Unfortunately, this week’s episode is nowhere near as wild as what we got last week. Yuuki and Tsukasa mostly play boyfriend-girlfriend as the story slowly builds up to the next big threat.

— When the episode begins, they’re still in that embrace that had capped off the previous episode. Yuuki reveals that he’s actually been out of work for two whole months. Suspended with pay, then? Anyways, I guess he wasn’t supposed to rage out on that rapey professor, but what was the alternative? Like, what did his superiors think he should’ve done instead? A lot of humans in position would’ve done the same.

— At some point, Tsukasa goes to see her perpetually surprised-looking friend. Unfortunately, I can’t remember what her name is at all. I’ll just call her Surprised-chan.

— Surprised-chan is surprised (ho ho ho) that our heroine has been hanging out with a boy. Look how Tsukasa describes Yuuki, though:

He’s not very friendly, and he often gets angry with me. But he’s very nice. Oh, and he can jump really high.

Needless to say, Surprised-chan is very confused. She’s also very concerned that Tsukasa has gotten this close to Yuuki in such a short amount of time. Ah, that’s where you’re wrong, Surprised-chan! Tsukasa doesn’t let him in. Yuuki lets himself in!

— I mean, who wouldn’t want a boyfriend who has to constantly shoot himself up with drugs or else he’ll murder you and drink your blood? Teetering on the razor thin line between loving relationship and ritualistic murder is hawt. Not only a conservative girl like Tsukasa get to have her thrills, she can also feel like she’s doing charity work. C’mon, if she doesn’t sex up a vampire, who will?

— Afterwards, the girl bumps into a hurried man who is obviously a vampire. But that’s the end of that. Yuuki soon shows up, and he seems a little possessive of Tsukasa.

— Ah, I could go for some hotpot. It’s April, but it’s still kinda chilly around here. Hotpot would really do the trick.

— This setup looks uncomfortable, though. Such a tiny kotatsu. Where would they even put their legs? And if they’re sitting with their legs crossed, then that defeats the point of the kotatsu! See? See how boring this episode is? I’m resorting to talking about leg room.

— Anyways, vampires will often stab their victims to make it look like any regular ol’ psychotic murder. Still, wouldn’t any regular ol’ detective realize that copious amounts of blood are missing no matter what? If a hypothetical victim had merely been stabbed, then the blood should still remain on the scene.

— On the news, they’re talking about how a man has gone missing shortly after an apparent murder. Looks like that hurried man from earlier might be related. Might? Make that definitely. As a result, Yuuki starts to worry about Tsukasa’s safety. That’s why he has to grip her head. That’s how you worry about your girlfriends, guys. Try it. She won’t get freaked out at all. She won’t think, “WTF? Why is he gripping my hair?” It’s more effective than you think.

— All of a sudden, Yuuki wants to make out. Unfortunately, a “cat” has made its way onto Tsukasa’s balcony.

— Is there like a vampire magnet on this balcony or something? Of all the balconies to pick in Japan, why Tsukasa’s?

— Sure, the guy is linked to the restaurant murder, but he’s obviously not the killer. After all, he has those ugly bags under his eyes like Yuuki, which means he hasn’t drunk any blood in quite some time. The guy begins to tell his sob story about how he once accidentally killed a man in a fight. After all, vampires are super strong, so it’s easy for them to slip up and use too much of their strength. His opponent started bleeding, so the man… uh… went nuts and drank his blood. But y’see, this was the event that totally made him turn a new leaf! He swore to never drink blood again! It’s weird how the story wants to paint him in a sympathetic light, but in my head, I’m still thinking how he killed a man then ran.

— Yuuki eventually call his cop buddies to pick the guy up. After all, he’s “innocent,” and he needs protection. Jill came along for the ride, and she starts getting jealous of Tsukasa. As a result, she stirs up shit by telling Yuuki to come over to her place later. Any normal person would see right through her ruse, but Tsukasa starts crying because of course she does. All the girls want Yuuki’s half-vampire dick!

