I couldn’t quite finish these two unappetizing shows yesterday, so you’re getting them now.

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Dances with the Dragons Ep. 1: Not quite a dance with dragons

“Using the Event Induction Computer, humanity, for the first time, succeeds in creating a space-time bubble. The law of conservation of energy is broken within the space-time bubble by changing the fundamental laws of physics, including the Planck constant, resulting in the emergence of matter derived from quantum field instructions. The hyper-physical phenomenon that allows matter to extract matter from vacuum fluctuations at will forms the basis of the system of technology that would soon come to be known as Jushiki.”

Despite all that pseudo-scientific mumbo-jumbo, it all just boils down to two pretty boys, Gayus and Gigina, fighting man-eating dragons. Our heroes are essentially armed with magic — they call themselves “Offensive Jushikiists” — but the story insists that the spells they cast have a scientific basis. Sure, whatever floats your boat. To the layperson, quantum mechanics may as well be magic, but let’s move on. Gayus and Gigina have an odd couple dynamic between them. The former plays the straight man whereas the latter is steeped in rituals and lusts for battle. ‘Cause y’see, he’s a descendant of Drakan, a race that loves to fight and–… eh. I’m putting myself to sleep just trying to keep all the details straight.

These two don’t appear to make a lot of money despite being good at what they do. Early in the episode, they manage to take down a Semi-Altar, which is supposedly an impressive feat, but I don’t have enough information to understand why this is the case. Nevertheless, Gayus and Gigina do not get paid for their work… again, for reasons that I cannot particularly follow. Their boss just screams that public funds don’t come for free, and furthermore, they need to be taught what it means to be upright human beings… what? But despite their cashflow issues, Gigina likes to spend a lot of money that they do not have. This obviously drives his partner up the wall, but Gigina acts as if he’s clueless? I thought that perhaps these two have some sort of love-hate relationship going on between the two of them, but color me shocked when Gayus goes and pays his girlfriend a visit. An anime character is actually in a committed relationship. Shocking, I know. I just hope she doesn’t end up in some fridge.

Beyond that, there’s a serial killer going around the city and targeting Jushikiists for unknown reasons. Then we see important members of some government discuss international politics in a world completely unfamiliar to us. There are hard-liners and moderates, but about what? I don’t really know. And despite all the pseudo-scientific nonsense at the start of the episode, religion has an overwhelming presence in the story. There are cardinals and elders, churches and emperors. It feels as though society has devolved. I’d ask why, but I’d just be told to read the light novels. But y’know what? Everything I’ve written is secondary to the fact that Dances with the Dragons’ first episode is not remotely compelling. In fact, it’s a huge narrative mess.

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Comic Girls Ep. 1: I can’t believe manga artists can be this cute

Anyways, we go from one show with too many details to follow to a show with barely any. In Comic Girls, two girls move into a dormitory for female manga artists still in high school (how oddly specific). Kaoruko can’t draw sexy female characters, and Koyume can’t draw boys. The former is a crybaby, and the latter likes sweets far too much (but that’s not necessarily a character flaw). Because these two still have a lot to learn before their manga can become serialized, their editors hope that living side-by-side with actual professionals will put Kaoruko and Koyume on the right path. Two established veterans will lead the way (even though they’re also still in high school). The tomboyish Tsubasa focuses on shounen manga whereas Ruki plies her trade in the world of ecchi. Not surprisingly, Koyume develops a crush on Tsubasa. Anyways, Kaoruko is kind of annoying, and the show definitely prefers to lean more on light-hearted hijinks than actually giving us a good reason to care about any of these girls. There’s plenty of plot, but there’s barely any story. You’ll definitely need to turn your brain off for this one.

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Well, that’s that. Hopefully, I’ll have enough energy left after work to stomach Friday’s slate of anime.