Sword Art Online Alternative: Gun Gale Online Ep. 9: Too much yuri in my battle royale

Well, they say college is the time to experiment… 

— The first third of the episode is devoted to Pito and her ability to slaughter a bunch of men almost all by her lonesome. Again, people act like she’s psychotic, but if you’re played any online shooter, I don’t think Pito’s behavior is all that uncommon. She’s just enjoying the game. Sure, she’s bloodthirsty, but it’s a game. None of this matters. Who cares if she “tortures” an in-game avatar? It’s not like you can feel pain in GGO… right? Haha, I don’t even know anymore.

— Everyone, shoot that waterfall! It’s like they all forget that the scanner will only reveal the leader’s location. Sure, go ahead, clump up in one place and waste all of your bullets on one target. I’m sorry, but have any of these people actually played games? ‘Cause this is really pathetic. And please don’t tell me that you need military knowledge to split up and provide cover. That’s just asinine.

— Needless to say, the only person behind the waterfall is M. After wasting their time shooting at a well-fortified position, they all get slaughtered by Pito. Ho hum. I’m all for good action, but this is like watching any random gamer go up against five-year-olds.

— Eventually, Pito has two guys on the ropes, and she’s toying with them. But again, it’s not real torture. And it’s not real pain… I think. The guy looks like he’s in pain, though. Ah, who even knows anymore? But let’s just use commonsense: if you can actually get hurt in a shooter, nobody would ever play it. So this is probably just the guy’s avatar acting as if it is in pain when the player himself feels nothing. And if that’s the case, it’s even more pathetic that he’s whining about Pito tormenting him. Just play any random online game, and you’ll be trolled and taunted to death regularly. Toughen up.

— Oh look, it’s the Expendables. Too bad they have nothing on a cackling idol-slash-killer-wannabe and her autistic sniper friend. Yep, Pito eventually takes them all out with this high-powered rifle. Again, everyone is shocked and awed, which they should and shouldn’t be. Killing all those players by herself is pretty impressive. But acting as if an player in an online shooter should actually have mercy for her enemies is ridiculous.

— But here’s a mention of Sinon for you. Not a cameo… just a mention.

— Finally, the Pito section is over, and we switch our attention over to the lolis. They’re using their diminutive stature to their advantage.

— What’s the situation? Oh, they’re just in a dome with three other teams. Unfortunately, Karen soon realizes that these three teams have their own ceasefire. After all, she’s pretty notorious as well. They call her the Pink Devil, and naturally, everyone wants to take down the defending champ.

— Karen and Miyu soon find their escape route cut off as a group of players close in on them. So I guess it’s time for Plan B, which is gas canisters filled with pink gas. Yes, pink. Even your gas has to be cute!

— And in the pink gas, our Pink Devil mows down her foes with ease. Upon seeing all the carnage, Miyu tells herself that she should never mess with Karen, but I mean… the woman’s six foot tall. She’s probably an entire head taller than Miyu. Actually, I have no clue how tall Miyu is so whatever.

— Miyu eventually corners one of the opposing players, but she misses with her handgun at close range. Huh.

— Ah, what would SAO be without a rape threat? Plus, how dumb is this guy? The entire tournament is being filmed and broadcast. Who cares if you don’t get a harassment warning? Do you really want the entire world to know that you’re a rapist?

— In the end, however, Miyu channels her ALO spirit and beats the guy up with a rifle. Again, this impresses the audience, because everything impresses them.

— Eventually, Karen and Miyu eventually runs into this lady. Doesn’t she look a whole lot like Karen in real life? Also, the lolis keep referring to the woman as a guy, but c’mon, it’s so obviously a woman. She says she has an androgynous avatar, but… nah. The only androgynous thing about her is her name and maybe her manner of speech.

— Not only that, she’s bisexual. No, really, she admits it herself. And since Karen is low on bullets, the woman agrees to let our heroine borrow all her magazines for a kiss on the cheek. Creepers everywhere, man. Creepers also come in all genders (naturally).

— In the end, Clarence sacrifices herself to save Karen’s life. Our heroine peers into the treeline and realizes that MMTM has tracked them down. Unfortunately, I’ve forgotten why I should care about MMTM and what makes them so formidable. Wait, didn’t M take most of them out by himself in the first Squad Jam? Either way, they’re not very memorable. Still, this brings an end to this week’s episode. I guess Squad Jam 2 is going to take up the rest of the series.

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