— The eventually collapses from a fever, but not before thinking that she’s not good enough for Yuuki. Girl, you gotta stop putting him on a pedestal. He ain’t all that. He literally jerked it to your blood in last week’s episode!

— The plot quickly moves onto the next vampire threat. This time, someone’s been going around killing vampires. You can tell, because when Jill looks at their blood, she doesn’t feel those vampire urges. So yeah, vampires only want human blood. Vampire blood is shitty… but what if you’re half human? Is it like half shitty blood then?

— What if you’re walking down the street and some guy has gingivitis? Is that enough to trigger these vampires? What if a woman is menstruating? Even if she has pads or a tampon, wouldn’t a vampire’s keen senses be able to, uh, sniff it out? Sorry, that was a strange thing to ask.

— Yuuki meets up with his colleagues, because they want to warn him that a vampire killer is on the loose. I hope it’s a Belmont.

— Jill seems more concerned with trolling Yuuki about his newfound girlfriend, though. They seem to squabble like children.

— All of a sudden, the most aggressive doctor in the world shows up and starts demanding Yuuki to set an appointment. Yeesh.

— We’re later told that there are only about a thousand vampires in Tokyo. That’s a pretty small population. I think scientists go by the 50/500 rule. You need at least 50 individuals in any given population group to avoid inbreeding, and you need 500 to avoid genetic drift. So the situation is not quite hopeless, but it’s bad. Maybe this is why it’s now apparently legal for vampires and humans to fuck. These laws are impossible to enforce, though. How can you prevent couples from having sex behind closed doors?

— After departing from the bar, Yuuki remembers that he still needs to get Tsukasa a Christmas present. Not only is the present late, it’s probably going to be some cheapass 500 yen keychain. I’m not saying that money matters, but it’s about effort.

— Yuuki soon catches the attention of this lady, though. Looks like we got ourselves a vampire killer.

— Cheese-stuffed cabbage rolls? But they’re in a simmering pot… won’t the cheese leak out? Nevertheless, the girl is sure proud of herself.

— She then insists to herself that she shouldn’t get ahead of herself, because Yuuki isn’t her boyfriend. What does she need though? The exclusivity talk? More tongue wrestling?

— The guy eventually shows up at her apartment, but to her great shock, he went through the front door. Amazing!

— It’s as if Yuuki knew what Tsukasa has been feeling insecure about, so he quickly goes to tongue-fight the girl. Immediately, happy memories start to flood Tsukasa’s mind. And by happy memories, I really mean two fucking scenes. Literally two scenes.

— After their quick spar, he goes to confess his feelings, but then he gets shot right through the shoulder.

— Ah, the vampire killer is also a sniper!

— The sniper tries to take another shot, but Tsukasa shields Yuuki. Neither of them get hit, but the broken glass manages to nick the girl’s nose. For a moment, Yuuki starts to lose it, but she somehow manages to calm his urges down with just a hand to his cheek. Boring. As a result, he goes to pursue the sniper instead. The girl is concerned about him, but not too concerned. After all, she decides to stop in the her tracks to open up her Christmas present. I mean, is now really the time? Aren’t you worried that he might get killed?

— The vampire killer has a bog standard motive: her mother was killed by a vampire, so now she’s out to get them all. I wonder how she got her hands on a sniper rifle, though.

— Yuuki could easily kill her, but he lets up his guard after hearing her tragic backstory. As a result, he gets shot right through the abdomen. That should probably be fatal, but he’s a vampire.

— This mysterious white-haired individual — who couldn’t possibly be a villain at all — suddenly grabs onto Yuuki’s leg. Okay then.

— Looks like we’ll have to wait till next week’s episode in order to see any overdramatic vampire nonsense. This week’s episode was really boring and tame. It’s just your standard romance with barely any of the stupid nonsense from last week’s episode. Look, I’m not here to see Yuuki court Tsukasa all sweet and tenderly. I want to see some wacky shenanigans that even managed to pique my non-anime-watching friends’ interests. Devils’ Line, Ep. 2 is what brings everyone together.