Golden Kamuy Ep. 6: Enough about your boner, old man

Yeesh. 

— In this week’s episode, we spend a lot of time with Tetsuzou. He’s a noted bear expert. He claims to have killed over 200 bears in his life. Uh-huh. Just like how Wilt claimed to have slept with over 20,000 women. Anyways, the other interesting thing about Tetsuzou is that the guy is really, really obsessed with boners. Like goddamn does he really like boners.

— At the start of the episode, our heroes are still trailing the deer that Sugimoto had failed to finish off last week. Asirpa breaks out her slick snow-surfing skills.

— I’m always amazed that this sort of thing is safe. You’d think the dry wood around them would catch on fire or something. But I could be wrong. Not like I’m an expert on camping outdoors or anything. I’ll defer to the Ainu.

— Food critic Sugimoto is also Sugimoto, the animal lover. He feels guilty that the deer has to suffer because he failed to kill it in one shot.

— Asirpa, however, has her mind elsewhere.

— Oooh, I like blood sausage.

— But not for this reason. In fact, I’ve never heard of blood sausage being useful in that regard.

— Like I said, boners.

— All Tanigaki can do is eat his bear heart in silence. Y’know, I’m a bit surprised that he joined up with this old man. Sure, the old man helped him out, but I expected the soldier to go after Retar alone. Y’know, out of pride or something.

— Somehow, burning a hat also reminds Tetsuzou of boners.

— The next morning, Sugimoto and Asirpa continue their hunt for the deer. I’m a bit surprised that she hasn’t said anything to him about the footprints she had seen in last week’s episode. She knows that the Tanigaki is out there.

— Speaking of the soldier, he and Tetsuzou continue to stalk Retar. Look at their poor dog, though. It’s oddly afraid of wolves even though bears don’t spook it. That’s a bit odd to me, but oh well.

— Aww, that poor dog.

— Sugimoto finally gets the golden moment to finish off the deer, but he hesitates when he sees himself in the animal. Something about how the animal is fighting to survive even though it’s near death. He couldn’t help but identify with the creature, and this short lapse of attention allows the buck to nearly trample the guy. Asirpa’s pissed, but Retar is here to finish the job. Lots of good bois in this show. None of them better die. Honestly, I kinda wish the bears didn’t have to die either, but eh…

— Then we get the whole synergy with nature lesson that we always get from any story regarding natives.

— Retar can tell, however, that something’s up. Good ol’ animal instincts, I guess. As a result, our heroes have to abandon a good chunk of the deer’s carcass. They watch Tetsuzou and Tanigaki from afar, but they don’t realize just yet that Retar is the true target. Asirpa still thinks that the soldier might be after her (for revenge?).

— Still, they decide to call it a day. Plus, Shirashi has returned so it’s now a party. He even has alcohol with him. Can Asirpa even drink? Actually, it’s the late 1800s. I doubt anyone would care if she decided to imbibe.

— Ugh, I never want anything to do with deer brain. They’re even eating it raw.

— I’ll also pass on the deer lungs. Y’know, I’m not really into offal. Liver can be tasty, but I have yet to be convinced that something like kidneys are tasty.

— Asirpa must be drunk, because she starts bawling at the thought of Sugimoto dying. I thought maybe she was just joking around, but uh… yeah, I think she’s drunk.

— After the girl got so rowdy that she’s now sticking halfway out of the hut, everyone decides to calm down as Shiraishi relays what he’s learned in town. Luckily, we get to kill two birds with one stone; our heroes will have to deal with Tetsuzou, but it won’t be for naught: he is also one of the tattooed prisoners. Man, what a coincidence.

— Stop talking about your dick for just one second!

— So we get backstory about Tetsuzou and how he’s a total badass. He’s so badass that he killed a man right in front of the police.

— Yeah, um, that’s kind of the idea of hunting.

— Most importantly, Shiraishi clues Asirpa in on the fact that Retar is in danger.

— Awwww, look at the cute dog! Too bad it’s hanging out with the bad guys. Sugimoto should just take care of both Tetsuzou and Tanigaki, then adopt the dog.

— In an anime full of brutal killings — and don’t forget how Sugimoto got stabbed through the cheek with skewers! — we’re going to censor cartoon poopReally? Anyways, the point is that Retar managed to elude the hunters for now.

— That won’t stop Tetsuzou, though… from talking about his boner.

— They’ve set up a trap Retar. In fact, Tetsuzou has his rifle ready to shoot the wolf right in the head as soon as it steps out of hiding.

Goddammit, man.

— Luckily, Asirpa fires an arrow, which keeps Retar from moving too far out. The bullet barely missed the wolf.

— Sugimoto tries to confront Tetsuzou, but the boner-obsessed freak is ready to throwdown. Unfortunately, we have to end on this cliffhanger.

— Y’know, I have a feeling we’re not going to come anywhere close to that Ainu gold by the time that this adaptation calls it quit. Not at this rate, man. Not at all.

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