes haven’t fared all too well. Just tentacle rape things…

— So what’s the plan? With Ash Blake being the man of action, what will Eco do in order to help him? She will do what she does best, I guess; she will fashion him yet another fucking Arch, but this time she’ll use her true feelings or whatever. Therefore, gaze your eyes on this badass:

Seikoku no Dragonar - 1209

Hm. Must be chilly there.

— Seriously though, these anime characters don’t even look remotely human anymore. It’s just Barbie and Ken smiling at us creepily with their sterilized bodies.

— But really, the Arch doesn’t even take shape because it isn’t finished yet. Instead, the only thing that materializes is Ash’s mighty sword. What? You didn’t think he’d tame Eco’s dragon form in any other way, did you?

— Mordred warns Ash that destroying this body will hurt Eco as well, but Ash Blake swears he knows her. He proves it too by rattling off everything that’s negative about the girl: “I know her better than anyone. The way she oversleeps, how she pigs out, and where she’s vulnerable!” I should try that next time. I’ll lean in to whisper sweet nothings into my girlfriend’s ears, but it’ll just be one long string of putdowns. “Baby, c’mon, this proves I know you.”

— In reality, all Ash Blake does is chop off one of the dragon’s horns, and that’s, uh, enough to dissolve the evil dragon, thereby revealing the naked dragon loli underneath. The two of them proceed to stand there in midair:

Seikoku no Dragonar - 1212

Welp, I don’t know how anyone can actually say that Eco looks cute. Nevertheless, a bunch of grown-ass adults literally put this frame together and thought to themselves, “Yeah, this looks good.”

— Anyway, that’s that for this anime. Dragonar is finished. Sure, there are some extra scenes to wrap up the “story,” but they’re nothing terribly important. We get a scene in which Avdocha finds her long, lost sister. It’s like, “Hey, remember this subplot?!” At the same time, Eco confesses that she wants a different sort of relationship with Ash Blake, so then they kiss. Ugh, I’m going to need a shower. I’d say the plot never really went anywhere, but uh, we weren’t really watching this for the plot, were we?

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “Spring 2014 Harem Hill, Week 12: Taming the dragon loli one last time”

  1. You know a creepy ecchi anime sucks balls when even rule 34 and all the boorus of the world refuse to spend time on it.

    This episode left me convinced that this “series” was a one or two part hentai ova. You know, one of those that pretend to have a story and take thmselves seriously? Not one of them hentai-genre-parody things, more like kite and that other one that was named after an instant coffee or something.
    “We totally serious storys bro! We adult bro!”

    But then some suit thought they should replace the porn with more boring scenes of jackasses being boring as fuck and stretch this waste of time out for 12 episodes. I “watched” this by skipping ahead in 2 minute steps and watching for a few seconds in between. The subtitles proved, even then, enough context and information to discern the “plot” progression.
    Thats how formularic it was. This anime felt exactly like that other one with the little girl with pink hair getting a butt monkey. Zero no something, its the same thing.
    Buttmonkey guy, annoying tsundere girl, sidecast of standard characters. Lame plot about some evil doing jackshit. And we finnish with a big helping of stupid. Or a Ww2 Zero airplane.

    See? then there are probably dozens more i do not know because i think i caught a sudden case of standards at some point…

  2. Reaction to Harem Hill:
    Kanojo ga Flag o Oraretara : WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!

    Seikoku no Dragonar : NO REALLY, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.

    I still can’t get over the amount of tentacle rape in Dragonar. Your post just got me thinking about how many people during the creation process either gave this a thumbs up or just let it pass.

    Anyway, thank you for another Harem Hill post. It’s nice being able to follow shows that I would never touch with a 10 foot pole.

  3. Flaghead: “This anime jumped the shark a long time ago, but it has somehow managed to do it again.”
    Oh, those beautiful sharks. I love staring at the gleam off their backs when they lunge from the waters right over Empire State.
    Seriously, I can’t believe we’re here with Flaghead. I am in awe over how quickly we went from zero to batshit. It’s like I’m playing Drakengard 1 all over again, or it would be if they didn’t plunge us into nonsensical elongated dialogue.

    “…It is literally minutes after minutes of two characters talking in front of a boring backdrop. The only thing is missing is them walking around each other in a circle.”
    HAha! Nice.

    Now to check out what you mean about the previews for-
    GAOH GAOH
    GAOH GAOH
    GAOHO GOD KILL ME PLEASE!!

  4. DragonHead: That Veronica reveal legitimately grossed me out. Oh man, I remember saying the same thing about that creeper dad last time but this is…this is SO much worse.
    I cussed out loud, man. Just…fuck. Not even Buffalo Bill was that damn creepy
    This incest creeper trend in anime has absolutely gone as far as it can go before this becomes an SVU episode.

    “I’d say the plot never really went anywhere, but uh, we weren’t really watching this for the plot, were we?”
    This anime has the deepest lore.
    And by lore I mean tentacle rape.

    At least it’s over. Gone. Dead.
    Like a zombie dragon

    1. Yeah, the only person who doesn’t seem to be in love with Silvia is Julius, but then again, how did he even know that Veronica had all that creepy shit on his sister? Makes you wonder…

      1. nah it’s obvious, this family is totally fked up, he probably has a shrine dedicated to Veronica, just like how Veronica has a shrine to Silvia… and if we are right about this, she probably has a shrine for our harem lead.

      2. Hahaha That it does, and thankfully we’ll never get the answer to that. Lord knows what they’d come up with.
        You really have to work hard to make a show more uncomfortable than BTOOM!, but I think Zombie Dragon Stalker Tentacle FES pulled it off in ways Ghost Imouto Molestation can only dream of.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s