Praise the sun, it is finally over! Okay, okay, time to temper my happiness. According to some poor, informed souls (why do you guys know so much about this terrible story?), the next arc is going to be even longer than this one. So yes, the end of our dog-killing, maid-loving arc is nothing more than a sweet yet brief respite. The future looks more uncertain than ever! But on the bright side, at least there is a future. As Subaru would say, at least we can finally think of tomorrow. The show may not have much of a plot, but at least it’s finally moving along. Praise the sun!
Alright, let’s get to the episode itself.
— What is the answer to a question that nobody asked? Why, it’s a flashback regarding the twins and their childhood!
— I love how these villagers are demons only in name. Yes, they have horns… comically-looking horns, but meh. Other than that, they don’t seem all that different from us regular folks. Their affinity for magic is nothing special since, well, this is a fantasy universe and even Subaru can use magic. So what makes these people particularly “demonic?” Why not just give this race some generic fantasy name instead? The word “demon” lends itself to certain expectations, which have not been fulfilled whatsoever.
— Anyways, the girls’ origin story is nothing special. Ram was the prodigy, Rem wasn’t. The latter struggled with her inferiority (and her ugly face), but eventually grows to accept it, because her sister always supports her. How sweet. It seemed rather patronizing to me, though. “Mom, Dad, don’t you think these steamed potato taste really great? The salt is really, really on point!!” Way to go, Rem. You really know how to salt and steam a fucking potato.
— One day,
the Ku Klux Klan some unknown group came and slaughtered the entire village. Ram tried to defend her sister, but she lost her horn when she let her guard down. Somehow, nobody bothered to check for Rem’s horn. Not only that, these assailants then decided to take both girls back to, uh, I guess Roswaal’s place. Why did they not kill the twins? like they did with the others. Of all the things for this flashback to cover, why does it not address this? The village must have had other children. Either those children were killed as well, or they were taken away much like Ram and Rem. How charitable do you want to be to Re:Zero’s story?
— For a brief moment, Rem was happy that her sister lost her horn. Since then, she’s always worked extra, extra hard to atone for her sins. Well, this is the typical sort of character development that you often see in anime, so whatever. Hey, who’s this?
— Finally, after nine long minutes about a set of twins I don’t give a shit about, we return to the present to see what is going on with… those same set of twins, but this time, we have Subaru!
— Rem reveals that she went out on her own, because she had hesitated in trying to save Subaru from those doggos. So like with her sister, she’s trying to atone.
— How does Subaru cheer her up? By saying cheesy shit in the midst of a life-threatening situation. This is why it’s so hard to give a shit about this guy. He’s an idiot. He rarely ever seems to have a single intelligent thought in his head. Everything that comes out of his mouth is what some pathetic anime nerd would like to say if they ever found themselves stuck in some shitty, generic fantasy anime. But of course, that’s the point, isn’t it? He is a self-proclaimed hikikomori. So the show’s entire premise is “what if our hero is, well, me?” And that “me” is the problem. That “me” is a very certain person that the viewer can only understand or relate to if they’re an anime nerd themselves. Meanwhile, the rest of us are just rolling our eyes at this nonsense.
The biggest tragedy, of course, is the death of the other half of the premise. If Re:Zero was only some wish fulfillment slice-of-life fantasy anime, then whatever. I wouldn’t have started watching in the first place. But it also has that time-resetting mechanic that held so much promise at the start of the story. Unfortunately, it has only been used to maximize the amount of times how hero can say stupid anime nerd shit to generic anime girls and their generic anime girl personalities. I love coming across recommendations for this show, by the way. People never mention the boring anime nerd parts. They always go, “Yeah, uh, it’s a time-resetting show, but man, it gets super dark, because the main character dies over and over!” Hilarious.
— Anyways, we’re right back to square one… Subaru uses himself as a decoy to allow the twins to get away. I save you, you save me, we all take turns saving each other.
— The formerly cute pupper is no longer cute. This arc has lost the one good thing about it. I like to think the mabeasts held an election to see which of them would get the privilege of looking cute. “Put your faith in me! I’ll lure those stupid children into the forest!”
— Subaru uses his blinding magic in order to stab the ugly pupper in the neck. Well, that was predictable. Still, some crappy sword isn’t going to take down a giant mabeast, so our hero’s about to become dog food…
— …when Roswaal finally decides to show up and save the day. First things, first, we’ve having BBQ. The key to Re:Zero is surviving long enough for some stronger male to save your ass. In the first arc, it was some generic fantasy knight. In this arc, it is a Kefka-wannabe mage. I wonder who’s gonna save his ass in the next arc? We’ll find out in the last episode, I’m sure.
— Subaru wakes up the next day (or has he been asleep longer?) to find Rem holding his right hand. Uguu, did I grab your hand? No, I grabbed your hand. How embarrassing!
— The rest of the talk is just a boring peptalk sprinkled liberally with more of the same stupid anime nerd shit that I mentioned above. Think of tomorrow and smile!!!!
— And he’s proud of it.
— In a foreboding scene with Roswaal and Ram, we learn that the mabeasts were being controlled by someone else. Not only that, the blue-haired girl who was conspicuously missing from last week’s episode has officially disappeared completely, so she was either the mastermind or an accomplice. I love that, by the way. I love how a little girl can just show up to a village, and arouse nobody’s suspicions. A question nobody asked: “Hey, where are your parent?” Then when she was missing in last week’s episode, nobody — including our hero — questioned it either.
— And he’s gonna slay some dragon. Good luck with that.
— Last but not least, Subaru has to have his daily anime nerd shit conversations with Emilia. She is grateful for all that he has done, so she’ll do him a favor! Our hero naturally requests to go on a date with the girl, but he describes it in the most pathetically platonic way possible. Oh, I’m just gonna show you around and shit! Dude, just come out and say it: “I want to spend time with you.” I know it’s implied in the whole “let’s go on a date” part, but then again, it really isn’t. If you’re crushing on a girl, there’s a big difference between, “Hey, I have some cool things I want to show you,” and, “I want to spend time with you.” There is. Go ahead. Test it yourself. Don’t blame me if anything goes wrong.
— And with that, the arc comes to a close. Praise the sun!